As a mother who formula feeds..

[November1984]

Ugh she is just vile!!
xx

She's making my blood boil at this point.
As if her BS about lazy FF moms aren't enough she is also including c-section mommies, etc.

Wow, her kids are going to love her when it's time for them to have their own.

 

[November1984]

I just think if women felt more supported then the BF rates would be soooo much higher. I really don't understand where she gets off. Maybe she should use her time thinking of ways to get support going instead of slating mums who have tried
xx

Or going to fight child abuse or something....she acts like FF is child abuse. There's some kids left to starve and beaten by parents - can she focus on that if she cares so much for a child's welfare?

 

[Aidan's Mummy]

So true
xx

 

[Blue_bumpkin]

I've just read this whole thread and it's late and i'm on my phone so sorry if this gets jumbled!

Firstly, i BF and have been lucky enough to have no problems and i feel for those of you that it didn't work out for i know some of you went through horrible things and i admire you for trying and then making the decision to do what's best for YOU. After all, a happy mummy makes a happier baby!

If i had trouble feeding and knew someone didn't even try, i would feel a bit sad... i have difficulty understanding it but would never judge anyone for doing it (or not doing it as the case may be). Having said that, if i speak to someone who is pregnant i do encourage them to give it a go. I tell them why i love it so much and the benefits for both mum and baby. I still believe it is up to them but would like to see a culture of every woman at least seeing if it works for them.

FF/BF debates always seem to get heated so quickly, imo because sometimes hearing an opinion that's different to yours feels like a judgement on your parenting. I've been accused of being elitist or patronising which hurts a lot as i'm just not that kind of person! However i try not to rise to it as i don't feel that anyone should have to defend their decisions.

With regard to the 'i chose' section of the article, although it is written in quite an accusatory tone, it is true when talking about those who make the decision to ff without trying to bf whilst knowing all the benefits of BF. I would like to give an example... if your child was poorly and there were two types of medication available, one of which you were told is ideal and made to combat that illness and one which doesn't quite do as good a job but was made to mimic the actions of the ideal one, surely you would choose the first? Of course, if that wasn't available you would obviously choose the latter over letting your child remain poorly. Add into the equasion that the ideal medicine is free and the substitute requires you to pay to a corporate company and i can't understand why anyone would prefer the substitute. This is how i see the choice of BF or FF.

We all want want is best for our children and when it comes down to it, generally a mummy's gut feeling is right and not one person should be ashamed of following that instinct!

I like the analogy I think of it like blood transfusions. If lo needed blood and there were 2 types available (real and free, or artificial, inferior by comparison and expensive) which would you choose? I mean, it's not really a decision, as such, when you think of it like that. It's a no-brainer. (not the best analogy I know, as some ppl refuse transfusions due to religion, but you get the idea )

Agree

 

[lisaf]

Hey, I guess this debate/discussion has been dead for a few weeks, but I thought I'd share my perspective.

I am currently pregnant and I am going to very likely have no choice but to FF. I always thought I would BF, but I am on a medication that they know passes through breastmilk, but don't know if its safe for the baby to consume.
I am already taking risks by being on this drug while pregnant when they don't know the effects on that either (no evidence either way) but I don't have a choice while pregnant... breastfeeding, there IS a choice and I'm not sure what the best choice will be for my baby but it is likely safer to give them formula than to choose the alternatives.

I even contacted a BF advocating doctor who encourages women to BF with all kinds of medications/issues... and even he said that he wouldn't recommend I BF while on this drug. He did suggest I try an amphetamine instead which he says is safe to BF on (I have seen lots of evidence that contradicts that opinion!).

There are some out there who truly think I should turn myself into a zombie milk cow to give my child the benefit of the milk. I would NOT be able to safely function and care for my child without this medication. I would not be healthy and be active and would spend all day sleeping, sleeping through crying etc. I have seen women tell others on this medication that they are selfish if they choose to FF instead of relying on a team of people to care for their child while they slept and BF.

My biggest fear with choosing to FF is that I will be faced with hurtful comments (whether they are meant to be hurtful or not) because I am being 'selfish' enough to want to actually BE a mother to my child and not just a zombie. That redbook article posted early in this thread was great, but the comments in response to it were vile and exactly what I hate about the pro-BF movement.

Maybe its just where I am, but they do cram BFing down your throat, and most BF moms are not this way, but there are a few who feel that they have to personally counteract decades of formula-company damage when mothers were told formula was better etc.
Is breast better? Yes... but not when the breastmilk contains a drug that may hurt my child.
And every poster, commercial, or article that goes on and on just makes me feel guilty. Drilling into my head that breast is better, when its not a choice for me, just makes me feel so horrible for not being able to do it.
And I'm not even holding my LO yet!

A while back someone wanted to hear from someone who chooses to FF from the start... and thought I'd share my story. Even though the comments don't apply to me, and the original person saying that they don't understand those who never try BFing would probably understand in my case.... hearing that still hurts me, but I guess I'm a little hormonal anyway right now!

I also have 2 friends, one had minimal hospital support but is doing great with BFing, the other had a lactation specialist who actually MESSED up her BFing and she lost supply levels because of several days of a bad method...the method was corrected by another specialist who came to her house... she is now trying to combo-feed at only 2 weeks old, and is struggling very very hard. I don't know if she'll be able to keep it up, I admire her efforts and hope she can make it work.
Even with support, the help isn't always going to make the difference.
I do think BFing should be supported, but I think some people take it too far.

 

[Justagirlxx]

"I would like to pose this question to Bethenny Frankel. Do you think it’s absurd to put your child in a car seat? I don’t want to be presumptuous, but I’m guessing your answer would be, “no.” Not only is it a law put in place for the safety and protection of children, it’s pretty much, as I read in one article, common sense and a maternal instinct for a mother to want to protect her child. You tell me what the difference is between a law mandating the use of a car seat and a law mandating breastfeeding."

I'll tell you what the difference is [edit by admin]
1) Babies don't have a risk of DYING if you don't breastfeed them!!
2) Breastfeeding is obviously not as simple as going to the store and buying a carseat!

Obviously not everyone can breastfeed who wants to. I went through 2 weeks of hell exclusively breastfeeding only to find out my baby wasn't getting enough. So basically if this law was in effect I would have had two choices. Continue starving my baby just to exclusively breastfeed, or risk jail time by feeding him formula.

This woman [admin edit] She obviously could give two shits about women's rights. This is 2010 and woman have the right to do whatever they want with THEIR OWN BODIES. Whether we choose to breastfeed and succeed, choose to breastfeed and fail, or choose to formula feed, THANK GOD that we have the RIGHT to CHOOSE!!!

 

[Dragonfly]

could you not have put that across in a better way leaving out the nasty attitude? no need for name calling at all.

 

[Justagirlxx]

could you not have put that across in a better way leaving out the nasty attitude? no need for name calling at all.

Really? Was I calling you names? No. Are you going to somehow find offense to me calling someone else names that you don't even know personally? Probably.

ETA--Maybe she should have put her article across in a better way leaving out the nasty attitude. Maybe she shouldn't have called people names eh?

 

[Dragonfly]

could you not have put that across in a better way leaving out the nasty attitude? no need for name calling at all.

Really? Was I calling you names? No. Are you going to somehow find offense to me calling someone else names that you don't even know personally? Probably.

who where you calling names then? you quoted someone and called them names. Not saying i agree with what you quoted but name calling, come on.

 

[Justagirlxx]

could you not have put that across in a better way leaving out the nasty attitude? no need for name calling at all.

Really? Was I calling you names? No. Are you going to somehow find offense to me calling someone else names that you don't even know personally? Probably.

who where you calling names then? you quoted someone and called them names . Not saying i agree with what you quoted but name calling, come on.

I quoted the article linked in the OP. I was calling the blog writer to the article a [edited by admin]. Sorry to have jumped down your throat. I am still extremely pissed off about the article.

 

[Wobbles]

This is a debate forum. That kind of language/personal attack takes it to a whole new level (and is against BnB's rules).
Being passionate about a subject is fine, just try and remain calm.

 

[Justagirlxx]

This is a debate forum. That kind of language/personal attack takes it to a whole new level (and is against BnB's rules).
Being passionate about a subject is fine, just try and remain calm.

Sorry Wobbles

 

[Dragonfly]

Sorry I thought that was something someone said in the forum and you where calling her a name, that kinda shocked me but now reading back i see it was the article. I forget what eve the article was about now . eek.

 

[Rach27]

I think it's important to note that people are often not afforded a 'choice'. I do have to admit to agreeing with the guilt theory - when I feel guilty about something, it's usually because I know I could have tried harder. If I had made the choice to FF or tried my best at BF'ing, I wouldn't expect to feel guilty.

In general though, I thought the blog / article was quite rude.

 

[OmarsMum]

This article is similar to the posters that were in the hospital I gave birth in. loooool.

FFing moms u dont need to explain ur selves. Ur babies, ur choice. I feel so bad when I read a post frm a new ffing mom who always starts her post with " I couldnt BF due to this & this " or " I feel bad, I had to stop bfing due to this & that". There is always guilt in their posts as if they'r going to do sth horrible to their babies because of FFing. If some people stop being judgemental when it comes to ffing, moms will be more happy & I think they'll be more open to at least trying bfing next time.

When I read such articles I feel soo offended. So far I have a very good experience with formula. I want to BF my second, but when I read such article sometimes I feel more determined to forget about the whole BFing thing & go straight to formula.

 

[lisaf]

I think the problem is that for years and years forumla companies and doctors pushed formula as the 'best' way to feed. Women got convinced that BFing was 'gross' or low class or whatever. So now that we've learned how great BFing really is, we have a whole generation of women who don't know how to do it and need encouragement and support etc...

However... the oversell of how great BFing is and the support often turn into pressure and guilt. Yes, sometimes new moms are at their wit's ends with BFing and might be able to get through it and find it gets easier.... BUT that doesn't mean that there is something horribly wrong with a mom who just cannot do it for WHATEVER reason. Yet almost every mom has a twinge of guilt or two if they wanted to BF and couldn't.
I think the promotion of breast over formula has mounted in some places to too much pressure and guilt and anxiety for moms... almost like the supermodel thin stuff... that its hard to feel good about your choice when you're blasted with nothing but messages about how much better breastmilk is.

I know the abuse goes both ways from BFing and FFing... its different in many areas. Its worse in anonymous comments online like that Redbook article than is ever said to someone's face. But there are times when the BFing pressure is just too much and is unfair to some women.

At my friend's baby shower the moms started giving her encouragement about how they're there for her to help, how its hard but you just have to get through it, etc etc... and how women who give up and say its too hard just didn't have the support or try hard enough. There was a woman there who tried EVERYTHING to BF and couldn't do it... she got up and went to the bathroom. If the other moms had known, I'm sure they would have supported what she chose to do, but what they were saying was still hurtful.

 

[Aidan's Mummy]

I felt guilty because I failed at BF. And people still found it appropriate to keep telling me breast was best when they knew how hard I found it and had little to no support
xx

 

[IvyBaby]

For me BF is just the norm- I used some formula in the beginning only because I was not making enough milk, but I worked really hard to be able to BF exclusively. I had to think about my daughter first and, after all, BF does not last forever. What I believe is- if one wants to have a baby, one should do their very best for that baby and not just use excuses for not even trying to BF.

 

[lisaf]

For me BF is just the norm- I used some formula in the beginning only because I was not making enough milk, but I worked really hard to be able to BF exclusively. I had to think about my daughter first and, after all, BF does not last forever. What I believe is- if one wants to have a baby, one should do their very best for that baby and not just use excuses for not even trying to BF.

So if I don't try to BF because of the medication I need to take in order to be a safe and alert mother, then is that just an excuse?

 

[IvyBaby]

No, that's not what I meant. But saying that I want to keep my boobs for myself or that I want to have my alcohol is. At least that's how I see it. It is still the mother's choice, of course, but is she trying to do what's best for her child?