Could use a buddy

[lauren26]

treasured - Are you an only child? I am too! I don't want just one for that reason, lol. But I think some people enjoyed being an only. Thank you for your support and encouragement. You ladies are amazing! You all have put up with incredible amounts of worry from me and I just don't know how to thank you! Yes, work is ridiculous....but I feel so much differently than I ever have about the work disappointment. In the past I always felt like I wanted to run screaming from work when something this confusing happened, but now I feel calm and more practical--like it's just not practical for me to work for a small business forever that doesn't know how to treat a valued employee! If I may say so Also, I could go corporate and get a degree paid for and then get promoted! I think being pregnant has allowed me to detach from my emotional involvement with work and just see it for what it is--a nice place to work but not somewhere I can stay long term if they're inconsistent and won't invest back in me what I've invested in them. It feels good! Feels like I've reached some new level of adulthood. Anyway! That was a ramble. I think it's great that you are NTNP too this month. It's great to get a break sometimes and take the pressure off! Fall is my favorite time of year--best to be enjoyed I have been meaning to ask if they have pumpkin beer in the UK where you live. It's one of my favorite parts of fall and of course I will not indulge this year.

haribo - What's the status today? I wondered the same as treasured--is the spotting normal for you?

 

[Pino6161]

ME and OH had a very hard, long night last night. We got into a big fight. I don't even remember what started it I don't know how to explain it but for the last 6 months or so there has been a "fog" in the air.Some kind of tension between us. My OH is usually very tight lipped when it comes to everything, and I just think we are overwhelmed. Between TTC, the impending move, our immigration appointment next month and so much more it is putting a visible strain on our relationship. We talked until about 1:00AM and I think that after 2 years of TTC we are going to go to NTNP until after the move. I know it is going to be a hard transition but I really don't think we have a choice.

We have so much stuff that we need to do and when we are both stressed about TTC, or it eats me alive every day all day it can not be healthy. I am going to put all my energy into losing weight and getting mentally and physically healthy and work on me and my OH's relationship.

I know I talked about taking a break for a month, but I think I need more time. Figure out what we are doing, and where we are going. It doesn't change the fact that I want a child more than anything in the world but TTC has turned me bitter towards everyone as it has been my main focus for over 2 years.

I am going to stay a part of BnB and all of my crazy ladies as you guys have gotten me through the hardest part of my journey which was last cycle.

I think I am going to put my journal behind me everything that has happened behind me. I want to start new. I want to bring a baby into our new life in Oklahoma where we are starting fresh. My OH will finally be legal here in the US, he will have a great job with insurance. I THINK I might go back to school, but I don't know yet. It comes down to where we are right now is not an ideal place to raise a child.

I think we will resume our TTC journey on April 9, 2013. That will be our 6 year anniversary of our relationship.

 

[Pino6161]

Here is my new journal, my fresh start. Please stalk



https://babyandbump.momtastic.com/ttc-journals/1185429-pino6161s-journey-ttc-ntnp.html#post21324749

 

[lauren26]

There's nothing like a clean slate, Pino! I am behind you 100% with taking a much needed break to have time for YOU and for your marriage and your health. Like you said, there is a ton going on and you have to make sure you're taking care of the rest of your life, too. You are a wise woman!

 

[Pino6161]

Thanks hun! But I will NOT be leaving you crazy ladies LOL

 

[haribo813]

Ah Pino, you've made a really tough decision there and what I think sounds like a really sensible one. Taking time for you and OH is the most important thing. Plus going back to school sounds interesting and worthwhile. I think we are all at times guilty of putting too much pressure on ourselves and thinking about getting pregnant at any cost and you're right, it's not healthy. So well done you in taking such a big step and I hope it means you and OH's relationship gets even better and you feel even stronger in yourself. And roll on April 2013!

Sashimi I'm sorry that Candice is acting like that and you're right, it's a shame but there's sadly nothing you can do about it. It is mean of her to say she thinks you're just lucky, as while your recent news is brilliant, no one could say you have exactly fallen on your feet throughout this whole process-you've got where you have from lots of grit, perserverance and staying emotionally strong even if you don't always feel like that.

Treasured, hope AF is on her way out. I'm thinking about NTNP for a while as I feel quite drained. I am definitely out this month-my temps were down again today on CD26 and had more bleeding so really short cycle for me. I was surprised as this month I've had so many good symptoms-lots of CM, feeling very tired, higher temps than usual and just feeling like this was the month. But it clearly wasn't meant to be. I've had a long, very teary and snotty nosed chat with OH tonight. We're going to see what this appt says on Thu and seek more tests if they think they'd help, meanwhile we'll try chinese herbs in conjunction with acupuncture and if nothing has happened in few months, we'll think about IVF in Dec or Jan. I feel a bit better after our chat but I'm generally quite sad at the moment, I'm not sure how to make it pass.

xxxxxxxx

 

[Pino6161]

On a random note I am quite ticked off. Me and OH have not had sex in about a week cause my sex drive was gone, then AF showed, then we got in that big fight. So tonight, even though he was sick we had sex. It was great don't get me wrong, but it seems like AF came back. it's not old blood either. It is bright red and I am now cramping. It is here for 2 days a TINY bit of spotting, and then full force again at 8:30 at night. This is BS. RANT OVER (kinda)

 

[treasured]

Lauren- Yeah Im an only! I think thats one of the reasons I want to be a parent so much, just because I have seen how happy my mum and dad are haha! Darling child. I actually had a little sister that we lost the day after she was born, It was a really tough time for my family and ever since then my mum has never been able to maintain another pregnancy, so I think she has shifted the wanting on to me lol! Thats why I really hope I dont struggle for too much longer I would hate for her to find out I wasnt able to conceive. Woah... bit deep! Im so glad that you have clarity on your work situation and dont let it take over your pregnancy This is a time for you to enjoy and not be stressed hehe! We dont have pumpkin beer but I would love to try it ! I wonder if I could find it anywhere!

haribo- so sorry for this month I am glad you are going to the appointment to get things started and hopefully you wont need to go to any other methods! It is probably just somthing simple that can be sorted I havent even cried this month, its strange. But my OH never gets upset about anything to do with TTC so theres not really much point in bubbling at him haha! hope you get some information and try to relax while NTNP! I think a few of us are in major need of the break

pino- so sorry you are going through this rough patch! but I totally think this is a good decision for you because you and OH need to stay strong together through this process and that is the most important thing! A clean slate is a great idea, I am thinking that way too a bit. I feel all the months before I started temping were a waste and I clearly wasnt BDing on the right days and not timing ovulation correctly so Im really glad I started temping You better not leave us on here thats for sure

 

[lxb]

pino - i definitely stand by temping (if only it keeps you sane! not knowing just gives me even more stress!) hmm... your 'af' sounds weird. is it really af?

haribo - for spotting! how's your temp looking today? yeah, it's definitely hard to see people around you getting pregnant so quickly. ~3 months after DH & I started ttc... my sis discussed with bil and decided they would start too. And she fell pregnant with her #2 in the 3rd/4th cycle, while I got my bfp 5 weeks after hers (unfortunately, mine ended up in mc). I can't avoid her as she's my sister. And it's still a mixed emotion whenever I see her bump. I just chuckled everytime she tells me about her pregnancy discomforts/anything related. but it's life. just need to learn to live with it.

sashimi - sorry to hear about Candice. you would think she would want to be able to talk you and to relate/connect with you. sometimes people just think what they want to think. dont let her affect you as you don't need her~ I do think you're lucky! You're lucky to be able to afford the procedure, have a wonderful husband and family for support, the understanding HR, US ! (the crazy ladies!) , and little bean(s) growing inside of you!

treasured - so sorry to hear about the loss of your sis. you are able to conceive~ I believe it will happen for you! and YES!! I'm ready to start ttc again!! hopefully my body is ready! Crazy pre-o... tww... staring at chart... symptom spottings... HERE I COME!

lauren - appt tomorrow??? Happy last day of blueberry~~~~ Mm.. Raspberry!

afm, MIL gone...AF gone. What a great day!! (other than the fact that it's monday! )

 

[lauren26]

treasured, I am so sorry to hear about your sister!! That must have been very, very hard on your family Thank goodness your mom has you I understand not wanting to tell her what's going on. That is sweet of you. Yes, I definitely have always wanted more than one because I did not enjoy being an only. My mom wanted more and dad didn't! My mom still feels sad about this.

lxb, NO AF NO MIL!! I am starting to feel more excited about the scan. I have to trust all is well unless I find out it's not! That's all there is to it And I think all is well. I am sure it is hard seeing your sis, and you have such a generous and loving attitude about everything! You are a super duper lady That rainbow baby is just itching to show up--I can feel it!

Don't know if I posted this, but my OH's long time best friend lost his mom about five days ago...then two and half days later his wife gave birth to their first child!! I have been thinking about them a lot because I can't even imagine how emotionally confusing and ecstatic/devastating this time must be for them. Makes me feel so, so grateful for everyone I have in my life.

 

[Pino6161]

lxb--- My period is REALLY weird. I had 2 days of really light flow. A TINY spot Saturday, and yesterday turned out just to be spotting as well even though it was bright red. I'm not sure what to think, and there is no real reason for my period to bonkers. I don't know what else it could be IDK if I want to keep temping or not. I would like to know, but it kin of defeats the purpose of not trying LOL. IDK this cycle os so confusing . So excited to get to stalk your chart again LOL.

Lauren--- your friend must be all over the place. Something similar happened to a friend of mine except after TTC for about 2 years her Mom passed away, and they got their BFP. They took it as her mom's last blessing.

 

[lxb]

lauren - thanks lauren~ all IS well~ It's funny how I thought .. "okay. if I get bfp this month, that means I would due in June! ... but wait.. we're suppose to go to NY/NJ in June time! Oh no.. what should we do?" then I for getting ahead of myself! so sorry to hear about your OH's best friend's loss. it's just a classic example of life, where one life ends while other begins.

pino - i wanted to click on your chart but realized it's gone!!! AHHhh... this is not helping my chart stalking addiction!

 

[lauren26]

Pino - That is a wonderful way to look at a loss like that!! When OH lost his grandmother he said, 'Should we invite her to be our kid in her next life?' I thought uhhhmmmm that sounds a little odd! Lol. Wacky AF sounds frustrating! Boo to that.

lxb - I think it's totally natural to get ahead of things! I think it's great that you're excited about your rainbow and that you and OH are dreaming and planning about the future --you'll be glad you did when that rainbow shows!

 

[Pino6161]

OMGOMG

I just got a call from our lawyer and my OH's work permit is her I keep trying to call my OH but he doesn't answer his damn phone!!! What is the point of having a phone GOSH

 

[lauren26]

Woohooo!! Congrats!!!

 

[countrygirl86]

lauren - Wow. Your work sucks! I was fully expecting you to be appreciated for the way you swooped in and saved the place, how disappointing. Sounds like pregnancy is changing how we view the world, so true about it just being a workplace! Your real job starts in April! I'm excited for your 8w scan tomorrow, hoping you get pics!

Pino - I totally went to click on your chart too and it's gone! Devastating! NTNP sounds like a well needed break, no matter how long you decide to do it for. Great news about DH's work permit

preg_pilot - I love the banana! Happy Banana!

haribo - So sorry to hear about damned AF, love. Glad you got to spend some quality time with your mom, I think we all need that sometimes. It sure doesn't feel like there's any logic to who gets the BFPs and when.

Sashimi - great to hear your blood tests are all going well! I have total faith in the one Wednesday. You can have the recipe but we'll all need pics! Fire away all the questions you like. Sounds like we had similar starts in that I didn't have many symptoms at first either (no nausea or the like) and hopefully you stay that way! Such a shame about that friend of a friend, choosing to isolate herself. There isn't much you can do at this point, just focus on the supportive people in your life (us!) I'm anxiously awaiting your pg journal and tickers! It is a huge milestone to 12w, then 20w, then 24w, and so on lol

treasured - hope you enjoy your relaxed cycle and it brings you the rest/BFP you deserve! It makes sense your mom would want to kinda live through you for more kids, I have complete faith you'll have all the kids you want So she doesn't know you are ttc?

lxb - WOOHOO af is gone! Back to BDing like it's no ones business lol Have you done anything you wouldn't have done with MIL there? Walk around the house naked or put bugs in her bed? lol

We are leaving on our babymoon on Thursday! I'll think of you Sleepy when I fly over!

 

[SleepyOwl]

Yes think of me Country!!! Enjoy your babymoon - so fun!!

Pino - So glad that OH's work permit is here!! Did OH ever answer that phone? Men I swear!!!

Lauren - I'm sorry that work was so terrible in regards to the cost of living increase. That is so frustrating, especially since you are probably doing such a great job!! But you are right - it's just work! Such a small part of your life, and you have such a big part of your life that you are just getting started on. What time is your appointment tomorrow??

Sashimi - Yay for your blood tests going well!! I am so happy things are going smoothly for you. A few days after you got your BFP, I had a dream that I got mine. I think you finally getting that BFP helped me to finally believe deep down that it's going to happen for me too!

Lxb - Enjoy this time!!!!! Hopefully MIL extends her trip I'm with Country - bugs in her bed. Lol!

Haribo - Did AF show or did it end up just being spotting?

I've really been having trouble keeping up with BnB this past week! I'm doing my best, but I've felt very overwhelmed. I'm 14DPO (I think - had to input my ovulation day myself). No spotting (yet) and boobs are still sore. But I've definitely had a 17 day LP before, so I'm not going to rely on a shorter LP. Do you guys mind taking a peek at my chart to tell me if you think that I O'd when I think I did?

 

[lauren26]

Sleepy - My appointment is at 8 am! Are you back from your trip now? I def think you Oed when your chart says--did FF not give you cross hairs?? Seems like such a clear rise! It's almost your birthday!!! I hope that dream turns into your RL birthday gift.

Country - Thanks!! You ladies are great Your babymoon is so soon!! I am sure you're super excited!

Afm, I ate food today!! Lol. It was the first day I was starving all day, just like before I was pregnant It was a relief to be able to eat a bunch of snacks. And Monday's over! Lol.

 

[Pino6161]

It is 12:30AM here and I am balling my eyes out. I just finished "Mockingjay" The final book in the hunger games trilogy. It's absolutely horrible and sad. I love reading, and once I start a book I can not put it down.I was an idiot and didn't start reading until 8:00PM. So OH is passed out with a fever, and I am a blubbering mess. Now I have to try to sleep with all the images of that book in my head. Wish me luck

 

[lauren26]

Had my scan and saw our tiny panda!! Measuring almost 1" and apparently ahead of schedule. We saw a tiny heart and brain and hands and feet!!! It looked so much different than two weeks ago, when we just saw a flickering dot. I am so happy and relieved that all is well I will post pics in my journal when I get home.