Breast feeding in public? Your views?

[Natsku]

I didn't find it easy to feed DS 'discreetly' at all due to my size and it was some of the views that have been expressed in this thread that made me feel ashamed of trying to feed DS in public, which led to me feeding in disgusting 'feeding rooms', toilets, but for the most part barely going outdoors for 6 months. When I see a woman feeding in public I look at them with awe and jealousy, I hope I can 'man up' a bit next time. For those of you who see fit to judge a woman for nip not to your standards, perhaps take a minute to think how she has got to that place, she might just have always done it easily no qualms, or she could actually be feeling really vulnerable with it and taken a long time for her to build up her confidence to do it, and yeah maybe she is now proud to not need to do it 'discreetly', whatever, I hope you would never so much as give her a rude looking glance, something like that can shatter somebody's confidence.

This is exactly how I feel.

When people say discretely I don't think they mean you can't show anything. If you need to show your boob, do it and feel good about it! It's the few women who leave their boob out while changing their baby's diaper etc that aren't considered discrete in my opinion.

Unfortunately 'discrete' is a little bit subjective, I might pass by your standards but not somebody else's, should I ask everybody in the room I'm trying to feed in how much I am allowed to show? I get what you're saying but it is a slippery slope and your opinion still makes me feel like I am needing to abide by other people's rules, feeding women shouldn't have to appease anybody, not even those of a 'more lenient standing'. If a boob is out as a result of feeding so be it, don't like it, don't look.

Thats just it, we can't please everyone, we can never be discreet enough for everyone, some people think even using a cover is wrong, that we shouldn't be feeding out in public at all. So all we can really do is feed in the most comfortable way for us and our babies and if thats not as discreet as someone likes it then they should just look away.

 

[Natsku]

I didn't find it easy to feed DS 'discreetly' at all due to my size and it was some of the views that have been expressed in this thread that made me feel ashamed of trying to feed DS in public, which led to me feeding in disgusting 'feeding rooms', toilets, but for the most part barely going outdoors for 6 months. When I see a woman feeding in public I look at them with awe and jealousy, I hope I can 'man up' a bit next time. For those of you who see fit to judge a woman for nip not to your standards, perhaps take a minute to think how she has got to that place, she might just have always done it easily no qualms, or she could actually be feeling really vulnerable with it and taken a long time for her to build up her confidence to do it, and yeah maybe she is now proud to not need to do it 'discreetly', whatever, I hope you would never so much as give her a rude looking glance, something like that can shatter somebody's confidence.

This is exactly how I feel.

When people say discretely I don't think they mean you can't show anything. If you need to show your boob, do it and feel good about it! It's the few women who leave their boob out while changing their baby's diaper etc that aren't considered discrete in my opinion.

I doubt that anyone here has seen that happen and in any case, I bet the vast majority (of the tiny tiny minority that do it) of the times it is done, is because the mother has simply forgotten that her breast is still out. I've forgotten so many times in the early days to put my boob away after a feed.

 

[Pearls18]

It genuinely upsets me to think any baby is denied the goodness of breast milk purely because of the mother's concerns of nip which stem from issues with society and nothing more, I am gobsmacked by some of the things MOTHERS here are saying about other mothers and if I am completely honest it smells a little bit like jealousy at nip mothers confidence and not repulsion, but these attitudes are having the dangerous impact of affecting mothers' feeding choices, I for one would not want to be associated with any attitude that could stop a mother providing the best milk for their child.

 

[Natsku]

It upsets me too. People shouldn't be trying to put restrictions on how mothers nurse in public - they should be doing everything they can to encourage those mothers and make them feel comfortable. I was scared to NIP at first because I never saw anyone else doing it and it took me a few weeks before I was confident enough to try.

It also makes me sad that someone would think that its going to hurt a child to see a breast. Its that kind of prudish attitude towards the human body that causes issues, not seeing the body. Kids see naked people here in the sauna - it doesn't cause issues and there's not even a baby attached to the breast to make it "acceptable"

 

[Dragonfly]

What breastfeeding mum has ever just sat there with her boobs out not feeding? has any one ever seen this as I have never done that. i wouldn't want everyone seeing my boob. I am sure others wouldn't. I tyhink its a horrible thing to assume breastfeeding mums do. Most if not all feed babies and thats it. Have some consideration for how hard it is to breastfeed and how society sees woman who breastfeed, like they should just stay at home or bottle feed. No one wants to see a flashed boob and demands they be courteous and discreet as they are being rude and exposing themselves. Perhaps call for a law on arresting them. That would sort them out eh! stop them flashing every where. Save yours and your kids eyes from the horrors of a nipple. which by the way if you seen a nipple you are way to close and looking to dam hard and long! Clearly girls who wear to little to are asked to be courteous and discrete to. So its all fair and all. Shame we cant ask people whos mouths are noses are in our breasts to mind their own and be courteous. " I have no problem with breastfeeding BUT...." yes, yes you do have a problems with breastfeeding stop pretending.

Rant over. That was a general rant not to any one in particular. I am fed up with controlling dictating people looking down on woman who feed their children and assuming they are sat there bearing all doing something shameful. Shameful thing here is woman who are not backed up for breastfeeding their babies and powering yet more sexualisation of breasts. That does no good to woman at all. Get on mums sides, we have enough against us especially how we feed our babies instead of bashing them.

 

[pinklightbulb]

^All of this.

 

[midori1999]

Of course Mums don't sit there with their breast out to change a nappy or whatever! For a start, who changes a nappy at a restaurant table etc?

I think several people have changed their story on this thread when everyone disagreed tbh. They started off saying people should be discreet and not show any breast and are now making up scenarios where women finish feeding their baby and just sit with their boob out. Deliberately. To attract attention to their breastfeeding. Except, if they've finished feeding, how would anyone know they hadn't just had a wardrobe malfunction?!

 

[Tasha]

I am going to be honest and say not being to NIP was one of the things that made me stop BF. I had PND (severe) with my first two children, my third had died a year before, chuck in the fact I was in the middle of a negligence courtcase with the NHS, they had also sent me postmortem photos and you will understand that I was extremely high risk for depression. So when I discovered I couldnt NIP discreetly I was gutted, mainly because I knew people would judge just the way so many comments in this thread have. This meant that I was staying home or taking a walk to the local shop at most, and that impacted on my depression returning. I felt trapped and all because of other peoples attitudes. I knew if I continued having to stay in (and as mentioned before I didnt have a car to hide in, there are only smelly BF rooms that are shared with nappy changing etc etc) then I would be an awful place which would be worse for me and my children than not BF. I didnt really use bnb back then and there wasnt the same BF support on here then either, so I didnt have anyone to reach out to, to suggest ideas.

If I am lucky enough to BF again, I hope that I have the courage to NIP but already attitudes and judgements like those in this thread (and else where plus worse) make me nervous already and not want to NIP, and then that makes me worry about whether I will be able to continue BF if I cant go out again.

Also I am now worried about even BF in a smelly changing room, will I be discreet enough in there? What if a Mum comes in with an older child, will my breast being on displaying there offend too?

I guess what I am trying to say is that I cant be the only one left feeling like this. And that nursing Mum's should have each others backs no matter what, even if you think you they could of been doing x, y, z 'better' or differently, because 99.9% of the time the mum will just be doing her best not out for a reaction and so why should we not support the majority because the minority?

Next time you see a nursing Mum exposing herself 'too much', hold it in your mind that she IS doing her best, and that attitudes ARE impacting on BF rates not just NIP.

 

[Natsku]

I hope that you'll be lucky enough to BF again and have the courage to NIP

 

[NellyLou]

This is proving my point that some mothers' perceptions are that others are against nip when they are not. Just because someone says they prefer to be discrete doesn't mean they ate against it. They are allowed. One person gave an example of how a woman left her boob out on purpose to shock a teenager. This is what is considered wrong IMO. The thing is that having a bad attitude about nip, as in you THINK everyone is against it, tends to make you perceive things that aren't actually happening ie people giving dirty looks. So many comments are being taken the wrong way. I am 100% for nip whether you wear a cover or not, however you are comfortable. I breastfed my baby everywhere. I never received anything but nice comments and smiles, and I never expected any less.

 

[staralfur]

One of the things that turned me off to breastfeeding was the attitude that I didn't want to be associated with. "i can do what I want and the law can't touch me hahahah"

Which incidentally a lot of people where I live have perception that all breastfeeding moms are like that because that's all they have encountered.

You want it appear normal? You don't have to leave your nipple exposed while you get your baby. This attitude is why it ISN'T normal to see nip in my area.

The world won't change on "I can do what I want because the law protects me"...it will change on consideration. Good luck.

I think this is quite judgmental, really.

Admittedly I haven't read the last 10 pages but has anyone actually said they leave their nipple/boob hanging out for longer than necessary to make a point? That seems really odd to me, and yes that would be inappropriate, but I highly doubt ANYONE actually does that.

 

[Pearls18]

Exactly Tasha, first time around I was able to avoid going out too much and live like a hermit for 6 months and I am the first one to say I hated breastfeeding, I really did, I'm proud of myself and will do it again but it is something I did because I felt I should not because I wanted to and the isolation was a massive part of that. Parenthood is lonely enough as it is in the first few months adjusting without the need to feel ostracized. Next time I won't have the luxury of just avoiding going out, I will have a 3 year old and can't expect him to stay indoors until Lo is 6 months so I really hope I can build up my confidence to nip because it won't just be about my insecurities any more but the standard of life for LO#1. I tried so many different ways of feeding with showing the minimum, but I am a big chested girl and DS was a fidgety feeder, not to mention he used to feed for 30mins a go I didn't find a method that was right for me. Not to mention the looks I then got when attempting it when he was 6 months plus because he looked a lot older than what he was (91st centile) so of course it became about his age as well as 'exposure'. From 6 months I bottle fed him in public due to a couple of awkward situations until I gave up at 9 months. I'm happy with the time I did, I don't think nip would have made me do it longer but it would have made it a more enjoyable time if i didn't have to stress about other people. I am hoping I will have a more positive and confident attitude next time but I do worry too much about what other people think of me and opinions in this thread make me nervous.

 

[Tasha]

Thanks Nats.

This is proving my point that some mothers' perceptions are that others are against nip when they are not. Just because someone says they prefer to be discrete doesn't mean they ate against it. They are allowed. One person gave an example of how a woman left her boob out on purpose to shock a teenager. This is what is considered wrong IMO. The thing is that having a bad attitude about nip, as in you THINK everyone is against it, tends to make you perceive things that aren't actually happening ie people giving dirty looks. So many comments are being taken the wrong way. I am 100% for nip whether you wear a cover or not, however you are comfortable. I breastfed my baby everywhere. I never received anything but nice comments and smiles, and I never expected any less.

Some people arent saying THEY prefer to be discreet they are saying that others should be discreet. If it was a case of oh I do this but I dont care how you do it, then fair enough but if people are judging me NIP as nudity because my baby pulled away a few times, then yes that comes across as judgement towards me/other nursing mothers. When we judge it does come across through body language, a look, what ever.

It is great that is the experience you have but it certainly doesnt reflect everyone's experiences. Location has a part to play too I suspect.

 

[Pearls18]

This is proving my point that some mothers' perceptions are that others are against nip when they are not. Just because someone says they prefer to be discrete doesn't mean they ate against it. They are allowed. One person gave an example of how a woman left her boob out on purpose to shock a teenager. This is what is considered wrong IMO. The thing is that having a bad attitude about nip, as in you THINK everyone is against it, tends to make you perceive things that aren't actually happening ie people giving dirty looks. So many comments are being taken the wrong way. I am 100% for nip whether you wear a cover or not, however you are comfortable. I breastfed my baby everywhere. I never received anything but nice comments and smiles, and I never expected any less.

But how often does this happen seriously??? I just don't think it is even worth bringing up in this thread, there are people out there with odd personality traits but that is about them not the fact they are nip. When I BF LO I had to get my whole boob out and have him perched on something to physically get comfortable to feed him, I couldn't do it anymore discreetly than that, that might meet your standards but not others, the fact you are putting limitations on it annoys me because why should anyone feed to YOUR standards?? You are very, very lucky you had such a positive experience, perhaps if you went through what some of us have you wouldn't be so quick to start mentioning how women should feed their children. If a child is getting BM that mother can do it anyway she likes, do it topless for all I care.

 

[Tasha]

Exactly Tasha, first time around I was able to avoid going out too much and live like a hermit for 6 months and I am the first one to say I hated breastfeeding, I really did, I'm proud of myself and will do it again but it is something I did because I felt I should not because I wanted to and the isolation was a massive part of that. Parenthood is lonely enough as it is in the first few months adjusting without the need to feel ostracized. Next time I won't have the luxury of just avoiding going out, I will have a 3 year old and can't expect him to stay indoors until Lo is 6 months so I really hope I can build up my confidence to nip because it won't just be about my insecurities any more but the standard of life for LO#1. I tried so many different ways of feeding with showing the minimum, but I am a big chested girl and DS was a fidgety feeder, not to mention he used to feed for 30mins a go I didn't find a method that was right for me. Not to mention the looks I then got when attempting it when he was 6 months plus because he looked a lot older than what he was (91st centile) so of course it became about his age as well as 'exposure'. From 6 months I bottle fed him in public due to a couple of awkward situations until I gave up at 9 months. I'm happy with the time I did, I don't think nip would have made me do it longer but it would have made it a more enjoyable time if i didn't have to stress about other people. I am hoping I will have a more positive and confident attitude next time but I do worry too much about what other people think of me and opinions in this thread make me nervous.

I am glad you chipped as I think we have quite similar experiences and feelings on it. I was in the position you will be in, in that I already had a three and four year old so staying in was difficult.

I couldnt either, and that is why I keep saying just because it is easy for some to nurse discreetly doesnt mean it is for all. I think to say it is easy, I did it, is quite rude actually.

I hope you manage to be more confident next time too, but if not then maybe we will both have little baby's and can meet for coffee and over expose ourselves together

 

[NellyLou]

I don't know when I said how anyone should feed their children. I couldn't care less as long as their children are fed. Seriously who cares what other people think anyway. I am tired of my comments being misinterpreted. Have a good one everyone!

 

[Tasha]

I don't know when I said how anyone should feed their children. I couldn't care less as long as their children are fed. Seriously who cares what other people think anyway. I am tired of my comments being misinterpreted. Have a good one everyone!

I didnt say you did, I said some people.

And me, I care. Perhaps I shouldnt but I do. I cant help caring if people stare, give me evil looks or comment horribly.

 

[Natsku]

I don't care what other people think in regards to me, its all water off a ducks back for me, but I do care that what other people think might prevent mothers from feeding in public. I don't want anyone to feel that they can't NIP because of what other people might think.

 

[Pearls18]

Lol that would be good Tasha.

That's the problem Nelly some people do care, I wish I didn't I really, really do but I am an insecure person and the thought of someone thinking I have too much boob on show makes me cringe, as I say it wouldn't stop me BF it just makes the time a lot less enjoyable for me, but what worries me is that it DOES stop some women from BF and that just isn't fair.

 

[Dk1234]

This is proving my point that some mothers' perceptions are that others are against nip when they are not. Just because someone says they prefer to be discrete doesn't mean they ate against it. They are allowed. One person gave an example of how a woman left her boob out on purpose to shock a teenager. This is what is considered wrong IMO. The thing is that having a bad attitude about nip, as in you THINK everyone is against it, tends to make you perceive things that aren't actually happening ie people giving dirty looks. So many comments are being taken the wrong way. I am 100% for nip whether you wear a cover or not, however you are comfortable. I breastfed my baby everywhere. I never received anything but nice comments and smiles, and I never expected any less.

bsolutely. I 100% believe that it doesn't nothing good for BFing or nip for BFing mothers to be so angry at other women especially BFing mothers. So because I prefer to be discrete and prefer you to too now all of a sudden I'm against BFing. I think this is exactly what I'm talking about, the poor attitude of some BFing moms having no courtesy for anyone and it makes things worse for the rest of us. Not the other way around. Quit being so angry all the time. There have been several stories in here of women leaving their breasts out while they got things sorted. And then one if a woman that said her child would pull of lots during a feed and she knew it would happen and she would make no effort to cover herself. I haven't changed my story because anyone has disagreed with me. Because I think that I am 100% correct. Sorry if you don't like that but don't make it some crusade against BFing or about anything other than the fact that I don't think you have show more than a little skin to nip and that's all that should be shown. I can't believe a bunch if woman are advocating completely ignoring the feelings of others. I sure hope you aren't like this about everything. And most of all I sure hope everyone isn't like this or it'll be a miserable world to live in.