BFNs more painful after miscarriage

[ChinaGirl]

This is my second cycle trying after we had our miscarriage. I swear the BFNs are more painful, like a knife in the heart every time. Last month I spent an hour full-on ugly crying in my bathroom. It's as if that line refusing to show up rips a scab off this colossal wound. Today I got another one and I just feel so wretchedly hopeless...

Have your BFNs been harder since your loss?

 

[mssk]

I am so sorry ChinaGirl. I think a miscarriage makes everything harder. After a loss you just want to fill this huge void in your life so bad and when it doesn't happen it is heart breaking. I just had a loss and my Dr. said this time I absolutely have to wait at least 2 cycles before getting pregnant again. I am dreading getting my period again I feel like a BFN or period makes you feel like you are reliving the loss all over again. I am so sorry for your loss. I hope you get your BFP next cycle.

 

[Sugden88]

hi Chinagirl....
my own opinion?- yes, they get harder every time. Every single month, every period, every pregnacy announcment from people, all harder.
im in the month of my 'due date' and again im a emotional wreck.
i spent months beng saying how i wished i had never got pregnant in the first place....it just hurts too much,

i wish i could give you some supportive words.. but sometimes i think you just need to hear someone else say... this is awful, life is shite sometimes, no-one deserves this kind of pain.

my thoughts are with you pet xx

 

[jtink28]

totally agree. sometimes i feel like my body and mind are broken and refuse to get pregnant after the m/c. my best friend just announced her 3rd pregnancy yesterday - she was on the pill when it happened, and it was a huge accident, and i tried so hard to be good about it, but i just wanted to scream and cry and rant and never see her again.

xxx.

 

[Trying4first1]

Yup I could t agree more! I have had two AF since and I cry my eyes out. It seems to get harder as time goes on at the moment. I tear up most days now. Taking a backwards step and don't know why. It's all so frustrating xx life has been horrid to us all

 

[TinyLynne]

I have felt the same way. After mc we all want our babies EVEN MORE than before. So yes, each bfn, AF, ESPECIALLY the announcements (worse when they were accidents!), and watching the news when babies are thrown away or mistreated. I stopped using Facebook when we started TTC, and I'm so glad I did. I don't think my emotions could handle it.

I'm likely (will know for sure by tomorrow morning) mc for a 3rd time right now. And my BFF, who started trying at the same time as me (9 months ago) is holding her 12 day old baby. It's hard. Too many of us understand.

 

[.hopeful.one.]

So sorry chinagirl. You are not alone.

I completely agree. BFNs suck! Every month I think that it's the one and then I'm devastated to find that it's not. I'm really trying to stay more relaxed about ttc but its so hard. I currently have 10 pregnant friends on fb and I had to block their posts because I couldn't handle seeing the daily updates when I'm trying so hard and not having luck.

 

[Sugden88]

Yes im the same as you ladies, im off facebook, i just cant stand seeing these posts- well not that i cant stand it, but it just hurts too much.

my friend told me after i admittied to her hoe much i was struggling- she announced her 3rd pregnancy, which was not planned..... i swear my jaw hit the ground. i felt like 'mentally checking out' and just staying in bed for a few months..... just breaks the strongest of people sometimes.

xx

 

[AnnieMac2]

I want to break something every time I get a bfn. I haven't even been trying very long and it still brings on the ugly crying. I am almost never happy (which I feel ashamed about. Many people have far worse problems that me.) But the anxiety is always simmering in the background and I'm getting more and more overwhelmed. (I guess the people who say mc's get easier with time only mean up until ttc).

She told you right after you told her you were struggling, Sarah? That is awful. My sister did that to me, too. She could have held off. She hasn't told anyone else She was only 5 weeks along and for the first time I had told her I cry everyday. I know you're around your due date time, Sarah. I've been thinking of you.

Everyone, I am sorry for the pain you're feeling. Avoiding fb helps.

 

[Trying4first1]

Gosh Annie you sound just like me. The ugly crying and the never being happy 😞 I have found I have got worse as time has gone on not better. Im off to the doctor this week as I think a bit of depression has set in. But like you I feel ashamed as feel that surely people go through much worse!? I am a very strong person normally and I am finding this hard to admit to myself.
I now cry almost everyday, 4 times today, I can't get up in the mornings, I'm always anxious about the future, I hardly sleep. It's hideous! It's not good at all. Maybe just something to help me sleep will improve things as that definaltley isn't helping as lack of sleep makes things worse I find.
I am sorry that you are feeling this way too. It's just awful xx

 

[AnnieMac2]

I'm so sorry you're going through this, trying4first. I just got teary-eyed reading your post. But it's not about being strong, it's just pure grief and maybe some depression too. I'm getting checked out by a doctor soon. I was slowly improved for the first month after mc, but plunged right down with the ttc stress. But I don't think taking a break will help at all.

It hasn't been very long for you. And definitely see about getting help sleeping - anyone would be breaking down if they weren't sleeping, mc or not. I hope you get some relief soon. xx

 

[Trying4first1]

I'm so sorry you're going through this, trying4first. I just got teary-eyed reading your post. But it's not about being strong, it's just pure grief and maybe some depression too. I'm getting checked out by a doctor soon. I was slowly improved for the first month after mc, but plunged right down with the ttc stress. But I don't think taking a break will help at all.

It hasn't been very long for you. And definitely see about getting help sleeping - anyone would be breaking down if they weren't sleeping, mc or not. I hope you get some relief soon. xx

Awww Annie bless you. I don't want to make anyone cry. I think you are right. I think that it is all coming out now. At the time I was thinking very practically and tried to brush it all under the carpet. Like you I was ok for the first month or so. Now me and DH have started TTC again, I think the anxiety of it all is definitely taking over. I agree about the whole taking a break thing. I don't think it will help what so ever. This is something that I have no control over and I am struggling with that. At least when actively TTC you feel like you are trying to do something about it? if that makes sense?
I am going to see the GP today as the not sleeping really isn't helping matters at all. I will keep you updated. I hope that you manage to see your doctor soon too. I think there is only so much that we can take before we have to hold up our hands and admit that we just need to little bit of support to help as get through this awful time. Sending you my best of wishes and keep me updated xx

 

[TinyLynne]

Oh ladies, I'm so sorry to read these, but I so completely understand. I'm currently at the OB office for bloodwork, waiting to go back to 0, I started spotting last night, so hopefully I don't have to do this many more times. I've easily seen 20 pregnant women in the last 20 minutes. It sucks being here. And I want to cry, but I have a job I'm supposed to be at now, that I have to go to after this. I too did not want to get out of bed this morning, not at all.

I told my husband last night that I'm sorry that most of our marriage has been spent with me being sad, and it has nothing to do with him. But we deserve so much better than this, we really do. And I know it isn't supposed to be, but this is just so unfair!

I feel like I am out of control, like this body isn't mine because I can't control what it does, and I feel like it hates me.

I know I shouldn't even be trying to because it only frustrates me further, but I can't find a reason why. I just need to understand it, and I never will.

I'm sorry I'm being so negative right now, every month I lose a little more of my positive self. And I feel so low sitting in the office surrounded by pregnant women.

 

[Trying4first1]

Hey Tiny. I know what you mean about spending most of your marriage being sad. I just keep thinking we have spent out first year loosing babies. It's kind of tainted it in a sense. I imagined falling pregnant and everything being perfect just as I've always dreamed about. But nooooo life has other ideas.
We need to try and not blame ourselves though as hard as it is. This is out of our control which is scary but we need to remove there is nothing we can do. I really hope you get answers soon Tiny. I'm still waiting for pregnancy number 3 to happen, the one that will decide whether we are going down the fertility clinic route or not. Would rather know sooner rather than later but as you know these things take time.
Know what u mean about being surrounded by pregnant women. They are everywhere! Can't get away from it all.
Hope your feeling a bit better today xx

 

[TinyLynne]

Thanks trying.

It does suck, and I don't blame me, I blame the universe. I've been so angry lately, and it's just not who I am.

Tomorrow I should be getting my referral for a specialist, I hope they can see us soon. I'm mad that I am at the point if needing to go, but also kind of excited of the options and the outcome. We WILL get our babies. It might be a bumpy road, but when we are holding them, we won't even care what it took to get there.

Hope you get your lucky #3 (sticky baby) soon!!!