Bit of a rant, competitive mums

[aob1013]

It's not about insecure

 

[aliss]

Is it wrong for me to admit that I prefer BnB to baby groups because if I get annoyed, I can just click "X" and leave? It's true.

 

[Marzipan_girl]

I see both sides...
I'm a very proud mum and like to boast about my baby's acheivments alot, BUT I think it's wrong if you then ask about someone elses, and imply that theirs isn't as advanced as yours...Thats just rude.
One thing which really upset me though, for example, was when I wrote on facebook "OMG! Rory is only 3 months old and he just rolled over!!! He's so clever!"
And then another mummy totally deflated my excitment and made me feel crap by writing,
"Yeh, thats when most babies start to roll..." as if it wasn't anything to be proud of. It made me really upset! TBH even if he was 8 months old and it was his first roll, i'd have been harping on about how proud I was. I thought that was kinda mean...I wasn't trying to say anything wrong about her baby, and I never say to others when they say that their baby just learnt to roll, "Well MY RORY rolled at 3 months!"

 

[aliss]

I see both sides...
I'm a very proud mum and like to boast about my baby's acheivments alot, BUT I think it's wrong if you then ask about someone elses, and imply that theirs isn't as advanced as yours...Thats just rude.
One thing which really upset me though, for example, was when I wrote on facebook "OMG! Rory is only 3 months old and he just rolled over!!! He's so clever!"
And then another mummy totally deflated my excitment and made me feel crap by writing,
"Yeh, thats when most babies start to roll..." as if it wasn't anything to be proud of. It made me really upset! TBH even if he was 8 months old and it was his first roll, i'd have been harping on about how proud I was. I thought that was kinda mean...I wasn't trying to say anything wrong about her baby, and I never say to others when they say that their baby just learnt to roll, "Well MY RORY rolled at 3 months!"

lol not true hun, mine barely started at 6 months! He's doing great at 3 months

I don't understand the back handed comments people give like that. If I honestly feel that way (and I do on occasion with some of my friends), I just say "yay" or "good for you" (apologies to any FB friends who have received a 'yay' from me ), no need to deflate someone.

 

[Marzipan_girl]

I see both sides...
I'm a very proud mum and like to boast about my baby's acheivments alot, BUT I think it's wrong if you then ask about someone elses, and imply that theirs isn't as advanced as yours...Thats just rude.
One thing which really upset me though, for example, was when I wrote on facebook "OMG! Rory is only 3 months old and he just rolled over!!! He's so clever!"
And then another mummy totally deflated my excitment and made me feel crap by writing,
"Yeh, thats when most babies start to roll..." as if it wasn't anything to be proud of. It made me really upset! TBH even if he was 8 months old and it was his first roll, i'd have been harping on about how proud I was. I thought that was kinda mean...I wasn't trying to say anything wrong about her baby, and I never say to others when they say that their baby just learnt to roll, "Well MY RORY rolled at 3 months!"

lol not true hun, mine barely started at 6 months! He's doing great at 3 months

I don't understand the back handed comments people give like that. If I honestly feel that way (and I do on occasion with some of my friends), I just say "yay" or "good for you" (apologies to any FB friends who have received a 'yay' from me ), no need to deflate someone.

Ooohh can I add you on fb then??

 

[katy1310]

awwwww maybe they are just excited that their babies are developing? It may not be a competition thing.....I love hearing what my mates babies are up to

I love hearing what my friends' babies are up to as well, it just gets to me when some people compare Sophie to a full term 10 month old and ask if she is walking etc when she should only be 7 months due to being so premature....and I'm just happy that she's doing as well as she is! It's like the hv will tell me she's meeting all the milestones of a fullterm 7 month old, so I'm happy, then someone comes along and asks if she's walking yet because their baby was walking at 10 months....

But I do like hearing what my friends' babies are up to - it's mostly people I don't really know/don't like that compare Sophie, lol!

 

[going_crazy]

I think it's the way things are said. Of course parents are going to be super proud of what their babies/children are doing and when they are doing them, but there is no need to take the attitude of "my child is better than yours". I love hearing how friends babies/children are getting along and I also take my place as a proud mummy, but I don't rub peoples face in it!!

Oh, and it doesn't stop as they get older...... Some mums at my DD's school are forever going on about "my child could do his 8 times tables in nursery" "my child is sooooo advanced" etc etc, it really gets on my wick the way they say it. I could go on all day about my G&T child but no-one actually knows (well apart from you guys now!)

 

[katy1310]

Leni's been talking since 6 weeks



Annoying isn't it. I have a family friend which we meet up with (my mum and I) every 2 weeks. Her baby is Leni are the same age. She is sooooo competitive, but in a malicious way? Always pointing o ut that Leni was premature so 'must be behind' OH FUCK OFF WOULD YOU!!

Yes!!! That gets to me so much! I know people like that too. Or you get them actually asking "does she have many problems?" in not the nicest of ways - you can tell the difference between the way people mean their questions, if that makes sense!!

When I say she doesn't have any apparent problems they always seem so surprised! But I'm just so glad to have Sophie alive and well

 

[AP]

I had someone who was an old school friend. We were due the same time but mine came 3 months early. So her prematurity and her brain bleed knocked her back a lil.

I dont know if this friend ever understood the implications of that, but whenever we celebrated alexs achievements on FB with a staus or pic, we'd get the comnents like 'my LOs been doing that for months now'

It went on for months and in the end she got deleted. She was daft enough to re request me as a friend but i decline.

Thats not insecurity on my part. Its insecurity or ignorance on hers.

Its about having consideration.

 

[AppleBlossom]

I think there is a fine line between bragging and being proud. I always update my statuses on FB about the funny things G does or the things she has done which have really amazed me. For example, "Grace just counted to twenty. So proud " or something like that. I don't mind seeing/hearing people saying things like that. It's when the conversation goes like this... "My son can count to ten" "Oh, well my daughter can count to 20" "Well my son can count to ten in German" "Really? Well my daughter can count backwards from twenty in Swahili" THAT does my head in. Parenting isn't a competition. I'm one of those people who says, when someone says their son is 14 months and hasn't started walking yet, "Aww don't worry. my son was walking by then but your son is a lot better at talking than mine." lol

 

[LankyDoodle]

My niece was talking very early, I was just trying to think back to when she started talking properly, she was about 20 months at my wedding and talking very clearly, able to answer questions ( full sentances, not just yes or no) she was talking earlier than that but can't remember at exactly what age. Maybe not the case for all children but it's not impossible by any means.

Ruby talks in sentences and has done since 18 months but she was only really saying proper words unprompted and correctly from 14 months. My mum says I said proper words from when I was 12 months, but i just think 8 months is a bit early!

I don't know, she was def saying hiya and waving unprompted at around 8/9 months unprompted when people went to her house or when she came to visit.

I thought that was normal? Saying hiya and waving is a lot different to complete sentences. My LO waved and said Hiya at 9 months also, but we didn't get sentences until about 24 months.

Yes. Isabella will 'mimic' like the OP said. She can do the whole mama/dada (occasionally daddy but it's always accidental!) and also says 'ca' in reference to the cat, but that has all been mimicking of us, not her making meaning or stringing sentences together.
My friend's LO was asking for cu'huls (cuddles) at about 11 months as I remember being sat at group with her and her LO mooching over to her, saying 'cuddle' in her little way and then having a cuddle! She is now 15 months and is still saying the odd word here and there. A long way from sentences. She is a very bright child and looks at you intently when she is talking but it's all babble apart from the odd word here and there.

As the OP and others here have said, I wish people wouldn't exaggerate their child's achievements. It looks pretty sad actually as it's like they don't have any achievements of their own to boast about!

 

[DaisyBee]

I havent read the whole thread because its hard for me to read posts like this.

I am a mom who has a baby who is an early talker. She doesnt talk full sentences but yes - she had words at 8months. She had words that she used correctly without copying before she could army crawl. I dont tell other moms in real life though - as it can easily sound like bragging & exagerating & Im sure their response would be similiar to the ops. At 8months when Megan wanted me she said "mama". When she was tired and was ready to sleep she said "night-night". She said "bottle" and "num-num" when she was hungry. She still says it the same way- it hasnt changed. It wasnt babbling - it was what she meant. She's developed lots of words over the past months and at 13months already says (not copying) so many words its crazy. (Like cracker, juice, bath, book, duck, blankie, kitty, etc) She talks very clearly and other people have heard her say words & its not just me being a silly mom and making things up in my head to boost my own ego. She now says things like "hi daddy" and "good girl".

She does copy words too - those that she hasnt a clue what they mean (like blue, red, etc). I only count words that she says in the right context & if she has said them clear as day - and more than once. So if she would say "ball" while playing with a doll - that is clearly NOT her knowing that word. But if she picks up the ball and without me saying anything says "ball". And then the next day she pushes the ball across the floor and says "ball". Yes I would say that counts as her knowing the meaning of the word. She can also point to most of her body parts without help (hair, nose, eyes, tongue, fingers, toes, ears, etc). She knows what they are & knows the meanings of the words. Language is obviously something she is good at.

Im not boasting- its not in me to do that. Yes I am proud of her & but more shocked that she knows words at this young age. It doesnt mean she is a genious - it means she is an early talker. That being said - she was a late crawler. Didnt even army crawl til 9months. Didnt hands & knees crawl til 10 1/2 months. She is almost 14 months old & doesnt walk. But when I give her a piece of cheese she says "cheese" without me saying a word.

I love her to pieces & her talking isnt who she is. I enjoy every bit about her & our day isnt focused on her ability to say words. Its about having fun & enjoying my daughter. The moments I treasure & will always remember arent at all about words - its about her smile, her wonderful personality, and about our time spent together.

I enjoy hearing about other babies - whether they are talking, clapping, waving, etc. All kids get there in their own time. Just because some are slower or faster doesnt make my kid better than yours or your kid better than mine.

 

[annawrigley]

personally, i think the only reason you would feel offended is if you have insecurities about your LO's development. no one is trying to make you feel bad. have pride and confidence in your parenting and LO and then you will be happy to hear about other babies' accomplishments.

People are not saying that though, we're talking about people who are mistakenly saying their LO is talking when they're just babbling, etc.

i guess i just think that's sweet. my LO has barely been able to reach something and grab it... she misses 9 out of ten times, but for the one time she gets it you better believe it means i'm saying "she can grab things now" i'm so excited is all. i'll probably do the same w/ talking. no one expects anyone to actually believe that their 1 year old is holding a conversation. right?

But why? What will you have to be excited about when she actually starts doing it consistently, youll have nothing to brag about! (I dont mean that in a horrible way, we all like a good brag about our LO's achievements!) I just dont get why people pre-empt something that hasnt happened yet so when it happens for real its old news, iykwim? I dont really understand the last sentence... I'll tell people my LO can hold a conversation when he can, I dont know why we're all walking round instantly going back a few steps on what everyone says their LOs are doing just because we assume everyone will exaggerate?

 

[AFC84]

My DS started talking meaning it a 8 months & it wasnt only babbling. Some babies are early talkers. He was saying bye while waving bye & going towards the door in his walker, so he meant going out & knew it's meaning. He was also calling his dad "pappa" & only his dad, & was saying num num for food & bottles. All at 8 months. Now at 14 months he says around 50 words meaning them (a mix of English, Arabic & some baby talk), he's also talking using 2 words sentences, & counting to 3. He doesnt even babble without meaning, he only says real words meaning them. He also knows few words from Arabic songs, & he completes the words when I sing for him. He's aslo soo good with signing although I'm not taking it too seriously.

He started meanless double babbling (dadda, tatta, nanna, etc) at 6 months, & that was babbling only.

I'm sorry about the long post, but if someone's LO is not talking at 8-9 months it doesnt mean all LOs cant talk at this age.

Mine cant feed himself solids or hold his bottles, & he cant self settle at night without me being in the room & sometimes cuddling him. But I dont feel inscure because of it.

There is a thread about early crawlers at 4-5 months, many threads about early walkers, & sooo many threads about babies picking up food & feeding themselves at 6 months.

Babies are different, & every mum has the right to be proud about the acheivements of her LO regardless if it's talking, eating, crawling sleeping through or walking.

It's natural for a mum to talk non stop about her LO's acheivements, it's a real shame if we cant talk freely with other mums about our LOs's acheivements because some mums are insecure.

Definitely. I'm not sure how old I was when I said my first real word, but I do know I could say 50 words by 10 months [my mum has always told me this and it never seemed particularly interesting because I had no clue about babies/when they did things, but it seems really freaky to me now!] Apparently she took me to the hospital and a nurse or something there commented on how much I could say, asked how many words, my mum didn't know so started counting them.

My LO is 9 months and only babbles...I *think* he may have said Dada recently, but not convinced it wasn't just babbling. My mum often says that I could have taught Finley to talk that early, and that she wishes she'd "taught" her other kids if she'd known it could be done [I'm the youngest of 5, and I was a VERY demanding baby, the only way she could keep me occupied was to carry me around, constantly talking to me and showing me what things were etc] but I just smile and nod...it's not like I don't make any effort with my LO, but I'm happy that he'll do things in his own time.

I didn't sleep through til I was 5 so I think people just focus on their babies' good points

 

[Embovstar]

brilliant post. I know a few people who will ask me about my son and then get annoyed by my responses...Jealousy, it's quite nasty. I steer clear of of the majority of these groups for this very reason.

Isaac def babbles away like there is no tomorrow, and copies many sounds and hand gestures (waving and clapping ) but I agree, it's DEF. not talking. However, Isaac ALWAYS says "Dadda" when he sees his Daddy for the 1st time that day and also "pubbo" which I believe he is saying "Pebbles" - his fav cat. He ONLY says this when he is chasing her and it is very similar to "Pebbles". I do believe that those couple of words, he understands.

I'm very proud that all my Mummy friends were my friends before I had my son and therefore anything they do ask or praise Isaac for is genuine and there are no hidden agendas.

Nicola xx

 

[louandivy]

personally, i think the only reason you would feel offended is if you have insecurities about your LO's development. no one is trying to make you feel bad. have pride and confidence in your parenting and LO and then you will be happy to hear about other babies' accomplishments.

I'm not insecure at all! I just find it irritating and boring to listen to someone brag about their kid all day.

 

[indy and lara]

Emma can do lots of things. Somethings she is starting to do. Somethings she has a long way to go on. For me, I am more interested in the fact that she is happy, sociable and contented. I have never felt the need to tell people what she is doing. If you spend time with her you can see pretty quickly what she can and can't do. As I said on the other thread on this topic, I would always be careful about 'boasting' about Emma depending on the company I was in. 2 of my Mummy friends have toddlers with significant additional support needs. They don't need me highlighting anymore the differences between our kiddies.

When I am at toddler things I enjoy talking about things other than what other children can do/ when they did things. When people don't want to talk about your child's milestones it is not automatically because they are jealous. For some of us, milestones are not the be all and end all.

 

[aliss]

IMO there is a big difference between a baby that can do certain vocal milestones early and a baby that is clearly not doing it, but the parents exaggerate it or misrepresent it. I've seen it over and over again with my IRL friends who point out to me, "See, he's doing "X" [babbling, certain grammar functions] when I know it's simply not true from spending several years studying linguistics and child language acquisition.

Of course many babies can be early. Mine is rather late with his physical milestones so if one can be late, then surely one can be very early.

However, I never EVER point out "that's not actually "X"", I just smile and nod and say congratulations - like people should.

 

[Kalah]

My DS started talking meaning it a 8 months & it wasnt only babbling. Some babies are early talkers. He was saying bye while waving bye & going towards the door in his walker, so he meant going out & knew it's meaning. He was also calling his dad "pappa" & only his dad, & was saying num num for food & bottles. All at 8 months. Now at 14 months he says around 50 words meaning them (a mix of English, Arabic & some baby talk), he's also talking using 2 words sentences, & counting to 3. He doesnt even babble without meaning, he only says real words meaning them. He also knows few words from Arabic songs, & he completes the words when I sing for him. He's aslo soo good with signing although I'm not taking it too seriously.

He started meanless double babbling (dadda, tatta, nanna, etc) at 6 months, & that was babbling only.

I'm sorry about the long post, but if someone's LO is not talking at 8-9 months it doesnt mean all LOs cant talk at this age.

Mine cant feed himself solids or hold his bottles, & he cant self settle at night without me being in the room & sometimes cuddling him. But I dont feel inscure because of it.

There is a thread about early crawlers at 4-5 months, many threads about early walkers, & sooo many threads about babies picking up food & feeding themselves at 6 months.

Babies are different, & every mum has the right to be proud about the acheivements of her LO regardless if it's talking, eating, crawling sleeping through or walking.

It's natural for a mum to talk non stop about her LO's acheivements, it's a real shame if we cant talk freely with other mums about our LOs's acheivements because some mums are insecure.

Definitely. I'm not sure how old I was when I said my first real word, but I do know I could say 50 words by 10 months [my mum has always told me this and it never seemed particularly interesting because I had no clue about babies/when they did things, but it seems really freaky to me now!] Apparently she took me to the hospital and a nurse or something there commented on how much I could say, asked how many words, my mum didn't know so started counting them.

My LO is 9 months and only babbles...I *think* he may have said Dada recently, but not convinced it wasn't just babbling. My mum often says that I could have taught Finley to talk that early, and that she wishes she'd "taught" her other kids if she'd known it could be done [I'm the youngest of 5, and I was a VERY demanding baby, the only way she could keep me occupied was to carry me around, constantly talking to me and showing me what things were etc] but I just smile and nod...it's not like I don't make any effort with my LO, but I'm happy that he'll do things in his own time.

I didn't sleep through til I was 5 so I think people just focus on their babies' good points

That reminded me of my own mom! I was walking at 7 months and she hasn't shut up about it since my LO was born, until a few weeks ago. She kept telling me she'll probably walk at 7 months too because I did. I kept saying I don't think she will and once she was almost 7 months old, she stopped saying it So far my LO has been on time for everything, nothing late, nothing early, and I'm happy with that! She can't sit up on her own yet, but I'm perfectly happy waiting!

I think what gets me most about people comparing their LO to someone elses is, what if they actually are delayed?? Wouldn't you just feel like crap having someone point that out to you all the time or being the one to point it out just because you wanted to be competitive!

 

[brownlieB]

personally, i think the only reason you would feel offended is if you have insecurities about your LO's development. no one is trying to make you feel bad. have pride and confidence in your parenting and LO and then you will be happy to hear about other babies' accomplishments.

I'm not insecure I just get offended when I patronisingly get told "Well you're young, maybe you don't understand the importance of education...you will"

Her 3 yr old is amazingly intelligent, he's the only 3 yr old I know that can point out Madagascar on a giant Atlas, and I quite happily watch all the amazing things he can do.

But to have my parenting skills questioned due to my age (i'm 26) when all it really is her competitiveness as to whether or not your child goes to what she considers the best school in the area, is quite offensive