Aphrodite...Conceiving Tigers in 2010 - 17 Graduates so far!

[GossipGirly]

ahhh im so glad someone said that!!! i totally agree but have been keepin quiet as didnt know if anyone felt the same way!! xxx

 

[Sweetmama26]

I'm not one to rock the boat ever, and I felt I had to draw away just because of that fact. Mostly because I love you girls and I didn't want to be told off for not being supportive, but knowing I'm not the only one who feels this way makes me feel a bit more comfortable in speaking up as to why I haven't been posting.

 

[Joli]

Hey ladies and Shey

Well done to those of you who have spoken up and said how you're feeling, especially Britt for getting the ball rolling - I'm usually a politician about these things, but I have to agree with everything that each and every one of you has said. I had been hoping that with the kind advice and very intimate personal experiences that Taebo and Sweetmama had taken their time to share, would help Shey out in a life lesson... I was upset that your heartfelt stories were completely ignored, but just put it down to ignorance. I just want Taebo and Sweetmama that I had been moved by the things that you wrote, and I had hoped it would be an eye-opener not only for Shey, but for any other girls out there who may come across our thread, and are ttc without thinking through the implications of bringing a baby into this world.

Shey, if you think we're being unreasonable or that our advice is not sound, then please feel free to speak up - I think we're all pretty rationale girls who are good at listening, and maybe you just don't have anyone in your personal life who can help guide you on the decisions which you are making. We're not here to beat you, we are concerned for the well being of your baby, and hope that you will take this advice in good spirit and not in bitterness.

I have nothing against being a single mother, I have a lawyer friend who is now 35, without a child and cannot seem to find 'Mr. Right'. She is considering to get pregnant through a sperm doner - but, she is in a very stable job as a lawyer, she's got a very good income, she's independent, intelligent, full of love and is desperate to have 1 child before she's unable to. She isn't rushing into the decision, and is considering what stable male role models she has in her life who could be there for her baby, should she decide to have one. I have nothing but respect for women like her. It is not a mad rush or scramble to get pregnant, it is a very well thought out decision, and I have no doubt that the baby would be in a stable home. But Shey, I think your lifestyle is a little bit different - from what I understand, you already have a young boy, you have no job, no stable income, no permanent male role models in your life (other than your dad) and are living at home with your parents. But, if you really do have a bfp, then you will just have to make the best out of what you have, and I hope for the sake of your babies, that you really start to focus on them and their future. I will absolutely wish you a healthy pregnancy and a healthy child - and I hope that our two cents worth will motivate you.

 

[Joli]

<first of all - sorry for certain omissions in words due to my typos in the first paragraph in my message above! I'd been chopping and changing words around and seem to have missed some! lol >

Nicole - it's great to hear from you! I'm sooooooooo happy that baby's heartbeat was found! yeah! - it's so wonderful to see it wriggling isn't it? I feel so mesmorized whenever I see baby. Do you have any feelings on whether it's a boy or girl yet?

Britt - do you know when your next target IUI date is? You know how badly we all want you to get a BFP - we'll be counting down the days with you and rooting for you!

Sweetmama - don't feel like you have to stay away, now that everything's out in the open, you should feel free to say whatever you want!

 

[Sweetmama26]

Thank you Joli, Britt messaged me and told me it was ok to post how I feel because I am a valued member and that my advice is very much welcome. I appreciated that message. I just don't want drama, and I really just feel like being non-supportive is not doing anything in this thread, and as I explained to her in my message to her, it upset me that my advice was not heeded, as it took a lot of courage to post something so personal about my life, but I want my story to help people, I don't think it's fair to any child to have to go through what mine has gone through. My son's bio dad has even said to his other child's mother that if he ever meets my son he'll tell him to EFF off because he means nothing to him, and he's not important, they are only related by blood and he doesn't matter, why any other person after hearing what I have to say would want to risk their child going through that is beyond me. And Shey you can say all you want that this man is not like that, but you barely know him, I used to think that way about men too. And I don't think it's very appropriate to take advantage of your parents by bringing another child into a home they have opened to you. But I'm not going to lecture anymore, this is my last piece I am saying on the matter, you can take it as a grain of salt if you wish but I'm extremely offended by it all.

 

[Joli]

Thanks Sweetmama - I know we all applaud you for your courage in sharing your own personal story with us, I know it can't have been easy

 

[2016]

Notice I have been totally chicken and not said anything much on here for weeks
I didn't agree with it but didn't want to say...the most I did was remove her from the front page weeks and weeks ago.

Everyone makes their own life choices, I just think children are too precious to conceive with just anyone.

Thank you to all you girls for having the guts to speak up. What a relief! I was being a coward and ignoring the proverbial elephant in the room

I love all you girls to bits! And am routing for each and every one of you to get your asap!

 

[Joli]

Taebo - sorry, I forgot to add in my last post that it's great news that you'll be able to get back to ttc next month! Does DH need to take any tests or can you guys just go for it?

2016 - yeah - welcome back! <everyone feels the big sigh of relief!>

 

[nevertogether]

hey girls - i agree with everything you have said, however, i really don't know enough about the situation to really comment. just wanted to pop in and say a quick hello to everyone

 

[Sweetmama26]

Hey never- I hope you are doing well.

AFM: I'm typing from a beautiful new laptop!!! I got it this morning so after I check my email and boards and stuff I am going to be editing pictures like crazy!

 

[Shey]

forget you all! that's ok i don't need you girls and seriously you girls know nothing bout me. I read you're guys stuff and try to give my best to respond positive things to ya'll. Im sorry but im not perfect, no one on here is perfect and to go and say stuff you know nothing bout is really messed up! And fyi the guy im with wants kids. So before you even judge me trying walking in my shoes and not be judgemental I don't judge you girls so you shouldn't judge me either.

 

[Sweetmama26]

Shey I've probably walked many miles in your shoes, I was like you at one point, going from guy to guy to guy, I have been a single mom, I know what it's like to want love, and going to look for it in ALL the wrong places, I can't fathom ever bringing a child into this world living and relying on someone else to help me care for it, namely your parents. It's offensive to me, someone who has been living and relying on myself since I was 16 years old, I have walked MANY MANY roads that I am not proud of. And I would do ANYTHING for my child, I've given 2 babies up for adoption, because I wanted nothing but the best for them. So before you tell me or anyone else here not to judge you, maybe you should look at what you have written on this very board, everything you have written has lead up to our judgements. I've been through so much and I would really hate to see your children have to suffer for the things you are doing! And this guy may say he wants kids, but you BARELY know him!

 

[Shey]

Sweetmama my son is doing just fine and I don't rely on my parents. I don't expect them to give me anything. They are helping me out with my son. Once I do have a job I will be the role model for my son and for kids i will have in the future. I know what I am doing. I am doing everything I can to get a job. Even if i have to volunteer at places until a full time job opens up so be it at least I am doing something.

 

[Joli]

Shey, I don't want you to take our advice in a negative light - I don't think anyone is trying to judge you, rather, we're just trying to give you some guidance. If no one gave a crap about you and your son and baby, then we would keep completely silent...but the fact that everyone is writing and giving advice and sharing their experiences, shows that we care. If you feel as if we don't understand or that you're being misrepresented, or that we know nothing about you, then please tell us, so that we understand where you're coming from. I know the economy in the US is difficuilt, but from what I understand, you haven't been able to get a job in 3 years...? Like nothing? not even working in a coffee shop? My sister lost her job in Chicago, and she was a university graduate and creative director of an ad agency - she lost her job when the economy crashed. Rather than thinking any job was too good for her, she worked 3 jobs to make ends meet, including waitressing and working late nights at a bar, until she could find a more suitable permanent position - I was so impressed that she didn't ask for a penny from my parents or myself... and she's only 25. So I know it's hard, but not impossible to get a job. Anyways, I don't want to ramble on... I just want you to take a step back, and think, "why are these girls writing all these things about me" (and I've noticed other girls on other threads you post on writing similar things) - and then stop and think about what we have said - I don't want to attack you, and I'm sorry that you feel like you need to defend yourself so vigourously - I just wish you would realise that these aren't attacks, these are just girls who want to help you and you son and your baby.

 

[Shey]

Joli I applied everywhere down here and have not gotten anything so I have to do volunteer work. Volunteer work is better than nothing. I may not get paid to do what I do but it's still something

 

[Joli]

Shey, it's commendable that you're doing volunteer work - I think a lot of girls just don't understand why you were ttc with random men you hardly know, and you're not in a stable relationship, and without a stable job, when you already have a sweet little boy to take care of. Do you see at all where we're coming from? or do you think we're all being irrational and unreasonable?

 

[Shey]

I can kind of see where ya'll are coming from but it would have been better if ya'll would have just pmed me instead of posting it on here. one of the guys i knew for 5 yrs so he wasn't a stranger or a random guy and one i knew for 9 months but the last guy i met was a scam artist so i ended it and am just talking with the guy i know for 9 months. I mean seriously ive been with guys before but they just used me, so I made a pact with myself that i would never ever go with a guy that uses me.

 

[Sweetmama26]

What I can't understand shey is why on earth you would TTC so early on in your relationship with someone, that isn't stable, and knowing someone for 9 months and being with them are completely different, I've been with my fiance coming up on 2 years and I still don't know him completely. I don't know how you could know someone after 9 months or know that he's who you are supposed to be with. And I think these ladies had no choice but to start it off posting here, because I and other's were extremely uncomfortable posting, if you hadn't noticed, I haven't posted in days, only when someone specifically directs a post to me, because I feel so uncomfortable posting around you. Your friend of 9 months could end up using you too.

As for the Job, McDonald's is ALWAYS hiring, and I know that is considered a crappy job but if you work full time you are eligible for benefits, I just had to apply their because I lost my job at the call center and I have to be able to do my part to support my household. I don't want to get down on you Shey but, I just can't understand you.

 

[Shey]

I did say i applied everywhere and when i mean everywhere I mean fast food places, video stores, mall, gas stations, book stores, the city. Try asking questions to get to know me. If people really want to understand me, then try asking me questions instead of trying to attack

 

[Joli]

Shey, I have to agree with Sweetmama on not PM-ing you, it's kind uncomfortable to talk about and I think people have been trying to just ignore it for a bit, but since the subject has been raised, the can of worms has been opened! It's pretty unbelievable that not even a fastfood place would hire you, you don't need to be a graduate or particularly educated or even that good with people to get a job flipping burgers...maybe you should get in touch with a career's counsellor who can help you because 3 years and no job at all means that something is wrong with your CV or your interview skills. Job aside, Sweetmama raises a very good point about ttc with a guy that you know for 9 months, but aren't necessarily with. Does your son get confused with the different guys you're sleeping with to ttc?