Depression and anxiety

[ImSoTired]

So I found a depression thread but no one had posted on it since Sept so I thought I could start a new one. I'm feeling pretty awful today and thought I could share here. I Began having anxiety attacks back in 2006 when I was 18/19 years old. Not knowing what they were I continued to just ignore my feelings and therefore they got much worse in 2007. My anxiety then became or resulted in depression. 2007 and 2008 were very difficult years for me. I felt terrible all of the time and I would come home from work and bawl my eyes out for hours in the dark. I also had some pretty disturbing thoughts. My husband (then bf) thought I was losing it! I finally talked to my dr about it and he prescribed some antidepressants. Slowly but surely with the right dosage and time I became a happy person again with the occasional bout of anxiety or sadness. 2009 and 2010 (the year I got married) looked bright! Earlier this year (may) I finally weened myself (with supervision of my doc) off of all my meds (including bc) and was planning on starting a family. Well here I am now ttc with an irregular cycle (caused by coming off my bc) and what I think is a horrible hormonal imbalance (emotional and breaking out like crazy) and a 7 day late af (with 2 bfns!).Please tell me I'm not going crazy. Does anyone else know how I feel?

 

[Groovychick]

I have suffered with depression on and off for several years and am currently trying to find alternative ways (besides anti-depressants) of coping. I do admit though, it isn't easy at all.

First and foremost, congratulations on weaning yourself off your meds. It must have been a significant challenge for you, but you did it! In relation to TTC, take a deep breath and relax. Your will come soon whether it be this cycle or one in the near future. TTC can be a very stressful experience but try to take it in your stride rather than let it dominate your life.

 

[ImSoTired]

Thanks I really appreciate it. I had a difficult time with some of my meds but I knew I had to get off of them if I get pg. I was on some of those that are on the commercials for birth defects and that scared me. I haven't taken any since may. I have some difficult days but a healthy baby would be so worth it. I can't wait for my bfp but I know I will have some difficult days.

 

[kittycat18]

I have post natal depression now and have been extremely suicidal. My medicine was making me feel worse. I have a beautiful baby who I love dearly but I just want to harm myself and drink myself into oblivion

 

[ImSoTired]

I'm so sorry I didn't reply sooner but I haven't checked this post in a while. I don't have any children yet but I know the feelings you are having. I have been suicidal also. I hafta say I have never really tried anything besides drinking and taking a lot of my meds but I have thought a lot about it. I would think of ways to kill myself and plan it out. I'm so thankful I never went through with it. It's so sad and terrible. I know sometimes meds don't help or add to the feelings of depression and anxiety. You need to ask your doc for a different med or dosage. I hope you begin to feel better. Please let me know if you need support. I have been where you are. It is scary but you need to try and get past it. Be strong, I'm here.

 

[happyface82]

Hi girls! Can I join you? I've been feeling pretty low lately. I am in general very up and down. Can be super excited the one minute and wanting to die the next. Been having many negative thoughts lately, days where I don't want to get out bed etc. My little girl gives me strength. I use to drink every day before I got pregnant but now I have to care for her so I'm very careful even though I've started to slip lately. I don't drink much but feel like I need 2 glasses a day to feel better. And sometimes very early in the day.

Not sure what else to say, went to a psychiatrist last year who diagnosed me with cyclothymia. Its like bipolar only not as bad. I don't' think this is what I have I just feel very very moody. Anyhow, that's me!

 

[ImSoTired]

sorry to hear happyface. I know how you feel. I'm happy to hear that your baby gives you strength. I completely understand that and I hope you get through these difficult times you are having. Maybe the doctor can give you some advice or a low dosage of something that will help you through it. I know you can't really drink with the kinds of meds they will give you (from experience) but one or two glasses a day isn't too bad. Just stick to it and stay strong. Good luck to you. And your baby is beautiful by the way!

 

[happyface82]

Thank you so so much!

Its great to talk to some people who can actually understand and not think I'm crazy!

I really don't want to take meds as I want to ttc in the next few months so I'm trying to battle it on my own!

Are you feeling any better today? Your BFP will come soon, its hard not to stress about it but you'll get there! Its amazing what you have achieved to have this baby!

 

[ImSoTired]

Thank you so so much!

Its great to talk to some people who can actually understand and not think I'm crazy!

I really don't want to take meds as I want to ttc in the next few months so I'm trying to battle it on my own!

Are you feeling any better today? Your BFP will come soon, its hard not to stress about it but you'll get there! Its amazing what you have achieved to have this baby!

You are very welcome. I know how difficult it is to find somebody who really understands feelings of depression especially. I have tried to talk to friends and even dh about it and they think I'm having some sort of pity party or being nuts! They didn't understand that I really felt completely uselss and just wanted to die. It didn't help me at all that no one knew where i was coming from. I've had a few friends in the past who have comitted suicide and I cried and cried because I knew what they were feeling. I couldn't help but think that if they knew I felt the same way and we talked about it maybe they would still be here. I'm certainly not blaming myself but perhaps knowing someone is going through the same thing would help. I got angry with some friends who said those who committed suicide took the easy way out and they couldn't even stand up to life. I feel that it is a very difficult and painful way out and you never know how they feel until you've been there yourself. But I totally understand. I think you are strong to stay away from meds for your children. That is why I stopped taking them as well. I still have some very bad days but I can't help but thinking that a healthy baby is worth so much more than my depression. I hope you feel better soon and definately let me know if you need someone to talk to.

 

[happyface82]

I'm really sorry about your friends! That is so sad I know exactly what you mean about wanting to die and feeling completely useless. I've been feeling so useless for the last 2 weeks and feel that when I try to talk about it to my husband or a couple of close friends they think I'm a drama queen and don't take me seriously. Its like I'm emphasising a feeling that is not there, little do they know that it is so very true and this is why I'm struggling so much!

You are totally right, a healthy baby will be sooo worth it and will give you a damn good reason to want to stay alive and healthy!

 

[ImSoTired]

Thanks. I just know how you feel. I guess people with these sort of problems need to stick together during difficult times. Hope you feel better soon!

 

[kittycat18]

I'm so sorry I didn't reply sooner but I haven't checked this post in a while. I don't have any children yet but I know the feelings you are having. I have been suicidal also. I hafta say I have never really tried anything besides drinking and taking a lot of my meds but I have thought a lot about it. I would think of ways to kill myself and plan it out. I'm so thankful I never went through with it. It's so sad and terrible. I know sometimes meds don't help or add to the feelings of depression and anxiety. You need to ask your doc for a different med or dosage. I hope you begin to feel better. Please let me know if you need support. I have been where you are. It is scary but you need to try and get past it. Be strong, I'm here.

Thanks gorgeous I know, I went to see my doctor on Friday and he changed my medication to a different brand and also to a higher dosage. He has offered counselling but I am thinking about it first before I make a decision. I know how you feel. I drink all the time to try and feel happier. This was long before I was pregnant and now the past 2 weeks. I used to take drugs regularly and have been having very strange dreams lately about over-dosing on heroin (which I never took) and also dreams that I have been crying and drown myself in the ocean. It's getting very terrifying at this stage. Thank you very much for your support. x

 

[ImSoTired]

I'm so sorry I didn't reply sooner but I haven't checked this post in a while. I don't have any children yet but I know the feelings you are having. I have been suicidal also. I hafta say I have never really tried anything besides drinking and taking a lot of my meds but I have thought a lot about it. I would think of ways to kill myself and plan it out. I'm so thankful I never went through with it. It's so sad and terrible. I know sometimes meds don't help or add to the feelings of depression and anxiety. You need to ask your doc for a different med or dosage. I hope you begin to feel better. Please let me know if you need support. I have been where you are. It is scary but you need to try and get past it. Be strong, I'm here.

Thanks gorgeous I know, I went to see my doctor on Friday and he changed my medication to a different brand and also to a higher dosage. He has offered counselling but I am thinking about it first before I make a decision. I know how you feel. I drink all the time to try and feel happier. This was long before I was pregnant and now the past 2 weeks. I used to take drugs regularly and have been having very strange dreams lately about over-dosing on heroin (which I never took) and also dreams that I have been crying and drown myself in the ocean. It's getting very terrifying at this stage. Thank you very much for your support. x

Happy you went to see your dr. Your baby needs you! She is BEAUTIFUL by the way. I can't wait until I have a baby of my own. My dr offered me counseling also and I didn't do it but looking back I think maybe it could have been good for me and helped me get through the hard times. However I also have anxiety so sitting down and talking with a stranger about my terrible feelings terrified me. I think it would have proved beneficial though and it is definately something you should consider.As for the dreams, when I was on anti depressants I found that I had very strange and vivid dreams that seemed very real. It was scary sometimes and I hope that maybe your change in meds will do away with them. Feel better and keep me posted if you need.

 

[happyface82]

How are you girls doing?

I've had a really bad night last night. I remember this time last year I was feeling the same. In the sumer I do feel much better. I'm dreading the fact that its only end of November. I find that I want to drink on a daily basis to feel better -not get drunk but just enough to feel a difference- and i'm having trouble sleeping-. Arrrgghh this is hard

 

[ImSoTired]

Happyface- Maybe you have seasonal depression? I had a pretty bad day yest myself. Stupid nurse I talked to on the phone really upset me. Ugg. I'm pretty miserable. Hoping it's actually PMS.

 

[happyface82]

I had never heard of seasonal depression until recently. I think this is what it is. Its the 3rd year I'm noticing this pattern! Actually the only year I wasn't feeling like this was when I was pregnant if I remember correctly. I was just so happy to be pregnant nothing could bring me down! So maybe for you it will also become easier once you get your BFP.

 

[ImSoTired]

I had never heard of seasonal depression until recently. I think this is what it is. Its the 3rd year I'm noticing this pattern! Actually the only year I wasn't feeling like this was when I was pregnant if I remember correctly. I was just so happy to be pregnant nothing could bring me down! So maybe for you it will also become easier once you get your BFP.

I certainly hope so. I'm trying to take care of myself I have appts and stuff coming up, so hopefully it will show that my late cycles are just a fluke thing and i can start trying again and get my bfp! I'm sure
(besides the weight gain) that I will be happy when pregnant because thats pretty much all I can think about.
I know that seasonal depression is probably the most common. I guess it is maybe just the shock of the seasons changing and the stress of the upcoming holidays that really sends people into this depression. Luckily my depression isn't seasonal so I don't mind the change but I do get particularly stressed about money buying gifts for everyone. And I do notice that mid winter I get a little cabin fever from being inside a lot.
I'm having more anxiety problems then depression lately so I'm just hoping to even out and relax a while.
Anyway I hope you feel better.

 

[ImSoTired]

Really emotional today. Just got done crying my eyes out. I'm really having a hard time. It's bad enough that I am unmedicated with depression and anxiety but I am having a terrible time since going off of bc. It has given me bad acne and I'm losing my hair(not like in clumps but I can notice it is thinner)!The dermatologist won't treat me because the only things he thinks will work for my acne are dangerous to women who are pregnant and he knows I'm ttc.My cycles are completely messed up. I'm on cd52 I think and I don't have any af symptoms (a few cramps here and there...very dull not like af at all). How am I going to get pregnant at all with these crazy cycles? I may not even be ovulating! Like I need the extra stress! I already have depression and anxiety....

 

[kittycat18]

Happy you went to see your dr. Your baby needs you! She is BEAUTIFUL by the way. I can't wait until I have a baby of my own. My dr offered me counseling also and I didn't do it but looking back I think maybe it could have been good for me and helped me get through the hard times. However I also have anxiety so sitting down and talking with a stranger about my terrible feelings terrified me. I think it would have proved beneficial though and it is definately something you should consider.As for the dreams, when I was on anti depressants I found that I had very strange and vivid dreams that seemed very real. It was scary sometimes and I hope that maybe your change in meds will do away with them. Feel better and keep me posted if you need.

Thanks gorgeous. I love my little girl, she is a wee dote and does need me. I feel a bit better from changing medication x

 

[ImSoTired]

Kittycat- I happy to hear that the new med is working for you and I hope you continue to feel better. As for me, I am stressed to the max and I can't seem to relax at all! I haven't even been sleeping well and I used to sleep great! I need to look for ways to relax without medication so I can get pregnant with a healthy baby and then I can go back on meds if need be. I've even had it with the poor dog! She is barking and I can't handle it! Good luck and happy you're feeling better!