COURT pls help

[angelpkj]

ARGH
so been to see the solicitor again to tie up loose ends with my claim for legal aid
she tells me as im starting back at work next week i will need to do a new claim and may not get legal aid
heads in bits seriously considering quitting my job to avoid paying 3 grand plus for court considering im only 20 quid a week better off working

my solicitior is brutally honest
i cried

she pretty much told me everything i have on my ex doesnt matter in court
the harresment i've had off him,the police reports,the fact he hangs around with druggies etc

none of it matters
she said FOB will get to see LO which i understand but she also said he will only get supervised access if cafcass etc find him to be a danger or whatever to my son otherwise it shall be unsupervised

how on earth are they gunna find him to be a danger to my son ???course he will pass the drug test he not stupid,course he gunna act nice infront of them and play them

the legal system is total bullshit

so my options now in my head

possibly have to quit my job as can't afford legal fees if thts the case
if FOB gets to see LO unsupervised then i refuse it and won't allow it,i know this means bad for me but i refuse to put my LO in that sort of enviroment!

as harsh as it sounds but i dont want to have to deal with a child thats totally fucked up in the head with an asbo etc all cause a court allowed his father near him to corrupt him and unteach all my good doings
i want to enjoy my child and bring him up the best i can not have a constant battle on my hands

 

[sarahxx]

If I was you I would leave your job, if you're only £20 better off a week then there is no point paying up to and above 3 grand in court costs. It's horrible but the way the benefits system works is completely fucked up if you ask me.
I'm really surprised by what your solicitor has said, if there has been incidents of violence then I would assume the carcass would flag it up and order a risk assessment, that's what happened with me. Honestly try not to worry, I'm completely sure that the cafcass will order a risk assessment done on him abd if you kick up a fuss they might order a full assessment in him which is really invasive abd they will see what he is like x

 

[angelpkj]

i really do hope so
i can't help but feel he will pass with flying colours as how are cafcass gunna catch him out he aint gunna show his true colours around them

 

[sarahxx]

They're not stupid, they will see through his lies. Try and get everything you can think of qritten down and give it to your solicitor, that should help and at least it will all be in one place. Thinking of you

 

[angelpkj]

fingers crossed thank you

got a letter from cafcass today think the shit has really hit the fan on his side now,think he realised all the stuff i have to say will be brought up

 

[Mammy2Joojx]

how come they won't take the police reports into account hun? I can understand them not taking into account details from a personal diary but, police reports?! Surely they could be used in court? Xx

 

[angelpkj]

i'm not sure
what my solicitor was getting at is no matter what my ex has done to ME it doesnt matter so as the police report is over him harressing ME it doesnt matter

she said if i keep bringing up what hes done to me then i will just look like i have an axe to grind rather than true concerns

i can see what she means but i do believe some of what happened to me is relevant to the type of person fob is

cafcass sent me a letter and it says in there that they will look into mine and fobs backgrounds like do a police check,im squeaky clean but he's not so hopefully the harressment case will matter there

 

[angelpkj]

finally got my court date
18th april

i had an estimated one of the 4th april which FOB has ever so kindly plasterd all over facebook to keep his avid fans up to date

flicking thru my court papers...

fob has got LO's birthday wrong again (also got it wrong in mediation)

fob has stated that i refused/didnt show up at mediation (funny considerin i have a letter from when i went to say due to my concerns mediation is not appropriate)

one part i am very curious about

it says to state who has parental responsibility to my child and state why

so next to my name it says mother obviously

yet next to fobs name it states "is on the birth certificate"

why does it not state father??

 

[angelpkj]

ok
and now i've just been shown that FOB has put a picture of the court documents on facebook with the details of our hearing

what can i do about this

its hard enough going court n that but its even harder when i know hes telling hundreds of fb "friends" the very very personal ins and outs

 

[angelpkj]

and now someone has shown me what hes put on facebook

"happy mothers day to my mum and jamie (abis mum) and happy GO FUCK YOURSELF to paula xxx"

so glad someone showed me and put a downer on mothers day for me eurgh

police were amazing but are clearing a pile of shite and havent managed to speak to him yet so dont think they ever will

 

[Lemonflower]

I'm keeping track of your journey hun and wishing you all the best!
My ex sounds exactly like yours - drugs ect, though i have no proof and he'll be clean for the drugs test and be charming to the judge if he takes me to court when LO is born. I say if, he claimed he wanted "joint custody" originally but he not spoke or asked about us in 4 months! Drove past me in a car and just stared at me a few days ago!!!
What happened with Mediation?
xxx

 

[angelpkj]

thank you hun

this thread is my little rant off lol

i hope that if people are going thru the same this will help them in some way and i will carry on posting what happens etc etc

when LO is born??
my best honest advice is do not put him on the birth certificate-makes it alot easier for FOB to claim to have rights when it suits him

you can add FOB at a later date to the BC for around £10 but you may never remove FOB
your best off waiting and seeing how he is if he is a decent father before giving him rights he may use agaisnt you

mediation didn't work
i went to speak to them about getting a letter asking me to come along to it

soon as you mention anything to do with serious things aka drugs.domestic abuse or violence or alcohol problems then they will not take matters further
you will find they "wash their hands of you" so to speak,say they can't do anything for you and you need to go to court etc to have every detail checked in to

 

[angelpkj]

so little update

police have caution'd my ex to stop puttin shit about me over facebook etc
CAFCASS have had their little chat with me i expressed some of my concerns but not everything (as i said i will bring her stuff to look at once its my court date :/)
she said she believes my fears and concerns are real and serious
but she wanted to know my veiws on if FOB saw lo in a contact center

i didnt know what say-every part of me felt like sayin-personally i just dont want him near my son in any way shape or form

but i know they will see that as me being bad and a bitch plus he will prob get a contact center after court case
so i just said aslong as my son is safe and well guarded then i can't see why not for an hour a week in a contact center

FOB may of broken the law when he put the picture of the court proceedings on facebook so luckily something will come of that

legal aid services are also invesitgating into FOBs claim so happy days indeed!
hes even put on his facebook how hes screwed if they find out he works n has to pay

i finally feel people are listening to me and my veiw
for so long its felt like i was behind sound proof glass banging on screaming shouting at people to warn them and to listen
now its like people just come and listen to me and reaaaallly listen to me and agree!

hopefully now fob will get told i offered contact center one day a week and fob being fob will scoff at it and say no believing he will get more access in court

 

[jemmie1994]

keep a diary of everything he's said to you like asking about LO etc? doesnt really help with the drugs and stuff but thats what my friend who does family law told me to do when i thought FOB would take me to court it helps them get an idea of what he's like to you and how much he really cares about seeing LO

 

[angelpkj]

kept everything i can
my solicitor said they wont really care how hes treated me

its just so frustrating that he has asked me once to see LO after i stopped him then thats it didnt hear again,no xmas card or gift for LO nothing
hes even got his birthday wrong on the court papers

hopefully this proves what im trying to say-its just a game to him to get one over on me not because he cares for LO

 

[angelpkj]

still awaiting to find out if i can get legal aid
not long now till court-18th april
i seem to feel a calm sense of peace atm like everything will work out and even if fob does see LO in a contact center it wont be long till im proved right about what im saying and then ill have the law on my side

fob gone all shy on facebook now he realised someone been telling me everything he been saying about me and the court malarky
just a waiting game now

 

[Lemonflower]

All the best hun. How long from when he started visitation proceedings against you did you get the court date 18th April? Will everything be decided that day? Did you get legal aid? - sorry loads of questions.

Like I said in a reply to one of you posts earlier I did not put him on the BC - do you know what step is next with getting on the cert and visitation.

xxx

 

[lauramarie]

oh i really feel for you thats awful, i started court process last september! FOB didnt want anything to do with LO until his first birthday, then starting threatening to take me to court if he didnt get what he wanted, which he did. FOB doesnt take drugs, alcohol etc, that must be an added worry for u. I was also told that a judge isnt really interested in what your ex has done to u in the past, unless u have proof, it is his word against urs! hopefully he wont get legal aid and will be unable to take it any further, as it is very expensive. best advice i can give is to keep a log of everything, with times and dates, and try not to bring up petty details in court as judge wont be interested, looks like tit for tat.

I worked part time and although i get legal aid, i have to pay a certain amount back per month for the next 5 years!

all the best x

 

[xxsteffyxx]

mediation didn't work
i went to speak to them about getting a letter asking me to come along to it

soon as you mention anything to do with serious things aka drugs.domestic abuse or violence or alcohol problems then they will not take matters further
you will find they "wash their hands of you" so to speak,say they can't do anything for you and you need to go to court etc to have every detail checked in to

Hmmmm... I understand your concerns hun, but I wouldn't pass judgements about mediation so bluntly. It may not have worked for yourself, but I have been going to mediation twice with my ex partner and it worked for us.

You need to go into mediation knowing what you want. If you are trying to deny access to your child then yeah, mediation doesn't work for your case because mediation is about comprimise. Unfortunetly for my case my ex didn't want to compramise, but I did, which is why it has gone to court now for myself.

As for the drug, violence etc etc etc it always helps that ANY concerns or anythig you might have talking to your HV or social services. My ex has drug, violence and alcohol issues... all of which are documented on a police database. He's been convicted of GBH and recently he is being taken to court because two account of assault on myself and a friend... he wont get anything other then supervised access now due to the claims and the fact he is being taken to court.

It's always so sad when this sort of thing happens. I want my son to know his dad. My partner and I broke up before we did the BC and I still put him on the BC because it's my sons right to know he has a dad. I don't regret putting him on BC even after all the shit he has put me through, because mediation, court and compramise are ALL going in my favour. I have never denied access to our son even though I know all of his criminal convictions so it all goes in my favour, and now it has come to this... breaks my heart.

Good luck with everything my love. Keep going strong for your and your little one, it'll all work out in the end!! xx

 

[BigZai]

I hope it goes in your favor
I admit their are good guys and bitch moms where the guys need the court to force the mom to let him see his kids

But mostly its stuff like this where that dad should have no right and I cant stand to hear "he has right too he helped make the baby"
But thats bs like in your case he makes no effort then uses your kid as a weapon against you. Yes he helped make the baby but he didnt carry the baby, he didnt give birth he doen't care he should NOT have any rights.


But as i said if they gave fathers Zero rights then there would be good guys who get screwed