Broody nut job - advice?

[TickTickClock]

Hello all, could do with a talking to

Ok so im 35 this year and currently in a fledgling relationship with a chap (5 years younger than myself at 30) i have known for over 12 years but took the plunge to something more than just friends 5 months ago. I was previously married but still not yet divorced, no children.

Here is the issue, my broodyness is going into overdrive and it is all i can think about. They are everywhere, everyone has them, i dont!

Now in passing conversation at the very start of "getting to know you" phase current beau said he very much wants children, but would like to be married first. I cannot even get divorced for another 18 months when i will be nearing 37 and then there is the getting married again and then waiting to conceive situation which would potentially make me a FT mommy at 38 at the earliest (in the grand scheme of things i know this isnt really old, but im having a terrible wobble about all this and cannot seem to shake off this feeling that if i dont start soon i wont become a mom....ever. Do you think i would be nuts to mention this to OH and explain how i feel or will he run for the hills? What should i say? HELP please.

I really like this man and obviously dont want to upset the apple cart for the sake of my biological clock giving me a thwack.

 

[RaspberryK]

Oh no why can't you get divorced hun?
Are you living together or looking to move in together soon?
I think that you should mention it to your new oh, some men just don't understand or have even thought about the female body clock, ticking away, while men can father children right past the age of retirement.
I guess you need to be sure that you want this for thev right reasons though, not just because you think you might be running out of time.
Which btw I don't think you are, I always said o wanted all my children before 30/32 at the latest but since I'm 27 in July and still wtt no 2 that's highly unlikely.
There's a whole forum section for over 35... I think?
I know a few mums who didn't start till 35 or more, it's really not that unusual in recent times so I don't think you have and real worries.
It's not like your body hits an age and all of a sudden your infertile.
When you look at the statistics for how many couples in different age groups conceived within 12 months there isn't much difference.
Xx

 

[TickTickClock]

You have to be separated 2 years before you can divorce and my ex and I have only been split for 6 months.

We dont live together yet no. He is currently doing up his batchelor pad (with lots of help from my interior knowledge ) and hasnt actually moved into it himself full time yet. He spends about 3 nights there and the rest at his folks or mine. I know in reality we need have some more sort of comittment before i even broach the subject but I see so many people my age (sister and best friend included) that have fertility issues and are struggling to conceive that im just panicking i think.

The worst thing is, he would make an amazing father and id hate in 3/4 years time to not be able to give that to him if i cant get pregnant because id left it too late. DRAMATIC? maybe so, but realistic at the same time i feel.

 

[RaspberryK]

I do see what you're saying!
I thought you had to be seperate 2 years only when you don't both agree to it?
Xx

 

[TickTickClock]

No its 2 years if you do agree and 5 years if only one of you agrees. There was no cheating or unreasonable behaviour so cant do it quicker unfortunately.

 

[RaspberryK]

Tbh I'd have just put adultery?You're currently in a relationship with another man whilst technically married?
Or agree to some unreasonable behaviour if you both agree.
It'll mean you can move on quicker.
Xx

 

[jamiemcbride1]

Aww Hun bless you' I'm ever so broody myself its awful I have 2 boys under 5 as well haha. Deff talk to him it's not fair that you have to feel and face this alone he should understand where your coming from and you's should make a decision together , just tell him look i wanna baby and i want one now!! oh god im only joking dont ... seriously tho just tell him exactly how it is I'm sure won't run for the hills babe but its always good to talk it over then again you know what men are like I hope you get sorted sending hugs your way xxxx

 

[TickTickClock]

Im not really comfortable with admitting to something i haven't actually done. We mutually agreed to seperate so i dont consider myself comitting adultery.

 

[RaspberryK]

I think I'd just suck it up, just to get things moving with your new marriage and hopefully babies.
It must be frustrating having to wait on a legality.
Xx

 

[spicyorange]

How long have your been together. I dint want to offend but it sounds like you are only wanting to move it on because of biological clock and it is important but you dint want to end up with a second divorce or separated from babys dad because you rushed into it

 

[jessica716]

I had the same issue regarding the divorce, we'd have been married 2 years this coming August, but as I'm in a new relationship and I want to ttc with my new partner (We've been on and off for 10 years) and also buy our house together my ex has agreed to go along with the divorce on the grounds of adultery just so we can get it over and done with..

I wasn't the happiest about it, but keeps the peace and i got my divorce and we are good enough terms to have good maintainance and access arrangements with our son and speak in regards to him every other day.

I think if its something you want that much that you need to speak to OH as it'll come up sooner or later if you feel strongly about having a baby soon. If its something he wants as well maybe you can just do it the other way round and have baby before marriage