Can't admit to anyone else...

Discussion in 'Gender Disappointment' started by MemmaJ, Oct 29, 2016.

  1. Bevziibubble

    Bevziibubble Well-Known Member
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    Congratulations :D
     
  2. MemmaJ

    MemmaJ Well-Known Member

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    That's lovely, congratulations! :)
     
  3. sil

    sil Well-Known Member

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    Congratulations! I'm so happy for you :)
     
  4. sil

    sil Well-Known Member

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    How is everyone?

    Dannypop, have you had your LO yet?

    Memma, you must be getting close! I'm 34+3 now and I know you were a week or two ahead of me. Are you getting excited?

    3boys, when do you have your next scan?

    Do we have any other scans coming up from anyone waiting anytime soon?
     
  5. hello_kitty

    hello_kitty Well-Known Member

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    Hi ladies, I've been away for awhile. We just got back from a 10 day road trip on Wednesday! It was fun, but so glad to be back and relax. I've read through the posts but was too busy to add my comment.

    Peach81 - I am so happy for you and congrats. So glad that you didnt end up with GD.

    Kat - when I read your comments, I felt like I was writing them myself. I am on boy #3, and when I found out at my 16 wk u/s I was pretty devastated. What made it much worse was that i had my heart set on it being a little girl all along, because at our 12 wk scan, the tech guessed girl. Hubby was super excited when I told him that tech guessed girl, after 2 boys, we just wanted to hear pink and as silly as it was, we believed it was pink all along. Hubby talked about "her" a lot and he even agreed to let me buy some girl outfits (with our last baby, he didnt want me to buy anything that early). I felt relieved that I would never have to shop the boy's aisle again and I spent a lot of time looking at girl stuff and coming up with a list.

    Fast forward to May 4th, I was 17 wks and needed to get my cervix checked due to history of preterm labor. We came in all eager to see our little girl, grinning from ear to ear. The scan was only to check cervix so I patiently waited for the good part...and she asked me "what did they guess at 12 wks?" Me: "she guessed girl" Tech: "well, it looks like a boy." I glanced over at my dh really quick and he was no longer smiling, he started to get agitated with our boys because they wouldnt be quiet. I felt my heart sink. I told dh to go wait in the car while I finish up.

    I didnt think I would cry, but I did as soon as I walked out of the doctor's office. I dont cry easily but I did and I felt ashamed because I felt like a bad mom, and good moms shouldnt care about their baby's gender, but I couldnt help myself. When I got in the car, dh saw me crying and tried to comfort me and said we will try again next time and we will look into swaying etc. He admitted that he was upset right then but quickly got over it. I didnt feel like myself that entire day and slowly got better the next day.

    Its been 3 weeks and I feel so much better. I have my anatomy scan this wednesday and a part of me is hoping that the last scan was a mistake and its actually a girl. We've came to accept that he's a boy, but i know my dh would be happier if it turns out a girl. Whenever I see baby girls with the cute headbands, the heartache gets worse again...I actually started getting rid of newborn boy clothes, but the other day when dh asked if this was to be thrown away, I said I need to sort through them again.

    This is currently my in laws 5th grandson, no granddaughters yet, and I feel so horrible, I really was hoping to give them their first granddaughter since they live overseas and we will be visiting next year.
     
  6. kat132

    kat132 3 boys

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    my inlawas live overseas as well and i really wanted to be taking a little girl out to them next year. my heart still aches when i see little girls with their long hair and cute clothes but i am feeling better than before. I still get very annoyed with my 2 boys when i am having an off day, like today and i think how the hell am i going to deal with another boy, another! :nope:

    I hope for you that they got the 2nd scan wrong and you get your pink bundle. I have also been hoping that they got it wrong as the cord was between babies legs but deep down i know its a boy and i WONT be trying again. I could go through it again. i know people who are on their 6th boy trying for a girl, my friend has 4 boys. my auntie had 3 boys trying for a girl my other auntie had 3 girls then finally had her boy. No way, i will wait for the day i hopefully get daughter in laws and maybe granddaughters if i am lucky.
    I do my best to concentrate on all boy things and ignore the girl section.
     
  7. hello_kitty

    hello_kitty Well-Known Member

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    Kat - I feel the same way a lot of times too when my boys misbehaving, I dont know how I will deal with 3. My second son imo is easier to deal with than my first.

    I always wanted 4 kids anyway regardless of gender. Dh and I discussed that if it were a girl, we'd try again in a few years for our last. Just really hope last will be a girl, 4 is our absolute max.
     
  8. kat132

    kat132 3 boys

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    3 was always my limit so knowing this was my last chance was heartbreaking. I will love this little man, just like my other but i will always wonder what my little girl would have looked like, what she would have liked :cry:

    This wee man is healthy and active, i need to concentrate on that and pray that this feeling of something missing will one day go away. x
     
  9. 3boys

    3boys Well-Known Member

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    My 4th was a girl and then I had another 3 boys lol and supposedly this is another girl. So maybe 4 is the magic number for some. X
     
  10. Tess08

    Tess08 Well-Known Member

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    Wow 3boys are you on baby number 8?! How do u do it?! I'm terrified about having 2 haha! Super mum!

    Kat and Kitty those are all feelings that I've had about having a boy but thankfully they are starting to fade now. At first I couldn't even try and look at clothes or anything as I was so upset and in shock about it all. I don't feel like that anymore and have bought things here and there but I have to be honest, I'm still not as delighted about having a boy as I was about having a girl first time around. I feel excited when I go shopping and feel baby move and then out of no where someone's refers to him as 'he' or 'him' and all of a sudden I feel disappointed again. I'm so angry at myself when this happens so you ladies are definitely not alone. I was always only ever going to have 2 kids but that was when I pictured myself with 2 of the same. I hate the whole 'one of each' thing and how 'perfect' it is because for me, it doesn't feel perfect. I also get really angry when people just assume we will never have any more because we are having one of each. DH is pretty set on this being our last but I really want another now so I'm not a 'one of each' mum! I'll work on him over the next couple of years haha. I know one of each is ideal for some families but it's never what I pictured for me x
     
  11. 3boys

    3boys Well-Known Member

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    Tess I completely get that and I absolutely love the relationship my boys have and it's one of the main reasons I'm so hopeful this is a girl as I want my daughter to have the sister I never had.
     
  12. Tess08

    Tess08 Well-Known Member

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    Yeh definitely. I have a sister and she is my best friend so I would love for my daughter to have that. She already has 7 cousins but they are all boys so I know this boy will have plenty of male companionship as he grows up lol! So I would still love to give my daughter a girl to play with. I've also decided that with the next one I won't be finding out what it is until it's born. I imagine it would be a lot easier to get over the gender disappointment when the baby is in your arms! What would the age difference be between your daughter and this one? X
     
  13. 3boys

    3boys Well-Known Member

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    My daughter was 7 on Saturday. I'm not worried about the age gap my 12 year olds favourite sibling is his 3 year old brother. We homeschool so my daughter is never really around other little girls.
     
  14. Tess08

    Tess08 Well-Known Member

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    Oh that's good to know! Coz I've been a bit worried thinking even if my next one was a girl, her and my oldest daughter would have like a 5 year age gap and I wasn't sure if that would be too much so it's nice to hear your boys have such a big gap and are still close :) oh wow, sounds like your daughter really needs a little girlie friend to play with lol x
     
  15. hello_kitty

    hello_kitty Well-Known Member

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    I honestly feel like its harder to conceive a girl than a boy, or maybe its just us. I do visit the ingender forum once in awhile to just read on other's venting, but I notice that ALMOST all the post were GD about having another boy, sometimes the odd post about a girl would pop up but boys are much more common.

    After having so many boys, sometimes I just dont think I am right in the head, I am stressed out at time and thinking why, "why is this another boy? am I meant to have all boys? Did I do anything wrong? Maybe God hates me and doesnt want to bless me with a girl." All those things run in my head and I feel so guilty. Dh has completely changed his mindset, he no longer cares. When I watch travel vlogs with him and a baby girl is vacationing with her parents, I feel sad all over again and say "aww, she's soo cute!" and he kinda reads my mind and responds with "baby boys are cute too" I admire men in this aspect, they get over things sooo quickly and learns to accept them, and us women (well, at least me) just cant get over it.

    I am so glad I told everyone that we're not finding out the gender, I actually wanna give myself an award for the cleverness lol. This saves a lot of heartache and headache ladies...at least I dont get the pity notes or the judgement especially coming from my mom. She actually screamed in my ear (on the phone) when I told her ds 2 was a boy, I wonder how she would react with this one. Another good thing is when I hold him in my arms after delivery, if anyone makes stupid comments I will give them the bitchest comment ever and tell them not to come anywhere near him if they cant be happy that he's a boy. I am pretty sure the mama bear will come out in me because I will probably be in a lot of pain and dont want to deal with any crap, and plus I will be so protective of my new bundle.
     
  16. 3boys

    3boys Well-Known Member

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    I think the overall birthrate is just slightly higher for boys but still pretty much 50/50 but maybe mums of all girls are less likely to be on forums desperate for a boy. I do know some who are. But maybe it's more men in general that struggle with that.
     
  17. 3boys

    3boys Well-Known Member

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    Your mum screamed in a bad way?
     
  18. hello_kitty

    hello_kitty Well-Known Member

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    Yes, it was from shock that we didnt get a girl since she believes in having one of each.
     
  19. 3boys

    3boys Well-Known Member

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    Oh that's hard I'm so sorry. My mum died a couple of years ago but she never had a preference for gender thankfully. Was always really excited regardless.
     
  20. Tess08

    Tess08 Well-Known Member

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    I've looked at a few of the gender swaying options and to me they make it seem like it's harder to conceive a girl rather than a boy but then again I don't actually think they work because both times for me I should really have had the opposite going by gender swaying lol! With my daughter I got pregnancy from BD'ing on the day of O which would have made me more likely to have a boy and this time I got pregnant from BD'ing 3 days before O which would make me more likely to have a girl. So for me it didn't work and makes me think it really is just your luck of the draw.

    Oh that's a shame kitty. I think u done the right thing not telling people what u are having because I feel it's other people's opinions that make it much harder. We chose to keep it to ourselves with our first and I wish we had done that again this time but my DH was so over the moon to be having a boy that I didn't want to take his excitement away x
     

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