{CLOSED GROUP} Journey to BFP and Beyond!

[KTJ006]

Leigh - it's a laparoscopy I've been having weird symptoms since my miscarriage: spotting before and after AF, pelvic pain, back pain, can't get pregnant when I had no issue before, crazy heavy flow with clotting, etc. All blood work, ultrasounds, hsg, hydros all looked normal. However, my CA125 blood work was a bit elevated which can point towards endometriosis. The only way to diagnose endometriosis is with a laparoscopy. So yep...Wednesday it is. They will be flushing out my tubes again too and doing another dye test so hopefully between everything that's going on something will get fixed! I'll keep my fingers crossed for you that it is a lucky month. I was excited when my GYN told me I would be more fertile the month I had my testing done. Unfortunately I got nothing out of it!

Fleur - is your trip over yet? We miss you! Hope things are ok

Jamie - hilarious about the sperm testing! Very eye opening too, I bet!!

T - how's the volunteering coming along?

I am getting super nervous!! Im afraid they're going to find nothing. And I'm afraid they're going to find something. It's emotional madness right now...haha! I just hope my surgery is scheduled early Wednesday morning so I don't have to wait long. Unfortunately I won't find out the time until Tuesday

 

[tcinks]

Hey how's everyone doing this weekend?

I'm still in training for the next few weeks but really looking forward to getting started!
Dh and I went to a wedding last night which was super fun and exhausting! Almost everyone in our circle of friends is now married! It's really exciting, but I'm also sad that I'll be out of weddings to go to soon. I might have to start crashing random ones. I just love weddings

Can I vent for just a moment? So one of the ladies at the wedding last night I hadn't seen in a while but somehow she found out about my loss. Well the first thing she says is something like "I'm so sorry about your loss, but you're young. You're young. Just give your body time and try again." Okay....seriously why can't people just stop at sorry for your loss? It doesn't matter how young I am out if I can conceive again, I will never get Selah or Ronen back. They were real, individual lives that matter to me. THEN there was another woman who apparently hadn't heard, so I explained how I lost Ronen in October at 13 weeks and Selah early this month at 21 weeks. So lady number one says "Oh you got pregnant too soon! Your body wasn't ready. You need to give your body more time. " and yada yada yada. And lady two voiced her agreement. I just about lost it, and quickly said that had nothing to so with the loss , and walked away.

I don't understand why people give advice/say things they clearly know nothing about. I was so upset the rest of the night, but kept trying to focus on the wedding and being excited for my friends.

Anyway, the wedding was beautiful and the newlyweds are off to Jamaica

Also on a more exciting note , the spotting has finally stopped! I'm so tempted to start trying right now, but really trying to wait for af.

Hope everyone is having a good weekend!!

 

[jlw617]

Katie-I hope the laparoscopy gives you the right answers! I assume endometrius is somewhat treatable? I don't know a lot about it but I know I've heard of it before.

Terissa-I'm sorry they made you feel bad, it's so hard to not let it bother you, I had a very close friend say something similar after my first mc, she said "well atleast you know you can get pregnant" people are just literally ignorant and often times the women that I've encountered saying those things have either never had a loss or never had children, they just don't know when to be quiet...I think when it comes down to it, the majority of people these days are just overly opinionated and are an "expert" in every area of life. I hope you don't let it get to you, both your babies were your babies and though it's hard on this side of heaven, you will one day get to hold your sweet Selah again and Ronen for the first time.

 

[KTJ006]

Oh T, I'm sorry. It's so hard for people to relate. I like to think that their intentions are well...they just don't know when to shut up. But I have been there and it's a smack in the face and takes everything you have not to burst out in tears. Stay strong, mamma. Don't let it eat you up.

Kylee: WOW!!! I totally missed your post (I seem to do that a lot on these boards). Congrats on the little guy!! Let us know how you're feeling. Hope the nausea is headed out.

Jamie: It's technically not treatable unless you get a hysterectomy. Laparoscopy is used to diagnose it and also treat it for a while, but it typically comes back. Pregnancy also puts the disease on hold since it's feeds off estrogen. When you're pregnant, you're not going through your AF cycles so your estrogen levels stay low. You can minimize the symptoms with BCP - this is the path most people take. I don't like it because it's just covering up the symptoms and not really dealing with them. My preference was to have the laparoscopy done to see if I even have it, treat it if I do have it so I can get pregnant, get pregnant, then hopefully keep it at bay for the rest of my life. Though a part of me still thinks I'm going to go into surgery and they won't find anything. Who the heck knows

Can I just say I ate facebook? Hate, hate it. I don't know why I go on there anymore. I get so bitter when I see another pregnancy announcement. Or someone else had a baby. Which happens All. The. Time. I feel like some people just pop out babies and don't think twice about it. How I envy those people who will never have the worry or nervousness about being pregnant

 

[jlw617]

Katie-oops I see I totally butchered the word! Wow, I had no idea how serious it is, how long after you have it done until you know the results? On the Facebook note, I also hate it, I got rid of mine a while back and didn't have one for a good couple years but I did reopen it because I literally have friends and family scattered all over the U.S. and some in other countries, I personally hate the drama and yes I got quite sick of all the baby announcements when I had my last loss as well as leading up when I thought we'd never be able to conceive again.

 

[KTJ006]

So they'll know when they cut me open if I have it. They'll be able to see adhesions and scarring somewhere in the abdominal/reproductive area using a camera. They'll laser off or cut out what they can, but if any of it is on a non reproductive area or organ (nerves, bowel, urethra, etc) they won't touch it but turn it over to a specialist in that area. I still don't think they'll find anything, because that's just my luck. But we'll see! I'm just ready for it to be here because the waiting stinks.

And I'm the same with FB... I'm only on it because it's how I keep in touch with family!

 

[tcinks]

Oh I totally understand about Facebook. But I actually just reactivated mine because I wanted to get our story out there. I haven't said much yet, but posted a picture with it babies' names. On pregnancy loss awareness day in October, which is also the day I lost Ronen, I plan to write a lot more about our journey and about our lost little ones

 

[coucou11]

Hi all!

Kate, good luck with the laparoscopy! Wow that came up fast. I really hope they are able to diagnose something and hopefully provide some treatment. All these unknowns are so hard and frustrating. I really like your plan too

T - how frustrating about the wedding. I can't stand people sometimes. I know they are just being well-meaning / trying to be nice, but really I absolutely do not need your advice about my fertility or my children. Just apologize and express some sincere empathy and move on. Sending you hugs and strength. I am still trying to figure out my correct answer in all those types of situations, but I'm hoping someday to come up with something strong but not hurtful to people. I'll let you know if I think of anything, haha. Also, yay for no more spotting!

I also totally quit facebook btw, after my second loss. I miss it occasionally but overall I'm fine with not being on it. I might join again if we ever have another baby (but only after the baby is born).

So I just had another ultrasound this morning with the specialist. My follicle on Thursday was 14mm, which is why she said I should ovulate this weekend (usually you ovulate about 18-20 mm. I did not ovulate this weekend, and now my follicle is 23.5 mm. So she did a blood test for LH and estradiol, and if its not looking like I will ovulate soon, she will trigger today.

We still do not have the results from any of my testing, which is incredibly frustrating. The specialist also wants to start prepping me for more invasive procedures (IUI etc) and wants me to get a whole lot of bloodwork including genetic karyotype. I am not ready for all that, though. I'm thinking my best option is just wait for the results, and then take everything to my doc and see if she wants to refer me to an RE. I cannot keep paying out of pocket for all these services at the specialist (it's $235 ever time I get an ultrasound there! UGH).

So anyway, sorry to whine.... just frustrating.

 

[coucou11]

Hey ladies - quick update and a question. Just heard from my doc, she says my LH and estradiol indicate I am surging now, so I will ovulate... soon I guess.

I asked the nurse to ask the specialist whether I should take the progesterone suppositories as prescribed by my doc. Just now when she called she said no, and that we should measure my progesterone levels on August 3 (although I will be away, so she might want to do them on Friday instead). But, my thought is, I already know I have a short luteal phase. I get that this new specialist is just trying to get my "baseline" etc, but it feels like such a waste to do all this testing and watching and have had the HSG only to not use the progesterone, and end up with a short luteal phase and have the fertility doc go, oh yeah, you really need progesterone. So I'm tempted to use it anyway. Thoughts?

 

[tcinks]

If your doctor already prescribed it, I'd stick to that plan!

Sorry it's been such a wait to get the results back. Hope you get some good news.

 

[KTJ006]

Leigh, I think the bigger question is whether you want to continue with the specialist. If you do, then I would be following what she wants you to do. Otherwise, you run the risk of jeopardizing what she's trying to figure out with you, and having things take longer. So perhaps decide if you want to move forward with the specialist or your doctor then go from there.

 

[KTJ006]

And I am totally curious...how does she trigger ovulation? That is the coolest thing ever. I have heard of too mature eggs...I wonder if that's what's happening with you? It's completely interesting. And isn't it the coolest thing to see your follicles?!?! Maybe I'm a dork, but I loved it

 

[kdmalk]

Kate, lol at loving to see your follicles! I guess I had never thought about it, but I would probably find it cool as well.

Leigh, in my opinion, you might go ahead and take it. Especially if you know you are about to ovulate, it seems like a waste. If you already KNOW you have a short LP, you don't need to have it diagnosed twice. It seems silly to me to miss an opportunity to catch the egg at the right time. On the other hand, I do know that I was ovulating cd18-20 on both of my losses. After my second loss, my cycles changed and I began ovulating day 15-16 and here we are with a healthy baby. Makes me wonder if there really is something to having an overly mature egg. When we learned this baby was healthy, I IMMEDIATELY assumed it had to do with my shorter cycle length. but there is also the chance that I am crazy and you can catch a perfectly healthy egg later in your cycle.... People with PCOS ovulate late and they have babies, so idk. I hope you get some additional information soon on what is happening with your body. I know you must be so frustrated.

T, glad to see you around. Hope you are emotionally doing as well as is possible right now. I truly admire your strength and determination. You are an inspiration and I know your volunteering will truly touch lives!

Hi to everyone else! I can't remember what all everyone has said!

Baby kicked the Doppler today when doc went in for a listen and she could feel the kick! She was very surprised because that is quite early to have such good kicks. Looks like we are off to a good start on getting our professional soccer player. Keeping my fingers crossed on that one. Official anatomy scan on August 12, so please send thoughts and prayers my way (eeeaaaarrrrlllllyyyyy) that morning if you think of me. This is my last major hurdle to be nervous about, and I feel like I might finally relax when we know that baby is healthy. Still sick and finally broke down and took a few of the zofran over the last few days. I feel bad about it, but I am so frustrated with just staring at my food because I can never eat it. Doc mentioned I still hadn't gained weight yet, but wasn't concerned because I didn't need to gain much anyway. Her nice way of telling me I am overweight. Trust me, I know. Lol. So now that I am KIND OF eating again, I am going to try to pay close attention to what I am eating so I don't look like a whale by the time baby E arrives.

Okay, that's all from me!

 

[coucou11]

Thanks all! I really appreciate your advice, I don't know what I would do without you guys I'm going to talk it out with my husband. I have a hard time seeing how it could harm things, particularly since there's not really much testing to be done during the TWW. I especially feel this way if she wants to test my progesterone on Friday morning. Normally I would start the supplements Thursday night (72 hours post positive opk) but I could just wait one extra day, get the blood test on Friday am, then start on Friday pm. But Kate, I think that is a good point about whether I want to continue with her, I'll have to consider that. Overall it's just so expensive I have a hard time thinking I will - most likely I would try to get a referral to an RE through my doc so at least there is the chance of some insurance coverage.

Actually, more news came in this afternoon. Hubby's SA - high count and motility (although I don't have the exact numbers) but low morphology, only 2%. My doctor, per usual, was very calm and no alarmist at all, she said that because the count was really high it's less of a concern. Also, the sample was rather old (meaning he had not, ahem, sampled for like ten days prior to that), and she said that could definitely affect the morphology. But some quick internet searching indicates that number is very low, which is slightly concerning. I'm sure my fertility specialist will call with some dire predictions about it tomorrow (another reason I don't love her). Anyway, my doc says we may do a repeat in 4-6 weeks, and that if there is nothing else wrong, and the SA comes in low again, she might refer me to an RE anyway.

Finally - I totally agree it is so cool seeing the follicles! Its just so nice to be like, there, my body is working. Kate, they trigger ovulation with a drug called Ovidrel - you have to give yourself a shot then you ovulate 24-36 hours later. Must simulate your natural stimulation somehow. It's mostly used in IVF, which makes sense.

Kylee, so cool that the baby is kicking so much already! Wow, I'm sorry to hear you are still feeling sick, what a bummer. I'm sure the Zofran is ok, I know a lady who took it basically her whole pregnancy, and all was well. Will be thinking of you on the 12th, I am sure everything is totally fine!!

Hugs to all and thanks again for all the support!

 

[KTJ006]

Kylee...sorry about the nausea I but glad baby seems to be doing well!! Fingers crossed for a perfect appointment on the 12th.

Leigh... Is it possible for your doctor to just send a referral to the specialist you're already seen? Would that help insurance wise? The SA is interesting. I know nothing about that stuff, but it will be our next step if the surgery doesn't reveal anything.

You guys. I'm super nervous. Barely any sleep last night and today's not even the day. Makes me think I'll get no sleep tonight!!

 

[jlw617]

Leigh-that's good that he has a high count, I would definitely look into a supplement for him, my DH said he definitely noticed a difference after he started taking fertil aid, it may have been just a coincidence but I got my bfp when we were both on fertilaid (they make one for women, and I was also taking fermented cod liver oil and of course the progesterone...hope you do what you think is best for you regarding the specialist!

Katie-oh man, you have just been through the ringer lately when it comes to sleep, I'm sorry, I hate when I have so much going on in my head that I can't sleep. I hope the procedure goes well for you.

Kylee-I'm 6 months now and after losing 15-16 lbs so far, I still have yet to gain a single oz back yet! My midwife had mentioned it the last time as well but I also have some extra fluff so they're not worried about it, (I honestly don't think they usually are unless you're either stick thin to begin with or if you've just lost a ton) this is how I was with my other pregnancies too altHugh usually at this point I've started to regain the weight I've lost.

Zay and Terissa-how are you two doing?

I have an appointment today, I'd appreciate prayers as I'm at the point in my pregnancy where I have to start seeing the other midwives, I'm actually looking forward to meeting this one as I've heard good things about her, but I'm praying for wisdom with this whole gestational diabetes thing as I'm already eating a much lower carb diet than what "experts" would reccomend and just like most cases of GD, the further along I get, the higher my numbers are going up-I really don't want to go on insulin but probably even more so, I'm worried at the kind of extra testing they'll want me to go through as well as what that extra testing can lead to, I don't have a history or even factors at this point for having a big baby but with GD, your risks of induction and of course c-section go way up even though their scans aren't accurate, anyhow I'm sorry to complain, I know I should be happy that I'm even at this point and I will obviously do what I need to do but I just really want to avoid all the extra unnecessary stuff if possible...

 

[tcinks]

Oh Katie I hope you're able to relax. And Jamie keep us posted on how everything goes today ! Praying for you both!

I just saw my doctor today and really wasn't looking forward to it. Part of me blames her for what happened, because just the day before I went to see her because I just felt like something wasn't really right. And she told me everything was fine. Anyway, I'm letting that go because ultimately doctors don't really control life or death . So I saw her today and it was a little awkward because although she knew what happened, the front desk staff and nurse didn't. So they treated me like I was coming in for my routine checkup - then I had to tell them. They hugged me and said their apologies. I honestly didn't break down at all like I thought I would. I mean yes I'm still sad about Selah, but I can't do anything to bring her back and dwelling on what happened won't change anything. So we are just pressing forward and waiting for our next little bundle of joy, that I hope and pray we get to keep! My doctor said next time they will automatically do a cerclage at 13 or 14 weeks even if they don't see a problem yet, and also do progesterone shots early, and maybe also suppositories if necessary. And weekly ultrasounds starting around 17 weeks or so, instead of every 3 weeks like last time. I (and dh especially) feel a lot better that we have a plan in place going forward. I'm just excited for the future. I wish af would hurry up so we can start trying! I might get some ovulation kits to see if it'll happen soon. I actually think it already did but I really don't know.

Oh also, you know I had two doctors? My normal and then my high risk? I'm thinking about not seeing her this time around. I don't really feel like she did very much, and everything she did my normal doctor do just as well. Also, when she started putting the pessary in to hold up my cervix, she started putting it in my bottom! And she didn't even realize it until I said something like " ummmm that doesn't feel right..." Yikes. There is another doctor in that practice who my dad's friend highly recommends, so I might look into seeing him. Or just stick with the normal ob.

 

[coucou11]

LOL Terrissa wow that doctor - that is like that scene from Knocked Up! So awkward. But yeah, might be worth a second (third) opinion. It also sounds like your regular doc has a good plan in place, as you said. I'm glad you are feeling ok, you are so strong. I'm glad you guys are focusing on the future but also honoring your babies, and I know there is a rainbow on your horizon

Jamie good luck today! I really hope it goes well. Sounds like you are definitely doing everything you can to control the GD, so hopefully that will make a big difference. Thanks for the advice on the supplements! I should look into those. It's probably also worth it to put my DH on CoQ10 which is supposed to help that, but it takes a couple months to start working. Maybe if we don't get a BFP this month.

Kate - try not to worry! I can totally relate to the nerves though, I felt pretty nervous before my HSG (and then it was super easy). Hopefully this procedure will be the same, easy and painless. Sending hugs your way! I wish I could get my doc to refer me to this fertility specialist, but the specialist is at a complete stand alone clinic, they don't accept any insurance at all. So I would have to go to someone else. But to be perfectly honest, I'm just not loving this specialist anyway, she is too clinical and detached for me (although I'm sure she is quite good). I need someone who is just a bit more positive attitude-y, haha.

I think I am ovulating today (positive opk and blood test yesterday, but still low temp and ewcm today). Specialist wants me to come in for progesterone, estradiol and vitamin D on Friday, and then I think I will start the progesterone suppositories Friday night. Then I leave on Saturday for Chicago for a week! I'm not bringing any pregnancy tests, so I won't be able to test until Monday the 10th. Hopefully the fact that I am on vacation with family will make the time go fast!!!

 

[jlw617]

Terissa-I would definitely of with another dr!

Well, praise God! the appointment went way better than expected yesterday, the midwife I met with was totally down to earth-the other one I had was nice but she seemed a little nutty this one completely put my mind at ease and she asked me to explain why they wanted me to do an early get gtt test so I explained it to her and told her everything's been fine, I explained why I think I got the one higher than normal fasting blood sugar result and she totally agreed with me that it was most likely due to the fact that I waited so long to eat that day which can actually elevate your fasting blood sugar. She reassured me that I most likely wouldn't need growth scans and if I did it might be only a couple at most but she said she didn't foresee that she also told me I was doing a great job and to keep it up! I wish I could know she was the one that would deliver but it's whoever is on call that day.

 

[coucou11]

Jamie that's great news! So happy for you, and glad that you found a midwife that you like. You should check her schedule as you get closer to your due date and try and time it

Kate thinking of you today! I hope everything goes well!!