Aussies trying to get duffered aged 20+ !!!

[Mum 2 Quigley]

Nana - how exciting hun! Hop eyou get this one! I didnt; realise you had anothe rinterview - your dream must mean something!! Bummer about NZ!

Ababa - I agree travel sucks, I have never had to do it, dunno if I'd like it.

Maddy - great news - still so cranky at them for giving you all this false info! It's emotional enough without putting you under all that evtra pressure! Great story behind how it happened if You get duffered though! Everything crossed for you hun!

Lainey - that's terrible hun. I think for your health, you need to cinsider being more open minded about your depression. If you were having a heart attack, would you stop the doctors from using medicine to save your life? Or if you have cancer, would you refuse treatment? Depression is not 'all in your head'. It's not a mind over matter thing. It is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain, and it is very bad for your health if not treated. when your brain doesn't function at 100%, it can cause problems such as early alzheimers later in life & other things - on top of how it is making you feel. There is no shame in medication, sometimes your body just needs a little help to function fully. The fact that you can notice a change in yourself is a good sign, you may not realise how much you actually need help until you get it. If you don't want medication, at least talk to a councellor - it is very important! Hugs hun, I really hope it gets better for you!

 

[Melainey]

Thanks ladies

When my dad died when I was younger I went down a horrible path and went on medication and they made me feel worse and gave me very very bad thoughts! That's why I won't go back on them now! I also tried councelling and it really didn't work for me either as I open up better to people I know ! I don't think there is much point in those things until I go home and see my family! If that doesn't help, then I will have to consider something else! I just don't want to go onto meds, especially while pregnant! I think it's just everything that is going on in my life at the moment is making me feel this way! Thank you for the advise tho honey xx

 

[Trying2b2mums]

angel- cant wait til sat for you to test. I think P's job offer sounds great, and i have no doubt he'd be great in the role.

i think the dream, especially being so vivid, is a great sign for you. Congrats on the interview!

maddy- everything crossed for you!! hope you caught it.

lainey- i was ready the other day that ante natal depression is just as common as postnatal depression. If you are really worried for you and bub, talk to your GP. I am however an advocate for depression medication, it saved my life, literally, twice. I've been off them for over 2 years now, but i absolutely needed them for about 8 years. Being on the wrong one can be horrible, i have tried about 5 over the years, some made it much worse, the winner, saved me. ( i understand the hesitation about drugs and pregnancy though) Take care of yourself love. Talk to D too, about how you're feeling etc about the job and stuff. And try to set up weekly or bi weekly calls to your mum and skype with friends. Facebook has free video chat too. xx

 

[number2woohoo]

Sounds like you were on the wrong medication, love. That doesn't mean all medication for that is bad. I think you should talk to your GP.

Sending you lots and lots of love. And cyber hugs. xoxo

 

[Melainey]

Oh I understand that meds work for some people but just not me I made myself happy and got rid of my depression with using my friends to talk to instead of a councellor! My councellor even said that it wasn't for me, cause I don't really open up as much to strangers! I think what is making the whole thing bad again is the fact that I can't just get up and wlk to my friends house when i'm feeling bad and that I can't just give my mother a hug whenever I want to! I really think that I would be fine if I was back in Ireland at this moment

You guys I love you so much I have stopped crying now and feel a lot better now that I have spoken about it Maybe if I talk about it more instead of holding it in and turning it to anger, I will be able to sure myself Well that's the theory anyway haha lets see if I can put it into practice I spoke to D on the phone and I tolf him that I would love to talk to him when he gets home xxxx

 

[Abby27]

poor Lainey, as a fellow sufferer of depression and anxiety i completely get where you are at, and in short it totally sucks! Ive been on and off meds for years, sometimes i found they were good for a period of time to get me over a bad patch.
about two years ago my doctor suggested https://www.virtualclinic.org.au/ to me. it took a while for me to get on a program, but i really liked it. see if there are any programs that suit your condition and get on a waiting list. you dont talk to anyone really, and its a clinical drug free trial that i found really useful.
Mental illness is nothing to be ashamed of, and seeing as you are prone you might want to consider the possibility that you may be more vulnerable to post natal depression (you might not get it, but just be aware).
you are a social creature who is stuck at home not being social, so you should make some plans to get out more.

Maddy i really hope it works

Amanda im with you! wont take a higher position again either

Angel still no AF?

nana great dream! hope its a weird pregnancy dream too! you never know

AFM, not a bad day, manager was fine about my leave and so that was good. tummy feeling better and i even ate some real food today (well just bread, but still~)

 

[Melainey]

Thanks Abby, I will definitely check it out! How much does it cost? I know I need to do something, just trying to figure out my next step xx

Glad that you are on the mend and that work was ok with your leave

 

[Newbie32]

Here's hoping Candace Bergen doesn't pop up again tonight. Should I add it wasn't a very professional interview, when I walked in the room she was lying on the floor trying to attempt some random yoga pose whilst on the phone to her brother.....erm....

Lainey you can talk to us anytime hun, let it all out, don't bottle it up because I'm sure we all know that when we do that eventually that bottle explodes!!!! We love you honey xx

Abs glad you are feeling better and yay for real food!

Amanda I hope the rest of today went ok hun x

2nuns one less sleep to go! I'm so excited for you...

Much love girls xxx

 

[Abby27]

Ah Lainey, that is the best bit its FREE! its a trial, so they ask you a bunch of questions about how you feel regularly to get a base line and hopefully see some improvements.
it wasnt the best treatment ive had, but it really helped with how i manage my anxiety, and made me feel like i was being proactive. so two enthusiastic thumbs up from me!

 

[Newbie32]

Nana - how exciting hun! Hop eyou get this one! I didnt; realise you had anothe rinterview - your dream must mean something!! Bummer about NZ!

Ababa - I agree travel sucks, I have never had to do it, dunno if I'd like it.

Maddy - great news - still so cranky at them for giving you all this false info! It's emotional enough without putting you under all that evtra pressure! Great story behind how it happened if You get duffered though! Everything crossed for you hun!

Lainey - that's terrible hun. I think for your health, you need to cinsider being more open minded about your depression. If you were having a heart attack, would you stop the doctors from using medicine to save your life? Or if you have cancer, would you refuse treatment? Depression is not 'all in your head'. It's not a mind over matter thing. It is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain, and it is very bad for your health if not treated. when your brain doesn't function at 100%, it can cause problems such as early alzheimers later in life & other things - on top of how it is making you feel. There is no shame in medication, sometimes your body just needs a little help to function fully. The fact that you can notice a change in yourself is a good sign, you may not realise how much you actually need help until you get it. If you don't want medication, at least talk to a councellor - it is very important! Hugs hun, I really hope it gets better for you!

Wasn't an important one hun, just with a recruiter who had heaps in the pipeline for the next quarter...still feels good to smash it tho!

How's things at home and with that awful stupid cow, I mean dss mum, sorry, is it showing and signs of improvement? Xxx

 

[Mum 2 Quigley]

Lainey, I understand with the meds thing. It'snot something I have experienced, but DH went through a really bad patch & his first medication made him worse, gave him bad anxiety attacks that had us in the emergency room at 2am. (probably not so much that the meds caused it, more that they didn't prevent it?) he changed & within 2 weeks we could both notice a difference in him.

I've also heard ( I think from 2mums) that it takes the right counsellor to make a difference. if you don't click, don't waste your time. if you find someone you like, you will build a relationship over time.

If none of that works, just do what 2mums said & organise regular contact with your family & friends back home. You will get through this. just don't push it to the back of your mind, cos sometimes your body does pretty drastic things as a cry for help, so if you notice any changes or have a particularly bad episode of depression or anxiety, it's worth talking to a GP & exploring other options. A good doctor will take mental health very seriously.

another thing, dh's GP gave him lots of help, encouraged him to exercise often. I drew up a little care package for him & encouraged him to try one new thing each week, do something for himself each week & something for someone he loved each week. I also told him he had to fill out a weekly list where each day he wrote down something positive about himself. If there was anything he had doubts about, I told him to write it down & we would figure out a way to work through it together. Maybe trying something like that might make you feel good about yourself. You need to be proavtice & fill in your day with important things. Set yourself goals and make them achievable. you'll get there, it won't happen without a lot of hard work though.

 

[Melainey]

Wow Abby that's great It sounds like something that could really help me I am going to check it out Thank you

 

[Newbie32]

My goodness shellybear. Without doubt, every single day you continue to amaze me.

You are an incredible woman.

Xx

 

[Mum 2 Quigley]

Nana - how exciting hun! Hop eyou get this one! I didnt; realise you had anothe rinterview - your dream must mean something!! Bummer about NZ!

Ababa - I agree travel sucks, I have never had to do it, dunno if I'd like it.

Maddy - great news - still so cranky at them for giving you all this false info! It's emotional enough without putting you under all that evtra pressure! Great story behind how it happened if You get duffered though! Everything crossed for you hun!

Lainey - that's terrible hun. I think for your health, you need to cinsider being more open minded about your depression. If you were having a heart attack, would you stop the doctors from using medicine to save your life? Or if you have cancer, would you refuse treatment? Depression is not 'all in your head'. It's not a mind over matter thing. It is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain, and it is very bad for your health if not treated. when your brain doesn't function at 100%, it can cause problems such as early alzheimers later in life & other things - on top of how it is making you feel. There is no shame in medication, sometimes your body just needs a little help to function fully. The fact that you can notice a change in yourself is a good sign, you may not realise how much you actually need help until you get it. If you don't want medication, at least talk to a councellor - it is very important! Hugs hun, I really hope it gets better for you!

Wasn't an important one hun, just with a recruiter who had heaps in the pipeline for the next quarter...still feels good to smash it tho!

How's things at home and with that awful stupid cow, I mean dss mum, sorry, is it showing and signs of improvement? Xxx

Still important to smash those ones! & also to get a bit of extra practice in for the real thing!

things are quiet....except I have been cringing every time you talk about your dream cos that's her name. lol I'm considering asking DH to pick up DSS tomorrow, will just depend if he can get of work or not. Kinda just feels like a bit of a 'fuck you' back to her, cos at the end of our chat on Sunday, she said 'oh, and I don't mind if you pick up on fridays still, but he has been asking for his dad a lot lately, so maybe if he could start to pick up a bit too' which is just her way of trying to shut me out a little bit cos she didn't like what I had to say to her. Funny thing is that 3 days prior to that, she sent DH a text saying "DSS is asking for shell to pick him up from school & come over for dinner." when he told her I was busy, she then texted me to ask. and this week, she has called DH to ask if I can watch him next Thursday cos she has an appointment.

She just pleases herself. ggrr other than that, nothing else has really happened.

DSS came over for dinner the other night & when I got home, he went quiet & almost cried & wouldn't talk to me. I talked him through it & asked if he was cranky at me for something. he said yes & I told him he could talk to me about anything and if I have upset him, he just needs to tell me so I can fix it for him. He just cuddled in to DH. DH then asked him if he was cranky at dad "no" if he's cranky at shell "no" if he's cranky at mum "yes" and he had a little cry & then he was ok & talked to me again and was fine. My first throught was 'what's she been saying about me to him' cos she's that kind of person. DSS & I get along very well. I just don't like the fact that her actions affect all of his relationships.

 

[Newbie32]

That's weird that I had a random dream about something so out there that's linked to you!!!!!! I must be tuned into you shellybear!!!!

I'm glad you managed to talk dss through it. It makes me so sad to think of what she may be poisoning his mind with hun. But you are doing such an amazing job. You should be very proud of yourself xxxx

 

[Abby27]

Shell you are both an awesome wife and step mum! you rock!

Lainey i had a look and some of the programs in early 2013 could be for you!

i had to wait for ages for my program...but it was worth it. i followed the journey of Penny! who had a panic disorder! hahahaha, i did stop thinking i was having heart attacks and strokes all the time after the program (nice relief for DH and myself), i recongnised they were panic attacks, and that i would live through them, and even started to challenge some of my safety behaviours! still working through the stuff, but you get to keep the materials and keep pushing yourself....
and EVERYTHING Shell said sounds awesome. in previous bouts of depression ive had work books where i had to write down all good things in my life, all the sad things, then reframe my thoughts.

here is some classic cognitive behaviour therapy for you for when you get started
the brain is like a field of snow....and its always snowing. Your thoughts are pathways in the snow. so the depressed and sad thoughts are well walked paths, and your brain automatically goes there. As you start to challenge these thoughts and behaviours you have to actively force your brain to go another direction, its hard because the field is filled with snow, and so the path is hard, and you keep looking back at the easy path (that is the depressed thoughts). BUT because it keeps snowing if you keep at it, eventually your depressed pathway will be covered and your new pathway will seem more natural!

Cognitive behavioural therapy ROCKS! and i suspect be right up your ally!

 

[Mum 2 Quigley]

Thanks Sash - you're the best! Yeah, upsets me, but I just think I have 2 days in every week where I get to show him how much I love him. DH & I tell him we love him constantly! and it won't be long before he's old enough to be able to figure out that what his mum says isn't always true.

On the weekend I said to him 'hey guess what? Your daddy is my best friend in the whole wide world and I love him so much!' and he said "and me!" and got the hugest grin on his face. I told him of course he was cos I loved him the same. Then for the rest of the night, he was loving the fact that we were all best friends. so cute!

was silly dufferino at tennis last night?

 

[Newbie32]

Love that story shell!!! You're ace xx

Yeah she was there, baby this, baby that. I think I'm becoming immune to her now tho!!!

 

[Mum 2 Quigley]

Lol yep, I think we're defo in tune Nana! Glad you're immune to that silly girl! It will probably be worse when you are pregnant cos she will crap on & you will want to say 'I know, I'm pregnant too!' but won't be able to! lol

Abs, that sounds good! I remember DH telling me that he could recognise it, but wasn't able to just stop the anxiety. He told me that the best thing for me to do was to re-assure him all the time that he was ok. He said he just felt like he was going to die for no good reason. so for me to be beside him telling him he is ok makes a big difference. He is lucky enough that since being on medication he hasn't suffered an anxiety attack since. It was a shakey start though!

 

[ginny83]

Lainey - that link Abs put up looks great. Maybe have a think about going to a GP and just saying how you feel but that you don't want to be on meds and you haven't had luck with a councilor before. You never know what they might suggest as it's such a common thing to go through especially during pregnancy.

Have you had any appointments at the hospital where you're going to have bubs yet? Often hospitals have support groups for people that are struggling with anxiety/depression during pregnancy.

I know it must be super tough for you being away from your family, but you have to start thinking of strategies to cope with it all because you'll need them for when bubs arrives too. Is there anyway your mum or someone could come over here for a while when bubs is due to come along?