{CLOSED GROUP} Journey to BFP and Beyond!

[NDH]

Zay how much longer til your scan?

My hpts are now darker than the control and I've had my first acupuncture appointment yesterday which will probably end up being a fortnightly thing (I was going to go weekly but the herbs are more than I had budgeted and I've been advised by a few people that the herbs ate most important and I should do fortnightly appointments if I have to in order to afford the herbs)

 

[jlw617]

Oh Natalie, that's good to hear! How's the house coming? Are those your chicks and chicken in your avatar? I'd love to have some but we can't where I live

 

[NDH]

Still a few Random boxes left to unpack but I'm getting there.
Next is to hunt down free pallets and get building my garde
.
No this is just a random internet pic we haven't got our chicken coop set up yet so no hens yet. My due date group is calling eachother animal names and I'm mama Hen so I decides to join a dew others and change my profile pic lol.

 

[jlw617]

Oh ok haha! Good luck hunting down some pallets!

 

[zaycain]

Scan is tomorrow morning. Eek!

I had a sharp pain in my abdomen this morning.. My sis says it's ligament movement. I told her about the pregnancy because her and her kids are staying with me and I was pretty crabby.

I haven't been sick though which is GREAT.. worrisome but great! I also took a barre class yesterday and I felt a LOT better. Taking today off and taking another one tomorrow.. That is.. if all goes well.

T- Thinking of you girl..

 

[NDH]

Good luck tomorrow zay! I am so so so hopeful for a good news appointment for you

 

[tcinks]

Thanks for checking in on me everyone
I've been so up and down emotionally. The first week my dh was home with me, which was comforting and kept me from totally losing it. And actually he was having a really rough time, which made me focus more on taking care of him than worrying about myself. But since he's been back to work and I'm home alone all day, its been hard. I just have too much time on my hands to sit and think, and replay in my head what happened and what I could have done to stop it. I know in reality there really isn't anything...my cervix gave out and I couldn't stop it. I think back to when I lost Ronen and try to remember how I felt those first few weeks. I'm not sure if I'm handling it better this time around or not. I know physically I feel a lot better, which gives me hope of trying again sooner. But I think it's harder for me that we were SO close to viability and she would have had a chance to survive even just a week or two later. And the day before everything happened I went to see my doctor and she said everything looked good and my cervix was tight and closed. She just did a manual exam though and not an ultrasound, which I actually wanted but didn't push for. I don't know if it would even make a difference. But I just felt like even though both my doctors knew about my loss and how nervous I was, they didn't always take my concerns seriously. So I got an appointment with a doctor at a different hospital, the one where I ended up delivering this time. We like the staff there a lot and hope for more involved care there.

Tomorrow night there is a support group that I'm planning to go to. I think it'll really help, at least I hope. I talk about it with my friends and they're really nice about it, but they just don't understand. I feel more alone than ever, and like a failure as a woman, wife and mother. Hopefully talking to other women in my situation, face to face, will be helpful. I know things will get better, I've been here before. But right now I just feel like an empty shell of myself, like I'll never be normal again.

We also got Selah's remains back today. We are planning to bury her next to Ronen, although maybe we'll get an urn and keep her with us. I don't know, I can't decide right now.

 

[jlw617]

Zay-definitely sounds like round ligament pain! I got it really early this time around, update us when you get your scan today

Terissa-I'm glad you're planning on going to that support group tomorrow-I think it will be really good for you to go to. Don't feel like a failure, what happened was beyond your control and there was nothing you could have done. I know it can make us feel invalid after a loss or more than one loss but it's not your fault. Keep putting one foot in front of the other!

 

[zaycain]

Terissa - It's normal for the crazy roller coaster of emotions. I know you were counting down until 24 weeks. So difficult. Support group sounds so nice and I know you got a lot out of the last one. I'll continue to pray for you guys.


AFM .. I was playing it cool like.. this thing isn't going to happen, but then the heart beat came up on screen and I just started to cry. It's measuring 8 weeks (what I am) and the heartbeat is 162. I was so certain I was going to be disappointed. I've been feeling amazing and so I thought that meant my levels were dropping. A sign of relief until the next time.

Thanks for everyone's thoughts and prayers.. truly nerve-wracking stuff.

 

[NDH]

Terrissa the support group sounds like an excellent idea. I hope you find it to be healing and helpful.

I have a suggestion about what you might want to consider doing with Selah's remains. There are businesses that make pendants with breastmilk and I think I've heard of them being done with ashes. If you got a pendant made with some of her ashes then you'd always have a part of her with you in a physical sense if you did want her buried with Ronan. Just an idea, I hope it doesn't offend you, I can see it being considered distasteful by some...

Zay I am so so happy for you that there's a healthy happy bean jumping away inside! Oh happy news indeed!

 

[coucou11]

Hi all! Sorry I fell off the face of the earth there, DH and I ended up taking a last minute long weekend trip to Las Vegas! So that was fun.

T - I'm so sorry you are feeling bad, I am sure it's so hard, especially as you say being home alone. I can still barely look at the crib in our extra bedroom, just waiting, waiting for that baby. I am SO glad you found a support group, I think that will be really good. It is just so important to have people who understand and can really relate. I tell the ladies in my support group that it is the only place I really feel like I don't have to pretend not to be sad. The world expects us to just move on, but I carry my grief with me every day. I know yours is even more raw, and I think it will really help to just feel it and be in it during those groups. Thoughts and prayers to you.

Zay - congrats on the great scan!!!! How wonderful! I think I will probably cry too if we ever get to the heartbeat point again. Hoping for a quick journey into the second trimester for you

Natalie - how are you feeling? So happy that the tests are dark! Will you go in for an appointment at all? Sounds like the move went well also, that seems like it all went so fast! Can't wait to see a pic of the real chicken coop

Jamie how is everything with you? Are you back home now or still with your family?

Kylee - love the blanket!! So cute!! It will be the perfect size for a new baby.

Kate, let us know how the "TWW" is going! Hopefully that procedure will have to put off for a long while!

Thanks everyone for the advice to keep the specialist appt. I did, and saw her yesterday. It was good but a little depressing, she was not as optimistic as my own ob. She did an ultrasound and saw some "pockets" on my uterus, and along with the thin lining, she is concerned about scarring and Asherman's syndrome, which is basically my worst nightmare. So now I will definitely have the dye test, and just hope for the best. The problem is that she basically said it's either scarring (bad) or something else that is apparently even worse (I can't remember what that is). So that's sort of a blow, but at least we will get it figured out, I guess. She wants me to do a thyroid panel, because she says that can cause issues with progesterone, and if we treat that, maybe I won't need the progesterone at all. And finally, she wants to do an SA, because my husband takes propecia, which she says can affect sperm morphology. Then she also wants to do a day 16 ultrasound to see if my eggs are releasing after they are already too mature, or something.

So my plan is to do the dye test hopefully next week, and the blood tests and SA, and hopefully all through my doc so its covered by insurance. Then decide if I want to go back to the specialist for the second ultrasound (and pay out of pocket).

I am definitely still planning to try this cycle, and just hoping hoping hoping that whatever is wrong, it is simple to fix.

Will keep you all updated!

 

[jlw617]

So good to hear from you! Sometimes a little getaway is needed! I'm sorry the specialist wasn't as optimistic as your ob I definitely wouldn't let it get you down though, hopefully you'll get more results in the coming weeks. Definitely keep us updated! And yes I am home now, finally

 

[NDH]

I'm sorry the specialist wasn't more encouraging Leigh but it sounds like it was definitely a good thing that you saw her. I hope you are able to get some answers and that there is an easy "fix" as well.

 

[KTJ006]

T- please don't blame yourself. It is far from anyone's fault. This is something that was out of your hands. The emotional healing will be a journey. Take baby steps as you have been. The support group will be awesome. Try to take walks/runs - those endorphins will help with your mood. Get lots of rest. Don't be afraid to talk. And cry. I pray each day brings you more healing.

Leigh - I know you didn't get the feedback you were looking for at the specialist, but that's great she's looking into things. We seem to be in the same boat - hopefully we'll both be on our way to a BFP at some point!

Zay - yay for a healthy scan!! You give me hope!

Kaylee- how's the nausea? I used to sniff orange peels and suck on mints. Really helped me. Oh, and eat Ruffle potatoe chips. HAD to be Ruffles. Hope it ceases for you soon.

Headed to Boston today for the weekend. Kid free! I love my kiddos to death but I need a break! It's been really hard the last few weeks with them. The older they get, the more emotionally harder it gets!

Hope the rest of you ladies are well!

 

[jlw617]

Totally agree Katie! Just emotionally exhausting sometimes the older they get! Have fun on your trip!

 

[coucou11]

Have fun Katie! I am originally from Boston, it's a great city.

Thanks all for the support Have my HSG booked for next Tuesday, and will get the TSH blood test and my doc also agreed hubby should go in for an SA. So next week should hopefully be illuminating. I hope it doesn't take long for the results to come in.

 

[tcinks]

Zay, so glad your appointment went well and your little bean it's measuring right on track!

Katie, enjoy your weekend!

Leigh, I hope you get some quick answers! And I'm glad you're still planning to try this cycle, when do you ovulate?

Okay I need some honest opinions. It has been two weeks since I delivered Selah. Physically, I'm feeling pretty good. I'm still having some light spotting, and it's not even bright red. I feel like it will completely stop in a day or two. Of course, all I can think about is trying again. Would it be crazy to start right away (once the bleeding I'd completely gone) without waiting at least one cycle? The doctor of course said to wait four, but I just don't see that happening without a valid reason. I don't have any genetic problems that need testing or treatment, my uterus is great besides the fact that my cervix is weak. And that issue doesn't need to be treated until I reach the second trimester, as it doesn't present a problem until then. So honestly I feel like trying right away. Of course I know it would be helpful to give my body a little time to heal. But then again, I should still be pregnant right now anyway, so maybe my body will be fine? Ugh. I don't know. My next appointment isn't until August 13, and I really don't want to wait that long if I do ovulate before then. I've been looking at other offices to see if anyone has a sooner appointment. Thoughts?

Also, feeling much better since yesterday. The support group was really helpful for both dh and I. It was nice to share our story and hear others, we didn't feel so alone. I sometimes feel like I've been singled out for this pain, but I realize so many women and couples are going through it. Obviously I knew that, but since so few people in my personal life have been through, I felt like the only one. The group only meets twice a month, I wish it was more often!

Also, I started training for the pregnancy center where I want to volunteer. I'm really excited to start, it'll probably be another month or so until I actually start counseling the girls. But I met a girl there who is my age and had a baby at 18 or 19 and have him up for adoption, so she's really passionate about that. Dh and I have always wanted to adopt, even before the losses, but now even more. She's going to get me connected to the social worker she sees and hopefully we can get started on the paperwork and home study soon!

 

[NDH]

I know its certainly possible T, but I do also know its extremely taxing on the body to he pregnant back to back even when you don't make it very far. If you do try again immediately I would focus on eating a healing, nutrient dense diet to replenish your stores as quickly as possible.

 

[tcinks]

I know logically it makes sense to wait, at least one cycle. But mentally and emotionally I just want to try again as soon as possible. My husband is much more level headed than me, though, so I'm sure we'll end up waiting at least that long anyway. Which I'm trying to make myself okay with. If I conceive at the end of August, I'll be due at the end of May. That's not a bad time to have a baby. Although with my history it'll probably be an earlier delivery, although hopefully still fullterm-ish. Ugh. Why can't pregnancy be easier?

I'll need something to distract myself in the meantime though. Maybe take a couple classes? I don't know. The waiting is so hard, I know it'll be worth it when we finally do have a baby in our arms...but it's still hard. It'll be at least a year past when we should have had our first baby, maybe longer.

I'm trying to stay optimistic and hopeful, though. Maybe we'll be able to foster a child before then. The classes should be over by October or November and then we just wait...

 

[jlw617]

You know my feelings on it T, I say go for it and maybe consider some natural progesterone to help strengthen/thicken your lining and I agree with Natalie about trying to nourish your body as much as possible!