Beside myself with worry over Social Services and my son

[Wriggley]

I know its scary hun but really they are just doing their jobs.

when my youngest was 10 months he fell down our entire flight of stairs.. it was a freak accident - my OH was that close to him he was running down the stairs after him but was an inch away from actually being about to grab him.

We took him to a&e straight away - none of the doctors said a word.. kept him in for the day to monitor him and sent us home with a 'make sure the stair gate is properly close'

I fully expected a SS to follow this up - at our hospital you have to fill in a ss form if your child attends a&e for both accidents and illness its standard so i knew they would know about the incident. but we never heard anything from them. the following week we had a HV appointment. my son was fashioning a black eye and half his forehead was bruised and all she said was 'woops accidents happen'

now i personally felt this SHOULD have been checked on and it makes me feel uneasy that they didnt because it makes me wonder how much children out there need rescuing but are missed because the docs etc are too trusting of what people say. obviously in our case it was just an accident. I in no way doubt ourselfs as parents we do the best we possibly can but they dont know that so yes i do think its important they check up on cases like these.

 

[JessyG]

I would honestly listen to Cariad. She really dkes know what she is talking about.

that being said i am a complete worrier and would be in pieces if ss were involved so although the rational way to think is that you have done nothing wrong it will all be fine....i would constantly be thinking the worst.

I really hope he can get out soon. Must be terrifying for a baby but at least he is in the best place should he need any medical assiatance for the head injury.

 

[MrsPear]

That is so scary and stressful for you I'm sorry you are going through this.

In my own (minor) experience of SS we also presented at A&E after an "unwitnessed" incident involving my LO getting scalded. The doctors took it VERY seriously. They were warm and professional to us, it was in no way personal to investigate, but that is their protocol- they cannot (and should not) leave these things to lie. For you, and for me, and for many others, it does just turn out to be an accident rather than abuse, and the doctors/SS know that this is a likely outcome. They are not trying to outwit you, but they just have to be thorough.

My daughter had a small scald on her arm and she was stipped naked and examined by more than one doctor to check for injuries. We had 'statements' taken from us, and the consultant even contacted the restaurant where the injury occured to confirm with staff if we had been there, if they had seen anything, what happened. They didn't let us leave until they had carried out all these investigations. When we left, they wouldn't give us any spare bandaging (even though it was in an awkward place and came off easily) just in case we scalded her again and tried to conceal it.

As it happened, a waiter in the restaurant did step forward as a 'witness' so we avoided further contact, but the doctors were quite open with us that if the waiter did not come forward, our case would be passed onto SS.

None of it was personal to us. The staff weren't rude to us, or judgemental. I imagine that they actually have this scenario a dozen times a day, where a young child is involved in an accident that is potentially (but in no way definitely) a red flag for abuse, and as a result they need to investigate further.

It's horrible, but some children who present at that same A&E and in the hospital wards are being abused. And to look at, the parents stand out no differently to you or me. The staff have been involved with those cases, and they probably remember them vividly, because wouldn't we all. And they want to avoid more extreme situations. So that's why they seem so overcautious.

I'm genuinely sorry you have to go through this. But I just wanted to share my experience. It's happened to lots of us that our children get injured and investigations occur. It truly doesn't mean that your children are going to be taken away. I hope everything gets resolved soon.

 

[Logan's Mum]

Its a good thing that your son is in hospital and not going home yet. Why? Because it shows the hospital staff are doing their job. If they carry on acting in this way, one day they may even stop a child going home to an abusive family. He also has a head injury (minor or not), so hes in the best place for care.

I understand why you are worried, but dont be. Your son will not be taken off you. Just let the hospital staff and Social Services do their job and brush this incident under the carpet once it is over.

 

[overcomer79]

Maybe they are questioning the time frame? My child falls and hit his head hard, he's gone to the ER. I was gone to the gym in May and my youngest (in his daddy's care) rolled off the bed. We wasn't sure if he hit his head but he wasn't acting himself so we took him in under the advice of his pediatrician. I felt like crap but it wasn't even an hour lapsed before he was in the ER.

 

[Sussy]

I'm actually quite shocked that people are telling you that you are basically overreacting. Of course it is better that your son is in hosp if he needs to be but if they are telling you it's because it is because they are concerned it was an unwitnessed accident then yes I would be distraught too. I'm not saying I think you have any need to worry as I'm sure it will all be resolved I'm just saying I doubt I would eat or sleep either. In fact if you didn't react like that I would be concerned. I'm a nursery nurse in a tough school with lots of child protection issues so I'm not naive either to these issues. I really hope it is sorted soon and your baby is home with you x

 

[MrsPear]

I'm actually quite shocked that people are telling you that you are basically overreacting. Of course it is better that your son is in hosp if he needs to be but if they are telling you it's because it is because they are concerned it was an unwitnessed accident then yes I would be distraught too. I'm not saying I think you have any need to worry as I'm sure it will all be resolved I'm just saying I doubt I would eat or sleep either. In fact if you didn't react like that I would be concerned. I'm a nursery nurse in a tough school with lots of child protection issues so I'm not naive either to these issues. I really hope it is sorted soon and your baby is home with you x

Yeah I agree with this. Although I understand why the procedures are in place, psychologically it is really distressing to be under that spotlight. I do feel for you OP. The example I wrote earlier was a less intrusive version of what it happening to you, and it did make me feel very guilty/upset even though I understand it is not personal against me. Horribly stressful. xx

 

[makemeamammy]

I'm actually quite shocked that people are telling you that you are basically overreacting. Of course it is better that your son is in hosp if he needs to be but if they are telling you it's because it is because they are concerned it was an unwitnessed accident then yes I would be distraught too. I'm not saying I think you have any need to worry as I'm sure it will all be resolved I'm just saying I doubt I would eat or sleep either. In fact if you didn't react like that I would be concerned. I'm a nursery nurse in a tough school with lots of child protection issues so I'm not naive either to these issues. I really hope it is sorted soon and your baby is home with you x

I agree with this too! X

 

[sue_88]

Oh gosh Hun, this sounds awful. I completely understand how scary and frightening this is for you, social services have such a negative light cast over them it is so normal to feel the way you do.

They are doing there jobs and following protocol though, and I think it's important to remember the injury your son has, he doesn't have a slight bruise, or a 'bump to the head' he has a fractured skull, which is a very very serious injury and it can be life threatening....he's definitely in the right place for now.

I hope your baby is at home with his loving parents soon when all of this has been sorted out

Never ever let anyone think you're overreacting, your reaction is normal.

 

[Cariad_x]

I'm not telling the OP that she's over reacting. I'm acrudely trying to alleviate her worries by advising her that these actions are normal and to not panic that her child will be removed as it won't happen.

 

[sue_88]

Cariad, your posts have never told the OP she's overreacted, you've provided a clear professional opinion which I hope the OP has been able to digest and use it to ease her worries.

Others have stated the OP is being 'over the top' or possibly depressed which isn't right. She's in the midst of a very serious situation with regards to her son, and the involvement of SS, she's bound to be stressed and scared. Her reaction is normal and I think it's unfair on others to call her out on it saying it's over the top.

 

[emyandpotato]

I'm not telling the OP that she's over reacting. I'm acrudely trying to alleviate her worries by advising her that these actions are normal and to not panic that her child will be removed as it won't happen.

You've not said anything wrong

 

[OnyxSnowfall]

I'd be terrified too!

hoping you have your little one back at home with you asap.

(Also, a ct scan does give out a ton of radiation [although they try to limit the dose for babies and children and pregnant women] --- broken cell wall chlorella and spiriluna should help combat its effects --- even if you wait until he's older to give such to him. Just something to check out).

again, try to hang in there!

 

[redlemonade]

OP I hope you don't think I was accusing you of overreacting either. Same as cariad, I was just trying to reassure you that your kids won't be taken off you (in my professional opinion, based on what you said). I do understand you being worried and upset

Did your son get to come home yet?

 

[susan_1981]

I don't know how many times I have to say, it does happen. I read about a woman on netmums who had her children taken from her for 7 months because they didn't think that her son falling on her young daughter's leg could fracture it. They took them away for 7 months when a doctor turned round and said actually that could have caused it and gave her her children back. 7 months they were aware from her because they got it wrong!

 

[susan_1981]

But anyway thanks for responding. I don't feel I overreacted. They continuously delayed everything. But the doctor said yesterday she was as sure as she could be that this was an unfortunate accident. She said they'd been observing us with our children in hospital (my other son came up every day). They were going to keep him in even longer because they need second opinions, SS need to do their thing. It was looking like he'd be there until god knows when. But the doctor could see how distraught I was. I told her you can't fake the kind of love and devotion we have for our children especially when we are as physically and emotionally drained as we are and surely anyone here could have seen that. She said that they could. They'd had nothing but good reports on our parenting skills. So we are home as all his tests came back fine but they still need second opinions and to see what SS want to do.

 

[Cariad_x]

I don't know how many times I have to say, it does happen. I read about a woman on netmums who had her children taken from her for 7 months because they didn't think that her son falling on her young daughter's leg could fracture it. They took them away for 7 months when a doctor turned round and said actually that could have caused it and gave her her children back. 7 months they were aware from her because they got it wrong!

Reading an account on the internet of all places does not make the account true. Far from it. The reason I am arguing with you on this is for the reason you posted - you're worried that it's a possibility because of stuff you have read. Someone could well read this post when googling and panic as you have. All I can hope is that they read my responses which will explain beyond a doubt how rare that is.

I hope your son is doing much better and I'm glad he's home.

 

[catty]

My son was COVERED in bruises and it was coming up for his 1 year review, I was close to cancelling as so scared they'd think something but then thought that would look like I was guilty of something. Anyway the HV came I told her id been worried because of the bruises (even one on his cheek which is apparently hard to hurt by yourself) and she said just by watching him she had no issues as he fell several times when she was there and was so all over the place. She did document it in the notes however. What I'm basically saying is If a child had all that bruises combined with other things ie. Police at the door, parents taking drugs or whatever else they might have looked into it more closely. If I was then to go and write it on an Internet forum id leave all the bad bits out wouldn't I.

I completely understand why your worried id be the exact same! But don't read what people write on the Internet they will always miss out some important facts that lead to the child being taken.

 

[HKateH]

I'm glad your son is ok.

With regards to what you read on the internet, this woman will have left crucial details out of her account on purpose. Social services wouldn't take a child away because of a broken leg alone. There will have been multiple red flags - enough that they deemed the risk of a child being in care less than the risk of it being left at home.

 

[redlemonade]

I don't know how many times I have to say, it does happen. I read about a woman on netmums who had her children taken from her for 7 months because they didn't think that her son falling on her young daughter's leg could fracture it. They took them away for 7 months when a doctor turned round and said actually that could have caused it and gave her her children back. 7 months they were aware from her because they got it wrong!

Peoe who post these things on the internet are seldom giving the full picture IMHO. I really did hope that my disagreeing with you on this matter would be reassuring to you, and others, but I can see that it hasn't really had the intended impact. Sorry about that.

In any case, I'm very glad that your son is home. Enjoy having him home