Can I do this on my own? My Journey of being a single mom

[MommyKC]

Good luck!

 

[OnErth&InHvn]

well that low income place wont work, they want me to sign my life away, lol. No thanks.

Although Dh DID get a GOOD paying job through the same place hes working but instead of working for the temp agency, it will be hired on through the bank!

 

[MommyKC]

Well thats good news!

 

[OnErth&InHvn]

ok so some updates....

DH still works at the bank happydance and so money wise and job wise, we are at a good stable place! Im VERY proud of him!! DH still needs to work on the little things, but one day last week he did give the girls a bath without me asking!! There is also talk about us getting out of this current hell hole of a place we call home and moving to a house, which i know would be great motivation for DH to KEEP his job..but thats on hold. We need to work on credit. I am still hoping the one low income place will open up and maybe if things continue to go well we can all move there and save money and sanity.

Im not saying im not leaving DH, theres always that chance. I just feel like a lot of the burdens have been lifted. There are still many issues and i cant say things are where I need them to be, but slowly they are getting there.

He still needs to work on helping without asking, stop nagging me about stupid stuff, and being involved without asking.

 

[OnErth&InHvn]

well that went down the comode. Fucker.

Damn to all hell in a basket.

Seriously, I could wear my stedford wife outfit and clean this 2 room apartment and do dishes, have dinner ready, have the girls dressed, get shit done would i get a "thanks, this looks good"? NO. I can do nothing or even half and do i get a " oh, do you need help?" NO. I get " why didnt you...""why cant you".

The newest thing he wants is me to wake the girls up after he leaves for work at 8am. FUCK NO!!!!!!

Im sorry i am not. I havent and i wont. The girls give us hell at bedtime. Their bedtime is 9pm and they will literally stay up til 3am and then sleep in until 11. Im NOT waking them up. we share a room, i cant do anything or magic secrets.

and i swear to fucking god if he says 1 more, ONE MORE thing about MY dogs or me going to church im going to knock him into next tuesday. Im NOT getting rid of my dogs. No.

He ordered the internet and didnt fucking tell them to not mess with our phone so now instead of a basic phone we have call waiting and all the bells and whistles. Hes too lazy to call them. (phones in his name, i cant call)
Hes suppose to mail in our credit thing to get an old eviction off our credit report weeks ago, has he done it? NO. (its his credit not mine)
THEN I read his email and hes sitting there telling his boss when my grandma died that its MY fault he didnt come in. No, not in one of those " well she got caught up" kind of ways, but he told him how i apparently didnt call or let him know what was going on and how i had been gone all day and it wont happen again...well you fucktard, my grandma died, sorry to put YOU out.
Then hes late, hes ALWAYS late at jobs and loses them. IM NOT YOUR FUCKING ALARM CLOCK. Guess you got a warning yesterday? " i had to walk across the parking lot, i was late, i blamed it on traffic" yeah? did you? wow, congrats youre stupid.

so i sent him an email already and told him fine, ill do the stuff he wants and be the person he wants but dont expect rainbows and butterflies. Trust me it wont last. Hell come home today to a clean house and dinner and a wife who wont talk to him. Hell give me the car tomorrow and ill gladly spend his money and no i wont tell him what i did or spent it on. Then on Saturday im going to get my glasses and ill buy the good ones i wanted and ill get my hair permed and ya know what? I WONT feel bad.

 

[Laura2919]

I haven't read this all but from what I can get its a lot of here and there, you need to decide what it is you want and stick to it.

I can only give you advice from someone who has been where you are, nothing is ever good enough, nothing will ever be good enough, you cannot change someone unless they want to change. Your being blamed for something that isn't your fault and how long do you want to put up with that?

 

[OnErth&InHvn]

updates:
DH has been warned SEVERAL times at work about how he smells. Smells of "pet". He even got an official warning from HR. Lovely. Fucking Lovely. SO I go out of MY way and wash his clothes, give him a zippered pillowcase for his next days clothes, got him a plastic bin for his clothes, still smells apparently. I know hell get fired eventually. I just know it. Hey, but well be able to get Foodstamps again, i should be happy right? NO. Im not. Im not happy wed go without income again. How the HELL would he get another job when they call his old one and they say " im sorry, he was let go because of his odor."
----------------
Then I think he may be up to his old tricks. Hes suddenly asking me about the whores of the apartment building we live in, going on 3am walks...he had/has a SERIOUS porn addiction issue. I mean jacking off even if i was in the room asleep, lying, almost cheating, asking guys/girls online, etc... I kind of believe he got better this whole time and he may have, i dont know. Well until tonight. Combined with the other current behavior, im willing to bet hes up to it again.
I go to upload a pic to my Photobucket and find a pic of him on my computer. I check the Properties of it. Apparently he uploaded it to my computer tonight. So I confront him. First I get the " I dont know" and then he tries to confuse me claiming its an old pic and he had it in his email and was putting it from his computer to mine for his face book. (this isnt a facebook type face pic if you get me). Then he claims after i tell him im not stupid and that makes no sense that somehow Im the bad guy for even bringing it up and accusing him. WTF ever.
Then just now, hes on craigslist editing a post and is acting all weird. Yeah he was likely deleting the photo so i didnt find the post since you can narrow the search by photo. He claims " no one posts face shots, they cant tell anything from someones face"...."They ask for face shots to see what you look like, ive looked on there when you were up to no good before." i tell him.
Im changing my computer password. This is crazy.

I CANT WAIT to get my apartment.

 

[HelenTay]

Think you should talk with your husband.

 

[OnErth&InHvn]

nvm

 

[OnErth&InHvn]

Well, more complaints from Dhs work. Smells again. BUT he didnt come in yesterday after court (he backed into someone at work ) and then went in late today, so that didnt help. The smell has to only be DH- the girls and I around other people and no one ever says anything.

On another front, we moved from the BAD, Horrible, AWFUL part of town to a much better area into a bigger apartment. I feel a lot safer and more peaceful here- it was simply CHAOS there every.single.day.

and i am waiting to here back from my apartment to see where i am on the waiting list. Based on this thread- I was possibly #19 as of last Oct/Nov, but I think I called sometime this year, but i could be wrong. Id LOVE to be #10 or lower.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thats that. On a happy note, I found out my BFF will be living right down the street if i can move soon!!!

The ONLY thing im scared about is not having a car. But i know in time it will work out.

***************************************
Got the call from the apartment- #16.

She did say she sent out letters to see if people still wanted to be on the waiting list and she said a lot of times people respond back and say they found other housing, so that may bump me up some. (fingers crossed, im at least a few people)

so for now? I STILL wait.

 

[OnErth&InHvn]

well I got a JOB!!!

Ill be a Home Health Aide!! Im excited. Its the first time ive worked since 05, but it will feel good and ill be independent and able to be on my own better.

FIRST thing is to get a car!!!!!

 

[Shezza84uk]

Congratulations! I'm sure you will be happier and feel liberated by gaining your own financial independence x

 

[OnErth&InHvn]

Congratulations! I'm sure you will be happier and feel liberated by gaining your own financial independence x

Thanks! I hope youre right!!

 

[OnErth&InHvn]

well i talked to my cousin last night and she is divorced of 3yrs. We talked about our situations and she was in a similar one with the same issues, the only difference is her husband ACTED on his impluse, where mine hasnt yet....i dont think.

It was nice to talk to her.

 

[OnErth&InHvn]

so why did it feel so good to talk to my cousin? Well because i vented to her. I KNEW what I would come home to this week. why? Because it happens every.single. time.

We have VBS this week. I am volunteering while the girls are there. DH is home. He sits on his computer from 5pm until 10PM when i walk through the door. No dogs are let out, no dishes done, no housework done, no litter swept. Wow, must be some F*ing awesome video game. I just get tired of having to come home and do it all. I get he works, but seriously? Would it kill him to PUSH a broom?

Tonight DD1 tried telling him what she did at VBS tonight and he ignored her. Gee Thanks.

I need to see where i am on the waiting list again and maybe apply for another apartment, maybe their list is shorter. I CANT do this anymore.

I thought maybe i should stick it out, maybe XYZ should happen and then ill be ready, but no. Im done. Id move yesterday, 2 months ago, 1yr ago if i could of.

I will be happy. I will have 3 children, NOT 4. I will not carry someone elses burdens.

 

[OnErth&InHvn]

Im looking for a place to live NOW. He gets paid Aug 18th and im either putting my stuff in storage and living in a hotel or im finding SOMEONE to live with somehow.

Im DONE. CHECKED OUT. DONE.

 

[OnErth&InHvn]

I may have found housing... maybe 2 months from now.

I asked my EX (DSs dad) where he lives. Its low income. If i want a 1bdrm its about 2months, otherwise its about 1yr+. I guess ill just try for the 1bdrm on Monday and see what happens. Until then I need to find a place. 2 months is TOO long.

 

[OnErth&InHvn]

Applied for housing. 2bdrm is 4month, could be shorter!

HURRY UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[OnErth&InHvn]

well my BFF gave her no for me moving in- there just isnt room and i figured that. She lives with her sister.

Ugh. 4mo is WAY TOO LONG.

 

[OnErth&InHvn]

#13 on my housing i applied for in 2011. Im making progress. 12 more people need to turn down or not qualify and then its my turn...finally.

I did find a friends house i can go to on the weekends, so at least then ill have a break.

AND......I FOUND A CAR!!!!!!!!! $400! It will make things SO much easier now.