{CLOSED GROUP} Journey to BFP and Beyond!

[KTJ006]

I'm pissed. Pissed that there's people having babies that don't want them. Pissed that there's 12 year olds with no means to support a baby having them. Pissed that there's people who just pop babies out like its nothing and take the entire experience for granted because they've never had to "try" before or experience loss. Pissed of feeling angry/frustrated/sad when someone announces they're pregnant when instead I should feel happy for them. Pissed that it's another month of waiting and not knowing if this is even supposed to happen for us. Pissed that I didn't time things right - I knew the day we missed DTD was a deal breaker.

Excuse my language. Can you tell I'm pissed??

This won't ruin my day. I'm going to have my moment, then head up and move on. If it's meant to be, it'll be. But I can still be pissed about it all for a moment

 

[NDH]

Oh Katie I'm so sorry big to you sweetie

 

[kdmalk]

Kate, you can definitely be pissed. BE PISSED. So sorry about AF. I say grump around and watch movies and eat lots of junk food today. And since I am totally a physician, that is the prescription I will write for you. Hop to it! Hope you are feeling a bit better emotionally in the next couple days.

 

[jlw617]

Awww Katie, I'm sorry sweetie-you know I really believe that we will value the day we bring our little ones into this world all the much more-to be honest, before this journey, I probably was one of those women. I had a mc before my 1st dd was born, but we got pregnant right away after my first cycle and when we were ready to have another child 3 years later, we got pregnant right away again-I don't think I shared my full story on this board but we decided to stop having children after baby #2 (especially after a lot of pressure from family, mostly my mom) we made a mistake and about 2 years later we were both deeply convicted about it but didn't have the means to afford a vasectomy reversal- finally after dh got out of the army, The Lord provided a way for us to get it done, I thought I'd get pregnant right away but it took us over 7 months-it was such a shock to me that we didnt get pregnant right away-it's definitely given me a whole new level of respect and sympathy for women who have a hard time ttc. I know it's rough right now but you'll get through this and in the end when you finally get to hold your sweet baby in your arms, you'll have a whole different level of love and appreciation, I know it doesn't necessarily make things better now, but there is light at the end of the tunnel

Natalie-I hope you feel better soon! I know sometimes I get cramping after dtd, I've never had it like that though!

 

[kdmalk]

Don't know if it is something I ate or what, but I am feeling awful today! I had big plans to finish up deep cleaning the house... and I don't think that is going to happen. Started a load of laundry and picked up a bit, but was feeling a bit sick and having some stomach cramps while I was working... and then suddenly had to run for the bathroom. It was the much less glamorous end of me, if you know what I mean. lol. Now just feeling awful for the past hour or so and finally gave up on cleaning and went to lay in bed. So much for my super productive day. Ugh. Looks like several of us are not having the best day!

Hope someone out there is doing well today!

 

[KTJ006]

Thanks, ladies. Really appreciate your words. I've consumed lots of cookies today and did absolutely nothing for the beginning part of the afternoon. The icing on the cake - a friend called me to ask what my miscarriage was like because she "thought" she was going through one with her "on again/off again" boyfriend (who is also the father of her little girl and is such a bad influence on her. I could go on and on here but that's for another day). Based on her dates, there was no way she could have been going through a miscarriage. But yet again another example of someone who just takes things for granted. It just fueled my fire.

Now we are faced with the question of do we TTC this upcoming cycle. If we do, my due date would be in September which is my youngest birthday. I don't know how I feel about that. Given all the issues we've had, I don't feel like we should try and be picky about when we conceive, but then again there's the financial constrain of having 2 birthdays in the same month, and also the attention sharing that will need to happen. What is everyone's thoughts here?

We have church tonight and then a dinner. Hoping that lifts my spirits some. Blah. Thanks again ladies for letting me vent

 

[zaycain]

Hi all,

KTJ .. It's ok to be pissed. Let it out and don't hold it in. I say keep trying and focus on love.

T - I'm sorry everything is so confusing for you. I was so pissed when you wrote about the "I don't need research.. it's science" comment. Um.. SCIENCE IS RESEARCH!!! At this point they don't know what they are doing, but everything seems to be precautionary.

I don't know.. I would just go forth make love, and see what happens. I hear so many stories of women who get pregnant before they even have their AF.

Kd - I hope you feel better. Never good when your stomach is upset like that. So inconvenient

afm.. my concentration has not been on TTC, (as you can probably tell). My husband is sick with flu and strep and I'm here trying to take care of him but avoid getting it. I'm fighting something off. I think I'll be out this month because I'm supposed to ovulate in the next few days and my guy is sick as a dog.

Plus.. I have been hustling because my business is going through a bit of a transition, so I have to secure enough clients for next year. I have no time!

 

[NDH]

Steep *and* the flu? That's an awful combination I hope he's well soon for both your sakes. Maybe the new year will be more conducive to ttc (if he isn't well enough befote you ovulate that is)

 

[KTJ006]

Kylee - Hope you're feeling better and you're not getting sick!

Zaycain - your poor hubby! I hope he heals quickly and spares you from getting sick! I forget, what type of business do you run?

AFM - I really don't know what's going on with AF. I was sure I had it today as when I wiped this morning there was a bit of blood. After that point it's been nothing. I'm crampy and my face has broken out (helloooo being a teenager again!). I'm guessing it's just taking its sweet little time

 

[jlw617]

Kylee - Hope you're feeling better and you're not getting sick!

Zaycain - your poor hubby! I hope he heals quickly and spares you from getting sick! I forget, what type of business do you run?

AFM - I really don't know what's going on with AF. I was sure I had it today as when I wiped this morning there was a bit of blood. After that point it's been nothing. I'm crampy and my face has broken out (helloooo being a teenager again!). I'm guessing it's just taking its sweet little time

Are you 100% sure it's af? With my last bfp I had blood and was sure I was about to start but I never did, for me it was obvious that the small amount of blood was implantation bleeding but of course I didn't figure that out until later! Oh and the breaking out!!!! I never get zits anymore but when I miscarried, I totally broke out like a teenager!

Took HPT and OPK again today, HPT was still positive but very faint and took a couple minutes to show up OPK was not as dark anymore so I'm wondering if maybe I did possibly ovulate earlier or if it was just darker because my hCG levels were still high enough but on a sidenote it was still pretty dark the other day, possibly a positive and my hCG was registering about as low as it is today, so maybe?

 

[KTJ006]

Oh Jamie I wish I understood the world of OPKs better. Do you temp at all? That might be a way to track your OV date along with OPKs? Maybe?

I'm not sure about anything anymore! Right after I wrote that last post I went to the bathroom, wiped, and had some light pink blood again. Though nothing's been on my pad all day. I've always had dark brown implantation bleeding, so if this pink stuff is it, it's new to me! I hate the waiting game

 

[KTJ006]

Oh my word I am in agony! Seriously the worst pain of my life! Dh and I DTD while the girls were napping and a couple minutes afterward I started to get a stitch like feeling in my abdomen which soon turned into a full on never ending contraction. It felt like someone had my uterus in a vice. Seriously its been going on for over an hour. It was one continuous contraction for 40 minutes and since then I've had a couple mins of decreased intensity before it builds again. It is at least lessening I think I can move from fetal position soon :/ I wanted to throw up and still feel kind of nauseated. Seriously way worse than labour as at least then it only hurts for a minute or two at a time and you have hormones working with you...

I've tried to Google but can't really find anything specific other than similar experiences, but it doesn't appear to be a concern as an isolated event.

I just hope it doesn't affect the chances of implantation if there's a little embryo enroute :/

Natalie - how are you? Has the pain gone away? Ever determine what it was? Somehow I missed this post and am just seeing it.

And Terrissa - how are you??

 

[NDH]

It's still there but not unbearable like it was before.

Honestly I think its just the worse case of constipation I've had times,100. Bit right now my abdomen feels so sore I can't tell what exactly hurts. But I nearly called the ambulance in the middle of the night it hurt so bad, and then went to the toilet and had to call dh to hold me up so I didn't fall off if I fainted :/
It's like constipation and menstrual cramps and organs going through a meat grinder all rolled into one and then multiplied.:/

 

[KTJ006]

Oh no Is there a doc you can call for input? Maybe try relaxing in a warm bath. Or if it is constipation, go for a walk to get things moving. I hope it goes away soon.

 

[kdmalk]

Natalie, I can't imagine feeling like that. Hope you feel better or get some answers! Hopefully it is something as simple as constipation, though it still doesn't sound like a walk in the park. Keep us updated.

 

[zaycain]

Natalie,

I've actually had sharp pains so bad during cramps and constipation that I fainted. Terrible.

You should see a doc though. That isn't normal.

I hope you feel better soon!

 

[NDH]

That awful Zaycain
Cramps have gone away overnight with some belly massage

So I wasn't going t POAS until Wedesday, but since I have bloodwork scheduled for today that i wasn't going to go in for,but I figured there would be no harm if I got a stark white bfn as if it didn't mean a number less that 2 at least it would be lower than last week.
Well its not! On wednesday I had a baly there shadow of a lie I probably wouldn't have seen if I hadn't known there would probably still be something, and today a line is definitely there. Super faint but pink. Not getting excited til I see it darken though. Will POAS again later as FMU is the least reliable for me (last positive was this faint and three hours later after I'd been pee 3 times I got a significantly darker line)

 

[Fleur828815]

Wow, so much to catch up on since I was last here!

Jamie, my doctor told me to take only folic acid but I’ve been researching prenatals as well.

Leigh, I’ve heard of the placenta capsules, sounds interesting. Do you feel they helped you?

Terrissa, so sorry your appointment didn’t go well and that all the doctors are messing with your head giving you conflicting advice. I second what the others say, take some time to review your different options, and go and see the doctor you feel most comfortable with. Hope your anniversary getaway will allow you to relax a bit and take your mind off things, and that things will be back to normal by then without needing surgery.
You asked earlier : my OB/gyn is male and it was a bit weird at first when he examined me, but as my DH said, he’s seen loads of them and isn’t bothered, so I shouldn’t be either.

Kylee, glad your bleeding is lighter now. My AF was really heavy the first few days, with clots and stringy bits (TMI) but that’s normal apparently after a miscarriage/D&C. I also end up buying a small something for my DH even if we’ve agreed on no gifts, but he’s happy to be let off shopping for gifts for me lol. He’d much prefer it if he could just hand me his credit card so I can buy my own gifts. Hope you haven’t caught anything and are feeling better.

Katie, hugs to you. I totally understand how you feel, I feel exactly the same, bitter that others who don’t “deserve” it seem to have babies so easily while I’m wondering if it’s ever going to happen for me. Fingers crossed it’s not AF starting and you’re going to get a BFP! If not, I’d still try next month and try to spread out costs over a few months if they do happen to both have birthdays in September. I’d always told myself I wouldn’t TTC aroud March to avoid a December baby, but what if that’s the month it would have worked?

zaycain, bummer about not being able to try this month if your husband is still stick over the next few days.

Natalie, awesome house, I’d be so proud of myself if I could do that! That pain sounds awful, good to hear you’re OK now. Cautiously excited for you and looking forward to an update! Will you still get the bloodwork done?

AFM : I can’t seem to get out of a funk since the past few days. Maybe it’s because Christmas will be here soon and I had asked for baby stuff as Xmas gifts. Don’t even feel like celebrating now. Been doing OPKs for 10 days, had a faint line every day, it got darker on CD 20 but not even close to positive. CD 22 today and the line is practically invisible. So I didn’t even ovulate this month and I don’t know when I can expect AF.

 

[jlw617]

Oh my Natalie!!!!! Keep us updated!

Today dh had made a second cup of coffee and we agreed to only have 1 a day while we're actively ttc-obviously coffee is very important to us lol! Any how I said "hey, is that your second cup today?"He gos "yes but you're preggers anyways" he's so supportive, I can only hope but I highly doubt it, I guess time will tell, it is in The Lords hands!


Fleur-I'm sorry it seems as though you didn't ovulaye this month, hope AF comes soon for you. So when you/other ladies are saying what cd you are on, are you referencing what would be your normal cycle or the 1st day you started bleeding from mc? Sorry if I'm out of the loop? Also along with that question, are most of you ladies under the impression that your cycle will more or less fall on the same day (roughly) as it did before? If that's the case, I would be due for AF in about a week...which means if she doesn't show, hypothetically I could test in about a week if she doesn't show right???? I'm confused lol

 

[jlw617]

Oh Jamie I wish I understood the world of OPKs better. Do you temp at all? That might be a way to track your OV date along with OPKs? Maybe?

I'm not sure about anything anymore! Right after I wrote that last post I went to the bathroom, wiped, and had some light pink blood again. Though nothing's been on my pad all day. I've always had dark brown implantation bleeding, so if this pink stuff is it, it's new to me! I hate the waiting game

No I don't temp (too lazy I guess lol) but according to opks, I seem to be textbook with my ovulating, I always get a very definite positive on cd14