Dealing with azoospermia?

[silverbell]

DH was just diagnosed with this yesterday. I haven't stopped crying. I am heading out and will be back to keep reading though this thread. I'm so glad I am not alone in this.

I am so sorry, CM

I remember this feeling so clearly and it's the most vile, horrible time and was the darkest, most shattering time in my life. You're not alone in your feelings and we are all here for you whenever you need us or if you have any questions or if you just want to rant. Take your time coming to terms with it and what it brings with it and be kind to each other.

Thinking of you

---

Bookworm, glad to hear things are moving forwards for you!

 

[CanadianMaple]

Thank you for the welcomes. It isn't a club I ever expected to ever have to join. They are doing a repeat SA on DH this Wednesday.

He now remembers having inguinal hernia surgery when he was 8. He was also in a car accident when he was hit by a drunk driver in '98. He was in a coma with septicemia, a perforated bowel and a broken back. He had an ostomy for 6 months. We wonder if either one of those are to blame.

He's in denial. He keeps thinking it's a mistake and I am ahead of myself asking for a referral to the RE clinic in the city nearby. I have no idea what will happen. I don't know if we can afford to do ART.

I hate all of the unknowns. DH is seeing a urologist soon, we hope. I also want us to get into the RE, I think it's a 3 month wait.

It makes me feel weak in the knees when I look at this. Going from using OPKs, waiting for a BFP, obsessing to a total stop. We don't even have a faction of a percentage of a chance to conceive. It's even worse than the definition of IF when you google it.

I'm a mess. We got the results and didn't speak to a doctor. I don't recommend that. No one talked to us and explained anything. I know what I know now because of Dr. Google.

 

[Sar187]

CanadianMaple-So sorry you find yourself here. As the other ladies have said you will need time to grieve. Some days will be harder than others. This is a wonderful group and here to help answer your questions and give you support. My DH had inuinal hernia surgery twice. The left side at 5 months old and the right side at 4 years old. When he had his sperm retrieval done, there was a lots of scarring from the surgeries, both around his vas deferens and around his epididymis. They were able to retrieve plenty of sperm from his testes though. I know it is a horrible and hard diagnosis but don't give up hope.

Bookworm-Sorry you have been having a hard time. Seeing other people, especially people close to us have babies is hard. Especially when it feels like it happens so easy for them. We are happy for them but we are so sad for ourselves that it is hard to show our happiness for them. I am glad that your DH has been showing a bit of softness. I think sometimes they try to be so strong for us that we don't even realize how hard this all is on them. I know during this 2nd IVF/ICSI cycle I have had a few moments where I was just really worried/scared about things not turning out right and when DH finally admitted that he has all the same worries, and checks my meds every morning to make sure I didn't forget anything it made me feel a lot better. Don't feel like you are being selfish all your reactions are perfectly normal.

AFM-I have my last monitoring u/s tomorrow morning and should be triggering tomorrow night for a Friday EC. As of Yesterday I had somewhere around 17 follies between 11 and 23mm. Can't button the top button on my pants because I am so bloated already this cycle lol. I hope EOE is doing well!

 

[Bookworm]

CanadianMaple, I think all the ladies here reading your post will be reliving those early days with you. DH & I went through the same process of hoping for a better result on the 2nd SA but at the same time working through what we thought might be causing the azoospermia... it's perfectly natural. There are just so many possibilities for you right now, I hope you can find a way of coping with the uncertainty... It's something that I think we all find tough.
And I know what you mean about the OPKs... I just threw out an unopened packet last week been in my drawer for MONTHS; I'd bought them just before we got the SA results & couldn't quite bring myself to deal with them before now.
But try not to think of this as a total stop, it's horrible, scary, stressful, yes - but as my DH kept reminding me in our early days: you're not out until you're out.

Sar - so far so good on your cycle!

AFM - DH & I are at home recovering from our EC/SSR: I had 17 follies of which they picked out 11 at the right size to give eggs & of those 9eggs were mature.
DH had a great result too - since beginning our cycle we were placed with a different consultant (ie not the guy that did the test biopsy) This new guy does the procedure by first attempting to aspirated the sperm off through the epididymis (last guy went straight to cut). So where our test showed swimmers, the guys they got were immature & not great quality; today they got a great batch with enough to inject all 9 eggs plus 3.5 straws frozen - & they seem hopeful of the quality for future thaw (we did have a straw from the test biopsy but lost it this morning when they tried to thaw).

We're still anxious about the process (first-timers!) but we're happy with how things have gone so far (delighted with the SSR) We'll know tomorrow morning how our 9 are doing & I think we schedule ET then....

 

[Deb111]

Great news so far bookworm. Hope you're both doing ok Will be praying for good news for you tomorrow xx

 

[Sar187]

Bookworm-good news so far. Hoping you get good fertilization and a good # of those 9 fertilize normally!

 

[MJ73]

Hi Girls,
So much to catch up on, sorry I haven't been on for a while, I have been keeping up to date reading, just have been soooo tired & busy. So many personals to catch up on, so a long post!

Silverbell & Cosita Thanks for the welcome, nice to 'meet' you. Silverbell, keeping everything crossed for January; Cosita, sounds like a good result, fingers crossed for you.

Deb, how are you hun? It sounds like you have been having a tough time. I think the constant waiting that comes with IVf is the hardest part. Especially for those of us who's partners have azoos as we know there is NO chnace of that miracle non-ivf bub that many others doing ivf at least can hope for. Will be hanging out for you to do your natural FET in January & keeping everything crossed. That bloody frozen sperm issue was so tough for us, my poor DH actually went into shock & started shaking & passed out when he realised that he had to have his procedure again. He still suffers pain from his last procedure in March, poor love.At least with the FET you don't have to worry about sperm thawing issues.

SND, so, so sorry about the robbery, that's just horrible. It sounds like things are moving along for you, it will be great to follow your journey.

Wanbmum, I love your positive attitude, sometimes hope is all we have to hang on to.

Welcome MRSD, as long as they can find some sperm there is hope, look at Deb & I, in our situations they're dealing with less than 50 sperm (not 50000; 50!) and we managed to get some fertilisation, so your situation sounds hopeful to me.

MissAma; a stroke! That sounds terrible you poor thing! And then your boss having a go at you; your boss should keep their nose in their own business. Will be keeing evrything crossed for you for January too; sounds like January is a big month!

Sar187, keeping everything cossed for you, those stim drugs can make you feel so unwell. Rest up & be kind to yourself.

Welcome CM, sorry you're having such a tough time, this is truly a devestating time. Take one second, minute, hour, day at a time & hang in there, this is a great, supportive group

Bookworm, it sounds like it's all happening for you, cycle wise! We also have CF issue, my DH has a CF gene mutation & I am a full carrier, so there is a slim chnace that our child (if we get that lucky) could have an A-Typical form of CF, we, however cannot afford PGD, so are just hoping for the best. I love your "realistic optimism /optimistic realism...", that's the stage we're at at the moment. Sounds like a goof haul, egg wise. Each step that you get through is an achievement, so hang in there!

Step Mummy, how you travelling hun? I agree, if we didn't have patience at the beginning of thus then we sure do by the end. Have you chosen a new donor yet or did I miss that?

AFM, well we made it through the 1st hurdle of ovulation (yay) and then had our lovely thawed hatching blastocyst transfered on tues 29/11. We were soo nervous about this after our experience with the sperm thaw, but it all went well. Thank GOD! Our clinic gives defrosted embryos a % score and ours scored 100% and was re-expanding too. Our beautiful FS (who we love) said "look at it, it's gorgeous; looks just like a fresh one". So currently we are still just waiting. we have the BT on friday. Can I just say that I hate the 2 week wait (although for us it's 10 days). This has to be one of the toughest things I've done in my life. I keep thinking I am getting my period (it's due today). My DH gave me a good talking to this morn, telling me how much he loves & that nothing can change that & that we've done all that we can & the rest is in God's hands... So 2 more sleeps ladies.
You're all such a great source of comfort & kindness.
to us all,

Mel xx

 

[wibble wobble]

Hi MJ hope you get news on friday xx

 

[kosenrufu]

Thank you..keeping my fingers crossed! I have suddenly started praying harder than i ever have in my life and keep googling for miracle stories

i am living on the hope that we will have our miracle soon!

Thanks for being there..means a lot lot...you are in my prayers too.

 

[silverbell]

Lots going on for Sar, MJ Bookworm this Friday Thinking of you all.

 

[Sar187]

MJ hoping Friday is a good day for both of us!

 

[Pink Lolly]

MJ hoping Friday is a good day for both of us!

Sar and MJ, we have our first IUI with donor sperm on Friday - fingers crossed its a lucky day!!! Sending you lots of

 

[snd80]

Pink Lolly, I am so excited for you! I can't wait til the time comes when we have our first IUI w/ donor done... hopefully May or June of next year! How is your hubby coping with this step? Mine seems ok with it now, but who knows when the time finally comes around? Loads of Good Luck!

Hope everyone else is doing well! And good luck to Sar and MJ for Friday too! So good to see so many girls moving along on here! to each of you!

 

[Pink Lolly]

Thanks snd

My hubby seems ok with it all, we had always said that we would use a donor if the TESE was unsuccessful so have been geared up for it since we got the first SA results a year ago - so I guess in hindsight although I've hated waiting the time has helped us come to terms with things.

I think my dh is just grateful that gather are donors out there, as this is our only chance for a family. He did get a bit emotional today saying thank you to me for sticking with him and using a donor as I'm giving him the amazing gift of a child...and he said his parents feel the same about me giving them a grandchild too (well hopefully anyway). He does sometimes say things like 'it won't really be mine' and I get a bit worried, but hoping that will pass when it actually happens!

Good luck to you too - what stage are you at? Xx

 

[tigerlily1975]

Hey everyone,

Just wanted to pop along to wish GOOD LUCK to MJ73, BookWorm and Sar187, sending you all big, bouncy, positive thoughts.

I hope everyone's well, lots going on here. Sorry this is short and sweet, just got back from much-needed holiday (we need these treats to keep us going, don't we?) and I'm severely jet-lagged. We arrived home to an appointment letter for DH's TESE. They've set it for beginning of Feb, but we'll have to post-pone as we're moving then. It's all beginning to feel very real now, I'm so petrified at the thought that they won't find any. Ah, I need to get some sleep and try and find some PMA!

As always I send you all big

C xx

 

[Bookworm]

Thanks for the good wishes - & it is looking like a Friday ET for us: so I'll be joining Sar, MJ & Pink Lolly for 'lucky Friday'

Hi MJ - when did you learn about being CF carrier? Did you always know?
We have just found out through this process; there is a history of unexplained Infertility in DH's family & just over 10years ago his DB was diagnosed with azoospermia & then tested & cleared for CF - turns out that at that time they couldn't identify the particular mutation they both carry. My BIL has just been retested & found to be positive. We're in the lucky position that I'm not a carrier (of anything they can currently detect that is).

We heard from clinic today that 5 of our 9 eggs have fertilised overnight tomorrow we'll hear how they're developing & ET will be confirmed - fx that they make it through the night...

Just a note on 'PMA': when talking to the embryologist today I was trying to get an idea of timing for the ET because I'm doing acupuncture & want to go before the procedure. I was a bit embarrassed to tell him, thinking that this medical man would scoff - but actually he was really supportive! He didn't go so far as to say it works, but in the conversation he commented on how important it is for us ladies to be as relaxed as possible dohh & that PMA is important - he talked about 'negative feedback' from the brain if a patient is pessimistic of their chances...
Now obviously simply being positive & optimistic will not get you pg (unfortunately we all know its a lot more complicated than that) but I did think it was interesting that that the specialists put SO much importance on it..... Mind you; easier said than done but if it could help I'll definitely be packing up my anxieties, getting my PMA on & trading in my 'realism' for out-&-out optimism

 

[Pink Lolly]

Good luck bookworm! Lucky Friday....I like it!!

That's a good point about PMA....I will definitely be trying!

 

[snd80]

Good luck to you too - what stage are you at? Xx

Well, not a stage really. I have been given the green light to proceed at any time I get ready by the specialist. But we are going to wait until May or June so I can loose a bit more weight, and build our funds back up after getting robbed last month. I still have to have a HSG done (hopefully either this month or next), and then when the time comes take the first month w/ clomid and have my progesterone checked, and then proceed w/ the IUI the next. Everyone (our family) is chomping at the bit for us to go ahead and do it, but I would rather wait until I loose more weight first. I just don't wanna risk anything with us only having "one shot", ya know?

My hubby seems ok with everything for now, I am just scared that if it takes and I do get pg., that he will flake out on me and I will be stuck by myself alone with a baby by a man I don't even know! I guess I am just one of those that thinks waayyy too ahead and jumps to conclusions. LOL! Only a select few in our circle know we are going for donor (my mom, my sister and my aunt). Everyone else in the family thinks we are having IUI done with hubby's sperm. And that is the way he wants it. I guess he thinks it reflects on his "manhood" or something. IDK!

Glad you hubby is being a great sport about it! And really hope it takes the first time!!! Fingers crossed for you!!!

 

[Pink Lolly]

We have only told our parents about the donor too - everyone else thinks we're using hubbies sperm. Again it was his choice like yours and I think if it makes it easier for them then it's best to go with it! Afterall it must be strange for them really x

 

[MJ73]

Hi all,

Thanks Silverbell, SND, Wibble & Tigerlilly we need all the fairy dust, finger crossing & praying that we can get

Thanks Sar; fingers crossed for both of us hun

Pink Lolly, how exciting to you too hun, friday is a busy.

Tigerlilly, good luck for the TESE for FEB, fingers crossed.

Hi Bookworm, We found out just before our 1st cycle that I am a full carrier after testing for CF revealed that DH has a CF gene mutation, so they tested me. We've been led to believe that the CFGM could be the cause of DH's azoos. We spent many hours of counselling with the Genetisist at our ivf & in the end were told that we have very little chance of having a child with full CF, a slim chance of having a child with 'atypicle CF' (a lesser form of CF, not life threatening) & a 25% chance that if it is a boy he will inherit the azoos part of DH's CFGM, which is a bit of added stress that no-one needs when doing IVF. I also do acupuncture, I find it so good for stress relief during the cycle. It is, I understand the only natural therapy with any proof of increasing implantation rates during IVF. My specialist even suggested acu to us.

AFM, well, one more sleep till we find out if this cycle has been a success. I seem to have hours of being fine & feeling quite positive, interspersed with these moments of sheer, blinding stand-still panic where I'm sure that it hasn't worked. My lovely DH just keeps telling me 'not to borrow trouble' & just wait till tomorrow. Sweetheart that he is.

So, breath in... Breath out...

I will update you all tomorrow afternoon Sydney time to let you know the result. Last time we started off with a low bhcg that caught up & then ended in a nasty miscarriage at 6 weeks. Last time I felt so alone, this time I have all you beautiful girls who are going through the same thing. Thankyou for all the care & support.

Waiting, hoping, wishing, praying.

MJ