Can I do this on my own? My Journey of being a single mom

[OnErth&InHvn]

well that car fell apart. Quite literally. We had it less than a month.

Im #11 on the housing list now. GRRR

Things with DH and I are back to the way they were when i cant stand to be around him and im tired of picking up after him and doing every.single.thing around here.

 

[OnErth&InHvn]

nothing really new to report.

 

[OnErth&InHvn]

Well things are back to the same- where i cant stand to be around him and he annoys the crap out of me. For a brief moment i 1/2 way considered MAYBE I was considering moving out from anger but no, its just the right thing to do.

I did go by my apartment. I havent been there since i applied! I forgot what it looked like- the building i mean. Its not an apartment at all! Its a Townhouse! A 2 story townhouse with a little patio. Im excited! Of course it still may take a while, but im excited.
----------------------

and i feel like i have to say this because its frustrating.

I have been in an abusive relationship before. (before I was with DH). I was pregnant at the time and I didnt have "baggage" (kids, pets, bills, etc). When he beat the crap out of me, i had a place to go. I could literally pack up and leave (and i did). Now?
I feel like I have no where to go and no one is on my side. Why? I have " baggage". I have 2 kids and a dog i want to bring with me. I cant exactly crash on someones couch. So instead of someone helping me (even emotionally), im being told to "suck it up" and "deal with it". Thankfully no, Dh doesnt abuse me but if he did, id be stuck. I feel stuck but I cant imagine my situation being worse and it feel like no one can help in any way. My mom is telling me " get your ducks in a row"-- what does that even mean? I cant get them in more in a row or they wont be in a row! Some things i wont figure out until i move out.

The point? Please dont ever tell a woman in a bad relationship to just leave- sometimes it is literally just not that easy.

 

[OnErth&InHvn]

He got fired today. Im not surprised. When he cant show up on time, they wont keep anyone!

GAHGAHGAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Shezza84uk]

Oh dear not good at all, hope you find a way out soon x

 

[OnErth&InHvn]

the latest of his grand plan is to get on unemployment and we get back on food stamps.

While thats a plan, it doesnt solve the issues of the bills that are already due or due before he gets approved and then what happens if hes denied?

 

[OnErth&InHvn]

Its not the Brady Bunch here, but then again im not Alice or Carol.

 

[OnErth&InHvn]

Today Dh finished applying for Unemployment. It could take up to 4wks to get approved or denied. We havent paid Jan rent yet and Feb is due on the 1st PLUS other bills. This is not good.

 

[OnErth&InHvn]

another small update- our appointment to get food stamps is the 25th. At least that will be 1 less thing to worry about. Im making Dh go downtown to do it all though. I HATE going down there.

 

[OnErth&InHvn]

Nothing exciting to report. I actually have a potential interview at the YMCA but I dont think ill take it for several reasons. 1) DH wont homeschool while i work 2) It would give him a reason to NOT look for work

 

[OnErth&InHvn]

DH got APPROVED for Unemployment. $300/wk but we can make it work. It sucks he wont be working but im glad we dont have to worry any more about what we are going to do.

 

[OnErth&InHvn]

Cable got turned off yesterday. Next will be the phone or the electric.

Tonight was my monthly dinner out with my mom, SIL and aunt. (or course I couldnt pay for myself so my mom had to pay) and my SIL asked if DH was looking for a job. Nope. We also still havent heard anything on Unemployment or Taxes.

I have a budgeting class and I dont feel like going. This isnt a budget issue- this is an employment issue. How can I balance bills that arent turned on or so far behind? How can I balance a check book that is empty?
I feel as though im in a deep hole and I literally cant get out or i get 1/2 out and then i fall right back in. Marriage is NOT suppose to be like this! Couples fight over money and jobs but theres TRUST the other person will hold a job!

 

[OnErth&InHvn]

He got approved for UE. Except hes STILL a giant terd about life.

We are getting taxes tomorrow and yes I am getting US a bed, couch, washer and dryer.....yet " youre only getting what you want". No, you Fing Idiot, im not. All of these benefit the WHOLE family. Remember that job you had when they said you SMELL? Yeah if we had a washer and dryer it wouldnt of happened.

Then hes moaning because i want to go through all of our stuff and get rid of a bunch of stuff. He was complaining because I was moving stuff around in the kitchen. (I want to hang up the dish rack) He was claiming it was HIS area and how i NEVER do dishes or anything so i had to remind him of the fact no magic fing fairy did it for the last 7yrs.

THEN when I get mad i tell him I want to shove the dish rack at his computer hes staring at and that i CANT wait until my apartment comes up and ill leave him with his precious computer- he tells me I wont be allowed to take anything because i cant prove my uncle gave it to me. Hell would freeze over before my parents or uncle would let DH keep any of it.
I want to run away so badly. I want some place to go for peace and quiet. I just want to GO.

 

[OnErth&InHvn]

I called my apartment today and im #3!!! I go tomorrow at 3 for my interview!!! YAYAYAAYYAY! I was SO excited i kept asking the girl if she was being serious.

Now to figure out the last minute details.

Do I tell DH? What do I tell him? How much money do i save? Do i take everything or leave something? When do i file for child support? Do i file for divorce right away, even though i dont want to?

I have wanted this for so long and I am going even if hell freezes over. I NEED this.

 

[OnErth&InHvn]

We sat down and i had to be honest with him.

He was upset and angry but seemed to want to agree on things. I will get it in an agreement that way IF we ever go to court I can show the court that WE did try to have a mutual agreement.

 

[OnErth&InHvn]

Does anyone read this?

I went today for my interview. I had to fill everything out (fill in missing things, etc). I will be automatically denied if the electric company is on my credit (which it is) and they need to verify everything (monday) but ill hear yes or no next week and can move in next month. I cant take my dog (which is VERY hard on me) unless i get a dr note saying i need to take her (which im working on).

After the interview i called the electric co. I owe $1400. WOW. If i pay $175 then i can be put on a payment plan and can get it in my name. So i called the apartment and they said thats fine. Ill need to do that tomorrow.

I need to print a few papers and turn them in Monday. I will have to wait on bringing my dog and that hurts the worse right now. I would get in the DR but i have to wait on my medical card to come in the mail.

 

[Shezza84uk]

I read it but I figure your just venting sometimes so best to leave you to do that. Try not to worry I know its easier said than done I hope you get good news and can eventually take your dog xx

 

[younglove]

Just wanted to give you some support. It absolutely sounds like you're doing the right thing by leaving him. Stay strong!

 

[OnErth&InHvn]

Well this is it. There is nothing i can do from this point. I have turned in all the paperwork i can. I even wrote a personal letter! She did say im taking more initiative than other people who apply. Hey i dont care, i just want to be approved!!!

Ill hear by Thursday. FX!! I am venting but theres not really anyone i can talk to about this in person (because the people id tell already can see my life and arent surprised) so sometimes i just need someone to say Hi, I know youre there and I am giving you a hug.

 

[OnErth&InHvn]

She started my application.

I got a phone call from my current landlord BUT he cant give a reference until we pay this months rent. Which we wont have until Friday morning. Ive been waiting for so long, even a few days feels like forever!