Clomid club- any ladies on clomid please join x

[Fern81]

Today is the start of cycle number 22 for me... This royally stinks... Where oh where is my own bundle of joy?!? Blaaaargh!!!!! Why do babies have to be so cute and family so important to me?!? :'(

HUGS and HUGS!!! I so wish you can just get a bfp!!!

I'm in the same boat though . VENT ALERT.

Last night I had literally every symptom in the book. I had no appetite (again), had to force myself to eat where normally I have to force myself to STOP eating. I was nauseous, dizzy and had hot flushes (had to sit down while doing the dishes; had to go to bed early), couldn't sleep because I had to get up to use the loo 5 times during the night, blah blah blah... tested this morning with an early detection test and STARK WHITE bfn as usual.
To make matters worse I attended my darling niece's nursery school concert this morning. Every single lady there is either pregnant or cooing over their toddlers. Last year I cried so much at this same concert. This year I just refused to cry and tried to harden my heart. Where we were sitting, in the same row my sis is a mom of twins and there were THREE other couples with twins. Why the F**** can they have so many kids and complain about how crappy & difficult it is, while I can't even have one??

I've been working so hard to harden my heart and to accept that I will never have children (because infertility is soooo freaking traumatic). I've worked hard at moving on and focusing on everything else in my life. Have only started ttc again for DH's sake and already it's ruining my sanity. I feel like a useless piece of dysfunctional garbage.

 

[MrsMcCurdy]

Today is the start of cycle number 22 for me... This royally stinks... Where oh where is my own bundle of joy?!? Blaaaargh!!!!! Why do babies have to be so cute and family so important to me?!? :'(

HUGS and HUGS!!! I so wish you can just get a bfp!!!

I'm in the same boat though . VENT ALERT.

Last night I had literally every symptom in the book. I had no appetite (again), had to force myself to eat where normally I have to force myself to STOP eating. I was nauseous, dizzy and had hot flushes (had to sit down while doing the dishes; had to go to bed early), couldn't sleep because I had to get up to use the loo 5 times during the night, blah blah blah... tested this morning with an early detection test and STARK WHITE bfn as usual.
To make matters worse I attended my darling niece's nursery school concert this morning. Every single lady there is either pregnant or cooing over their toddlers. Last year I cried so much at this same concert. This year I just refused to cry and tried to harden my heart. Where we were sitting, in the same row my sis is a mom of twins and there were THREE other couples with twins. Why the F**** can they have so many kids and complain about how crappy & difficult it is, while I can't even have one??

I've been working so hard to harden my heart and to accept that I will never have children (because infertility is soooo freaking traumatic). I've worked hard at moving on and focusing on everything else in my life. Have only started ttc again for DH's sake and already it's ruining my sanity. I feel like a useless piece of dysfunctional garbage.

I can totally understand all the feelings in what you just said. It doesn't seem fair or right, especially when it's people that you know weren't trying at all or had just started trying.
I'm sorry the event was so hard on you but I've definitely done the same exact thing. Hardening my heart doesn't feel great either in the end though.
Last night I was at family supper and my nephew was there which is the cutest ever but it only made me want one of my own to share(or not share at all bc if I had my own I could do that). I had a long talk with hubby last night about it.
I so wish you could get your bfp too Fern! You so deserve it!!

 

[jules87]

Arohanui- That's great that you have a plan! It makes lttc much easier if you have something to focus on and aren't really just stumbling through.

Fern- All I can think to do is send lots of *hugs* your way. I have felt that way on numerous occasions. I think I'm finally getting to the point of "hardening my heart" as you say. I wish I could tell you a way to find that happy medium between ttc and actively living your life. You are one strong lady for riding this roller coaster for 12 years. I'll be over here FX that this is it, and you really did get a sign. But I'll also be here if it's not.

Swimmy- any news?

I think there needs to be all around again.

AFM- Sorry I've been MIA for a while. After last cycle I needed a break. DH and I can't afford treatments, so we are back on the ntnp wagon. I was pretty angry at the injustice of it all for the last couple of weeks.
Then on labor day (September 7th) we had a fire. Our garage caught fire in the middle of the night. We lost everything inside of it, including our car. Our house took considerable damage on the outside as well. Luckily, we can live in it. Waiting on insurance is annoying. I just want everything to be fixed. I haven't been sleeping well at night now, I keep waking up to "bumps in the night".
This cycle has been a bit odd for me as well. I'm not temping or using the cbfm this month, but I still know when I ovulated. We went tot the state fair on the 5th of September. On our way there I kept having pinching pains on the left side. Later that day (TMI alert) I had a bunch of fluid.. it soaked through my undies and stained my shorts.. It was also streaked with blood. I've never had blood with ovulation. 5 days later, more spotting, just a couple of drops. I know that 5 days is too early for implantation, so I'm not getting my hopes up.. but still a completely weird cycle.

 

[swimmyj1]

Sorry gals have been taking a bit of an off the grid break. I've been up at my cabin on vacation hiking a kayaking. I did another hcg before I came up but asked not to know the level. So alls they said was that it went up and we are back to being causiously optimistic. Waiting for an ultrasound on the 22nd. Some days I'm super nauseous others im fine, so that's confusing.

This one nurse called me before my hcg and first thing she asked was had I started bleeding yet. I was livid, I said no and my ultrasound a few days before was fine so why did she want to know. She said with my levels they were for sure going down now. I wanted to laugh at her when she called me back and told me they went up. I can't wait for some of u to get bfps!!!

 

[MommyTTC2]

Okay ladies please please help me... i took a test at 7dpo it was negative... then the next morning it was a faint positive... took another on 8dpo it turned positive by the evening... took another then.... and it was a light positive by this morning... this morning at 9dpo i took one around 9 and today around 3 it was a faint positive now mind you all these was negative till those times... now i just took another... and it aint positive yet... also they are really faint... but there there! what does this mean... im started to get VERY discouraged because its taking so long for them to turn a faint positive... doctor said a positive is a positive... but i dont have a test till friday and its only sunday... what do i do

 

[MommyTTC2]

okay guys so within like 3 1/2 hours... this test came back positive! and its a little darker than all the others... please tell me this is a good sign PLEASE!

 

[jules87]

Mommy- are you using a blue dye or red dye test? The blue ones have a reputation of giving an evap line outside of the test window. If it's red, then it sounds promising! Test again in a few days and let us know.

 

[mommasboys2]

Mommy my ic did that starting at 9dpo where I could barely see a line until hours later. At 12dpo I went out and bought a frer and got a blaring bfp with no hold at 6 in the afternoon so no you are not crazy. Fx for you!

 

[MommyTTC2]

HEY guys! i took another test today and it was negative... forgot about it till 5 hours later and now its positive... and there is no guessing... im 12dpo

 

[swimmyj1]

Started cramping a lot, went to the ER beta's dropped, no more heartbeat. so now its just a waiting game to start bleeding. Hopefully i do so i won't need a d&c. this just sucks I knew it was coming with how crappy my levels have been but it didn't make it much easier.

Mommy - what kind of tests are you using??

 

[MrsMcCurdy]

I'm so sorry swimmy.... 😔

 

[MommyTTC2]

swimmy i am so so sorry ill be sending prayers your way! and im using walmart .88 red dye

 

[mommasboys2]

Swimmy I am so sorry hugs.hun!

Mommy I always get evaps that makes those test look positive after they sit there for awhile even when not pregnant. I wouldn't trust those after the 5 min time limit.

 

[Hb.x]

Oh no swimmy I'm so sorry

 

[Fern81]

Swimmy..... sending you sooooo many hugs. So sorry to hear the crappy news....

Jules - and horrible to hear about the fire. I hope you never have to live through such a scary situation again!

Mommasboys - congrats on the birth of your son! Hope you are feeling well and that he is doing great xxxxxx

My husband said I can go back on the Pill if I want. Until we have saved up for IVF (IF we ever manage to save up that amount). Yay. Decided not to take clomid again this year. Getting my kitten next Tuesday and we are looking at a second one as well; also a puppy. They will have to be my "kids"!

 

[swimmyj1]

Fern - its good he is on the same page now as you with taking a break. Sometimes that is what you need. CONGRATS on the new kitty I was looking on the pug rescue again today and was thinking the same thing. I make a pretty amazing dog mom lol.

*rant warning* so i know me and my dh grieve in different ways. I cried all yesterday on the couch eating ice cream and today im much better. I've gone to work, I talked to my doctor about getting a medication to move it along. I'm sure sunday when i take it i will be upset but I feel like I'm ok. DH however is sulky and unfortunately going out with his friends drinking and doesn't want to talk to me about it except to say that he wants to try again right away. I think i want to take some time off from trying and he got mad. I'm trying not to be too upset by his reaction because I know hes hurting but I also feel like not talking or taking time to grieve isn't healthy either. hmmmm

 

[mommasboys2]

Thank you Fern! He was born on the 16th weighing 6lbs 14 oz and 21 in long. After 6 years of waiting our little miracle is healthy and absolutely perfect!

 

[MommyTTC2]

okay guys im really really sad... did all the tests and stuff... not pregnant glucose level was to high so he is putting me on meds for that... also my 100mg of clomid didnt work... so now i am supposed to take 150mg... i hate taking medicine! i just really hope and pray this month is the last of it

 

[swimmyj1]

Mommy - im so sorry hun. Are they starting you on metformin??

 

[Hb.x]

I feel your pain mommy - I was so convinced clomid would work this cycle but BFN after BFN and now AF has arrived. So unfair, but you're not alone