Beside myself with worry over Social Services and my son

[susan_1981]

I'm not telling the OP that she's over reacting. I'm acrudely trying to alleviate her worries by advising her that these actions are normal and to not panic that her child will be removed as it won't happen.

You've not said anything wrong

We have a difference of opinion on this. There are always two sides to every story and the family know the truth but there are so many cases of children being taken from them when they appear to be clearly innocent. There are even support groups for this.

https://www.netmums.com/coffeehouse...ff-43/1031592-accused-hurting-my-baby-69.html

I have read every single page of this thread. Everyone is behind this poor, poor woman yet it is looking very likely that her children will be taken off of her because of a freak accident.

https://www.forced-adoption.com/introduction.asp

https://www.netmums.com/coffeehouse...l-social-services-take-my-4-children-all.html - This is a clear case of innocent children being removed from their family.

And to be honest, I wouldn't expect anyone who works in the childcare industry to admit to these failings because it doesn't look good. Social Services in the case above didn't admit they were wrong. They just dropped the case because they didn't have a leg to stand on. No apology, they just congratulated her for getting her children back!!!

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/ar...al-services-taking-child-gives-birth-son.html

All I'm saying is that it does happen to innocent families.

As I've said quite a few times, I understand that Social Services HAVE to make sure they don't put a child back into an unsafe environment (yet they run their checks on us while letting our 2 year old stay at home with us). I completely understand this but from two of those stories, there seemed to be no investigation into the parenting. Social Services have completely messed up as well with the first case. It was a first time, freak accident. SS lost her child's nursery file because that particular social worker messed up. She then went on sick leave which leads me (and most people on netmums) to believe it was lost on purpose as the Judge was very annoyed that Social Services had sat on this case for so long. I know they must be very busy but children need their parents. This case has been going on for almost a year now (if not longer) and she still doesn't have a final decision. Social Services need to do their job better! They don't understand the heartbreak they cause to not just the parents but the whole family. My 2 year old hasn't been the same since this happened and has now developed a bit of separation anxiety. He has never been a clingy baby.

He cries until he sees his brother in the mornings because he's not sure whether he's there. He's not sleeping as well. He woke the other night crying in his sleep saying "no no no". When my youngest was in hospital, when I got him up, he'd run into his brother's room then run straight to the top of the stairs where we go down. Then he realises that his brother isn't there and started crying "bub bub bub". My youngest wouldn't eat when he was at the hospital, he just survived on formula. It's all he would take - he'd been eating fine up until that point and has returned to eating fine since being home. My family said they'd never seen my youngest look so sad.

It absolutely destroyed my family and for anyone to even think for one second that I was overreacting, well all I can say is that I hope nothing like this ever happens to you. I lost half a stone in weight in 4 days, I didn't eat, I didn't sleep. They put my child through tests that were really tough on him. At one point, he cried so hard he fell asleep with the exhaustion of it.

If he had just been kept in for the 4 days (3 nights) purely for observations, then that's fine. I wouldn't want him to be anywhere else if that was the case but the fact is they'd told us that as it was an unwitnessed accident, he couldn't come home until all their procedures had been followed.

My health visitor called me on Thursday and said she'd like to come visit which she is doing on Monday. She said she didn't want to come this week as we have been through so much. She said that when Social Services called her, she told them that she was very surprised that they were involved with my family as they know us relatively well as I often take them to be weighed or for any concerns I have. She asked me if I'd heard from social services but I still haven't. She said to expect this but I'm taking the no contact as a good sign that they aren't concerned.

It's just the worst experience that my family has ever been through.

 

[Vicki_Cream]

Omg you poor thing, what an awful thing to have to go through!!

Massive hugs to you and your family

 

[minties]

Any parent would have been freaking out massively. Massive hugs to you xoxo

 

[catty]

I read both stories you linked and both stories seemed like they were missing something?

I am so sorry this has happened to you OP, I can imagine the worry you must have now incase he falls again. Just think they must have thought you were a good parent and deemed you safe and happy for you to have both your boys at home (as they should as you did nothing erong) I was thinking maybe you could have asked the softplay for cc tv as then you would have evidence but you are home now.

I just wanted to add one of my own stories. Whilst as a student a lady came into a&e with a young African girl. She had said it was her upstairs neighbour and she had heard her hysterically crying for days, the little girl had not been going to her nursery so she went up to see if she could help. The mum showed her the girls leg which had a 2nd degree burn from ankle to knee. The woman immediately took the girl to hospital without consent of the mum.
anyway the 2nd the doctor seen it he called for the police and social work to get round the flat and have all the children removed ASAP.
The mums story was she was making a bath with boiling hot kettle? And the kettle poured over the child's leg. The dad wouldn't let her take the daughter to hospital as where they were originally from they don't use doctors and use natural remedies.
anyway the burn was terrible, I was there 13 weeks and every week she came to get it redressed. The woman still got her children back despite the child having many other scars and previous marks on her body it honestly has stayed with me all these years.

 

[Duejan2012]

I am soo sorry this had happend to you!!! I remember you from the pregnancy forums. And wow no mother Should have to go through this. It shows through this thread that you love your children very much!!! I know exactl how it is with having young explorers. My son was always falling. He started walking at 8 months and ended up in the ER at 9 months for falling and hitting his eye. He cut it open. Everytime we would go for his visits he had a new bump on his head. It's like you can't watch there every move. At least his doc understood everything that had happend and never called the police or anything about it. I can imagine the stress and prob it has caused for your family. I don't think you have over reacted at all. I would have been going crazy if someone tried to take one of my kids away from me. Lots of hugs for you. I'm glad he's home!!!!

 

[Springflower]

I'm so sorry, I would have been the same. I hope ss leave your family alone now and both your boys (and you and your oh) can settle down and get back to normal life.

Hope you all had a good night's sleep.

And shame on those suggestions op is overreacting.

 

[susan_1981]

I don't know how many times I have to say, it does happen. I read about a woman on netmums who had her children taken from her for 7 months because they didn't think that her son falling on her young daughter's leg could fracture it. They took them away for 7 months when a doctor turned round and said actually that could have caused it and gave her her children back. 7 months they were aware from her because they got it wrong!

Reading an account on the internet of all places does not make the account true. Far from it. The reason I am arguing with you on this is for the reason you posted - you're worried that it's a possibility because of stuff you have read. Someone could well read this post when googling and panic as you have. All I can hope is that they read my responses which will explain beyond a doubt how rare that is.

I hope your son is doing much better and I'm glad he's home.

Thank you, I know you are trying to help to stop me from worrying but there are always horror stories out there. I have no idea why I feel the need to google them to be honest but I always like to arm myself with every bit of knowledge I can.

I'm sure that this won't happen to me. I have nothing but good reports from my health visitor, they regularly go to the doctors if I have any health related concerns, we've never had any involvement with Social Services. My heath visitors have never been concerned with us. But this lady who is going through something like this on netmums is going through hell. She's never had any involvement, she comes from a nice family. It was a freak accident and they've had quite a few medical experts in on the case. They can't agree on it. One said accident, one said she pierced her own child's tongue, another said it was caused by a blunt force. I can't even begin to imagine what she must be going through but I'll be the first to admit it, I am a very paranoid person. But thanks. I haven't taken offence to anything you've said. I know you were just trying to put my mind at rest but unfortunately my mind literally has a mind of it's own which I have no control over! x

 

[susan_1981]

I am soo sorry this had happend to you!!! I remember you from the pregnancy forums. And wow no mother Should have to go through this. It shows through this thread that you love your children very much!!! I know exactl how it is with having young explorers. My son was always falling. He started walking at 8 months and ended up in the ER at 9 months for falling and hitting his eye. He cut it open. Everytime we would go for his visits he had a new bump on his head. It's like you can't watch there every move. At least his doc understood everything that had happend and never called the police or anything about it. I can imagine the stress and prob it has caused for your family. I don't think you have over reacted at all. I would have been going crazy if someone tried to take one of my kids away from me. Lots of hugs for you. I'm glad he's home!!!!

Thank you. It's so hard. Now both of my kids are giving me heart attacks with anything and everything. My son likes to stand on the sofa and then fall onto the pillows. This I've never worried about before because I'm there to stop him if he falls off but I don't want him to do it anymore. My youngest is climbing all the time. But I kind of think that falling (although not as seriously as he did at soft play) is part of a learning curve for them anyway. I don't know. I just wish it hadn't have happened but there's nothing I can do. It's just really hard watching every little move you make being monitored when you know you are a good parent.

But the nurse at the hospital was telling me that they have all kinds of parents there. She said some have a police office sitting outside of their room and they aren't even allowed to leave that room without a police escort. We had a free run of the hospital ward. She said some parents even turn up drunk or high on drugs! She said that we have nothing to worry about but it is just procedure (and I really, really do understand this).

But little man is doing good now. He's eating normally, he's back to his usual routine so I have no concerns about him. I know he's back to normal. Just going to take a while for me to get over this whole thing xxx

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

I would have felt the same worries as you. Hugs x

 

[HKateH]

I've not even got through the first page of the thread in the first link and I'm already convinced that this woman (on other site) is either a) making the whole thing up for attention, or b) has hurt her baby. Her posts are garbled and make no sense and there are numerous holes in her story. OP I think you should refrain from reading anymore of this as it won't help your state of mind.

 

[mum22ttc#3]

I've not even got through the first page of the thread in the first link and I'm already convinced that this woman (on other site) is either a) making the whole thing up for attention, or b) has hurt her baby. Her posts are garbled and make no sense and there are numerous holes in her story. OP I think you should refrain from reading anymore of this as it won't help your state of mind.

I've got to say I agree. I skipped a few page here or there but did read through most of the thread and something just seems a miss to me. Her story started of very inconsistent and she seemed to contradict herself in a few places, I don't know? Something just don't add up.

I'm not saying I don't think your worries are ott or anything as I know I would be exactly the same, I would however try not to read all the horror stories you come across, probablly a lot easier than said though I know.

 

[HKateH]

I just think it's bullshit. She's lying. Social Services, for all their bad press, would not remove two children simply because one of them fell onto the floor and cut her mouth.

 

[Wriggley]

i agree with other ladies. those stories dont add up

 

[mum22ttc#3]

I just think it's bullshit. She's lying. Social Services, for all their bad press, would not remove two children simply because one of them fell onto the floor and cut her mouth.

If you read on then they basically end up keeping them from her for nearly a year, up to this present day as it's still on going.
They have apparently decided that she must have pierced her daughters tongue, there's a bit more but I won't go on.
It does all seen very far fetched not to mention how her story started.

I did try and read the second thread but there seemed to be no update from the OP so can't really comment on that one. It seemed to just end with a lot of people slating social services with their own stories or ones they had heard.

Like I said OP I honestly don't think your over reacting and I do believe there is cases out there were social services have messed up and taken kids from innocent families unfortunately, I just think they're a lot more rare than some would have you believe.

Hope it all gets resolved soon.

 

[Miss_Cellany]

Glad your LO is getting back to normal. This must have been an horrendous thing to go through for all of you, I just can't imagine it.

I've read some of the first thread you posted about the tongue and you can't compare it to your situation. From what I can make out the reason she doesn't have her children back (and why they were taken) is that the injury does not tie up with the story. I can see why SS are being very cautious in that case. I feel very sorry for her and I'm not saying her story isn't true but if no doctor has ever seen that injury from the circumstances described then I'm not surprised they are suspicious.

Your LOs injury does tie in with what you said happen and you have other witnesses too (although no one actually saw it happen, what you are saying you think happened is consistent with the injury). I think they are being cautious because there was a fracture there.

My LO fell off the bed when he was about 5 months old. He hit his head on the wall so we took him to hospital and had him checked over. The doctors said we definitely did the right thing even though there was no injury in his case except for a bruise. We were never contacted about it by anyone once we left the hospital.

 

[susan_1981]

I've not even got through the first page of the thread in the first link and I'm already convinced that this woman (on other site) is either a) making the whole thing up for attention, or b) has hurt her baby. Her posts are garbled and make no sense and there are numerous holes in her story. OP I think you should refrain from reading anymore of this as it won't help your state of mind.

I've got to say I agree. I skipped a few page here or there but did read through most of the thread and something just seems a miss to me. Her story started of very inconsistent and she seemed to contradict herself in a few places, I don't know? Something just don't add up.

I'm not saying I don't think your worries are ott or anything as I know I would be exactly the same, I would however try not to read all the horror stories you come across, probablly a lot easier than said though I know.

I just can't help myself. But I know we will be fine. If you read the whole thread on netmums - it's absolutely HUGE, almost 90 pages - you will probably come to the same conclusion as me and everyone else on there supporting her. She typed her message, one thing came out as the baby fell of her knee but I think it was a typo and meant to be "fell off me". She has explained so many times on there why there were inconsistencies in the beginning. The medical experts can't even agree on how they think her baby's injury occurred. But obviously I don't know her, I don't know that she's telling the truth but after 80 or 90 pages, I don't think for one moment that she is lying. And there are so many people on there supporting her. She has also said numerous times that she wouldn't believe her story but it is what happened. It happened at 2am. Newborn baby, tiredness. Who would remember exactly what happened.

 

[sue_88]

So pleased to see your LO is home with you now, and these follow ups will be protocol only.

Read the links you posted, I don't believe they are giving 100% accounts but that's just my opinion! but even if they are true the common denominator between them is SS / police turned up and removed other children immediately.

That didn't happen in your situation, no one will remove either of the boys because you're not a danger to them. Your baby suffered a skull fracture, but it was a freak accident, just unwitnessed unfortunately.

Allow the teams to do here follow ups, and visits and you can then begin to move ahead with you life & family x x x

 

[Shandelion]

Thanks for letting us know your babies are doing well again! I think you've gone through the secret terror of many mothers. In today's world it just seems too easy for the bad parents to go unpunished and the good ones to get trampled.

Seriously though, can you talk to your caseworker and explain that you're afraid of everything now? That if you let your kids do anything they might be hurt and then taken away? I'd love to see you get ahead of this mess! If you document this struggle with your caseworker, you get use it against the overzealous nurses if anything ever happens.

How is he feeling now, after the skull fracture? Seems to be feeling good?

 

[mum22ttc#3]

I've not even got through the first page of the thread in the first link and I'm already convinced that this woman (on other site) is either a) making the whole thing up for attention, or b) has hurt her baby. Her posts are garbled and make no sense and there are numerous holes in her story. OP I think you should refrain from reading anymore of this as it won't help your state of mind.

I've got to say I agree. I skipped a few page here or there but did read through most of the thread and something just seems a miss to me. Her story started of very inconsistent and she seemed to contradict herself in a few places, I don't know? Something just don't add up.

I'm not saying I don't think your worries are ott or anything as I know I would be exactly the same, I would however try not to read all the horror stories you come across, probablly a lot easier than said though I know.

I just can't help myself. But I know we will be fine. If you read the whole thread on netmums - it's absolutely HUGE, almost 90 pages - you will probably come to the same conclusion as me and everyone else on there supporting her. She typed her message, one thing came out as the baby fell of her knee but I think it was a typo and meant to be "fell off me". She has explained so many times on there why there were inconsistencies in the beginning. The medical experts can't even agree on how they think her baby's injury occurred. But obviously I don't know her, I don't know that she's telling the truth but after 80 or 90 pages, I don't think for one moment that she is lying. And there are so many people on there supporting her. She has also said numerous times that she wouldn't believe her story but it is what happened. It happened at 2am. Newborn baby, tiredness. Who would remember exactly what happened.

I totally understand, it doesn't matter how many times someone tells you not to google etc, you still do it, I know I do.

I have read the rest of her posts and tbh still think there's something missing, it just doesn't ring true to me I'm afraid. I agree with the pp, I think she's missing something somewhere.
Like I said I don't doubt that social services haven't messed up on some cases I just think that their a lot rarer than we sometimes tend to believe.

Again as sue_88 said, I think a big difference between your case and theirs is they went straight in to take away their other children, i don't think they would do that unless they had some sort of evidence that made them think their other children could be or would be in danger.

I'm glad your sons home now, I do really feel for you and what you've been through, I no I would be exactly the same in your position.

 

[susan_1981]

Yes I know her case is so far away from mine. For instance, as severe as my son's head injury was, it probably isn't that uncommon. Whereas her daughter's injury is relatively unheard of. I just really feel for her. She's said much later in the thread that the judge and social services have basically implied to her that if she admits she did do it on purpose then she will get her kids back, she will just be under Social Services. That's ridiculous if that's true. I don't know her, I don't know if she's telling the truth but from reading through every single post, I honestly do believe her and I know most of you on here don't but it seems pretty much the whole of netmums is behind her and I sincerely hope she does get her children back. For instance, lots of people have said, if she did do it on purpose, why at 2am? Did she just wake up and think "I'll cut my daughter's tongue open" and then call an ambulance, or did she do it earlier in the evening then wake up in the middle of the night and think she should call an ambulance? It just doesn't make sense to me that she would do any of these things. It's just not rational. And then I was thinking why the hell the tongue? I know they're are some sick fuckers out there but this would just be plain odd. But I just think it's hit a grey area where no one can definitively say whether it was accidental or on purpose and they've gone with the "better be safe than sorry" approach and are likely to take her children.

But yes, I know it's nothing like our situation, I was just showing it as a case of what I feel to be an innocent mum having her children taken from her.

But anyway, yes my son seems to be doing well thanks. This is the reason it took me 3 days to take him to hospital. I literally only took him because his bump hadn't gone down. But he was absolutely fine in himself the whole time. He wasn't ill, he wasn't extra sleepy. He was his usual, happy, very active, daredevil self. I actually thought I was potentially overreacting and they'd just say "he's bumped his head, stop wasting our time", that kind of thing.

Taking him to the hospital was when I noticed his mood drop. He wouldn't eat any solids, he was really unhappy. But I think this was to do with the monitoring (and being away from his family and home). The nurse that we had through most of our time there was so loud, she wasn't particularly gentle and would wake him up (they'd only do the monitoring when he was asleep because he's a bit of a flapper!). My husband said that one night, she came in virtually shouting "Dad, are you awake???" and he just said "Well if I wasn't, I am now!" and my son is a very, very light sleeper (unlike my eldest - he'd sleep through anything). So I think he was very tired and he's been more tired since but he's eating so well now since being home. I guess it was a big shock to him as well. By the last day though, he perked up (even though he still wouldn't eat) and kept crawling round following his nurse (despite the fact that she wasn't a very good nurse in my opinion, she was very good with him when he was awake and he did like her). But on the last night, he had a different nurse who was so much better. She wanted to come in and have a look at his bump (the other nurse didn't show any interest in this) and when she came in to monitor him during the night, she would put the monitor thing on his toe, get the reading and then take it off. The other nurse would leave the thing on his toe basically all night (which to me is a bit of a safety risk as she is leaving him in a cot when something attached to his toe that has a long wire! She would just leave the machine running on battery (not plugged in) so it would keep beeping and my husband had to turn it off in the end. Then she came in in the morning wondering why it wasn't working and my husband said to her that she needed to start the process again. So he was technically telling her how to work hospital machinery. She clearly was leaving the monitor on him all night because she couldn't be bothered to take it off because he would just take it off anyway, which has left little cuts on his toes. My poor little guy.

I have said to the doctors and health visitor that all they are doing to me is scaring me into bringing my children to hospital if, God forbid, anything ever happens (I have told them that obviously I would bring them if it warranted it but I would literally be petrified. I will mention this to my health visitor on Monday though. I mean say I take my eldest to the park and he falls of a slide or something and breaks his arm? I mean I'm just petrified but I'll get over it. It's just still very raw at the moment. One of the nurses was really horrible. She kept referring to the Baby P case but I told her that ours couldn't be any more different to that case. He was seen by social workers and god knows who so, so many times. He was definitely at risk yet he died because of their failings. And now they just seem to go over the top on innocent families.