[CLOSED GROUP] Trick or treat, Baby feet, Give me some chubby cheeks to eat

[frsttimemama]

Amelia, it hasn't dipped super low yet. Don't totally give up. You're not out til the witch shows, and not just the witchlets. Sorry you're having a rough time.

 

[brunettebimbo]

What an insensensitive thing for someone to say

Amelia your not out yet!
Nichole that temperature is impressive!

AFM - Yet again no idea what's going on with my temping. I woke at 3.45 then around 4.30 then temped at 6.10 so probably not accurate. I'm off out on a girls night tonight. Looking forward to dressing up and having a dance! I'm hoping this will be my last one out for the next 2 years due to a BFP! A girl can dream I guess!

 

[frsttimemama]

Hope so for you, too, BB!

 

[NDTaber9211]

Try to keep your spirits up Amelia! You aren't out until shows

Sandy- UGH! I would have had to try super hard now to start swinging. That is the reason why hardly anyone knows we are ttc. I couldn't handle people asking is I was pregnant yet. Especially if they caught me on a bad day.

BB- Have fun! A girls night out sounds super fun. I might have to get one of those going soon.

 

[frsttimemama]

It is hard, but they all know because they asked if we were going to try again after we lost our little guy.. and we said yes. Otherwise, it would be a secret.

 

[VivianJean]

It's like watching a car accident in slow motion. I'm out. The temps are dropping and I have two more days of my luteal phase. The writing is on the wall and I'm out.

 

[SmallTownGal]

Sandy, yeah, that sounds like O pain.

Nichole, I'm gonna test tomorrow, because we're having our anniversary dinner tonight and I don't want it ruined with a BFN. I'm feeling sorta hopeful, but I've been fooled by hopeful symptoms before, so I'm waiting. But if AF don't show up before tomorrow evening, I gotta test so I know whether to take my cabergoline or not and whether to refill my femara rx.

And yay for raised temp, Nichole!

Amelia, sorry your temp dropped, but like the others said, you aren't out yet!

Sandy, don't those people know you aren't supposed to ever ask anyone if they are PG?! Tsk!

Have a fun hayride!

Have a fun girls night out, and FX'd for you BB!

 

[VivianJean]

its following he identical pattern as last cycle. and once again I've demonstrated just how f*cked up I am and how bad my decisions have been in the past. I am never going to feel complete or right until I have a baby and atone for what I've done. Every month that doesnt happen i die a little more inside, I withdraw a little more from my friends and I care a little less about myself and things around me. Every month is a test and every month I fail. I'm out and if im not out then you all can laugh and say I told you so, but we all know that's unlikely because I'm statistically, probably out.

 

[SmallTownGal]

It's like watching a car accident in slow motion. I'm out. The temps are dropping and I have two more days of my luteal phase. The writing is on the wall and I'm out.

I've felt that way before (just yesterday about my spotting, before I called the FS/RE) and I totally understand, and I totally understand not wanting hope (my natural inclination is to assume the worst if I can't reliably predict a good result).

Although not promising looking (much like my spotting) the temp drops don't really spell doom, though. For instance, here's a chart that looks a lot like yours with temp dropping on dpo 10 and 11, and they turned out to be PG: https://www.fertilityfriend.com/ChartGallery/159053.html And here's one where the temp plummeted on dpo13 and never got back it's former glory, looking most unpromising, but they turned out to be PG: https://www.fertilityfriend.com/ChartGallery/158752.html If you search "Low Post-O BBT" and choose to see only the pregnant charts, you'll find plenty of examples of less than promising looking temps on PG charts. Which is why I don't temp, anymore, and why some people only temp to confirm O and then stop.

The truly maddening thing about TTC is there really truly is no way to know for sure you are out until AF shows. No symptom pattern, temp pattern, or spotting pattern can predict when you are in or out, because, as my FS/RE told me yesterday, not only is every woman different, but every cycle is different. A temp drop could mean not PG in every cycle until the last one, where, like those other ladies above, you wind up PG even with a temp drop. Same with my spotting. I hate to be hopeful, because I've yet to get PG yet, and spotting just doesn't seem like a good sign, but spotting doesn't spell doom, either.

I know that you feel very out right now, and that's totally understandable, and honestly, I for myself keep going back and forth between "maybe this will be the month" and "shyea right, and monkeys might fly outta my butt!" The best way I've found to deal with it and obtain a middle ground is to say, "I predict that AF is nigh, but I could be wrong."

Having said all that, if being totally pessimistic truly makes you feel better (because sometimes it's better than limbo), then go for it! You gotta do what works for you. BIG HUGS, and I hope something I've said here has helped you feel a little better.

 

[frsttimemama]

STG, thanks!! People are funny, but it is what it is. They mean well and I can't gold it against them. Maybe it is a good omen. Idk. Happy Anniversary. FX for you!! Can't wait to see your BFP

Amelia, I'm sorry you are having a hard time. I can't imagine being in your shoes, but you can't keep beating yourself up over what is in the past. You can't change it, no matter how hard you try or how much you punish yourself -- both mind and body. All you can do is learn from it and move forward. I pray you get your BFP and can move forward.

 

[NDTaber9211]

its following he identical pattern as last cycle. and once again I've demonstrated just how f*cked up I am and how bad my decisions have been in the past. I am never going to feel complete or right until I have a baby and atone for what I've done. Every month that doesnt happen i die a little more inside, I withdraw a little more from my friends and I care a little less about myself and things around me. Every month is a test and every month I fail. I'm out and if im not out then you all can laugh and say I told you so, but we all know that's unlikely because I'm statistically, probably out.

I know just how you feel. It like you feel like less of a woman when you fail at making a baby. I've shed so many tears calling myself a failure as a woman. We need to realize that we are NOT a failure and it WILL happen. It's hard but you have to try not to let TTC run your life. Hang out with friends more, indulge in some wine or something. Just have fun. It helps out way more then you think. One day soon you are going to get on here freaking out because you just got your bfp I just know it.

 

[NDTaber9211]

Sandy, lovely temp rise!..... wait.... how do you have temps 2 days from now??

 

[frsttimemama]

I don't! I was playing with it and deleted them back out and it won't go away!

 

[frsttimemama]

Ok after much deleting, it is fixed. I'll get my crosshairs for today. I'm fairly certain.

 

[NDTaber9211]

LOL I was so confused for a minute

FX you get your xhairs!

 

[prgirl_11]

its following he identical pattern as last cycle. and once again I've demonstrated just how f*cked up I am and how bad my decisions have been in the past. I am never going to feel complete or right until I have a baby and atone for what I've done. Every month that doesnt happen i die a little more inside, I withdraw a little more from my friends and I care a little less about myself and things around me. Every month is a test and every month I fail. I'm out and if im not out then you all can laugh and say I told you so, but we all know that's unlikely because I'm statistically, probably out.

Don't dwell on the past, you can't change it. What's done is done and what matters is that someday you will be a mother and you will love your children to bits. You matter, a LOT, mother or not, and you don't need a baby to validate you. That being said, I know how happy it would make you to have your baby and I pray that it happens, God-willing for you. In the meantime, focus on taking care of yourself so that when your baby does arrive you will be strong both physically, mentally and spiritually.

It's like watching a car accident in slow motion. I'm out. The temps are dropping and I have two more days of my luteal phase. The writing is on the wall and I'm out.

I've felt that way before (just yesterday about my spotting, before I called the FS/RE) and I totally understand, and I totally understand not wanting hope (my natural inclination is to assume the worst if I can't reliably predict a good result).

Although not promising looking (much like my spotting) the temp drops don't really spell doom, though. For instance, here's a chart that looks a lot like yours with temp dropping on dpo 10 and 11, and they turned out to be PG: https://www.fertilityfriend.com/ChartGallery/159053.html And here's one where the temp plummeted on dpo13 and never got back it's former glory, looking most unpromising, but they turned out to be PG: https://www.fertilityfriend.com/ChartGallery/158752.html If you search "Low Post-O BBT" and choose to see only the pregnant charts, you'll find plenty of examples of less than promising looking temps on PG charts. Which is why I don't temp, anymore, and why some people only temp to confirm O and then stop.

The truly maddening thing about TTC is there really truly is no way to know for sure you are out until AF shows. No symptom pattern, temp pattern, or spotting pattern can predict when you are in or out, because, as my FS/RE told me yesterday, not only is every woman different, but every cycle is different. A temp drop could mean not PG in every cycle until the last one, where, like those other ladies above, you wind up PG even with a temp drop. Same with my spotting. I hate to be hopeful, because I've yet to get PG yet, and spotting just doesn't seem like a good sign, but spotting doesn't spell doom, either.

I know that you feel very out right now, and that's totally understandable, and honestly, I for myself keep going back and forth between "maybe this will be the month" and "shyea right, and monkeys might fly outta my butt!" The best way I've found to deal with it and obtain a middle ground is to say, "I predict that AF is nigh, but I could be wrong."

Having said all that, if being totally pessimistic truly makes you feel better (because sometimes it's better than limbo), then go for it! You gotta do what works for you. BIG HUGS, and I hope something I've said here has helped you feel a little better.

I love how we can support each other here Strong women!

OH and I are going to his urologist together on November 11th. WOOHOO! First time that I will be able to go with him to the doctor so we can get some answers together. Finally some light at the end of the tunnel!

STG, giggling at "witchlets"

Yay for light at the end of the tunnel!

So excited to see this positive, I had to share!! I've never had one like this! I guess maybe I never had a true positive? Anyway, I have it now. Yay!

Yay for a long awaited positive opk!

*sigh* I feel out again - no spotting turned into pinky red again. Im so over this. its been 11 months. imsofuckingdone.

I feel you! Boo spotting! There's still a chance of the witch not following, but it's not comforting to see the witchlets, not comforting at all.

I wont see him until Nov 8th at the earliest. I felt fat and gross but I was like "it's ok if Im pregnant" i'll be worth it.... but I'm sure I"m not and now I'm just fat and gross. All i want to do is go to the gym for three hours and work out until I bleed and then do it all over again. The doc told me I had to eat and stop weighing myself - what's the point if i'm not preggo? so i can feel disgusted with myself for failing to get preg AND also for not fitting into my clothes.

I'm so sorry you are feeling this way!

I know it's hard (I still battle it), but remember that not getting PG is NOT a moral failing or your fault. You are doing your best and the rest is up to the luck of the draw.

And gaining weight is NOT a moral failure either, esp. if your doc has ordered you to eat and stop weighing yourself (I've been ordered to eat before and it was a pain to no longer fit in my old clothes, but it had to be done). I'm sure your doc wants you to be healthy for yourself, regardless of whether you are PG or not.

I recommend adding some positive self-talk to your regimen. Repeat a phrase three times a day every day, and you'll come to believe it. It's like self-hypnosis for a good cause. It's really hard to do at the start (I've been there) but it's so worth it. Perhaps say, "I'm worthwhile and I'm also beautiful" even if you don't feel like you are. And everyone is worthwhile and beautiful in their own way, so it won't be a lie, even if it feels like one to you right now.

And remember, everyone here is in your corner rooting for you! Hang in there!

Sorry I'm miserable guys. don't mean to bring you down. this week has been tough - i've barely been sleeping... loud neighbors. I slept in my housemate's bed last night in an effort to get more than 4 hours of sleep because his room is further from the noise

Aw, no need to apologize. That's part of what we are here for as a support group.

Sorry to hear about the loud neighbors, that sucks! I'm sure you'll feel better when you can get more sleep!

Can you talk to the neighbors and ask them to quiet down during bedtime? Or report them? Or if they can't be reasoned with or reported, maybe get some reasonably comfy earplugs?

Yes! I will start the new thread on Monday, before I leave.
I'm thinking something like "remember remember, BFPs in November" or "we'll be thankful for BFPs in November" or "we'll be thankful forever for BFPs in November" - what do you guys think?

I like all of those! If I had to pick a favorite, maybe the last one.

You are bringing anybody down Amelia! The TTC blues gets us all at some point. Can you report the neighbor?

Omg this progesterone stuff is gnarly. I can't wait to see my results from em though. Hopefully I break 10 this cycle.

FX'd the gnarly stuff is worth it!

-------

AFM: Still spotting. Just pink and light tan mixed with cm, so far, today. Still nauseous and hot and cold flashy. Last night before bed, I had boobs of fire, but they aren't hurting at all right now.

At least my ears haven't gotten too wonky again. It's so hard to get on the computer and chat when the ear wonk is inducing anxiety attacks! Sorry I couldn't be here during much of my TWW, ladies! Maybe the worst of the allergy season is over and I'll have an easier time of it from now on...FX'd.

On the brightside, DH fixed salmon last night, my favorite.

I'm really hoping you get your tomorrow!!!!! But remember even if you don't get it tomorrow it can still happen the next day!!

 

[prgirl_11]

Got my blood drawn today at 7DPO to test my progesterone and testosterone, the latter to rule out PCOS. My midwife said the biggest cyst they found was 1.3cm so I suppose the fact that it was so small is a good sign. I don't have any high testosterone symptoms, although I've read it can be asymptomatic. I'm pretty sure I don't have PCOS but better to test just in case. All my other tests (remember that long list?! LOL) came out perfect. The only thing was that I was told I would be referred to a hematologist for my blood clotting issues with the MTHFR mutation. My only concern with that is that I really don't want to take ANY prescription meds (they'll probably suggest Heparin or Lovanox). I'm praying that, since I have the heterozygous mutation and not the more serious homozygous one, that the baby aspirin will be enough.

There is literally nothing more I can do at this point but have faith and trust God. I've done everything from pineapple core to folate to SoftCups. God has 100% control now.

 

[frsttimemama]

I'm with ya, Marie! Gotta get my pineapple and sunflower seeds, a couple more BD's and I've also done all I can. It's in God's hands..

 

[SmallTownGal]

its following he identical pattern as last cycle. and once again I've demonstrated just how f*cked up I am and how bad my decisions have been in the past. I am never going to feel complete or right until I have a baby and atone for what I've done. Every month that doesnt happen i die a little more inside, I withdraw a little more from my friends and I care a little less about myself and things around me. Every month is a test and every month I fail. I'm out and if im not out then you all can laugh and say I told you so, but we all know that's unlikely because I'm statistically, probably out.

I wish I could be with you in person to give you a real hug, Amelia!

I don't have your particular atonement issue, but I've felt like I must not be worthy, before, (and no one is without sin), and I've felt like I've died a little inside each month it doesn't happen, and I still withdraw from friends and family, and I still find it challenging to care about myself, so I feel you on that, you are not alone. And it does feel like a failure, but that doesn't mean that we are a failure.

I believe in an all loving God, so I'm sure you aren't being punished, certainly not when you are trying to atone. I believe that God offers everyone grace, as a gift, without exception, not matter what sins they've committed or who they are, because God loves everyone. You don't need to deserve grace to get it, only realize that it's there for you accept and then accept it. Of course, if you are remorseful, you are going to want to atone, but you don't need to atone first to get God's grace, I believe. I really feel like God wants you to know that He offers you forgiveness, right now, and I feel like God wants you to find a way to forgive yourself, to give yourself the gift of grace, as you work on atoning for whatever is in the past.

And regarding IF and TTC struggles etc. and the theological/philosophical question of why, it's possible this kind of hardship is allowed because it gives us an opportunity to build character (not that we wouldn't all rather skip the character building, I'm sure), but that doesn't mean that you aren't getting PG because you didn't pass a character building test, or something. And if people were punished with 'not getting PG' because they failed some kind of moral or character building test, there wouldn't be junkies giving birth to crack babies and losing them to Child Services. And there are loads of people whom one would think deserve to not have to deal with IF who have to deal with it anyway. The rain falls on the just and unjust alike.

I'm certain that God loves you and is suffering with you and only allowing the suffering for some greater good that is a mystery to us right now. I feel like God is telling me that He wants you to know that.

And the thing about "probably", even with statistics backing it up, is that it's not a sure thing. For instance, Nikki had the odds stacked against her, way more than spotting or temp drops, and she got PG anyway. Heck, according to statistics, the odds are against anyone getting PG any particular month (even for the best candidates). I'm not saying it's looking promising for you, this cycle, but only that all hope is not really lost. In a way, it would be easier if all hope was really lost, because then you'd know and could grieve and move on. But it's been my experience that losing all hope just made me more miserable than I needed to be, because I found that, even for a cycle, I couldn't truly kill all hope and I just wound up feeling really awful when the bad signs showed up on top of feeling really awful again when AF showed up, and I wanted to present another option to you in case the same thing was happening or starts happening to you. However, if you need to kill hope for a cycle, when the bad signs come, if it's working for you to do that, I totally understand and I will support you.

So, I'm sorry it's looking like the witch is nigh, Amelia!

Also, ditto what Sandy, and Nichole, and Marie said.

 

[clynn11]

Look at YOUR temp rise Nichole! Looks like the biggest jump you've ever had! FX it's a sign!!!