anyone ttc or ntnp before there child is a year old?

[lilrojo]

Thanks spiffy.. im excited too.. so i have had a cold the past few days.. been taking meds.. do you all think im still fine to take them for a few more days.. I know things shouldnt be taken when preg.. but that should only apply as of implantation right... Ive been taking advil cold meds.. and nyquil.. ugh

 

[PitaKat]

I've been ok, HAKing, thanks for asking. I've been doing a lot of considering. I'm leaning towards a divorce. But I don't know for sure. It's hard to be in this position and not know what will be the best.

His counselor thinks he is a sex addict. I just keep thinking that if it ever happens again, that'd be the end. Do I want to give it another chance, knowing that I could go through this all over again?

And I really don't think I could have more babies with him, knowing that I could be a single mom. And when I got pregnant with my LO is when my husband went outside our marriage. I guess that would be considered a trigger for his addiction? I think I'd be happier knowing that I don't have more children because I'm single, rather than knowing the reason is because I'm married to an addict and my getting pregnant could cause him to be unfaithful. It could cause resentment. Just another thing that I'd have to work on and come to terms with, along with all the rest.

But he's sorry. I truly believe he is. But I also know that people change, sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse. He seems to be changing for the better, finally living in the light, making changes in his life to make sure he never goes down the dark path again. The uncertainty is the hard part. I just wish I had some kind of guarantee.

Anyways, I'm rambling. We're attending couples counseling tomorrow. We've actually both already seen this particular counselor separately, so she knows most of the situation and history already. I committed to going to one session, so we'll see how that goes.

 

[blessedmomma]

thanks spiffy! it is really short, but i knew bfing caused that when i decided to bf. i was kinda expecting it. im glad i charted this last cycle so i could figure it out. im taking b-6 which i used before my 3rd baby when i had a lp of 8-10 days. it increased to 13-14 days in a month. and hopefully the vitex will move o closer than what it was last month- cd19! i have never had one that late. and the vitex should lengthen lp too. may take a few months since its an herb, but i would rather it change my body gently and naturally.

and in all honestly im very happy with having cycles at all!

 

[lilrojo]

Hugs pita.. must be such a tough time and tough situation..

 

[blessedmomma]

i think you should be ok rojo

pita- i cant even begin to imagine how i would deal with something like that. DH and i are praying for you and your family one day at a time and lots of prayer to be led by the Lord is my only advice

 

[Pielette]

Wow spiffy that's an awesome story! No its not a curse as you say, I would just love to have a daughter one day too

On the whole uncomfortable thing, oh my God I'm so uncomfortable in bed I have a pregnancy pillow that I wrap myself around and it helps a bit but only having two options on where to sleep, left or right side, I get really achy.

Blessed that's great that charting helped you to figure that out As you said its fantastic that your body is getting back to cycling again, and things you do naturally will help to point it in the right direction.

Pita that is really hard to get your head around, because if you being pregnant is a trigger then it's going to make you reluctant to do it again, but naturally you want more children. I'm asking out of genuine curiosity, but why exactly does your counsellor think he's a sex addict? I've always thought of that one as a bit of an excuse and wondered how people come to that conclusion. But again I have no knowledge of it so shouldn't judge.

All bases sound very covered to me rojo Very hopeful for you!

Thanks for your get well messages ladies, Noah is much better today - isn't it amazing how quickly they can bounce back? He's still not fully himself but he's eaten quite well today, as well as not being as attached to me. He's usually running around all over the place so it's a step in the right direction.

 

[PitaKat]

Thanks Girls

Pie, I've never been sure if I really believed there is such a thing as sex addiction either. I guess it makes sense, anything that lights up the pleasure centers of the brain can be addictive. But it sure does make for a handy excuse

They classify it as an addiction because they feel a compulsion to "act out", as they say. Afterwards they feel shame and guilt. But that doesn't stop them from doing it again the next time they feel that compulsion. I'm not sure what makes it an addiction and not just a habit or lack of self-control, ya know?

 

[Spiffynoodles]

Pita, that's such a tough situation. As for the sex addiction, I completely believe that pornography is addicting, so I guess anything along that line can also be addicting. I know of a family therapist who is specializing in Sex Addiction, so there must be some truth to it. I had the same fears as you about marrying my DH, knowing that he had dealt with pornography addiction since he was 14 years old, but I'm glad I took the chance on him, because he has stayed true. He's told me that there are definately times when he still feels tempted, and that may never go away, but if he keeps himself away from tempting situations then he finds that he has the strength to resist it. I just hate that the world tends to look upon sexual weakness as a "guy thing" and something that they just can't help, because they're men. I think it just makes it so much easier for men to fall into that trap because they feel like it's normal. Ugh. Mini-rant over.

Pie, I'm glad to hear that Noah is starting to feel better. Alia has had a dry cough the past two days and has been fussier than normal, so I think she's coming down with something. It's so hard when there's nothing you can really do to help them.

Blessed, I agree. If I were in your shoes, I would probably stick to something natural, like Vitex, before going on any sort of medication. I hope your cycle regulates soon, but like you said, it's a blessing just to having cycles again.

 

[Pielette]

That makes sense Pita. I suppose it's the word 'addiction' that I have a problem with. I think that when some men say they have a sex addiction they're using it as a get-out clause, i.e. I have an addiction, so can't help it, so that's that. Whereas an addiction is surmountable, like spiffy says. Reformed alcoholics and drug addicts just know that they have to stay away from situations where there is the remotest chance they could falter. I can see how it would be the same for sex addiction.

I guess it depends on how your DH is dealing with it, so is he willing to keep himself away from temptation, no matter how hard it may be to do.

I get what you mean spiffy, the world does seem to think of sex as a 'need' for men, so we should just accept that they might cheat, or look elsewhere if their wives or OHs go through a phase of not wanting to be intimate. It's almost like its turned around on women. Everyone has self-control, I think, it's how we respond when it's tested that matters.

 

[Harley Quinn]

Pita, I'm glad to hear that you are going to a counselling session together. And I do believe that sex addiction is a real thing just like any other addiction. I think part of the problem too, with accepting that is that we use the word "addiction" so lightly sometimes. "OMG. I am addicted to these cookies." Stuff like that. Addiction is a serious thing and as mentioned, the road to recovery can be long and bumpy. Whatever happens, I'll be praying for you and your LO (and your husband too!), that you will all find peace with whatever decision you all come to.

Spiffy, I'm sooo uncomfortable some nights. And it's definitely starting earlier than last time. I got some birthday money from Daniel's parents, and I think I'm going to buy myself a Snoogle from target.com. And maybe a heating pad as well, because my hips hurt like crazy some nights and I have to keep flipping over all the time. For some reason, my left hip hurts worse than my right, not sure what that's all about. But I did go to the chiropractor tonight, so hopefully that helps.

I'm excited to see some tests soon, rojo! Wheee!

 

[Spiffynoodles]

Harley and Pie, I'm sorry to hear that you're dealing with uncomfortable sleep as well. It just makes it harder to get up and take care of a baby when you feel like you've been tossing and turning all night.

Well, today has been a rough day, and I'm glad that it's over. Alia only slept for 10 minutes all day long, so she was fussy and miserable, and she also threw up all over her crib (when she was supposed to be taking a nap) so I got to clean that up, too. Fun. Also, the friend that I was going to go hang out with called and cancelled this morning because her LO is sick, too, so we didn't get to go. Then my DH got home from work and was just distracted with work, computer stuff, and landord stuff (we own a fourplex and rent out the units) so I didn't get much attention or love from him tonight. I don't know. I've just felt kind of low all day today, so I hope tomorrow is better.

 

[Harley Quinn]

Awww, so sorry to hear you're feeling down today, Spiffy. Totally understandable considering the circumstances. Hope Alia feels better tomorrow (and you too!).

 

[Harley Quinn]

p.s. Why is the "hugs" icon two people hugging (i.e. one hug), and the "hug" icon is the word HUGS.

Makes no sense!!!

 

[HAKing]

Pita, that is a very tough situation that you're in. You seem to be holding up really well and taking all the time you need to make the right decision for you and Collin. Hopefully the counseling will help sort out some things and give you answers to any questions you have.

Blessed, nice to hear from you. I hope the Vitex can sort out your cycles.

Pie, glad Noah is feeling better. It is no fun when they are sick.

Rojo, can't wait to see some tests! Less than a week till testing day!

Spiffy, sorry you had a rough day yesterday and that Alia isn't feel well. I can relate on how you felt about DH being busy and not getting much love/attention yesterday. I feel that way sometimes when DH works on his car a lot after I worked all day. It sometimes makes me mad and I've since recently told him so I think he is trying to make more time. Hopefully you three can have a good weekend together and then really celebrate on Monday after your scan!!!

 

[Spiffynoodles]

Thanks, ladies. Alia slept pretty good last night, so I'm hoping for a better day today.

Harley, I have no idea why they made the hugs icons like that. I pretty much only ever use this one, though:

Haking, I tell my DH all the time that he needs to be with us when he's home from work and not get sucked into computer stuff, but then I feel bad, because he's been working all day, too, and sometimes doing that stuff helps him unwind. Sometimes it seems like there's just no win-win solutions.

Okay ladies, I think DH and I have made a bold decision! You know how we are going to reveal the gender of baby #2 on Alia's birthday? Well, I think we *might* (depending on our will-power) have the ultrasound tech write down the gender and put it in an envelope for us, so that we find out the gender with our family at the party. Part of me just wants to know as soon as possible, but I know that it would be a lot more fun for everyone if we find out at the same time, because the anticipation will just be so much higher. And it is only 5 more days to wait. The hard part will just be resisting the urge to find out during the ultrasound. But I guess it will be good practise in case we end up going team yellow sometime in the future!

 

[HAKing]

Spiffy, I think that is a fun idea! I think they are usually called a gender reveal party. I thought about doing that with this baby...we still might but like you I don't know if I can wait that much longer to find out.

Plus, since DH wasn't with me when we found out Sam was a boy and I had to call him on the phone to tell him I think it would be more special for us to find out together with no one else around.

 

[lilrojo]

So excited to hear some genders...

3dpo nothing to report lol.. testing begins next thursday at the earliest.. 6 more days..

 

[Spiffynoodles]

Yeah, the reason we're not calling it a gender reveal party is because it's Alia's birthday party, and I don't want to take away from that too much. So we'll just have her final present be a big box full of either pink or blue balloons (which she'll enjoy, even if she doesn't understand the importance ). If we wait to find out until the party, then I'll have a friend of mine put the box together so I don't know what's in it. (It would be the same friend that I told you about before. I figure it would be only fitting if she find out the gender before me, since I found out she was pregnant before she did ).

Rojo, next Thursday is just around the corner!

 

[blessedmomma]

sorry you ladies are having trouble sleeping, that was one the worst things about being pregnant for me. you're exhausted anyways from making a baby and to not sleep on top is so horrible. i would be tired all day then not be able to sleep at night, ugh!

spiffy- hope alia is better that sounds like an awesome idea about revealing the gender! i wouldnt be able to do it, but its more cuz of DH and i. we feel like we want to know between us before anyone else. we are selfish like that i think its like when we first get pregnant and no one else knows. we play and joke with each other and giggle about 'our secret' before anyone else knows. then when we know the gender its the same. silly i know.

 

[Spiffynoodles]

Blessed, I think it's pretty likely that we'll break down and find out at the ultrasound, but I'm going to try to resist. But there is a part of me that kind of wants to keep it between me and DH for a little while. Agh! Choices!