child benifits UK girls....not good news

[Midnight_Fairy]

Honest, It took 23 weeks to get my sons DLA, So many people had to be involved, but I must admit, sometimes if people question it, or even silly remarks, I go home and cry. I did earlier when my sister said something stupid I wish it didn't get to me. But it does.

I think it took about 3 months for Tegan's, but we applied for it when she was 3 months old and had been out of hospital 3 weeks. I added about 6-7 pages to the form with all of her doctors etc.
She was far healthier then than she is now.

My own Auntie has a habit of comparing her 22 month old son to Tegan. "x has been walking 8 months, how is Tegan comign along?" "we're starting potty training soon, how about you?" She'll never be potty trained and never walk so stfu!

grr I need to get a thick skin, I used to be much better but now I am crap with comments!

 

[Tegans Mama]

Honest, It took 23 weeks to get my sons DLA, So many people had to be involved, but I must admit, sometimes if people question it, or even silly remarks, I go home and cry. I did earlier when my sister said something stupid I wish it didn't get to me. But it does.

I think it took about 3 months for Tegan's, but we applied for it when she was 3 months old and had been out of hospital 3 weeks. I added about 6-7 pages to the form with all of her doctors etc.
She was far healthier then than she is now.

My own Auntie has a habit of comparing her 22 month old son to Tegan. "x has been walking 8 months, how is Tegan comign along?" "we're starting potty training soon, how about you?" She'll never be potty trained and never walk so stfu!

grr I need to get a thick skin, I used to be much better but now I am crap with comments!

Me too hun, the walking comments break my heart at the min though because I'm REALLY feeling how 'different' she is right now She SHOULD be walking, but life is unfair and that is a physical impossibility.. I just wish people weren't so ignorant! TBH I just ignore people when they ask about walking now. Especially strangers..

 

[helen1234]

Oh its so hard! Hugs xx I hate people telling me things are "not fair" for what we get. I would personally give them the DLA I receive every week out of my own pocket if I could have my child without disibilitys.

hit the nail on the head there.

and anyone who says they wouldnt claim for their children to have a comfier life, then they are a big fat liar.

my daughter has every fan dangle thing her bedroom can be equiped with, however after 3 yrs of swimming lessons and her still swimming in circles cos she has such bad co-ordination and the teacher saying your wasting your money i thought you know what stuff it and i kitted her room out with a playstation, and a tv, and last yr i had her own sky box fitted. and when other people said i was spoiling her and its a waste of money i said rather that than her be bored. i reckon she'd swap her tv tomorrow and be able to ride a bike properly.

 

[Tegans Mama]

Oh its so hard! Hugs xx I hate people telling me things are "not fair" for what we get. I would personally give them the DLA I receive every week out of my own pocket if I could have my child without disibilitys.

hit the nail on the head there.

and anyone who says they wouldnt claim for their children to have a comfier life, then they are a big fat liar.

my daughter has every fan dangle thing her bedroom can be equiped with, however after 3 yrs of swimming lessons and her still swimming in circles cos she has such bad co-ordination and the teacher saying your wasting your money i thought you know what stuff it and i kitted her room out with a playstation, and a tv, and last yr i had her own sky box fitted. and when other people said i was spoiling her and its a waste of money i said rather that than her be bored. i reckon she'd swap her tv tomorrow and be able to ride a bike properly.

You have also hit the nail on the head. Tegan has her own Sky box. She can't really go outside, so we make sure INside is perfect for her. It really annoys me when people make comments about it.

 

[Georgie90]

Threads like these have a great knack for making someone like me, who HAS to stay home and look after my LO, feel like shite. Couldn't send her to nursery if I wanted to. My family can't cope with her. So, I really so have no option, much like Sb22 with little Alex. I'd give every limb on my body for things to be different.
Also, I don't know how Tegan will cope with school. Kids with her disabilities sometimes don't do well at all, due to learning difficulties among other things. I'll have to stay home then too. Just, meh.

The thing is, i am still waiting for someone round the corner to say ' your DH works so why are you claiming DLA and such?' and ive got to remind myself, that this is because i cant work and put her in care, even though she'd havd been a few rooms away from me, they cant take the responsibility for her in case something happens.

i think thats big problem of mine though because i had always, before, prided myself on the fact id only ever had 1 week of JSA in my life and worked the day i left school.

And i struggle to this day to accept the position im in now. Its denial, it has been from the moment they told me alex had her brain haemorrage. I kept hoping that they had somehow made a mistake and her brain scans got mixed up.

When the DLA was awarded i phoned them and asked them if it was right, because i only ever expected a lower rate or nothing at all. Having these 'allowances' and 'benefits' only confirmed over and over again what happened to her.

I feel sheer guilt and i dont know why, its only when people on here like aidans mummy and tegans mama remind me that my situation is different that i can justify it.

I could never sit at home with a healthy baby and pull 'excuses' out the bag, morally it wouldnt work for me.

I feel guilt that i managed to blag the HIP grant. I wasnt entitled. I wasnt pregnant anymore when the midwife signed the form at 28 weeks. I was just jammy. it gets my goat when i see people moan about it stopping, because everyone assumes all pregnant people get it. It hasnt been the case.

The HIP grant was originally for those more than 29 weeks pregnant. Bliss, the premature baby charity, campaigned to have it lowered due to the rate of premature births growing. It was eventually lowered to 25 weeks.

However there are babies in the UK born at as little as 23 weeks who survive, but those mothers were never entitled.

Midwifes can be slow handing the HIP form our,like in my case, where i didnt get it til 28 weeks gestation. By that time Alex was no longer in my womb, but in an incubator, and in the eyes of the government, i was no longer pregnant so no longer entitled.( I only managed to blag it because i was quick off the mark to send it before child benefit, so they didnt realise she was here.)

Add that to the 3 months of lost earnings due to having to take mat leave early, expenses to see your own baby in hospital, and thats pretty unfair. Full term mums were almost awarded for going all the way, ykwim?

So moaning about it just enrages me. Its been unfair the whole time , not just now, most lucky mums have been given it without a second thought.

you 2 neve ever feel guilty for claiming waht you do! Dont let anyone make u feel that way you are entitled to every penny you get, your not able to go and work...thats why the systems in place for people like you, its lazy couples who cant get off there arse and provide for their family that enrage me, and people (oh yes i know a few) who get pregnant to claim more benefits, get a free house etc.)

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

Sometimes people make you feel crap. Like when people say he should not spend so much time on the pc or Wii etc, he has limited imagination and that is what he wants to do. If he is in such a state, sometimes he wil not want to go out. Grr judgement is so hard.

 

[Tegans Mama]

Sometimes people make you feel crap. Like when people say he should not spend so much time on the pc or Wii etc, he has limited imagination and that is what he wants to do. If he is in such a state, sometimes he wil not want to go out. Grr judgement is so hard.

No one has the right to judge you until they've walked a mile or live a month in your shoes. They'd think differently then!

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

I think of other people who cant work for various reasons and I am lucky to have my OH, If I didn't have him and I was a single parent for whatever reason then yes I would be claiming benefits for the time being. I wont lie! I think people get judged strongly sometimes

 

[midori1999]

I think there is a huge difference between a single Mum chosing not to work (and the government won't make her) because she wants to stay at home with her child and is therefore on benefits and the mother of a disabled child staying at home because they have no other option and claiming DLA.

I didn't claim my sons DLA for almost five years because I felt odd about it. I have always worked, or been lucky enough to not have to work because my husband earns enough money and I don't have the same sense of 'entitlement' some people do about benefits (I am not talking about those on this thread who have disabled children!) and didn;t feel comfortable claiming it. I still haven't claimed the mobility part as I still feel weird about it.

I have been a single parent and I didn't want to leave my son and go to work. However, self respect wouldn't allow me to stay at home and claim benefits, so I went out to work, part time at first and then full time.

 

[Hollys_Twinny]

Ohhhh jeez, I missed all the fun

Seriously though, Lea you're a good example of why benefits are good. Its when people have the choice to work and use every excuse under the sun to wriggle out of it that annoys me. I personally enjoy working, I work part time so get the perfect balance of independence & seeing Morgan learn & grow.

 

[MrsBandEgglet]

I also agree there is a massive difference between people who make a conscious decision to not make an effort to work and either reduce the amount of benefits they receive or get off them all together and the people who have no choice but to stay at home and take care of their children with a disability. I think people who criticise you for this are narrow-minded and uneducated tbh because to believe for a moment that you would choose this lifestyle is insensitive and hurtful. I also agree that moving to an area where jobs are more plentiful is a viable option. It's not always the best, of course not, but for me, personally. unemployment could not be a permanant status. I used to live in Cornwall and I loved it there, it was beautiful but you paid a high price for living somewhere so nice and because it was a tourist hotspot jobs were few and far between. I had a job (same large supermarket I'm with now) but I only had a contract for 25 hours a week and my husband was unemployed but not claiming anything, which now in retrospect perhaps he could have but we figured as we were getting/scraping by we clearly didn't need it so we didn't apply. We lived in a teeny tiny bedsit and each month when I got paid we went more and more into an already huuuuuge overdraft (£1500) so we came to the conclusion we had no choice but to move up country where cost of living is cheaper and my hubby had more of a chance of finding work. I applied for a transfer and got offered 39.5 hrs but on nights!!! grrr. I took it because I was desperate and I hoped I'd be able to apply for other things when I got back up north. Turns out working on nights wasn't so bad and a couple of months later my hubby got a job in the same place, nights too, and we were on our feet, up and walking. We built up some savings and have continued to do so, though with having a LO now they're fading rapidly lol. I'm now on days, working 18 hours a week and we share childcare apart from a Thurs afternoon when my LO goes into a Surestart nursery for four hours, which my mum pays for. Times are hard but if jobs dried up here and we had no choice I'd do it all over again and move. Needs must I think.

Also, I think that aliayah woman must have been a troll, what a silly thing to say to someone, anyone We all try our best for our LO's in many ways and I don't have the right to point my finger and say you're "depriving" your child any more than anyone has the right to do it to me.

 

[Sarah10]

As a student everyone is always like "OMG you get soo much!" and i admit, yeah, if i applied for it i'd get it. I would get priority council housing, housing benefit / local housing allowance, childcare costs covered (up to 80%), child tax money, job seekers allowance during holidays and because i'm a student i'd be exempt from paying council tax. Not forgetting the various bursaries i could apply for.

Just because i can get all this, doesn't mean i should and will. I'm fortunate enough right now that my dad has let me move in back home (where i pay board) so i can save up for a deposit and a couple months rent on my own flat - not council owned. I will not be getting a council house with bills paid for, because i believe i don't need it when (with a couple of months of tough saving) i can get my own place. They house i could get should go to somebody who needs it more than me.

I won't be going for the job seekers allowance either because i plan to get a part time job the whole time i'm in uni even if it kills me i because a) i can work, there's nothing medically wrong with me and if i can work, i know i should and b) i want to feel responsible for my baby, i want to know i'm working hard for him so that when he's older and i'm hopefully in my own home with a good education degree behind me i can tell him all i've done for him with my hard work.

The one thing i will probably use is the aid with childcare so that i can attend my lessons and part time job, but i don't plan to abuse this either.

---

Benefits should be a last option or an option taken if you really need the help, not just because you can you know? I think that's why so many people think so badly of those on benefits because they assume they are 'lazy' and while yeah, some are and they are the ones making the system seem unfair there are those who generally need it.

It will be a shame if they did get rid of the £190 healthy start grant...

[[Unrelated]] just noticed we've gone pretty far off topic we should probably start a new thread discussion about this?

Then you are very lucky that your dad is letting you live with him, not everybody can, many teen mums are on Income support whilst in full time college, how else would they live? Not everybody has the luxury of their parents supporthing them and their kid!

 

[Blue_bumpkin]

personally no i wouldnt uproute a whole family for a job you could be sacked from within 6months..the way things are going at the moment there are no jobs out there...my OH works i dont personally work ..but i want to go back to work..
but at this moment in time its not going to happen as i would not and will not leave my kids in a private nursery..with the things that go on in some nurserys these days...
thats what puts people off going back to work early.

That is disgusting. I started to type a response to that but you know what, I am not going to waste my time.

Can I ask why this is disgusting? Its just how she feels. And if im honest its how I feel too. I dont know whether my feelings on this are clouded due to my PND, infact they most likely are, but branding someones genuine concerns for their childs safety 'disgusting', no matter how illogical and absurd they may be to you is just rude imo. My mum has a fear of buttons - absurd yes but a genuine fear none the less.

Stories like the recent ones about the nurseries are horrific and the thought of that happening to my little adam actually reduces me to tears. Im a cynical person, I expect the worst and aim to prevent it - its how I am. My life experiences have made this way and as for schools - i'll be honest and admit this has even made me look into homeschooling. Im not wrapping him in cotton wool, just trying to do what I feel is necessary to keep him safe - as my child, that is my responsibility so if that makes me disgusting then so be it - these are just my concerns and how Im am dealing with them .

This thread has reduced me to tears tonight if im honest. Some of the judgemental comments are just so hurtful. Let me tell you my situation and you people can deem whether the system should be helping me or leaving me and my son to starve:
I am on IS, TC and CB just now. I live with my mum. I was at uni, fell pregnant on the pill and after a bad pregnancy had to take voluntary suspension and since being diagnosed with PND have been advised to take another year out to 'get back to normal first'. My OH left me when Adam was 7 months old. Do I deserve the governments help? Or am I being a lazy so and so sponging off all your taxes? This thread is just judgemental comment after judgemental comment.

There are little to no jobs in my area and no I will not move to find one. I would travel as farthest I could for it still to be worth my while but my home life here will not be uprooted for a job in a new place, on my own in this current climate - that is whats best for my situation. If my work ethic offends ppl then so be it.

As for the cuts referred to in the OP, its a shame its came to this but yes I suppose some cuts are necessary. I dont have the time to go into that further so will try and get back to it later (if I remember! ) but had to get some of this stuff off my chest. There is no offence intended in my post but I really couldnt believe some of the sweeping comments made, even if so slight and probably unintentional.

Just wanted to add to that Indy and Lara I only quoted you to reference your use of the word disgusting - my post is not aimed at you unless stated

 

[indy and lara]

personally no i wouldnt uproute a whole family for a job you could be sacked from within 6months..the way things are going at the moment there are no jobs out there...my OH works i dont personally work ..but i want to go back to work..
but at this moment in time its not going to happen as i would not and will not leave my kids in a private nursery..with the things that go on in some nurserys these days...
thats what puts people off going back to work early.

That is disgusting. I started to type a response to that but you know what, I am not going to waste my time.

Can I ask why this is disgusting? Its just how she feels. And if im honest its how I feel too. I dont know whether my feelings on this are clouded due to my PND, infact they most likely are, but branding someones genuine concerns for their childs safety 'disgusting', no matter how illogical and absurd they may be to you is just rude imo. My mum has a fear of buttons - absurd yes but a genuine fear none the less.

Stories like the recent ones about the nurseries are horrific and the thought of that happening to my little adam actually reduces me to tears. Im a cynical person, I expect the worst and aim to prevent it - its how I am. My life experiences have made this way and as for schools - i'll be honest and admit this has even made me look into homeschooling. Im not wrapping him in cotton wool, just trying to do what I feel is necessary to keep him safe - as my child, that is my responsibility so if that makes me disgusting then so be it - these are just my concerns and how Im am dealing with them .

Just wanted to add to that Indy and Lara I only quoted you to reference your use of the word disgusting - my post is not aimed at you unless stated

As a teacher who has worked in both nursery and school situations where do you want me to start with this one?

There have been a few isolated incidents in nurseries. Frankly they are horrific, you won't find me saying otherwise, but they are not representative of the Nursery system as a whole. I have only know dedicated and hard working nursery nurses who are paid a pittance to an unbelievably responsible and important job.

The checks and balances in place in all nurseries (from babies up to pre-schoolers) to keep children safe are wide ranging and all encompassing. If they are not running properly then that is the type of thing picked up very quickly by the Care Commission.

Children sadly are far more at risk of abuse from someone they know or in their own family, not from strangers. That is the frightening and sobering truth of the matter. I am sick of reading people stating that they do not want their child in nursery as they are at risk from a paedophile. I am sorry that you find it rude but I am not willing to sit by and listen to people saying/insinuating my colleagues and I are a danger to children.

 

[polo_princess]

100% agree Indy, we go on about tarring people on benefeits with the same brush, yet no one seems to be paying the same courtesy in the opposite direction

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

I don't know why people think ALL SAHM with kids in school sit on bum all day lol. I definitely don't. My morning starts with a 2mile walk to the school. oh that's so fun when its raining, honest!...Back home and 2 mornings a week, I have a driving lesson, 2 mornings I volunteer and then 1 morning to do housework. Afternoons are taken up by dog walking and normally writing social story's for my son and going shopping. Then a 2mile walk again in the afternoon!

I am sure not everyone does "nothing"

If I had a baby I bet people up the school would not comment lol. Its just because I have 2 kids at school, I am then appearing to be lazy

I am never in the house for more than 1hr 30mins each day!

 

[midori1999]

Having been left at 19 with a 3 month old baby and severe PND (as in ended up in hospital several times) and having found that no anti depressants or anti-psychotics work for me and yet still finding work I find it very hard to sympathise with people who do not work when they are on their own with a young child. (if someone has a partner who is working and supporting them, that is not the same thing) It's not easy, but it is possible and I believe it went a long way to helping me get better in fact.

As for childcare, as IndyandLara has said, more children are physically harmed or sexually abused by family members/parents than anyone else. Abuse happening i nurseries isn't a new thing, it has always gone on, but these days protocols to prevent it happening are in place and if abuse is allowed to occur, the nursery is not doing it's job properly. Not all nurseries are good ones and that is why it is important to vet them properly. How many single mothers are never going to have a new partner in case they abuse their children? Peodophiles specifically target single mothers, so you'll be putting your child more at risk by having a new boyfriend than by sending them to nursery, but I doubt most of us worry about that. The chances of your child being harmed are still tiny though.

If people are genuinely so anxious about sending their child to nursery/school because they are worried about abuse, perhaps counselling is an option because you can't wrap your child in cotton wool and prevent them from leading a normal life.

 

[helen1234]

it doesnt matter if you want to be a sahm or a working mum, as long as one of the parents work it doesnt matter if mum or dad stays at home with the children surely.

i personally dont like after school clubs but another parent finds them brilliant theres no right or wrong answer.

i hate the comments sitting on your bum being a sahm, and on the other side of the coin i hate it when people send their children to nursery to socialise.

i didnt justify when i was a working mum and used childcare providers and i'm not going to justify myself being a sahm now. i really dont see the problem when one of the parents are working or your bringing a wage. how i see it children should learn that working for a living is the way the world goes around, you earn money from a job to pay for your life. my children see daddy go to work every morning, and when they get older they will see mummy do the same.

alot of parents who dont goto work and live off the state are going to find it very hard to survive onc their children hit 16 and there's no more child benefit and ctc to lean on they'll have no expreience in work to put on a cv. there will be no pension as such and going to find themselves very poor later on in life

 

[Samemka]

i hate the comments sitting on your bum being a sahm

Me too. My OH used to 'joke' about me sitting around all day drinking tea and watching TV....til we had the christmas break when he was off for 2 weeks. He actually said work was a break!

I find most of the time comments about SAHM's being lazy etc etc are from people with no kids or people who work full time (& went back to work right after having their baby)....in other words people who don't know what it's like, but imagine it being easy cos if you're not ACTUALLY going to work, you can't be working

Also the comments about not sending your child to nursery cos of the isolated indicents we've had in the press lately - oh come on. You have more incidents in schools where teachers run off with pupils, have affairs, take advantage etc....what a lame excuse! Man up!!

 

[helen1234]

i hate the comments sitting on your bum being a sahm

Me too. My OH used to 'joke' about me sitting around all day drinking tea and watching TV....til we had the christmas break when he was off for 2 weeks. He actually said work was a break!

I find most of the time comments about SAHM's being lazy etc etc are from people with no kids or people who work full time (& went back to work right after having their baby)....in other words people who don't know what it's like, but imagine it being easy cos if you're not ACTUALLY going to work, you can't be working

Also the comments about not sending your child to nursery cos of the isolated indicents we've had in the press lately - oh come on. You have more incidents in schools where teachers run off with pupils, have affairs, take advantage etc....what a lame excuse! Man up!!

i used to say going to work actually gave me a break sometimes