As a mother who formula feeds..

[lisaf]

Well, choosing to FF just so you can drink seems selfish... but if you truly are not capable of abstaining or will resent your child for keeping you from your drinks, at least FF is better than BFing while drinking, right?

And the boobs to yourself thing? Well until you've walked a mile in someone's shoes its hard to say what you'd feel in their situation.
Apparently there is a theory that lots of women lie about why they don't BF and say they failed at it to avoid being criticized for why they made their choice. I find that so sad that there is so much criticism for women who FF that they feel they have to lie about their choice.

I may not agree with why someone chooses to FF, but I wouldn't dare to presume that I know whats better for someone else's child, you know?

The problem is, that any criticism of FFing, even if only directed at certain types of choices, feels directed at all FFers...

Not sure if this is an adequate reason, but my friend lives on a diary farm, and seeing her husband milk the cows each day has turned her off of breastfeeding. I'm actually trying to talk her into giving it a try and not letting that get to her... but I can totally see how that could affect the way you view becoming another 'milk cow' so to speak.

 

[cherryglitter]

No, that's not what I meant. But saying that I want to keep my boobs for myself or that I want to have my alcohol is. At least that's how I see it. It is still the mother's choice, of course, but is she trying to do what's best for her child?

Are we back to the 'boobs to myself' thing !

I never tried breastfeeding and went straight to formula milk. Purely because I didn't want to breastfeed. So yes, I think I was doing the best for my baby because if I HAD breastfed, I think at the time it would have made my PND 100 times worse.

I do feel as though I have missed out on something by not breastfeeding, especially when I found Jake still latched on. But that's not to say I regret formula feeding. But it's also not to say I don't regret not breastfeeding. Am I making sense?

In my eyes breastfeeding and formula feeding are on the same level. Everyones feeding their child. I think that's all that matters.

 

[Tiff]

For me BF is just the norm- I used some formula in the beginning only because I was not making enough milk, but I worked really hard to be able to BF exclusively. I had to think about my daughter first and, after all, BF does not last forever. What I believe is- if one wants to have a baby, one should do their very best for that baby and not just use excuses for not even trying to BF.

So if I don't try to BF because of the medication I need to take in order to be a safe and alert mother, then is that just an excuse?

I don't really see taking medication as an "excuse" per se. Lots of women take medication to be okay with life. Some for mental health, some for physical health (seizures, ect).

I haven't really seen anyone get upset with people who wanted to BF, but couldn't because of extenuating circumstances. If you weren't needing this medication you were on, you would attempt to BF, no? Nothing wrong with that. You aren't being selfish, you aren't choosing yourself over your baby. Well, okay, in a sense you are... but in this instance if not taking that medication means you are NOT okay, then how is that good for your LO? It isn't like you want to go out on a bender or smoke a joint or cigarettes. You are taking meds to be okay in life... that's something totally different!

But in saying that, I am of the opinion that even if a woman decides that she doesn't want to BF, for whatever reason, that's her reason and hers alone. I'm not the one raising their LO, so IMO I don't have the right to spout out my opinions about someone's parenting choice.

 

[lisaf]

I know my medication is a valid reason.. but I do feel guilt that I don't want to switch to ritalin or some other drug that is supposed to be 'ok' for breastfeeding but that I don't want to deal with the side effects and addiction of ritalin.

 

[Tiff]

I know my medication is a valid reason.. but I do feel guilt that I don't want to switch to ritalin or some other drug that is supposed to be 'ok' for breastfeeding but that I don't want to deal with the side effects and addiction of ritalin.

Ahhh guilt.

Okay, bear with me while I take a trip down memory lane.

I had my daughter at 5pm. My parents came into the room around 6:30pm and the first (I kid you not) the FIRST thing my Mom did was put her hand on my shoulder, ask if I was okay then went on to say "Welcome to eternal guilt". I thought that was pretty low calibre of her tbh... I mean really? I had just gone through labour and delivery and she's talking about endless guilt??? I was still on the high of "Damn! I just gave BIRTH!!!!!!"

But, she was right. It doesn't matter WHAT it is, there can be guilt with anything. If you ate the wrong thing while BF and your baby had horrific gas (happened to me) I felt guilty. I felt guilty the first time I went out without her, even if it was for my birthday. I had horrific guilt the first time I left her alone overnight (with a sitter!) because I was abandoning somehow. I convinced myself that something would happen to her because I personally wasn't there. Didn't matter that I left her with my friend who was training to be a nurse, had infant (medical, not civilian) CPR certifications... oh no! Somehow, my instinct would be better than all that and I'd know that something was going to happen.

It happens even to this day and my LO is 21 months old. She'll trip on something and I'll think that I should've cleaned sooner. She'll pitch a fit because I say "no TV" and there's that pang in me that hates that I'm disappointing her and makes me want to turn the TV on. I don't, but that's not to say I don't contemplate it while in the throws of feeling like I failed her in some say. Regardless if its valid or not.

Anyways, the long and convoluted point of mine is that there is going to be guilt. Don't beat yourself up over it! There are going to be times where you will sit back and think that you are doing a crap job, that someone else could do it better, but its all balderdash. We are our own worst critics, and I truly wish when my Mom instilled on me about the 'eternal guilt' she explained it better so I didn't freak out about it as much as I did.

I hope that makes sense.

 

[lisaf]

Tiff - thanks for sharing all that.. I guess it goes along with the worry I have already too, right? Guess I'd feel guilty no matter what.
It really does help to hear that

 

[AriannasMama]

Blah, this argument makes me mad! Yes, I plan on breastfeeding, but I see nothing wrong with formula feeding either & if I end up having to formula feed my LO I wont beat myself up over it! I was BF the longest out of my siblings but we are all just as healthy.

 

[IvyBaby]

No, that's not what I meant. But saying that I want to keep my boobs for myself or that I want to have my alcohol is. At least that's how I see it. It is still the mother's choice, of course, but is she trying to do what's best for her child?

Are we back to the 'boobs to myself' thing !

I never tried breastfeeding and went straight to formula milk. Purely because I didn't want to breastfeed. So yes, I think I was doing the best for my baby because if I HAD breastfed, I think at the time it would have made my PND 100 times worse.

I do feel as though I have missed out on something by not breastfeeding, especially when I found Jake still latched on. But that's not to say I regret formula feeding. But it's also not to say I don't regret not breastfeeding. Am I making sense?

In my eyes breastfeeding and formula feeding are on the same level. Everyones feeding their child. I think that's all that matters.

Ladies, I never meant that it is selfish not to BF if one has a valid reason, taking medication or depression is valid in my book. I just feel that some mothers don't educate themselves enough or just chose to use these excuses instead of really taking care of the baby's needs. Yes, in the first months babies need undivided attention...
As for drinking.. it is still possible to have a drink while BF and cause no harm.

 

[Aidan's Mummy]

I personally think lack of support is a vaild reason for stopping BF. If a woman like me has no support and she struggles with bfing. Even though she tried her best. There isn't much else she can do. I was always told to try my best and if It didn't work out at leats I tried
xx

 

[IvyBaby]

I personally think lack of support is a vaild reason for stopping BF. If a woman like me has no support and she struggles with bfing. Even though she tried her best. There isn't much else she can do. I was always told to try my best and if It didn't work out at leats I tried
xx

Of course and it is not like saying- I don't want to BF because... (insert your text).... Many women decide before giving birth that they won't even try. I don't care really about these women but I feel kind of sad for the babies.

 

[cherryglitter]

I decided before birth that I wasn't going to try..

 

[SKATERBUN]

More propaganda! Both me and DH were FF and
we still dont/didnt have a weaker immune system, chronic ear infections, asthma, juvenile diabetes, childhood leukemia, SIDS etc. Its all bull. Some LO's will naturally be prone to more infections and I dont believe it matters how they are fed. Its genetic imo.

 

[IvyBaby]

I don't think it is bull, yes, some are stronger and some are weaker genetically but BF can certainly help those weaker ones to build up their immune system. I wouldn't call all the studies that have been done to date bull.

 

[Missy86]

I would call that horrible article bull

 

[AppleBlossom]

I have never once been in hospital due to illness. I get a cold maybe twice a year. My LO has been in hospital once but that's because I'm over paranoid. She gets colds maybe 3/4 times a year. Whenever either of us get ill we get over it very quickly. Diabetes runs in my close family, neither me or LO have it (touch wood) I have no allergies and neither does LO. I have never had an ear infection in my life. I am not asthmatic. LO is not asthmatic either. We are both intelligent. I have 11 GCSE's, 4 AS Levels and 3 A Levels all A-C grades as well as passing a University level short course recently. At the age of 7 I had the reading age of a 16 year old and in high school I was once given a grade by my english teacher higher than our grade boundaries because she felt my work was good enough for higher level. LO is advanced for her age in a number of areas and I have been told by many people that her talking skills are excellent for her age. And guess what?

We were both formula fed.

 

[Dragonfly]

So what some of you are saying is theres no point on us breastfeeding as theres no difference or its all bull?

you know sometimes mums who formula feed make me feel like shit by stamping on things that are medically proven. I dont want my son to have what I have and I was formula fed so I choose to not formula feed him and guess what he has nothing wrong with him! I dont see it as bull. If you choose not to breastfeed thats fine dont stamp on it, I dont stamp on formula.

 

[AppleBlossom]

I can's speak for the others but what I meant was, yes, breast milk is nutritionally better. And it has been proven to have positive effects in regards to immune systems etc. But I A) Refuse to believe that the way you are fed as a baby reflects on how intelligent you are and B) Would like people to know that just because me nor LO were breastfed that we have turned into sickly people who aren't very bright.

I know that most people know that and yes, it's an overexaggerated example but an example all the same. Often when you tell people you formula feed they will say "Oh well what about their immune system? Don't you want them to be clever?" So me and LO are just two examples that actually, formula can actually create the same people that breastmilk can. NOT claiming people shouldn't breastfeed AT all.

 

[Dragonfly]

It just makes me feel like shit to be honest, breatsfeeding isnt easy and when mums start hearing other mums who believe its all bull going on whats the point on any one doing it. So many say to me that formula is the same, it isnt but I wouldnt go saying its crap and it dosnt nothing it kept me alive and everyone I know but I wanted better for my son as i wasnt a well kid and neither was my other half and this is medically proven and I see it works. Maybe some kids arnt well breastfed its not the law they all are well but I do think they could have been much worse had they not have had breastmilk.

 

[Missy86]

I just feel like crap reading that article cos it says I didnt try hard enough and cos of that my baby will always be ill and not do well in school

 

[AppleBlossom]

I know BFing isn't easy, I tried it myself. Formula feeding isn't the easy way out, all that sterilising, boiling kettles, measuring powder. It's a pain. And if anyone said to me "How do you think I should feed my baby?" I would tell them to try breastfeeding despite the hell we went through with it. I was just trying to tell it from another point of view. That actually, formula fed children can be bright and healthy and breast fed children can be the opposite and it's not just the other way round. To be honest, no-one should feel shit about how they feed their child. Why should people be bothered about what other people think about the choices they make for their children? I personally couldn't care less if people questioned my choices. She is MY child so MY choice. Screw everyone else. Should be the same whether people slag off FFing OR BFing iykwim?