{CLOSED GROUP} Journey to BFP and Beyond!

[jlw617]

Kylee-you will never be financially ready for another baby something will always come up LOL but somehow it always works out DH definitely doesn't make a six figure income LOL and I am a stay-at-home mom and somehow we still managed to send our oldest daughter to private school and we definitely have times where things are tighter financially but we always make it we don't drive the fanciest cars and I have learned to shop at thrift stores for most of our clothing and honestly it's become quite addicting, it's so fun to find a namebrand piece of clothing for like three dollars that's in pretty much brand-new condition sometimes even with tags still on them so you will figure it out
On the daycare idea maybe it's the dreamer in me but I think it is such an awesome idea just as long as you don't sell yourself short! with the experience you have in the day care setting you know that it is a lot of work let alone having to run it yourself is going to add a whole New set of work and complications but I think that once parents see your passion and all the benefits you have to offer they will be more than willing to pay a fair price that's both fair to them and to you!

Terrissa-i've felt kind of like that today too in fact before I went to pick up my daughter from school I took a 20 minute catnap because I've just felt so out of it today I hope you get some answers and I'm glad you found a doctor that you can trust I know how you feel about the antibiotics but just stick with it since you've already started!

Natalie-can't wait to see your results!

I finally got a negative on my hpt! yay! so now I'm thinking I should probably wait until after Christmas to test to see if I get a positive possibly, that is if AF doesn't show!

 

[coucou11]

Hi all!

Hannah, how are you doing? Any more tests to show?

Kylee - I don't think finances should stop you, unless you are in a place where you can't even take care of yourselves (which you are obviously not). I mean, yes it's a lifestyle change, but also there is some amount of trade off- you are not going out to the movies or to dinner much anymore, so then you can spend that money on baby food, haha. There are also so many ways to not spend money on a baby - we borrowed a TON of stuff when our daughter was young, because its used and thrown out so fast! It's silly to buy it all. Secondhand shopping is great, as Jamie mentioned. And seriously, kids don't need toys until they are at least two or three. My daughter generally preferred empty shoe boxes or soda bottles filled with beans until about now, haha.

Still, I know it's super stressful. Childcare is definitely the major spend. It's nuts how much it costs, so I am totally with you on opening a day care. The only thing I wonder about is the regulatory issues - like I'm sure you have to get a million permits and pay a ton of insurance since you are caring for the most precious thing in the world. But you are so right that parents will pay when it is a great place.

Fleur I am sure I will be totally the same when we first dtd - like, slow down slow down! haha. Oh well.

Quiet around here these days, I guess we are all waiting for something AFM, 8 dpo. Nothing new, just seeing when AF will show and how that will be.

 

[tcinks]

Wow, everyone has been pretty quiet around here! I've had a pretty uneventful day. It snowed here last night , and I don't like driving in snow. So I just stayed home under my electric blanket all day. I did some cleaning and rearranging around the house, which made me feel good. And I've got chicken soup going in the crockpot for dinner. mmmmm.

I did have a moment earlier when I was cleaning. When I first told my mother I was pregnant (before I was even four weeks) she was over the moon excited. She already has one grandchild but is excited for more. Anyway, the moment I told her she started shopping online and picking out things to buy for our little guy. But I told her not to actually buy things for a while. She kept asking and asking , so finally when I got to 12ish weeks (thinking I was in the safe zone) I let her taking me shopping for a few things. It was so fun, we just got some onesies and bibs and blankets. So cute. I was just dreaming about the day I could wrap my little baby up in them. A week later, he was gone I kept all that stuff tucked away, afraid if I looked at it again I might break down. Well, I finally pulled it all out today. It was hard, but I didn't have a total meltdown. It was actually good to look at them and dream again, about my future precious baby that would get to wear them. I just hope that day comes.

How is everyone else doing?

 

[jlw617]

Good for you Terrissa! That is a big step forward, I also bought a some clothing that I was really bummed about my baby not being able to wear but I too am looking forward to seeing my next baby in them (that is if it's a boy lol) I have 2 girls so I'm really hoping for a boy but honestly I will totally be in love if it's another girl! I finally got my negative HPT! no sign of AF but no symptoms yet either but I'm sure if I was pregnant, it'd be way too early for symptoms anyways... I think I might start testing on or after Christmas! My youngest has been sick and now dh and I have it, blech! I made some homemade chicken broth and then used about half of it to make some yummy chicken noodle soup. My oldest turned 8 on the 14th but some things came up with some of her friends so we ended up postponing it till tomorrow, we still have to make sugar cookies, daughters have a rehearsal for a Christmas cantata on Saturday, then Sunday we are in church all day...and the list gos on! I am exhausted!

 

[tcinks]

Oh no Jamie, I hope you and dh get feeling better soon! and that your daughters party is lots of fun!

Natalie, how are you? I have been seeing some crazy things on the news happening in Australia and I always think of you! I know it's a big country but I don't know exactly where you live, so I have no idea if these scary events have been near you. So please let me know how you are!

 

[NDH]

Well I must have had a chemical as AF just got me.

And Terrissa thanks for checking in. I'm quite a ways away from both occurrences, though my sister lives in cairns where the stabbings were

Also just git in a fight with hubby about something that happened 4 years ago. We had company over tonight and they were talking about how much stuff they got rid of when they moved next door. Dh one upped them by talking about all the stuff he left at the dumpster of out place in Canada when he moved to Australia 6 months after I did. So I mentioned that that hadn't been how it was supposed to happen as I had sorted the basement into a "bring to Australia/get shipped/store at his parents" pile, a sell pile and a give away pile, and clear instructions which he did nothing about until the week before the move and then tossed everything.
He's mad that I embarrassed him even though it was said in a light hearted way.
The right ensued because I lost a lot of sentimental and valuable stuff (our wedding keepsakes box, my entire book collection, the $1000s worth of playmobil I spent my hard earned babysitter money on as a teen, and the toys and stuffed animals saved from my own childhood for my future children and I'm still sore about it though have never once brought it up and he's beverages even as much as apologized. Plus who leaves brand new unopened appliances (wedding gifts we had received multiples of) in a dumpster without *at least* taking them to a thrift store??? I hate throwing things away period - so wasteful. Plus we were in a lot of debt and selling that stuff was supposed to help pay it off. And he didn't try selling our car til 2 weeks before he moved so had to take $2000 less than planned on the sale to sell it in time, again should have gone to the debt. The idea had been to sell it immediately and drive our old better til he moved but he loaned our better to a friend who wanted to buy it (right sell the car worth under $1000 instead of the one worth $10,000 that's smart) and the friend got it impounded and kept promising to pay to get it out and dh believed him and instead of paying a couple hundred to get it out and try to get it back from so called friend he let it sit there til the inbound lot sold it for parts and gave us an $800 bill for the difference in what the original fee was. It had to be paid as a debt against the crown or he wouldn't have been allowed to emigrate. So ya technically lost nearly $4000 on the cars and I'm obviously still bitter. Not once have I ever brought it up though, and he always complained about our debt being my fault ($10,000 was my fault for a shirt investment, that much again was from his being unemployed for a year and not even looking for a job til his EI ran out and we could have reduced it by $5000 when we moved if he had done what he was supposes to after I moved. It took is more than 2 years to gift the last $5000 of our debt due to his putting up with a crappy job situation for three years despite my urging to look for something better. He averaged 10-15 hours a week his whole time at that job...

Sorry for the vent. I'm hormonal and he really touched a nerve accusing me of embarrassing him when he brought up a sore subject in the first place. Things have finally improved a bit this year (he has been studying hard this year having decided to go back to school and he did a 1 year course condensed to one semester and graduated with distinction which I'm proud of him for. But he didn't even try to look for a job cause he "had too much school work to do" but still managed to play an average of 20 hours a week of video games at least. And he has a 7 week summer break that started Monday and his course next year is only 3 days a week so he fold work part time and he hasn't even tries looking for work yet. But I'm a nag if I even attempt to bring it up. He won't even properly watch the kids (his idea of watching them is putting a movie on and continuing to play video games) so I can have a few hours of uninterrupted sewing time which is my business and our only source of family income for the moment. So ya I'm pissed.

 

[tcinks]

Oh Natalie, so sorry about the chemical. And about your husband. That has got to be so frustrating, I can't imagine. He won't listen to you at all about finding a job? I hope you two are able to work things out.

 

[NDH]

He knows he needs to just doesn't do anything about finding one He did go through a few bouts of jot being able to find work in the past which has to be discouraging when you're looking hard so idk maybe he's afraid of looking for fear of going through it again? But its not like a job is just going to land in his lap (well probably not )
Though every year one student gets selected for a traineeship and it usually goes to someone who doesn't have a job already so maybe he's holding off to increase his chances.

 

[jlw617]

Oh Natalie I'm sorry about the chemical and I'm so sorry to hear you and DH I having such a rough time that would make me really upset too because I am so sentimental about things like that my DH used to have a big problem with video games and would literally play 8+ hours a day on most days thank God he doesn't hardly ever play them anymore maybe 30 minutes a week if he even does that so hopefully your husband will grow out of it as well and hopefully he will see the importance of trying to get a good job and sticking with it as you all have a family and they're trying to grow it

 

[Fleur828815]

Natalie, so sorry to hear about your chemical :hugs : I would also be really angry at DH if I lost sentimental stuff because of him, plus the money on top of everything else. He might already be feeling guilty if he got so defensive about you bringing up that episode in front of your friends? About the job situation, men do feel sensitive about not being the breadwinner even if they don’t show it. Try to convince him to sit down for a good chat and make him understand that both partners have to pull their weight. So if he’s not working and is holding out for the traineeship, maybe he could take over some of the childcare in the meantime?

Kylee, I’ve waited to be settled and secure before trying for a baby and now I’m regretting waiting for so long because I’ll be 33 in 2 months. It’s not even like I’m loaded now and can afford crazy expensive things. We were having this conversation on another thread also and all agreed that as long as you can meet your child’s basic needs and give him enough love and attention, there’s no need to wait for the perfect moment. We’ll have to cut down on our expenses when we have a child but I’m sure it will be worth it. Your daycare idea sounds fab, I would love to send my child there if I could afford it. I hope you’ll be able to get this project off the ground and that your grandfather will loan you the money.

Terrissa, how are you feeling today? If you can stand it, do finish the antibiotics course just in case. Let us know how your appointment with the specialist goes. I’ve got a big box of baby clothes I bought over the years (old optimistic me!) and can’t bring myself to look at them since the miscarriage. Fingers crossed you’ll be using yours soon!

Jamie, yay for the negative HPT! Another busy weekend for you but I guess it’s always like that when you have kids lol. Hope you all feel better.

Leigh, it didn’t hurt at all and felt just like before so don’t worry.

 

[kdmalk]

Terrissa- I am the same about baby stuff. We cleaned out the spare closet that was going to become the nursery and bought all these shelves and drawers and put it together to hold cute little baby stuff. And my mom bought us a couple little things, and I bought some blankets, and I even convinced dh to let us bring home a package of diapers one day... and it is hard to look at all that stuff. One day I even went to babies r us and picked out alll this stuff that we would want to register for. Some days I really wish I hadn't done that! Our dogs have their crates in the nursery room right now, so every day when I get home from work and let them out, I just kind of stare at the closet. I have finally gotten to where I can open the doors and look at it (but as you know, I avoid feelings, so I avoided thinking about what was in there for a loooong time). And we have our ultrasound picture in there and I always look at that when I peek inside. I feel like I am finally starting to move on and get excited about our next pregnancy (whenever that ends up happening) and I will always know I can tell our LO about his/her brother or sister that they will get to meet in heaven. It sounds like you have reached a healthy place with your grieving. So happy to hear that.

Natalie- I am so, so sorry about your chemical. That must be heartbreaking. And on top of that, a fight with DH. I can't comment on the lack of getting a job, because my dh works more than he is home, but I can certainly say the other stuff is not out of the ordinary, as frustrating as it is. My hubby plays a ridiculous amount of video games himself. He comes home after a long day and wants to "relax" playing video games. I get these ideas that we should, idk... like have sex... like normal people that don't behave as roommates... and he says "I said I wanted to relax. I don't want to do that." wtf? Sorry that isn't relaxing for you?? But this conversation isn't about sex... it's about video games. lol. Anyway, I think it is just normal for guys to have an activity they use to unwind. For our guys... it seems to be video games. I have gotten to where I enjoy playing with him, and that allows us to spend time together. But with two kids, I doubt that is an option for you! I'm not being very helpful! I'm sorry!

But I do have a similar (although much less costly) story about refusing to take the time to sell things. I'll let you know that I am still dealing with this one! It drives me batty! We fight over this from time to time, so I don't know how you have managed to keep your mouth shut over that much money being lost. DH has a motorcycle (a nice one) that he bought brand new when he was like 17. He ended up laying it down one day, and although he didn't get injured, the bike was scraped up a bit and he realized that he could have died. So he hasn't ridden it since that day. He used to care for it and go out and start it up and blah blah blah to make sure it was still in working order. It was waaaaay out of town up at his mom's farm, so if he had tried to sell it he was convinced nobody would come look at it, and he didn't really have the time to meet people to negotiate anyway. So, fast forward 10 years... we still have the damn bike in our garage. If he had sold it loooong ago, he could have gotten nearly what he paid for it because it has less than 100 miles on it!!!!!!!!!! Yet here we are with the same amount of miles, as it rots in the garage, he refuses to sell it, refuses to ride it, and every day the value goes down. It. drives. me. nuts! If his mom would ever FIND THE TITLE, I would sell it myself and I guarantee the only way he would ever notice it was missing is when the money showed up in the bank account! But he is determined that if he changes the scratched plastic and makes sure it still runs that he can get more money out of it. I don't know how else I can explain to him that he will never do those things and it is a waste to just let it sit there when (now more than ever) we could use the money! Men are so frustrating sometimes. Sorry to get off on a tangent there.... I agree with Fleur. You should sit down and talk with him. And I know that will be like pulling teeth out, but you need to tell him that it is important to YOU that you have this conversation, and because of that, you feel he should take it seriously. I don't know if that will work, but just my idea. My DH isn't always easy to reason with when he doesn't think something is worth talking about, but I am usually able to get him to at least listen to me when I explain that it is very important to ME. Hope you guys get everything worked out.

Jamie- hoping your next test is a bfp. Glad you are finally getting a good negative.

 

[kdmalk]

Side note... is it bad that I am only doing one opk each day? Usually right after work because I can get a good hold after lunch and on my drive home. Ugh and my temps are all over the place. If I don't O, I am going to curl up and die. I think all of my ability to move on and look ahead rests on my imaginary September baby. When that doesn't happen, you guys will probably have to pick up the pieces. I'll warn you now.

 

[kdmalk]

Now I am freaking out. ff claims I ovulated a few days ago because of a drop and then higher temps. High temps started a day or so into my cold. Could it be from my cold? I am freaking out. We haven't dtd AT ALL since before AF. I tried to talk him into it for the last few nights saying that if my O is off, I don't want to screw up my September baby... and he said "no, you are sick. no way." So now I am looking at my chart and practically in tears because I could have missed it and he wouldn't listen! All opks have been negative, but I started them the evening it thinks I Oed, so it wouldn't have caught it. So. mad.

Guess I will just keep testing and hope this was a false alarm. SO MAD!!!!!!!!! and sad. lol.

 

[tcinks]

Oh Kylee. So glad you are taking steps forward and able to look in that closet from time to time. And that is so frustrating about your hubby. I'd be so annoyed about that too! And about opks...I don't do them but I think most women do them 2 or 3 times a day, so you make sure not to miss anything? But I'm no expert. I may try them at some point if I don't get pregnant in the next cycle or two.

Oh no Kylee, I hope you didn't miss it! I'd keep dtd anyway just in case

Today is day 7 of my antibiotics and now I'm finished. Hopefully I start to feel better, they just made me so groggy or something. I've been having some weird cm but haven't been bleeding so that's exciting! Af should be here in a bout a week, and hopefully after that we can start trying again!! That's if my appointment goes well wednesday.

It's still all snowy and cold out, I don't want to leave the house! But I do want to get out because I've just been cooped up in here for a while.

 

[kdmalk]

Glad you finished your antibiotics! I hope your appointment goes well and you can start again!

 

[kdmalk]

AND! I just got on amazon and bought enough wondfos to cover a horse (both opks and hpts), plus some preseed! If we did somehow miss O this cycle, at least I can look forward to peeing on things next cycle!!!! But I will still keep testing and hope O hasn't happened yet!

I believe they refer to this as "retail therapy" lol

 

[Fleur828815]

Terrissa, hope your appointment goes well and you get the green light to start TTC after AF. I wouldn't want to go out in the cold and snow... It's been raining for weeks here and I'm leaving the house as little as possible lol.

Kylee, men can be so incomprehensible sometimes. Ask your MIL to look for the title! Otherwise tell him that you'll be needing that space for baby stuff so he'd better hurry up and get it repaired / sold.

On which CD did you start the OPKs? I only started using them this month, from CD13 to CD 22 then gave up because they were all negative. I only did one a day, mid-afternoon but I'm sure I didn't miss my surge coz I didn't get any CM ever. This was a huge disappointment to me because I was so hoping to be one of those women who are super fertile after a miscarriage. The only thing which can make me get over the miscarriage is a healthy pregnancy/baby, and I keep obsessively reading accounts of women who gave birth one year after their miscarriage but I've missed that opportunity already. It seems like a lot of women do struggle to even get back to normal after a miscarriage, even in this group we're all having different experiences. All that to say, I understand how you feel and hope it won't take long for you to get that BFP.

 

[kdmalk]

Fleur- at one point we were looking to do SMEP, so it said to start using opks on cd8. We aren't doing SMEP, but I did start the opks on cd8, just to be safe. What annoys me is that that is the day ff thinks I ovulated, and I took it in the evening. So I would have missed the surge if it was on cd6 or 7. That is why I am frustrated. I thought surely I would be safe starting at cd8 if that is what SMEP says, but apparently not. Oh. It also says to dtd every other day starting then, which we obviously haven't done. So I guess if I did o, we probably could have caught it if we had dtd on cd8 without realizing that I was Oing. Hindsight is 20/20, I guess. I am just going to keep testing and hope it was a fluke and that my temps are up from this cold! Pretending to be positive right now.

 

[Fleur828815]

Wow CD8 is really early to ovulate! I've never temped (starting next month) but was that a definite result? My OPKs instructions say to start testing 17 days before your shortest cycle length (for example, if you have cycles between 27 and 40 days, start testing on CD10). Hard to guess that you're going to ovulate as early as CD 8 if your cycles have never been that short! As if a miscarriage isn't hard enough, your cycles have to be messed up afterwards.
I was also planning to do SMEP. Start BDing every 2 days just in case you got a false reading.

 

[kdmalk]

My cycles are always 31 days, but I wasn't sure what to expect after the mc. The temp is pretty definitive, but not certain if cm doesn't line up. So I am banking on the fact that I have had some cm, but it isn't as much as normal around O time. And the reason I thought I Oed at Thanksgiving was because of regular ewcm.

In normal temping you will have a drop the day of O and then high temps after that. I had a drop on cd7 and cd8, and then have had higher temps since, so it has decided that I must have ovulated on cd8. Please please just be a slight fever from the cold. I will keep you guys updated!