At end of tether with sleep - please help

[Special Agent]

We have 2 los. Our eldest is 4 and has always been a terrible sleeper. We have finally got to a place where he goes to sleep in his own bed but we have to stay with him until he is asleep, he then wakes any time between 12-3 and we have to go in and get into bed beside him otherwise he won't go back to sleep. If we try just sitting with him and waiting til he falls asleep he wakes the minute we try to leave the room.

Our second is 18 months and was a brilliant sleeper until he was about 1 then everything went wrong. He is in a complete 'mummy fixation' phase where I have to do everything for him and he won't let my dh do anything. As things stand at the minute, I have to sit with him with my hand on his chest until he falls asleep, usually this takes about half an hour as he wakes as soon as I move my hand unless he is in a really deep sleep. He then wakes any time from 10-12 and the only way he will settle at all is for me to take him into our bed (my dh is usually in with the eldest at this point anyway!).

Things have been pottering on like this for a few months now but over the last couple of weeks the little one has got gradually worse and will now not settle at all when he wakes and was up from 12am-5am last night!

The big one will not stay in his own bedroom on his own once he wakes and as my dh was struck with a tummy bug last night and was in quarantine, the 3 of us were downstairs watching the Gruffalo until I almost lost the will to live!

I need everyone to sleep better but have no idea where to start! I am not completely opposed to a bit of crying but from having lost patience over the last while know that the little one will cry til he makes himself sick and the big one will just get out of bed and refuse to go back!

Has anyone any tips or advice before I can't function anymore from last of sleep.

 

[broodymrs]

Are you in the uk? If so maybe speak to your health visitor. I haven't really got any advice but just wanted to send hugs. I have a rubbish sleeper too so I feel your pain

 

[pink_phoenix]

Are they in the same room?
If not would you concider them both in the same room, maybe they could be of some comfort to each other.
I dont really have any advice due to not being in the situation but its definatly something id be trying if i was in your possition
sorry couldnt be more helpful

 

[DCS]

I have a crap sleeper who has gotten better the last few months. She is almost 2.5. Both my kids have been through the waking up for hours in the night phase. With dd we bring her into our bed, tell her it's time to sleep. She usually lays down and breast feeds, I have my arm around her so know when she moves, I doze. If I feel I can't carry on, I ask OH to give me 15 minutes, he watches her while I sleep. It's bloody exhausting because she doesn't want OH she just wants me. We have found that since she dropped her naps, she has been sleeping much better. Some nights she actually sleeps through the whole night.
With the little one only settling in your bed, have you tried, either laying with him in his bed ( I used to use the excuse of my beds broken) or if he has a pillow or duvet throwing them into your bed in the day so they smell of you? I still breastfeed dd to sleep, usualy takes about 30 minutes.
With oldest, have your tried, I need to use the bathroom/ let the dog out/ lock the door, I'll be back in a sec, while gradually increasing the time your gone? That always works with my 5year old.
I realy hope you find something that works. It realy is crap when no one's sleeping. Feel free to message me if you want to rant. We have had 2 rubbish sleepers, and at 5and 2 feel like we are finally able to get atleast one night a week where everyone sleeps through, ( we have other factors like teething and tonsils that keep the kids up. ) I hope you all start getting a decent nights sleep soon. Huge hugs.

Eta, I agree about the same room. DD started sleeping much better when she was started sharing with ds. They don't even wake each other up, when they wake in the night. Iv had ds being sick and dd sleeping right through it, or dd having a night terror and ds not even noticing.

 

[Gwen77]

What is their activity level like? Maybe they're just not tired. My littlest one was like yours, but we realized that he's not burning off any energy to tire himself out enough to sleep at night.
Either after or before dinner, we take our boys outside for a walk or to play (depending on the weather). After that it's time for PJ's, a story or two, cuddles, and then bed.
With my littlest one, we've been leaving his bedroom door open a little bit so that he can see the light of our bedroom (he thinks we're nearby, when really we're downstairs). It has helped TREMENDOUSLY.

...Just thought I'd tell you what we do, in the hopes that it'll help you. Best of luck!