anyone ttc or ntnp before there child is a year old?

[Spiffynoodles]

Vanessa, I'm so sorry that they're making you wait another week! That just seems so cruel.

I've only had that one early loss, but even then the heartbreak was worse than I thought it would be. After all, the second I found out I was pregnant, I started planning and hoping, and I had even started to look at possible baby names. From the moment you find out, that baby is special and loved, and whether you lose them after two days or twenty weeks, they've still been there long enough to change your life. My advice to you would be to cry as often as you feel like it, you are grieving after all, and to make sure that you and your DH don't shut each other out. You need each other right now.

 

[Spiffynoodles]

Rachel, knowing that Asher is healthy and doing well, I am rather glad that it worked out the way it did, because it saved me a lot of pain and discomfort, but I would never hope for another baby to come that early, because I know we were blessed with our outcome, and we may not be so fortunate next time. A girl that my DH grew up with had a 35 weeker a little bit before I did, and her baby had all sorts of complications and had to spend a week in the NICU, so I know it doesn't always work out so well.

But because we don't want that to happen again (or have an even earlier baby!) we're for sure going to wait 18 months this time, and probably longer, to give my uterus plenty of time to rest.

How are you and your kiddos doing?

 

[Pielette]

Thank you Jordyn. I actually feel a little better. More peaceful.

Today DH and I took the boys shopping. I wanted to get charms for my necklace and bracelet to commemorate my angel. I have a necklace with all our initials on it, so it has a V, N, M and a D. So I got an angel wing and it sits right in the middle. And for my charm bracelet I got a May gemstone, because he was due in May.

That made me feel better, and 10 minutes later I started bleeding. And honestly it renewed my faith. Not that I had lost it, but I felt like it was stronger, and God was with me, and my angel knew that I would always love him and that it was time to let go.

I'm bleeding on and off and it's bright red so I'm hopeful that it's finally starting. Slight cramps. I know the physical part won't be pleasant but I'm in a better place mentally and I can cope much better with physical pain than emotional.

I'm going to church tonight with my mum. It's been quite a while since I have gone and I feel a need to go.

I am still sad, but I am more accepting.

 

[Spiffynoodles]

Vanessa, I'm glad you're starting to feel better. The charms sound like a beautiful way to commemorate your little angel. I'm glad that this experience is bringing you closer to God, because He's the one who can give you true peace and healing.

 

[blessedmomma]

Jordyn- he is absolutely precious and I agree, he looks just like his siblings

Vanessa- im so very sorry I had 2 losses at 8 weeks and 7 weeks so im very aware of the pain. even with mine being very early on it was heart breaking. im so sorry you have to go through all of it. you are right, God is with you and He is holding your LO.

Stacey- hope your mom is ok. the ebola thing is scary!

we just got back from a week trip to visit family in Arizona. was nice, but im exhausted. have only been home a few hours so haven't even unpacked. tomorrow for sure lol

 

[Spiffynoodles]

Melissa, where in Arizona does your family live? I'm glad you had a good time, but the unpacking and the laundry afterwards are always a drag.

Vanessa, I hope you're feeling okay.

We're doing alright here. Not much sleep, but part of that is our own fault. Asher likes to be awake from 10pm until after midnight, and instead of one of us staying up with him while the other goes to bed, we've both been staying up so we can be together. I love having the extra time with DH, but it hasn't helped our exhaustion.

 

[Pielette]

Thank you Melissa, glad you had a nice trip.

Thanks Jordyn. I'm ok. I guess that's all I can say really. I am generally quite low. Bleeding has been on and off but stepped up a gear today and I have passed a few clots, one especially big one that made me cry I have no idea what it was of course but seeing it made me very emotional.

My scan is tomorrow. They will scan me again to see what they're dealing with and discuss our options from then. I am guessing that the d&c will not be needed now, which is good, I just hope this doesn't go on for too long. How long can I expect it to take? Does anyone know?

DH has been wonderful and been off work since last Wednesday. I have a lot of support, my friends have also been fantastic, even though bless them, none of them have kids or had a miscarriage. Their empathy, despite their lack of experience, is truly wonderful.

 

[HAKing]

Vanessa, I'm sorry you're having to go through this. I hope that it passes quickly and you don't have to have a d&c.

I do agree, no matter when we lose our babies it is devastating. From the moment we find out we are pregnant we are planning everything little thing for that new precious life. I'm glad you got a charm for your baby. That is so sweet.

Jordyn, sorry you're not getting much sleep and you have a party animal in the middle of the time! Hopefully he starts sleeping better for you. I hope Alia and Liam are still liking their baby brother!

Rachel, how are you and boys?

Melissa, sounds like a fun vacation. I always dread the unpacking part too!

Well, it was a busy couple of days. Friday night DH planned a big birthday surprise for me. We went hiking in the afternoon and then stayed at this beautiful hotel on the beach for the night. He also arranged for a few of our friends to meet us for dinner as a surprise. I was definitely surprised. It was perfect!

My parents were in town so we went to the San Diego Zoo on Sunday and to this apple orchard town locally yesterday and dinner for my dads bday.

Needless to say, I'm exhausted and need a vacation from my vacation!

I have pictures I'll have to post this evening when I get home.

I hope everyone is doing well!

 

[Spiffynoodles]

Vanessa, I hope everything looks okay at your scan today and that a D&C will not be needed. I know sort of how you felt when you saw that large clot. I had a miscarriage in 2011 that was never really made official, because I had never tested until right before the bleeding started, and the line on the test was almost gone already, but the horrible cramping and bright red bleeding told me that it was a miscarriage. At one point, I passed two large clumps of tissue and I remember just staring at them, and it was heartbreaking. I'm not sure how far along I was, but it had to be farther along than my loss in 2013 because that one wasn't nearly as painful and there were no large clots that time. But it's weird, because I never had that for sure BFP, I feel like I can't really call it a pregnancy or a loss. I guess I'll always just have to wonder.

Heather, I'm glad you had such a wonderful birthday. It sounds like your DH did a great job or surprising you and making it a memorable occasion.

As for me, I'm on day 6 of a horrible headache that I just can't kick, and it's starting to make me pretty irritable. It doesn't help that Liam is getting his molars in right now and is also really cranky, and Alia makes it worse by pushing him around and taking his toys all day long. It will be nice when she's a little older and can understand what I mean when I say, "Liam's not feeling well, please be extra nice to him," since right now she's still an egocentric 2 year old.

 

[Pielette]

Thank you Heather, and thank you again Jordyn That does sound like a miscarriage and it is so heartbreaking. It's just the sense of loss of all that could have been.

I had the scan done this morning and as much as I was dreading it, it wasn't so bad. The sonographer and the nurse were lovely. It was an internal scan, which I hadn't had before, but despite my apprehension it was fine.

They said there has been progress since last week. The fetal pole is no longer there. Whether that means I've absorbed it or I've passed it they couldn't say, but that's a positive. The sac is breaking down and bleeding inside me which is another good thing.

They discussed my options with me - natural miscarriage, management with medication or a d&c. I had been thinking that maybe I should have the d&c to get it over with, but after the discussion I decided to go with the natural route. Firstly because it's already underway and they said that based on the look of the scan and the fact that I am already bleeding, they would expect it to be complete after 2 weeks. I have a repeat scan then to check that it is complete.

And secondly, they said that there is a risk, although small, that during a d&c the uterus can be perforated. I just can't take that risk. I need to have more children, I really do, and I can't take the risk of losing that. The nurse said that they do prefer women to go the natural route as it is better for the body. Of course there is the emotional side of it dragging on longer, but I'm ok with that given that it I am already miscarrying, so I would hope it wouldn't be too much longer.

Also, I was worried about seeing 'things' when I pass them, but the nurse said she didn't think I would because the sac is already breaking down inside me. So fingers crossed. I'm just bracing myself for the physical pain now.

Generally I feel ok. I feel calm. I feel better after talking things through and they were very gentle and respectful with me. I am happy with my decision and DH is happy with it too, he didn't want me to go through the procedure. Not that he would have pressured me either way, but he was relieved.

We had decided we wanted to stop at 3, but now this has happened, we have been discussing 4 DH brought it up, I would always have been happy with 3 or 4 but now he's saying he's thinking about it and I'm so tempted. I guess it has given us food for thought, how truly precious they are. Watch this space I guess. I don't know how that would fit in with my future (hopefully) career and training, it would take some planning.

Heather that sounds like such a lovely birthday Did the kids enjoy the zoo? We went to the zoo on Sunday, just randomly because I needed to get out and the boys loved the sea lions and the bears, it was the first time they'd really enjoyed it.

Sorry you're feeling unwell Jordyn How is Asher doing sleep wise? I will say that I've noticed that Noah is just starting to develop some empathy now that he's nearing 3, so it might not be too much longer with Alia. Last week he went over and patted and hugged Milo when he had fallen over, and whenever Milo's upset about something he tries to give him one if his Dumbos (his most precious comforters) to cheer him up.

 

[Spiffynoodles]

Vanessa, I'm glad to hear that things looked okay on the ultrasound, and that you won't have to have a D&C. I've also heard of complications from D&Cs, so I think I would have opted out of it as well, just in case. I hope that the natural miscarriage doesn't take too long and that the pain, physical and emotional, isn't too bad.

That's great that you and your DH are discussing a fourth down the road. I'm one of four kids, and so is my DH, and it's a wonderful number of kids to have, I think. Because that's what we both knew growing up, DH and I both know we want at least 4, for sure.

That's encouraging to know that Noah is starting to be more empathetic, because right now it feels like Alia will never get to that point. But speaking of Alia, she finally agreed to hold Asher (when we asked her before, we got an adamant "No!"). Unfortunately, she couldn't figure out how to hold him snugly, so he wasn't a fan of the experience.

 

[Pielette]

Aw bless Asher, he really doesn't look like he's enjoying it too much! Great that Alia wants to hold him though.

I love the idea of 4 kids. It would mean that it could be another 7/8 years before I get to train for midwifery, which is hard. I want them all to be close in age so I wouldn't want to have a break between any of them. Decisions decisions...

As for my miscarriage, I don't really know what's going on. I passed something big yesterday into the toilet. I don't know what it was exactly but I suspect it was the sac, it felt quite solid (sorry for the tmi). Since then I haven't bled much. It took a lot of blood with it at the time. The thing is, that just seems too quick doesn't it? I've been waiting for lots of pain and bleeding for days on end. Don't know what to think

 

[HAKing]

Jordyn, do you think your headache could be from the epidural? I got one with Sam pretty bad a week or so after he was born that lasted for a while. The doctor told me that it could be from the epidural. I remember looking it up and seeing that it is pretty common. Especially if you get up too soon after labor with an epidural.

I remember mine would only hurt if I sat straight up so I spent a lot of time laid down or slightly elevated. And lots of pain meds.

Such a sweet picture or Alia holding Asher though you're right, it doesn't look like Asher is enjoying it too much.

Vanessa, I'm so glad you didn't have to have a D&C. That would be such a huge risk that I wouldn't want to take either. I would have gone the natural route as well.

Hopefully the whole thing doesn't last too long and isn't too painful for you emotionally or physically.

I'm glad you got out with the boys this weekend and had a good time at the zoo. Give your boys lots of hugs and enjoy them. I agree, life is so precious! As for 4...that's awesome! I sometimes think about having more than 3 (though I know DH would never agree to it) and wonder how I would handle it. Guess I'll never know.

As for me...just trying to stay positive. DH was laid off on Tuesday. He hated the company he worked for but loved his job so I feel that maybe it was meant to be and just the push to find something better. But lots of prayers that he finds something quickly would be much appreciated!

 

[Spiffynoodles]

Heather, I'm so sorry your DH got laid off, but like you said, maybe this will end up being for the best if he can find something better. Speaking of that, Melissa, has your DH found another job yet? I imagine that it's so hard for your husbands to feel like they're not able to provide. I know it would be hard for my DH because he takes his role as provider very seriously.

And yes, I think my headache is probably caused by the epidural, which makes me regret getting it even more since it didn't really help with the pain and then ended up causing me pain. But...I'll probably still get one next time around, too. I took some Excedrin Migraine yesterday and that seemed to kick the headache for now, so lets hope it doesn't return.

Vanessa, I think the amount of pain that comes with a miscarriage will vary from person to person, just like the pain of labor does, so just because it hasn't been super painful doesn't necessarily mean something is wrong. Also, they told you at your ultrasound that it was mainly just the sac that needed to pass, right? If so, and if that's what you passed, then it makes sense to me that everything would slow down a bit afterwards. Have you been over to the miscarriage support forum? I bet the ladies there have more answers.

 

[HAKing]

Jordyn, I hope your headache is gone and you're feeling better.

Yes, poor DH said that he feels worthless not having a job makes me sad to see him like that. He's been job searching like crazy and a few good leads so keeping my fingers crossed something good happens soon.

Vanessa, how are you doing? I hope you're feeling a bit better.

 

[Spiffynoodles]

Just wanted to share a few fall pictures I took of the kids the other day. (Sorry Heather, I know you've already seen these on Facebook )

I hope you're all doing well.

 

[Pielette]

Jordyn those pictures are gorgeous You have such beautiful children. And very cheeky looking Are you guys on Facebook? Would love to add you both.

Heather I'm sorry to hear about your DH being laid off. It must be very hard when you've always worked. I hope something good is just around the corner.

All is ok here. Still passing things and I just don't know how much longer this is going to go on. Emotionally though I'm struggling. DH went back to work yesterday and I feel a bit lonely. I also feel like the whole world now expects me to be back to normal and I feel so far from it I can't even tell you. Normal is not this. I'm supposed to be having a baby but that baby has gone. It's hard.

DH upset me last night as well. Said something about how it was only temporary and we'd have another one. Which just made me feel like this baby was replaceable. I just felt angry and I still do. I know I'm probably being over sensitive and he's been great generally. Just feeling quite alone at the moment. Probably my own doing. Argh I hate my head right now

 

[Spiffynoodles]

I'd love to add you all on Facebook. My name is Jordyn Koch and my profile picture is of my and DH sitting on a bench with Alia and Liam sitting on our laps.

Well, in a small way I can sympathize with you right now, in that DH just returned to work yesterday as well. I've been feeling so overwhelmed and tired and I cried as he left this morning, knowing that I was in for another long day by myself. I guess we both have crashing hormones to make things worse.

I'm sorry your DH isn't more understanding. My DH barely seemed affected at all when I had my miscarriage. He said to him the baby was just an idea, and it was me he was sad for. But it made me even more sad that he wasn't mourning that baby, too, like the baby didn't matter to him, even though I knew that wasn't really true. It's just hard when everyone else moves on. That baby was with you for 11 weeks and will always be in your heart.

I think I need to visit Essex so I can give you a real hug.

 

[Pielette]

Hmm can't seem to find you for some reason Jordyn. If I can't my name is Vanessa Gordon, my profile pic is me and DH and I'm in a red dress.

Well today is Noah's birthday I can't quite believe he's 3 years old. It's a bit of a nothing kind of day unfortunately, DH has to work from home on and off so we can't really go out for the day. In all of this awfulness we forgot to request the day off early enough. So I guess we'll be celebrating more at the weekend. I do feel very bad that we haven't managed to do more for him Still, we've got him a train set and he's so excited about it so at least we've done something right!

DH has been very good and I feel bad for complaining about one comment. I think he just struggles to know what to say to me. He wants to make me feel better, he always wants to fix things and this isn't something you can really fix so it's hard.

Aw thank you Jordyn! How lovely it would be if we all could meet one day.

 

[HAKing]

Happy 3rd Birthday Noah!!!

Vanessa, I'm glad DH is being more supportive. I think the whole idea of a baby isn't really REAL until they are born for many men.

I hope you guys have a fun time celebrating Noah's birthday this weekend! Do you guys celebrate Halloween over there?

By the way, I sent you a friend request on Facebook. My name is Heather King. My profile picture is of Ben sitting in the dirt!

Jordyn, cute pictures! I can't believe how tiny Asher is. Its crazy how quick you forget how tiny they really are.

Yesterday my best friend and I went to the spa for massages and to just relax and hang out away from work. It was so nice!

As for DH, he's had some good luck and good job leads so I'm hoping it shouldn't be too hard to find something good. He also has and opportunity to work from home which would be awesome so just seeing how things go the next few weeks. Oddly, I'm not worried!

What are everyone's plans for Halloween? What are your little ones dressing up as?