COURT pls help

[angelpkj]

so my ex is taking me to court to gain access to my son
he doesnt even care about LO he doesnt pay for him,he's asked me ONCE to see him in 8 months and he didnt even get LO a xmas card or gift then next thing u know were going court

long story short
i am shitting myself
fob lets his other LO down all the time and hes involved in drugs and the wrong crowd which is why i stopped him seeing my LO in the first place


court is starting to scare me tho
i am so so so scared they will not listen to me and grant FOB permission to take LO out ALONE or too his house

in my eyes thats like signing a death sentence for LO
i dunno what to think or do
i feel so hard done by by the legal system,fob gets away with benefit fraud,not paying child support,working and cash in hand and all sorts so whos to say he will finally get caught out i just accept it now that he gets away with murder

 

[beanz]

When you go to court will you be able to voice your concerns over the drug use?
Have you contacted the CSA about the lack of child support. Even if he is on benefits you would get something.

 

[angelpkj]

i was going to but i dunno what to do

im hoping that he will fuck off and get bored of seeing LO for an hour a week
but im worried if i go CSA then it will anger him so purely out of spite he will carry on seeing my son

i just dunno what to do
i could do with money help and i will want it if he will be seeing his son
but i dont want to tie him down to paying cause then if he wants to leave again he cant cause he will still have to pay???

 

[Mammy2Joojx]

you HAVE to tell the courts about his drug use! They will make him do a drugs test & if it comes back that he has drugs in his system the courts won't let FOB have him alone. It will more than likely be in a contact centre x

 

[angelpkj]

i'll tell them everything i know

he's stopped taking drugs since december as he knows il ask for a drug test

im mad tho cause as soon as this is over he will be back taking them

i have opened a harresment case agaisnt him and his mum and dad
some other stuff happened the other day so il be reporting that to the police again on the 18th when the officer i dealt with is back in

hes putting EVERYTHING on facebook
details of mediation
solicitors
court stuff

its so embarressing and itl only get worse once we have court
i feel so mad and upset like i just want to run away with my son

 

[Mammy2Joojx]

if he does get access on his own, request random drug tests. There'll be no hiding his use of drugs then. Unfortunately, courts won't take facebook status's into account you can take screenshots & take them to court anyway, but it won't determine their decision. x

 

[ilove3baby]

I agree make sure you tell them everything...write down and document everything also

 

[Dezireey]

I'd report him anonymously for committing benefit fraud and working cash in hand without paying tax to the appropriate authorities. That in itself is a testament to his oh so wonderful, law abiding character.

There should be some law put in place somewhere where fathers who are proven to be incapable of looking after a child or who are negligent in their financial responsibility and attitude don't get as much rights as genuine, good dads who want access to their child.

Makes me sick sometimes how some of these FOB's behave. They shouldn't be allowed to even look after a goldfish, let alone a baby. Sheesh.

 

[angelpkj]

i've reported him for different accounts of benefit fraud the latest one being that he is claimed legal aid when he shouldn't be allowed it
so our tax money is paying for someone like him,who works full time and has a gf living with him paying into the house,to take me to court

i have police reports on his mum dad and him
im adding to that police report again next week when the officer is back in

i just feel so let down by the legal system

this man gets away with drug dealing and all sorts and still hasn't been caught and i dont think he ever will

its all some sick game to him,he doesnt care about my son its just all to "win" get one over on me etc

i am fuming someone is trying to use my son as a weapon agaisnt me and the court will allow him to do just that by allowing his father to see him

sometimes i wish i didnt care or love my son as much as i do cause then i wouldnt care so much about what happened to him,it would make things so much easier anyway,i feel i've been hurt enough,i took so much pain and heart ache while pregnant i thought me taking it all would mean it would prevent the same happening to my son but obviously not
now i just feel everythin i went thru was in vain

 

[sarahxx]

my FOB took me to court over access to our daughter, who was 8 months old at the time. she is now 15 months old and an access arrangement was formally made a month or so ago that he can see her once a fortnight in a contact centre.
when you go to court, CAFCAS will run a background check on him, does he have any criminal convictions? also things like domestic violence, if there was any, will be taken into account. if you explain to your solicitor the situation, and also that e is inconsistent in his approach to contact not only with you LO but with his other child, they will take all this into account.
in my experience, the court seem to look favourably upon the mother, especially with young children.
if you tell them all your concerns, especially the drugs issue and that he is in with a bad crowd, i dont think they will grant him unsupervised contact, although I can'T

 

[sarahxx]

say for definite. I hope it all goes well in the end, I'm sure it will

 

[angelpkj]

my FOB took me to court over access to our daughter, who was 8 months old at the time. she is now 15 months old and an access arrangement was formally made a month or so ago that he can see her once a fortnight in a contact centre.
when you go to court, CAFCAS will run a background check on him, does he have any criminal convictions? also things like domestic violence, if there was any, will be taken into account. if you explain to your solicitor the situation, and also that e is inconsistent in his approach to contact not only with you LO but with his other child, they will take all this into account.
in my experience, the court seem to look favourably upon the mother, especially with young children.
if you tell them all your concerns, especially the drugs issue and that he is in with a bad crowd, i dont think they will grant him unsupervised contact, although I can'T

he has past drug possesion conviction and a past criminal damage from when he wrecked something at his exs house for not letting him see his daughter

he kicked me in my bump when i was pregnant but that was an "accident" he was off his face on drugs and "forgot" i was pregnant if u get me,it wasnt like he just kicked me knowing hed hurt bump-not the point i know

 

[sarahxx]

I don't want to sound too harsh but you have to tell your solicitor ALL of that, especially that he kicked you while you were pregnant and the past convictions, as it shows he is volatile and angry. I don't think there is any chance he will get unsupervised access if that is not what you want, the court will probably say he is a risk to LO as they did with my FOB. I know this sounds nasty but at least in my case, I was pleased as it meant contact was on my terms and I could be sure he wasn't doing anything ridiculous while he was looking after Summer. Hope that helps a bit

 

[angelpkj]

i've told her alot of things,it sounds daft but i "forgot" some things he had done,i blocked alot out,it was only when i sat myself down and forced myself to remember everythin i realised how bad it was

luckily i made a call to the hosp in regards to being kicked in the bump,and told them my partner had kicked me so i guess thats my "proof"

don't think my solicitor has taken it all seriously so far,her attitude has always been "well remember thats IF he takes you to court"

(as fob is always saying one thing doing another :/) but will sit down and say everything once more when i get my court date

does he see your LO in a center how does all that work?

i couldn't bare the thought of FOB taking LO out god knows where,meeting the friends he has etc,it wouldnt be as bad if i didnt know everything that he did,the places he goes or the friends he has :/

 

[sarahxx]

it doesn't sound stupid at all, i knew that the same would happen to me so i sat down beforehand and wrote everything i could think of down then tried to put it in the right order. if you think you're still missing anything then maybe you could try that, it helped me a lot.
i don't have any proof of violence but FOB admits to one count of violence, which is enough for them to go on, so that should really go in your favour.
a lot of the time they try and solve it in a cheaper way than court, such as mediation, but I refused that as I knew he would just push me into agreeing with him. If you think that mediation isn't suitable for you, which it really sounds like it isn't, then you should push for court because apart from anything else, if any problems come up you have it in writing when and where he is allowed to see LO. Believe me, that comes in useful a lot, for me at least!
I think the center is like a big hall, and you have to wait outside while a volunteer takes LO in to FOB. It is supervised by lots of staff and there are things like toys and videos, but I'm not really sure of any more than that because we haven't been to an appointment yet.
That's how I felt too, also because I had trouble with his family and they all smoke and have pets so I didnt really want LO at any of their houses, but you can get it put in a court order that even if he has unsupervised contact in the end, he is still not allowed to introduce him to whoever or take him anywhere that you don't want him to.

 

[try4girl]

I live in the US so I am not sure about the laws over there but can you ask for 6 months of supervised visitation telling them that it is so your child can get to know him so it would be less stress on him. That way if he is using then they will see it there and document it?

 

[angelpkj]

i don't want fob anywhere near my son
i dont want my lo getting any form of attachments for this man

his family are horrible they would always roll their eyes at me when i'd go out the room while they'd smoke-i dont wanna breathe in their fumes while im pregnant!!i used to smoke myself but i wouldnt spark up around children or pregnant people!!
when they had LO over night he would come back and his clothes smelt of smoke and the cat oh god the stupid cat,i got told cats can react badly with babies and try sleep on them so needless to say i dont want a cat around my son,im allergic to animals so not sure if LO is but don't wanna risk it till he's older

just used to let the stupid cat roam everywhere putting cat hair all over my babys stuff eurgh

luckily his family cut ties with my son,i still took LO to see them but in the end they decided to tell me that they want to see my son but will go agaisnt my wishes and allow their son to see LO behind my back and if i don't agree with it they will cut their ties with me and LO

they never saw me while i was pregnant and had very little interest in LO anyway so was no bother

im just glad you've said i can control who sees LO

i wouldnt want any of his friends or family or even his daughter seeing my LO

if he sticks this out for a year then i will let his daughter come to meet my son
just don't want to let her get attached to me son and me be the bad guy stopping contact again

 

[sarahxx]

The court want the same thing that you do, they want to keep your son as safe and happy as he can possibly be, and they don't want him to go through any distress or emotional upheaval.
As long as you can provide proper reasons, like the cat thing (I can't stand that, my exs family were exactly the same, even with the smoking) then you can stop him from taking your son certain places. I don't even think he will get unsupervised access so if I was you I wouldn't worry about any of that yet. The contact centre is usually once a fortnight for two hours, I forgot to say, so at least you don't have to worry about him influencing your son negatively in that time

 

[angelpkj]

thanks i feel more at ease knowing that

can't wait for it to all be over!

 

[sarahxx]

bet you can't, it's such a long process but after the first court hearing it will be a whole weight off your mind just knowing your position with everything