Dealing with azoospermia?

[Pink Lolly]

Hi Bookworm

Welcome to the thread - sorry to hear you are having to deal with this We all know how you feel. It is such a massive thing to have to deal with and I know it has been a complete rollercoaster for me and DH over the last 7 months. One minute we're upset, then impatient, angry, sometimes positive, then feel like giving up....and so on.....I expect you have already experienced a lot of these emotions.

We got the results of our first SA in November, and thankfully I found this thread. Since then DH has had all sorts of blood tests and an examination. DH had one undescended testicle as a child, which was corrected when he was 5/6 and has been confirmed to be damaged. The other side looks OK so they are hoping to extract sperm as all of his bloods have also cme back Ok. DH will be having his SSR in July/Aug (we are waiting now) and hoping to start our first cycle of ICSI straight after.

Keep in touch and please feel free to ask any questions (although I am not as clued up as some of the others on here though!)

 

[Deb111]

We're 14 months down the line and still have bad days, but as I've said before - unfortunately it just becomes part of who we are. Hubby and I are lucky in that we rarely have down days together. One of us is usually able to look on the positive side. Although I have to admit, I find appointment days very hard and hubby knows to stay out of my way whilst we're getting ready I just can't get the feeling of 'we shouldn't have to be doing all this' and 'what's going to go wrong at this appt?' out of my head. But .. we are doing it and we will do it, because that's how it has to be xx

 

[Pink Lolly]

We're 14 months down the line and still have bad days, but as I've said before - unfortunately it just becomes part of who we are. Hubby and I are lucky in that we rarely have down days together. One of us is usually able to look on the positive side. Although I have to admit, I find appointment days very hard and hubby knows to stay out of my way whilst we're getting ready I just can't get the feeling of 'we shouldn't have to be doing all this' and 'what's going to go wrong at this appt?' out of my head. But .. we are doing it and we will do it, because that's how it has to be xx

Wow that's wierd because me and DH are exactly the same - if I'm having a down day he seems to be OK. Then when I'm OK he seems to get really down!

 

[Deb111]

I think it's possibly a sub-conscious feeling of, he's down so I better try to put a brave face on and vice versa xx

 

[Deb111]

Right girls, I've updated the first page with some easy to access info - if you think of anything it would be useful to add, let me know.

Also let me know of any appt dates to add as I've lost track of some of those that have been mentioned in passing in posts xx

 

[silverbell]

Taken from my journal

I've been reading my 'Making Babies the Hard Way' book and it's made for really interesting reading. It's made me cry a few times though. They also had a shocking GP who actually just got rid of them after giving them the sperm results without referring them or anything! GP just said, "Sorry". Thankfully they knew a Gynae Consultant who advised them that this wasn't the end of the road yet.

One thing they said in the book was that the feelings a couple experience when they find out are exactly the same as grief and bereavement. This made me feel better, because it's exactly how we both felt with a dash of shock thrown in.

DH and I talked more about donor sperm last night. I told him more about it and the implications. I said I needed him to be entirely 1 million per cent sure about it and not just to say 'yes' because he thought I wanted to hear that or because he thought I wanted to experience pregnancy and birth. He was adamant that he wants to use donor sperm. He says he'll still be the dad, even if his genes aren't the same. He likes the idea of being there from day 1, all through pregnancy, going with me to scans etc, picking out baby items and being there at the birth. He always thought he'd experience that and still wants to now. We are both happy with the idea of adoption, but we know the waiting lists are very long and strict, particularly if you want a baby.

So I've just got to hope that I'll be OK when they check me out. I hope life isn't cruel enough that I have problems too so donor sperm isn't an option, should it come to that.

It's horrible to think of these things without knowing yet exactly what's going on with DH, but we both feel it's important to be prepared and to discuss what our feelings are should no sperm be found.

 

[silverbell]

Great edit to the first post, Deb. Really informative and useful - thank you soooo much.

I will watch your video when I get the chance and I also forgot to get DH to sign up to that forum, so will try to get that sorted too. Thank you x

PS - to add to the front - our Urologist appt is 12 July (unless a cancellation comes up).

 

[mumanddad]

Hello ladies

well we are still waiting for ohs chromozone results but i got a bfp yesterday

Im so shocked and taking it carefully.. I have already had one of his family members as if this baby is actually matts how dare they i would never cheat on him and i would never have the time! If im not at work ( i have 2 jobs n work 7 days aweek) then im with matt.

I keep asking how this has happened, did they get it wrong?

 

[silverbell]

Hello ladies

well we are still waiting for ohs chromozone results but i got a bfp yesterday

Im so shocked and taking it carefully.. I have already had one of his family members as if this baby is actually matts how dare they i would never cheat on him and i would never have the time! If im not at work ( i have 2 jobs n work 7 days aweek) then im with matt.

I keep asking how this has happened, did they get it wrong?

Oh my goodness me, congratulations!

I'm guessing just 1 single sperm made it out for some reason and defied all the odds to reach your egg? How bizarre (but fantastic).

You lucky, lucky lady. I'm so pleased for you.

As for the rude people Just try to ignore them. You and Matt know the truth and that's all that matters.

 

[mumanddad]

Hello ladies

well we are still waiting for ohs chromozone results but i got a bfp yesterday

Im so shocked and taking it carefully.. I have already had one of his family members as if this baby is actually matts how dare they i would never cheat on him and i would never have the time! If im not at work ( i have 2 jobs n work 7 days aweek) then im with matt.

I keep asking how this has happened, did they get it wrong?

Oh my goodness me, congratulations!

I'm guessing just 1 single sperm made it out for some reason and defied all the odds to reach your egg? How bizarre (but fantastic).

You lucky, lucky lady. I'm so pleased for you.

As for the rude people Just try to ignore them. You and Matt know the truth and that's all that matters.

Thank you x

i have explained to matt just because its happened this time doesn't mean it will happen again but he is just so excited because one little spermy servived bless him.

I would really like it if i can stay around with you all? X

 

[Deb111]

Hello ladies

well we are still waiting for ohs chromozone results but i got a bfp yesterday

Im so shocked and taking it carefully.. I have already had one of his family members as if this baby is actually matts how dare they i would never cheat on him and i would never have the time! If im not at work ( i have 2 jobs n work 7 days aweek) then im with matt.

I keep asking how this has happened, did they get it wrong?

Fabulous news! They do say that men with azoospermia often have a VERY low sperm count and it's just that no sperm make it through to the semen. I guess one or two must have!!

Of course you can stay around with us - this is all part of your journey. We need to be reading success stories like this and Flake-y's and Looby-Lou's

 

[silverbell]

Of course you can stay around with us - this is all part of your journey. We need to be reading success stories like this and Flake-y's and Looby-Lou's

Couldn't agree more

 

[waitingginger]

congratulations mumanddad! its brilliant news!

i can echo silverbell and Deb would be great for you to stick around
xxxx

 

[waitingginger]

on another note can i ask a stupid Q?
anyone know why is my signature always so far down my posts? is it something i can change in settings?

 

[Deb111]

on another note can i ask a stupid Q?
anyone know why is my signature always so far down my posts? is it something i can change in settings?

Only thing I can think is that the message box has to be quite deep to fit in all of the info and your avatar on the left hand side and it puts it at the bottom of that so if you're only writing a shortish post there will be a big gap??

 

[silverbell]

on another note can i ask a stupid Q?
anyone know why is my signature always so far down my posts? is it something i can change in settings?

That's very odd indeed - I would ask on the forum help board and hopefully a Mod can help you sort it out, as I've no idea what could be causing that.

 

[WANBMUM]

Hi Girls
I've been stalking this thread for weeks. Been reading right from the beginning and its great to see that alot of the girls at the start of this thread have baby signatures now.
Anyway, after reading the last few pages I feel like I am going through a similar journey as alot of you.
My hubby and I have been TTC over 2 years now. My OH has been for 3 SA tests and all have come back with no sperm. He has had a scan and we are currently waiting for an Ultrasound at the end of July.
It has been a SLOW LONG drawn out process between tests, I this is what I have found so frustrating, but I guess looking back maybe it has been a good thing (kind of) as the time inbetween has given us the time to prepare for whats next.
So like most of you, we have good days and bad days, My OH deals with it quietly, I just cry alot, i can cry at the drop of a hat!
Do you girls feel horrible or guilty feeling down? I am afraid my hubby will think I am blaming him or he will feel responsible for my sadness. Its so terrible feeling like this. We do talk about this which is good. I think I am just mad at the world! not him!
So basically on the 22nd July my OH has his ultrasound and he has been told, he will have a definate answer from this, he thinks they have an idea of what is wrong after the scan but they advised they will tell him for definate after the ultrasound. (not sure if i believe them but thats another story - hehe)
We have discussed donor sperm if needed, it was hubby that brought this up, he said he has no probs with this. Which is great, but it kills me to think we cant have my OH's biological baby.
Anyway, sorry for ranting.

 

[silverbell]

We have discussed donor sperm if needed, it was hubby that brought this up, he said he has no probs with this. Which is great, but it kills me to think we cant have my OH's biological baby.
Anyway, sorry for ranting.

Welcome, Wanbmum, and I'm so sorry you find yourself here. Rant away!

Your quote above is exactly how I feel. It's just heartbreaking to think we might not carry our OH's babies. Truly heartbreaking.

I couldn't agree more about being mad at the world. That's how I feel. Just mad at the unfairness and the way we are being made to suffer because of this through no fault of our own, when all we ever wanted was to get married and have a lovely little family of our own. It didn't seem like much to ask for and pretty much everybody else seems to manage. Yep, still very angry. I have days when I'm more angry than others.

For me I must admit that I have come to already believe that DH doesn't produce sperm at all. I know I'm jumping the gun, but I think it's my way of dealing with it. If I convince myself he hasn't got any then at least I've prepared myself a little, although I'm sure that piece of news would knock me down all the same.

Take care of each other and keep talking

 

[WANBMUM]

Hi Silverbell and thanks
YES I AM EXACTLY THE SAME! I also believe the same as you, I think it is just a natural coping mechanism, at least when we get the news, we have almost prepared for it i guess. Even though, i am not looking forward to that blow and I know it will be traumatic!
Do you feel like when you think about it, it is all so surreal? As if it cant be true, that your not really going through something as awful as this?
Yes people say women chose their husbands on being potential fathers to their future children, their best qualities, so it is bound to be devastating when that cant be
Who knows, maybe we wont have to worry and things will be ok.
I do know something, when we do have children, however we may get them, we will cherish EVERY SECOND of every day. I see some people and they really dont realise how lucky they are. Such is life hey!

 

[silverbell]

Yep, some days I wake up and for a split second I wonder if I dreamed it. Sometimes during the day I will just be thinking about it and just cannot believe it's really happening to us. It seems the stuff of nightmares.

I do hope that we won't have to worry and things will be OK. More than anything.

I know what you mean about people not realising how lucky they are.