{CLOSED GROUP} Journey to BFP and Beyond!

[Fleur828815]

Hi Kika ! I’m from Mauritius (an island in the Indian Ocean). You’re from the UK? Thanks for your good wishes and congrats on your pregnancy!

Kylee, the UK might indeed be a good compromise. I love London (wouldn’t want to raise kids there though), but there are loads of beautiful places in the UK.

Katie, happy renovating! You and DH are doing everything on your own? My DH is really good at DIY, I’m totally hopeless so would just get in his way.

Terrissa, will you be working part time? Hope it’s just too early for your BFP to show, but I suppose you could have ovulated later? My cycles got a bit longer after the miscarriage. A house built in 1925, wow, so much history! When we moved we threw away tons of things, it’s indeed crazy how much stuff you can accumulate! P.S : I miss Ikea!!!

Jamie, I know OPKs can’t really confirm whether you’ll ovulate or not but I was so glad to get a positive this month after only getting negatives in December. It was 2 months after the miscarriage but it looks like I didn’t ovulate till this month. Hope you are back to normal now and will ovulate / get your BFP quickly.

 

[tcinks]

Yes, just working part time. I'm not cut out for full time, out of the house work. Haha. The plan is really for me to stay home when kids come along, but in the meantime some extra money will be nice. Especially since I have a mountain of loan debt! Well not exactly a mountain, but more than I'd like.

Well, af finally slowed! Of course I'd rather it have been a BFP, but at least I'm not in limbo anymore and can long look forward to and plan for the next cycle. I wish I could say I'm going to be like the rest of you and take a more relaxed approach, but that probably won't happen. I will try not to go through 20 tests in one cycle though. With my first pregnancy, I think I used only 3 or 4.

Random question, any of you know anything about castor oil packs?

 

[kdmalk]

Kate- cool (and probably stressful) on your remodeling. It will be nice to have your house as you want it, so totally worth it.

T- sorry AF got you. Hope your cycles return to normal soon!

Jamie- FX for O this month!

Hope we see some v-day bfps!!! And sticky babies!

My obsession with France is a culture difference. Education is treated differently, children are raised to eat normal foods (instead of chicken nuggets and Mac and cheese), they are given more freedom and independence, but still understand what is and isn't acceptable. At least that is how I understand it. My biggest obsession is with food. Kids sit down and eat whatever mom and dad eat--fresh vegetables and all. Three year olds eat a meal with courses and sit still. What bothers me is that even if I tried to raise my kids "french style" nothing I do would be reinforced out in the real world in the US. I will send them to daycare where they will be fed fish sticks and fries while the kids around the table stand on their chairs or cry about not liking the frozen broccoli the school is required to offer. It makes me shudder. I like the idea of metal forks, breakable plates, and starting the meal with an in-season vegetable dish much better. And who wouldn't want an effortlessly bilingual child? Lol.

How do kids eat in the UK? Do they also live on fast food? I can't handle that. I just currently have lots of literature on French kids (particularly in the area of food and schools). I have spent hours and hours researching on the Internet. And I have bought a few books that I haven't finished yet (but am really loving!). But I f anyone wants to offer another option other than France, I'm open. I'll research.

We smoked some pork overnight and we are going to have pulled pork for dinner while we watch the superbowl tonight. Go Seahawks!

 

[Kika7]

Fleur, I know where Mauritius is although I haven't been there.. Yet

Tc, I don't track ovu either, I got pregnant in a month when we only had sex twice, both times with condom, never broke and both times a week before my Ovu date...

Kd, you're right and that's exactly what I hate about America. Everyone is so obsess with how great america is and how mighty their army is and how many afganistani they killed that they don't see how messed up their every day life is.

I think in England ppl could be decided into ppl who work and hold jobs ( the majority ) and ppl on the doll --> the sponges--> they raise kids like the Americans, no structure, no rules, no motivation, fast food and no respect.

The majority however raise their kids to have manners, and kids 4-5 yesr olds are taught to use fork and knife and you could google english table manners, the etiquette is all explained in Wikipedia. When I came to the USA and I saw how Americans eat in restaurants I was shocked, they cut food with the edge of the fork or would use the knife but then put it down and eat with the fork. In England the fork is always held with the left hand and knife in right hand and in America everyone is holding fork with right hand if they are at all using a fork cause mostly it's finger food and no need for forks.

Also im a vegetarian and most places in America do t even have vegetarian options and in the UK all the cheese is vegetarian and in America I have to go to whole foods to buy vegetarian cheese --> what a bother and no restaurants or do era stock on vegetarian cheese so pretty much in America I can't even have a tomato cheese pizza cause of the non-vegetarian cheese. Even the obviously vegetarian options like French onion soup is made with chicken stock and so is the summer quash soup and all vegetable soups are made with chicken stock...

 

[Kika7]

What are the books called I'll be very interested to read them. I'm obsessed about raising kids and making the planet a better place

 

[youngadultTTC]

Hey everyone , I'm new to this site . First month ttc (January 2015) . I really really hopes everyone get that bfp 😘👶👶👶😁

 

[jlw617]

Sorry but I'm going to be the one to interject I love other cultures and actually lived in Europe for seven years but I am proud to be an American I am Hispanic but I am an American first and proud of it there are many things that have happened in our nation especially lately that I'm not thrilled about, but I am proud of our nation as a whole and in our military, my husband served 8 years and my father served 20, I raise my children to be respectful and have manners my girls do you eat processed foods sometimes but they have also had a large pallet and have tried many different foods we have gotten compliments both on how well our girls eat different and healthy foods and also on our girls respectfulness I'm not trying to cause an uproar I know this is a supportive group but I just wasn't entirely keen on where this conversation was going

 

[Kika7]

Well here's the difference jlw, I'm very proud Im highly educated, I got a full scholarship and then a job and paid for my masters, I'm proud Im taking care of my parents and never depended on my husband, I'm proud to volunteer at schools and children centres, im very proud of my achievement and being a certain nationality for me is not an achievemt it's just circumstances.

There's a lot of great ppl in America. The youngest kid in the world who got in college is American for example and many more. You raise your kids to know right from wrong and so do many others...but we were talking about the mass and the general feeling about values but may be we are wrong ...I really hope we are. The world need more good people so let's work hard and make it happen

 

[kdmalk]

I do want to clarify here that I am not America-bashing. I am proud to be American. I just have an interest in the way different cultures raise their children and my work causes me to be highly aware of obesity rates and the like. I stumbled across the differences in american culture and french culture (and the differences in obesity rates) and the and have enjoyed researching the subject in my spare time.

And I hate to be the one to do this, but I don't think anyone wants to, so I am just going to have to do it. Of course new ladies are always welcome at bnb and this community is amazing, but this particular group of ladies is sort of "closed off" to new ladies. Somewhere along the line we ended up with so many people we could hardly keep up with who everyone was and how quickly the thread was moving. Membership dropped off after the first few weeks and we have gotten pretty comfortable with a smaller group we can all keep up with. Right now we have roughly 7 active girls who all had a miscarriage around the same time several months ago.

While I certainly wouldn't want to seem unwelcoming, it is too hard to keep up with more new people so we made the decision to "close" our group back in November. I hope the new ladies we have heard from recently are able to find a group of ladies to join on a similar timeline as yourself and as great as the ladies here. Good luck to you!

Please don't mistake this for me being rude! We just have a hard enough time keeping up as it is! If you ever have a question, we are always happy to answer, but I just don't think we can keep up with more people regularly.

 

[jlw617]

Thanks for clarifying Kylee! I did not feel as you were doing any bashing at all 😉 and I agree, there are many forums to go to for support but our group was closed so we could better keep up with eachother and keep the group more intimate.

 

[KTJ006]

I think any culture is what you make of it. There's ways to make your family what you want, regardless of what the culture does. Even if the 'norm' is something you don't agree with, whether it be food choices, values, etc, you instill in your kids and family what's expected and why. It's your job, as a parent, to ensure when they do go out into society that they carry on your values/rules/etc regardless of what the outside world does. If you want your kids to sit at a dinner table and eat without getting up 5,876 times and expect them to carry that out into the real world, then it's the parents job to instill it, versus letting society instill it for them. Does that make sense? The power is with the parent! It's a scary and beautiful thing.

 

[jlw617]

I think any culture is what you make of it. There's ways to make your family what you want, regardless of what the culture does. Even if the 'norm' is something you don't agree with, whether it be food choices, values, etc, you instill in your kids and family what's expected and why. It's your job, as a parent, to ensure when they do go out into society that they carry on your values/rules/etc regardless of what the outside world does. If you want your kids to sit at a dinner table and eat without getting up 5,876 times and expect them to carry that out into the real world, then it's the parents job to instill it, versus letting society instill it for them. Does that make sense? The power is with the parent! It's a scary and beautiful thing.

I couldn't agree more Katie , I feel like I am a pretty well rounded individual culturally because I've lived in so many different places growing up and then Getting married to my husband who joined the Army when I was three months pregnant with my first daughter and really that has nothing to do with it because you can instill in your child the values you want them to have, yes it may be harder depending on where you live because there's going to be outside influences but that's with any type of moral or value you are trying to instill in your children as well as just keep yourself, as a Christian there are many things that I personally have to keep myself guarded against on a daily basis because society is going in a direction and has been for a while that I will not follow but that is just reality, whether it's on a personal level or you are talking about raising children there are going to be difficulties no matter what culture you're in, some are going to be tougher than others but if you're consistent it will pay off! even the differences within the United States culturally are huge I have been to over 20 states in the United States and have lived in more then 10 and there are huge differences, when I lived in California the moms were very pro-breast-feeding, cloth diapering , baby wearing… You get the point and I personally preferred that type of baby rearing, however here on the East Coast at least where I live, most moms do not do baby wearing, cloth diapers, breast-feeding is not as popular and it's near impossible to find pediatricians who are non-vaccine.

 

[coucou11]

Hi all! Sorry I was absent this weekend, we have guests in town and I've been busy entertaining It's been fun and nice to have a distraction from TTC. Although not too much of one, since I had my positive opk on Saturday and I think I O'd on Sunday, so we still had to get on the bd'ing!!

I'm so torn on the parenting / culture issue. I definitely think that parents have a huge impact and particularly with regards to how much you will tolerate - i.e. following through on your threats makes a big difference. However, I find it impossible to avoid the food trap in the US no matter how hard I try. We take our daughter to a restaurant and she eats macaroni and cheese because that is what is offered for kids (and also because I don't want to cause a scene with her at the restaurant if I try to serve her fish, haha). So I think that with school lunches in France they do tend to have an impact in that regard just because they are more diverse and the expectations are different. It's a toss up, and overall I've learned to just be happy with my small efforts to keep our daughter healthy, well behaved, etc.

T- sorry for the witch! But glad you are so positive about it. Good luck with all your interviews!! It's great that they are going so well although I'm not surprised

Jamie - how did it go this weekend? Any sign of O? You are so right about the cultural differences in the US. I'm so glad to hear that pediatricians on the East Coast are supporting vaccinations though! It is so scary in California to think of how many people are choosing not to vaccinate, I feel like if I have another baby I will have to keep it indoors for 6 months just to be safe.

Kate good luck with the reno! What a big job, but always so nice to see it all come together.

Kylee thanks for your message Hope you are feeling good these days! What books about France did you read? I read Bringing up Bebe and thought it was a little pedantic and also not really helpful in that it described what was going on without telling you how to implement it! I have "French Kids Eat Everything" on my nightstand but it has been there for.ever. Need to get started. I also heard good things about "It's not about the broccoli", if you are interested in books about healthy eating habits in kids. Again, I havent read it (yet!) haha.

 

[jlw617]

Coucou-I'm going crazy! I have not O'd yet unless I did before CD 10 but I doubt it and if that's the case I've heard that ovulating early is bad for your odds of actually getting pregnant I'm hoping that maybe I will just be late but today is the day I normally do and there's no signs of it, the other day I had a ton of cm but it was just one time and then nothing- I even went out and bought the expensive digis (I've been using the cheapies which have always worked before but I was hoping that maybe they were a defective batch or something) and after still not getting a positive today which is CD 14 for me which before the MC I faithfully got it every CD 14 I told DH I wasn't going to test anymore but he told me I should keep testing, I'm glad he's so encouraging! What cd do you think you O'd on?!

 

[kdmalk]

I agree with the parenting thing. We will probably always live in the U.S., so I am just going to have to make what I can of my parenting choices. I just hate the fact that I will probably be the only parent like that and my kid will go to sleepovers and eat Cheetos all night and then demand some upon coming home. I'll have that kid that trades his fruit for someone's candy bar. Lol. But I can only do the best I can, and I guess I will have to be okay with that.

Leigh- I am about half way through Bringing up Bebe. I have really enjoyed it. It is a great intro for someone who isn't familiar with French culture. I have really enjoyed reading about how early babies start to sleep through the night. Super fascinating. But I do agree she skips over how to implement, which is a bit frustrating at times. The next one on my shelf is French Kids Eat Everything. Apparently those are the popular choices. Lol. Maybe we will both get around to reading it one day.

I have definitely taken the "relaxed" method to a whole new level for me. I had to actually pull up an app and check what cd I am on. Apparently 15. I have taken one opk for the last few days just in case my body decides to O earlier than usual. Seems that it hasn't. Usually cd18 or 19. We did bd yesterday just to be safe. But we will probably skip and do Wednesday and Thursday because that is probably prime time for me. We will see what happens. I can't believe I am being so chill about this. So glad though.

 

[jlw617]

Kylee-I really think we go in stages with this whole ttc thing, for me there was definitely atleast one point where my dh was telling me what cd I was on lol (he knew what day I started AF) and I was just done keeping track but it was more of a nonchalant feeling-now I'm at the point where I'm just down and I don't want to keep track of anything but dh wants me to keep testing.

What's the latest you ladies have ovulated, I'm on cd15 and still no sign of O so I probaly won't be testing on Valentine's day most likely.

 

[KTJ006]

J - My first cycle after the miscarriage I didn't O until CD21. I had a loooong cycle that month! Cycles are just weird after a MC. I was told they can take up to 6 months to get back to normal. FX'd you O soon!

As far as the food choices go - you just make the best choices you can. I have brought my kids meals to restaurants several times because I know they won't like what's served or I'm not a fan of what's offered for them. You do the best you can and go from there! Even living in another state or country, you will find things that you like and don't like. I quit reading parenting articles, because there's always one out there that will tell you you're doing something wrong. You just gotta find your rhythm, believe that you're good parents and do what's best for your family.

You guys..I did something to my back. I have it somewhat managed now, but I just hope it doesn't get worse. When I was pregnant this past time, I hurt my back incredibly bad (in hindsight, I swear it was the miscarriage starting) - I couldn't walk upright for a week. Hoping it goes away! I got in a run yesterday, but definitely can't do anything today. Boo.

On the homefront - countertops are in! We are meeting with one of my friends this weekend to pick out the backsplash. She's a corporate world worker who wants to be an interior designer, so she's taking on our house as a project to update her portfolio.

 

[KTJ006]

Jamie - what branch of the military is your hubby in? Mine's in the airforce reserve so I can somewhat relate on the military life. It's hard! But I can never imagine him being active duty and moving around so much. You are a strong woman!

Terrissa - How are the interviews going? I just realized I never gave you my profile info for the first page:
KTJ006 (Kate): 2 kiddos, 2 angel babies, and hoping to bring one more home!

Leigh - I meant to tell you earlier welcome to the TWW! I hope it goes by fast for you. Hope your entertaining went well! I always wished we had a larger house to throw some big parties as I LOVE to entertain and cook!

 

[jlw617]

Katie-thank you that at least gives me hope this is of course my second set cycle since MC and so far like I said no sign of o but I'm really praying that maybe I'll just be one of those late Ones this time since I know I didn't o last cycle. my husband was in the army he got out this just a little over a year ago after serving close to eight years he didn't want to become what they call a lifer because he feels called to go into full-time ministry so right now he's working a government contractor job and training under our pastor to be able to go into full-time ministry I will tell you that I have a totallyNew respect for military spouses after having had been one for nearly 8 years I grew up as an army brat but of course had no idea how rough it is being a spouse to someone in the military my husband went for training when I was pregnant three months with my first daughter he of course missed everything including her birth and then we couldn't move up with him until she was three months old and once we got there we had to live on our own for about a month all the way across the United States in Georgia until they got The right paperwork for him to be able to move off post with us even though we were married LOL but as I'm sure you probably know the military is like that!

 

[Fleur828815]

Hi ladies, tried to keep up on my phone but it’s too hard to type so I didn’t even try.

Kylee, I agree with the others, there’ll be good and bad in every country you go to, you just have to try your best to instill good values etc in your kids and hope that they turn out OK. In France the school meals are quite good I think, but it doesn’t stop the kids from complaining and going out to back junk food when they’re teenagers! You have McDonald’s and other fast foods all over the place so they’re hard to avoid unless you live in a village in the middle of nowhere. If you’re vegetarian it’s really hard to eat out, or even at friends’ houses. I eat fish and some poultry, no meat, and I used to feel like such a bother sometimes.
P.S : I also like having our “closed” group, so I did not feel you were being rude to put things straight. I believe Kika just popped in to wish us luck and stayed to give her opinion about living in different countries, I don’t think she was planning to join the group?

Terrissa, have you heard back from the banks? As you say, it’ll be good to clear some of the debt before the baby comes along. Don’t know anything about castor oil packs, what are they?

Jamie, I’ve ovulated as late as CD 18/19, my cycles became a bit longer after the miscarriage.

Katie, how is your back now?

Leigh, good luck for the 2WW!

Natalie and zaycain, hope you’re both doing OK.

CD 13 today and I think I got a positive OPK but somehow I am not very motivated to TTC this month. I’m thinking I might as well relax and avoid the disappointment. DH got really mad when I said that and he’s taken over TTC this month lol. Anyway I think I probably missed ovulation because I wasn’t expecting a positive OPK till CD 16 or 17, and we haven’t been very active.