Dealing with azoospermia?

[sharon99]

Mikihob, I'm sorry you're feeling so down, AND have to worry about money on top of everything else. This diagnosis is such a perfect storm of stressful situations! MrsG, sorry you're feeling down too. I hadn't really thought about Christmas time yet- yeah, I imagine that will be hard. At least your treatment will start in the New Year, and there's a good chance next year WILL be the year you have your baby!

We had our mandated appointment with a therapist on Tuesday. It was pretty good- I only cried a little at the beginning. She didn't say anything I hadn't really heard already- she finds it best to tell the child, from the age of 2 or so, etc. The one issue DH and I hadn't really talked about, and perhaps still aren't on agreement on, is the issue of anonymous vs. "open ID" donor. I've heard it's better for a child's well-being to have the option to contact the donor when they turn 21. DH felt, I think, initially threatened by this (so did I, the first time I thought about it. And, honestly, still do find it a little threatening). Are the rest of you using DS going anonymous or open ID? Deafgal, you're using a known donor, right- are you going to have meetings or anything with the donor and your child?

Right after that, I got the last of my bloodwork done (happy Tuesday!), and so we'll be ready to start next cycle, which will be less than a month from now. It seems so scary/weird that we could actually start in less than a month!

Feeling a little better about the whole thing. I told my parents about the situation last week (they knew we'd been struggling, but didn't know the details). I was worried about their reaction to donor sperm, because a lot of our family has been built through adoption and I still feel some guilt about not adopting. They were totally supportive, though, and said all the right things. I know it's no one's decision but our own, but I still feel better.

Thanks for letting me unload here! It's like my online diary, with supporters!

 

[deafgal01]

We had our mandated appointment with a therapist on Tuesday. It was pretty good- I only cried a little at the beginning. She didn't say anything I hadn't really heard already- she finds it best to tell the child, from the age of 2 or so, etc. The one issue DH and I hadn't really talked about, and perhaps still aren't on agreement on, is the issue of anonymous vs. "open ID" donor. I've heard it's better for a child's well-being to have the option to contact the donor when they turn 21. DH felt, I think, initially threatened by this (so did I, the first time I thought about it. And, honestly, still do find it a little threatening). Are the rest of you using DS going anonymous or open ID? Deafgal, you're using a known donor, right- are you going to have meetings or anything with the donor and your child?

Right after that, I got the last of my bloodwork done (happy Tuesday!), and so we'll be ready to start next cycle, which will be less than a month from now. It seems so scary/weird that we could actually start in less than a month!


Thanks for letting me unload here! It's like my online diary, with supporters!

Yes that is correct, still using known donor for this cycle. I have not planned too far ahead in case we do switch to donor bank but if this one pans out and we have a baby with his swimmers, I will definitely make a point for our baby to know this donor as a distant relative, an uncle maybe. This way we have an easy transition when the child comes of age and can understand enough about the biology of the body and won't feel in the dark about his donor since we already have regular contact with him, by we I mean me. I contact him maybe on a weekly basis, just once a week to check in on what's up with him and so forth. So yes, we will be in touch, but I am not sure about visits, currently I only see him once a year if at all so no idea if that is something we will see change or not after having a baby, I am not opposed to the idea of letting them visit with each other since he lives out of state so it is not like he would be coming every weekend to visit ya know? And my dh would be seen as the father anyways in this situation having been with me every step of the way from IUI to birth of baby and post pregnancy with raising the baby. You can tell I have put much thought into this and discussion with my dh over this matter.

Good luck to you on your upcoming cycle!

 

[gem10]

So its cd41 and still no period. I went to my doctor today because they were concerned that I might have cyst. Well, there were no cysts, but she said my lining was really thick. So they did a BETA and they will call me with the results tomorrow. I know there is zero chance that its going to be positive, but no matter how hard I try I cant get rid of that little part of me thats wishing it were positive. So if it doesnt show they are putting me on provera to start my period. Great, more drugs! Then when I get it starting bc to prepare for our next IVF round. I just wish she would show so I can stop feeling like this, hopeful but hopeless. Oh what it must be like to have a late period and ACTUALLY be pregnant.

 

[tigerlily1975]

Melissaelaine - we had something similar. A few years ago DH had a sample which was less than 0.5 million, due to undescended testicles which were operated on when he was about 11. After we met, he went for another sample which was zero. Over the next year there were occasional sperm seen, but still mainly zero samples. We went for the tamoxifen option, thinking that he'd need surgical sperm retrieval, but fortunately the tamoxifen did enough to avoid that.

It's great that he's had some seen, as it shows his body can produce them. I would suggest you make sure you keep having samples done and freeze anything found, it would be a nightmare to get to egg collection day and have no sperm! Definitely do all the lifestyle changes and get him taking supplements - while it may not increase numbers, it may well mean that any sperm that are there are in the best condition possible.

Hope that helps. It's a long journey, but there are probably more options than there were a few years ago. Good luck!

Wow, Mercury! I didn't realise you're due in a matter of days

How are you doing?!



C xx

 

[tigerlily1975]

Hi girls! Sorry I have once again been awol, but so much going on in my world that I won't even get into it all! Just wanted to pop in and let everyone know that I've still been following along silently from the sidelines and thinking of each of you.

Quick update for me.... my IVF is set for Jan! I begin BC today and continue for 2 months, start shots Jan 10 and egg retrieval will be Jan 20!!! After being in limbo for over a year, it's all happening SO fast now!!!! I was really hoping for Dec IVF, but they were booked, so I'll take what I can get!!! I have to admit, I'm both excited and scared shitless at the same time!!! Quitting smoking has packed on some extra pounds, but at least I have 2 months to work on that... what hurts me the most is ER day is set on a day my hubby will be in dialysis, but I'd rather him be there with me on transfer day than ER day, so I just gotta deal with that. Other than that, YAY!

Hope everyone is well and I promise to be more attenave to my girls from now on! My boss had been real sick and passed away last week and I'm pretty much solo at work lately, but things will be back to normal soon...

and lots o' love to all!!!

That's fantastic news, SND!! Shall be keeping everything crossed for you in Jan!!

to everyone!

I send you all love and many and hope you all find the strength to get through this. At times, it feels like you're in the deepest, darkest hole with no escape, but somehow, you will find a way to get through it and get what you all deserve

C xx

 

[alliejc77]

Hey girls

I kinda dropped out for a while so I'm jumping back in if you'll have me. In the past month, I've found out that I have a cyst on one of my ovaries and my prolactin levels are higher than normal. I've done a repeat test in case it was a blip, if they are still high I will have an MRI to see if my pituitary gland is enlarged. I go back in January so hopefully it's good news.

Hubby and myself have both felt rubbish today. Hubby usually copes much better than me but every now and again he will have hard days, whereas if I'm honest I'm like that every day! He visited his mum and was talking about our new niece and the usual conversation followed on from that about how we were getting on etc. Anyway, the subject of "telling" or not came up and this is something that hubby and I have discussed and we feel that we want the child to know. I totally respect anyone who feels it isn't right for them but it feels right for us. So his mum didn't agree. I don't mind that too much, I didn't know how I felt about it till I read about the subject. It's not something you really think about till you have to! I just wondered if there were any UK members that are planning on telling who would like to chat to me via pm or on here just to bounce feelings off really. It's really hit home that there's so much more to deal with than just actually managing to have a baby in the first place.

Anyway, enough of my waffling. I will try to catch up to you all and in the meantime I hope things are going as well as possibly for all of you.

Allie x

 

[gem10]

Just got the call, bfn. Starting meds this weekend for af. Snd80, we will be cycli.g at the same time!!.I start shots in January and retrieval will be the week of January 20th also! It will be nice to have a partner through all of this!

 

[arzoo]

Hello Girls, sorry I have been MIA for last few days, Computer at home was down and cannot really log into this page at work

Goodluck Deafgal.

Really sorry to hear about the issue with the draw down , hope it sorts out. Not sure how it works there for you. In the UK our insurance does not cover fertility treatment. I had a tough time getting an approval for a scan for a non related issue but they were very suspicious that it was all linked.

Gem, when I read your post, I could not agree more, it was almost as though you put my thoughts into words. I feel miserable even when i see random pregnant people. if all this was not enough, facebook. I have decided to not log into facebook from now on, pages and pages of happy mom's and cute baby photos. Looks like all my busy friends who are usually inactive on FB , are attacking with vengeance when they are on their maternity leave.

The update from me is , I need to wait for the 3d scan to confirm the polyp and issue with the tube, they suspect the issue with the tube is hydrosalpinx and the specialist said, I need to get my tube closed off, if that is the case. Another hurdle to cross. Also urologist on leave etc ... so dont think we are going to be able to start our cycle before March upset about it. But guess that is how it was supposed to be.

 

[alliejc77]

Hi

Just a quick update from me. Just got a letter saying that my repeat blood tests for the prolactin showed that it was normal this time round so one less thing to worry about!

Allie

 

[Mikihob]

My 20 year old step-daughter has two girlfriends that are both 5-6 weeks pregnant. WHAT? One of them already has a 4 year old (got pregnant when she was 16) and is in a bad relationship. They fight all the time and in Sept/Oct they were split up because they fought so bad. All the while, trying to get pregnant. Success!! The other one, is engaged to her high school sweetheart and they haven't set a date yet because they fight. One of them even moved out and packed to leave the state. But they tried and Success!!

If I wasn't already heartbroken and sad enough. Why?? Why does everyone else it seems get pregnant when we can't?? Now to try to stop the tears. My hubby is going to come home to a crying, sad wife and it will ruin his night. I just can't take it. Some days I don't know how to keep going.

Sorry for another long ranty post.

 

[deafgal01]

Let it out. It is hard!

 

[sharon99]

Allie, like you I think it's a totally personal decision whether to tell or not tell, and I would never judge anyone who decided not to tell. It must be really hard that your mother in law does not agree with what you've decided, but in the end it is your decision. I've never been a parent before, but I'm guessing having kids will be a long line of other people telling me how I "should" be raising my kids- but it's YOUR family and you should be able to raise your kids the way you feel is right. My 2 cents! I know I'm not in the UK but if you want to chat about it, I've given this decision a lot of thought too.

Mikihob, sorry you're feeling so down. It just isn't fair.

I have been trying *not* to retreat into my shell recently, so I had drinks with a (younger) friend the other day that I hadn't seen in a while. I told her we were having difficulties (she is NOT someone I would tell the details to!)- and she proceeded to tell me about her amazing sex life with her new boyfriend ("I've been having timed intercourse for a year and a half!", I say in my brain), and how she was late for 2 days and was really worried she was pregnant. And I was like, oh yeah, THIS is why I don't go out!

We've started looking at donors, and THAT is really weird. I've been having dreams about it, and some trouble sleeping. Ovulation should happen in 2-3 weeks, so if we want to start this cycle we should pick someone soon. We have a few picked out, but... what if the donors are lying in the background information, what if they're secretly serial killers?! Yes, these are the thoughts that keep me up at night, yes, I know the fears are irrational, and yes, we have been watching a lot of Dexter recently! The whole thing is just... weird.

 

[deafgal01]

Sharon- that is my fear using sperm bank donors. What if they lied about something on the data? Hence why I chose to go with someone I know in real life.

 

[arzoo]

Deafgal I agree about the risks with using an unknown donor.

But somehow I just cannot come to terms with having to bear the child of someone known. Not that unknown is easy but more acceptable as an option.

 

[deafgal01]

Arzoo- good point there. I guess it does really depend on individuals in this situation. What works for one might not for another so it is important we have all these options out there. Every option has its pros and cons.

 

[tulip11]

hi
My husband finally got an appointment for Chromosomal test on 27th November . I have got a question regarding this test what sort of results of this test ill show somewhere hope ? because Idk why is it necessary to be done ? does it hold any importance in all this treatment of azoospermia ?

 

[Rainbow123]

Tulip - if they find out that his azoospermia is due to a chromosome issue then I think they would be quite sure that a mTESE wouldn't be the path for you to take, as I THINK it would mean there would be even less chance of finding sperm. This is the impression our doctor gave us anyway. X

 

[arzoo]

Agree Deafgal, it depends on individual situations. I am very uncomfortable, almost to the extend of unthinkable, that I would never want the baby to know. I shared this with one the ladies who was hosting a talk on donor support network. I must say she was shocked and just could not understand my thinking. As you said ... depends on individuals, what your family and surrounding situations are. Guess there is never a right or wrong when it comes to these things.

 

[arzoo]

Tulip : To add on to what Rainbow has said, these Chromosome tests are important because in some cases, when sperm is found during mTese, there is an added risk of passing on some of these issues to your offsprings.

Also, regarding this Chromosome tests, what I learnt is that, they check only for known abnormalities. Unforntunately , not all chromosomal abnormalities have been identified. This means that post a test, there still may not be able to identify the cause.

 

[sharon99]

Arzoo, that's weird that a woman hosting a donor support network didn't understand your thinking! Telling, not telling- it is so personal and individual, and I think families handle it a million different ways. I would think you'd have to do what you determine is right and best for your family.

Yeah, I don't think I could use someone I know in real life, either! I seem to know waaaaay too many bad stories about DH's friends. We never seriously considered it. I think I'm most comfortable with somewhere in between- wanting to know some stuff, but not TOO much. One donor I was leaning towards, I looked at his adult pictures... and that was (almost) too much. He's normal enough looking, it's just weird to see him as an *actual* person. I'd almost rather just see baby photos of the donors.

I'm off to a weekend conference today, so that should be a nice distraction. Happy weekend, ladies!