Beside myself with worry over Social Services and my son

[susan_1981]

Sorry this could be a bit of a long one but I was just wondering if anyone had any experience with this.

I took my 10 month old to softplay on Wednesday. I was with my mum, 12 year old niece and 2 year old son. I don't entirely remember what happened because I didn't think anything significant about it at the time.

Anyway, I was over in another part of the softplay (it's all open plan), my mum was watching my youngest who is climbing all over the place. He's at the stage where climbing is his hobby but he falls a lot as he's obviously just learning about balance. So anyway, my mum was watching him. He was literally just in front of her but she got distracted for a moment and he fell in this time. Unfortunately he fell outside of the mats and hit his head on the parquet flooring (which is obviously very hard). He was really crying but my mum picked him up straight away but he wouldn't settle on her so I took him. He eventually calmed down. As I said, he falls a lot and I didn't think anything particularly of it as he always gets tired and grumpy around that time. So I took him off my mum and he finally settled (he wasn't crying for particularly long). He had a nap in the car on the way home, when he got home, he had his lunch and then had his afternoon nap as usual.

I got him in the bath after his nap and my husband came home while I was bathing him and noticed the bump. He'd actually just knocked his head on a toy that was stuck to the side of the bath but he didn't even cry but I just assumed that he'd got the bump from that. I'd forgotten about the fall earlier that day.

So this was Wednesday. I've just started a new job and haven't seen much of my children this week because I've been leaving before they get up and getting home in time to make their dinner, bath them and get them to bed. Yesterday, me and my husband noticed that the lump was still there and hadn't got any smaller. We decided just to be safe to take him to the local walk in centre. He'd been absolutely fine in himself, no sleepiness, no sickness. Nothing, he was as alert and active as he always is so I thought I could possibly be overreacting but you can never be too careful. They couldn't tell if there was a small fracture so sent us to A&E. We took him to A&E where he had an x-ray which confirmed a small fracture (but it hadn't depressed - something like that). They said it was a very minor fracture but as it was a head injury, they needed to report it to Social Services. I said this was obviously upsetting as I only brought him to A&E out of caring and love for him. But I said I understood they have procedures to follow.

Thought that he would be able to come home today but they said he needs to stay in until at least Wednesday as, because the accident was "unwitnessed" (I don't know what difference this makes), they need to do a full bone scan of his body to check for anything else. I've been through with them time and time again what happened. It's impossible for me to have my eyes permanently on my children, they are going to explore and they are going to fall every now and again. The point is that I am always there if they fall. I never leave my children unattended.

I am just beside myself with worry. I don't understand why he can't come home. They have me and my husband sharing a private room with our son at the hospital, they are letting me come home to my 2 year old. We have no criminal records, no history of any violence or anything else. We are the best parents that we can be.

I know they have procedures but it does seem ridiculous that they can let me home to my 2 year old but it's not safe for my 10 month old to come home.

I've now been reading up some horror stories on parents who have lost their children because of things like this. Has anyone had experience with a situation like this or a minor skull fracture? They've said that the fracture should heal on its own. I understand they have procedures but I feel like I'm being persecuted for Social Services not doing their jobs properly in the past, resulting in high profile cases in the press.

So has anyone had any experience? My sister in law (who has the same surname as me) has social services involved with her children but that's nothing to do with her. It's to do with her boyfriend who was in prison. So I don't know if this is making them even more wary of us.

 

[lau86]

You hit the nail on the head when you say they're persecuting you because of high profile cases in the past. They're having to cover their backs. Once the ball is in motion there is very little anyone can do to stop it, they have to follow procedure through to the end.
I can come at it from the other side as I work in health and recently did a placement in a children's ward. The unwitnessed thing makes a difference because a) they wonder if you weren't supervising your children properly and b) they like you to have a 'story' to go with your accident as it may or may not make medical sense and this can help them tell which parents are lying. Of course it will be very hurtful to you, you know you've done nothing wrong.
They do tend to let other children stay at home which I find very strange... I can't explain that one. I imagine they have weighed it all up and decided that for now, your oldest son isn't at risk.
I hope it's all sorted soon, all you can do is co operate as much as you can and the truth will come out x

Eta, I think they will find the skull fracture quite a serious injury, they have a medical duty to scan the rest of his body to make sure there are no more fractures and there isn't an issue with the strength of his bones.

 

[kirstybumx3]

Oh Hun I really feel for you. I don't want to put too much info on a public site like this but similar happened to a friend of mine.
Their child got a bad bruise from a fall and when she took him to be weighed, their health visitor advised them to take him to the hospital to get it looked at. They admitted him, and social services were contacted. Baby was fine but they weren't allowed to take him home. They spent 6 days in the hospital with him and the baby went into 'temporary care' whilst they did more investigating. They got their child back after two weeks, they were distraught. Yes social services are doing their jobs but the way they seem to be doing things seems very unfair on genuinely caring families.
My friends family wanted to prosecute but they had no grounds to as social services were just seen to be doing their job, because of the bruise.
I hope everything works out fine for you. I bet you must be so hurt, I know I would be. Accidents happen, rio always has some sort of bump. He is such a dare devil I am just waiting for the day he really hurts himself! Don't beat yourself up, and good luck. X

 

[susan_1981]

Thank you. I am literally beside myself. I haven't eaten in two days, I've barely slept, I'm in and out of tears, although I feel pretty dried out at the moment. I can't have my children taken from me. It would destroy me. All my friends and family can vouch for me. I'm as good a mother as I can be. I've said to the doctors that I have two very young children. It's literally impossible for me to have my eyes on them both continuously. It was an accident. I'm confident in my abilities as a mother and have nothing but their best interests at heart. I even said to the doctor why the hell would I have brought him to A&E if I did it purposely? But then I guess people can do this to double bluff. I told them they can check their medical records, nothing like this has ever happened before, I take them for the routine check ups, I have them regularly weighed, I take them to the doctors if they are poorly. I've never been anything other than the best mum I can be. I also said I can't possibly be there to prevent every fall. My youngest is exploring, I can't stop him from doing that and confine him to his jumperoo in the worry that something bad could happen to him. The point is that I'm always there.

But thanks for the info. I just hope they let him come home once they find nothing wrong with him elsewhere in his body. I do really understand that they have procedures but I feel like they are tearing my family apart. My sons miss each other, my youngest isn't eating properly at the hospital and I'm pretty sure this is because the whole situation is being really tough on him. I think the full body bone scan is called and MRI which exposes him to radiation. He's going through all of this and I feel helpless. All because there are sick fuckers out there who harm their children. I would never, ever do that to my children. I would never lay a finger on them.

I don't suppose anyone knows but if they find (which they definitely should) that there is no other damage to his body, will that be the end of it? They've checked his body time and time again and there isn't a single mark on him. They keep monitoring him and waking him up so he can't even bloody well sleep! They come in to take his blood pressure but say they can't do it while he's awake as he gets agitated so they need to come back when he's sleeping. As soon as he falls asleep, they wake him up doing the blood pressure. At night, they come in and put the heart monitor thing on his foot, they do his blood pressure again and wake him up. He's exhausted. And he just wants to come home. I feel awful! x

 

[Vicki_Cream]

 

[lau86]

I think any of us would feel the same. I've got no idea why they need to do his blood pressure so much... I would ask a doctor if this can be reduced for his comfort. And try not to worry there is no radiation in an MRI.
I agree with you, you can't keep them in a jumperoo all the time that is also child cruelty. Accidents happen x

 

[Itsychik]

that sounds horrible So sorry to hear you're going through all that

 

[Nats21]

How awful for you hun. Sorry you're going through this. As you said accidents can and do happen. Hope its all sorted out soon xx

 

[susan_1981]

My husband (he's staying at the hospital tonight and he did last night - I'm doing tomorrow and thereafter) said the doctor came in and said that my son's eye test and bone scan is booked in for Tuesday and all being well, he can go home. I'm going to tell them that if they want to check out my other son, they are more than welcome, they can spy on us, they can come and bloody well live with me. I have nothing to hide. My youngest had his 8 month check last month, he was perfect. My eldest had an operation at the beginning of July (for something he was born with). He was also perfect. I take them to be weighed, I take them to the doctors if they're poorly (only ever health related, never for anything injury-wise) and my doctor even said he'd get me my own chair in the waiting room I'm there so often! They can check this all out. I have nothing to hide.

Again, I know they are doing their jobs and have protocols to follow but it's ridiculous things like this that are going to make families like mine reluctant to take their children to hospital when something happens for fear of Social Services taking their children away!

I'm going to try and get some rest. I'm going a bit crazy but I have lots of friends and family supporting me through this x

 

[Pinkflower83]

First of all I am so sorry this is happening to you. But looking at it from a social services side they are just doing their job. Obviously your child fell and it was a total accident! I mean geez children fall all the time! But there are so many cases where things aren't an accident when it comes to children's injuries so their just making sure the child is in no harms way. Of course there's so many instances where social services don't do their job. It's people who do bad things to their kids that make us good parents look bad as well.

Everything will be okay. And hopefully you'll get your baby back home soon. Best of luck to you hun!

 

[Brz04]

This is so terrifying and awful to hear! I am so so sorry that you have had to go thru all this...I can't even imagine.

 

[adrie]

I don't have any personal experience with this, but I just wanted to offer some support for what you are going through.

It seems like you are doing all that you can for the little guy and they are just following protocol. I honestly wouldn't be too concerned as you have done nothing wrong, an accident happened. I'd personally feel better about the fact that he was being monitored in hospital just to make sure that everything is okay.

So sorry this has happened. That is a pretty scary story with the fall and now this. Take care.

 

[Starry Night]

This is my absolute biggest, biggest fear right now. In fact, my PPD seems to be centring around that and every routine checkup for my kids has me in absolute panic that they'll find something "wrong" just so they can call social services on me.

I'm sorry, I shouldn't make this about me and I'm so so sorry you're facing this. I once read in a book that parents often fear strangers abducting their kids when really the biggest danger is nosey strangers looking to find the things you do wrong as a parent. This book was meant to be satirical but sadly, there is way too much truth in that.

I've heard way, way, WAY too many horror stories about them persecuting innocent families and yet the truly endangered children are still falling through the cracks. My brothers' inlaws almost lost their children twice for really, really stupid, common-place injuries (one was a head injury like your son's after falling down the stairs).

I hope your little boy feels better soon and come home.

 

[SRTBaby]

Sorry you had to go through all that, they are very cautious here too when it comes to kids. Dont feel like they are targeting you, you will be okay since you have no history and your mom was there as a witness. Don't tell them to check your other son unless they ask, you will come off as defensive and lengthen the process for yourself for no reason. I hope your son is doing okay.

 

[twobecome3]

is there a chance you might be experiencing some pp anxiety or obsessive thoughts? idk, your reaction seems to be over the top?

your baby has a skull fracture - babys fall, all the time, but breaks aren't too common as they have softer bones. so either he fell REALLY hard,(which no-one saw to say, oh, he hit his head on this or that) or possibly he has brittle bones. either way, further testing/monitoring seems completely in order to me? idk. im just trying to put myself in your shoes, in my lo had a fractured skull, especially if I didn't see it happen, as much as we'd all like to be home, id prefer her in the hospital to be properly monitored?

I just find it odd that your response to an extended stay to monitor your child is 'why would I bring him in if I purposely hurt him" ? not saying AT ALL that I think you did, im just wondering if you're thinking clearly, iykwim ?

 

[NoodleSnack]

Maybe I'm missing something but it seems to me they are keeping him in the hospital to monitor him in relation to the fracture and not because they think you'll harm him. That's why they would let him home if the scans are all okay?

I think you need to calm down a little and see this as they helping you, making sure your boy is okay.

It's not nice staying at the hospital, I've been there with my son, but you need to keep up a good front so your boy isn't scared.

 

[smallpeanut]

I took my son to a and e when he was four months because he fell of the table on to a tiled floor. It was a stupid mistake, one which I hate myself for. His face blew up but withing two hours of being at hospital it had gone down and he had no serious damage other than bruising.

We had an interview with SS whilst at hospital. We explained what had happened, I got upset and we are let home. They sent out a health visitor the next day who did a quick check of the house and asked me to show her what happened. They were happy with this and left us.

It's terrifying and it makes you feel like crap but your doing everything right. Be open as you are xxx

 

[redlemonade]

A skull fracture, however minor, is still a skull fracture. I kind of understand the hospital keeping him in for further tests and it doesn't sound to me like they're necessarily suspecting abuse, or did I miss something? It sounds like they're being thorough in checking that he hasn't other injuries as a result of the fall. They like to know the full story in how it happened in order to fully assess him, so don't take their questioning to heart. Accidents happen and you don't have eyes on the back of your head!

It's totally normal for SS to ask questions. Don't take it personally because it's not personal. Babies are so vulnerable and I, for one, am glad that there are procedures in place in hospitals etc to aim to protect babies and children. Unfortunately innocent people feel a bit crap with the questioning but it's the only way they'll pick up children at risk.

I know it's hard, but he'll be home soon.

 

[jd83]

I think you may be letting your emotions with the situation get the best of you, which is completely understandable as it IS a very upsetting situation. But from an outside perspective, I think they are just doing exactly what they SHOULD be doing. A skull fracture is a very serious injury, so keeping him in the hospital is the best call to fully evaluate him and make absolute certain that there aren't any other related injuries to the fall. Honestly, he had to have fallen REALLY hard to fracture his skull, or possibly has brittle bones, either case should be fully checked out in his best interest. Try to look at in that way. All of this is in his best interest to make sure he is okay. THey are just doing their jobs, and asking tons of questions related to the injury is part of it. Its not nice to go through, I'm sure, and can certainly put you on edge, but by asking all of these questions, they can better determine which cases are actually really worrisome to the child's future health at home with parents, which children are truly at risk, etc. and which children just happened to have a bad accident completely unrelated to neglect/abuse/etc.

 

[susan_1981]

I don't think I'm overreacting. People have had their children taken away for less than this. He would have been able to come home the following day but because they are investigating this, they won't let him home.

I don't understand how anyone could say I'm potentially overreacting when innocent families have their children taken from them, sometimes for things less than this. I've stupidly read some horror stories on situations like this. One lady took her daughter to hospital because her 3 year old fell on her leg and fractured it. The hospital came to the conclusion that they didn't think this could have caused the injury. They took her children away from her.

I don't know any of the peoples history or past in these cases obviously but it puts the absolute fear of god in me.

And no, I don't have any form of depression, post natal or otherwise. I can't eat, I can't sleep. My children are the most important things in my whole life. And if there is even a slight risk that they could be taken away from me, I'm going to feel like this! I don't think I'd be human if I didn't feel this way.