Devastated that I'll lose my baby for Christmas

[duckytwins]

We have 6 year old twin boys at home and I was thrilled when DH decided he was ready to try for a third! We got pg in October and were so excited!! I had some bleeding issues early on (had the same with the boys), and was checked and checked and everything was fine. We finally decided it was okay to tell people that we were pregnant and began telling work, family and friends on Thanksgiving that we were having a baby!!

I went in for my NT scan just before 13 weeks and was lead to believe everything was fine.... until I got a phone call from my Dr. that afternoon. He said he thought the baby's facial structure looked a little off and told me to go to the hospital for another scan. DH went with me the next day and we got the news...

There was a definite facial and head structure abnormality and the Dr. said there was too much fluid in the brain. She suspected trisomy 13 and asked me to get a CVS done. DH and I were devastated. After 3 months, we might lose the baby.

We went in for the CVS on Friday afternoon and it was horrible. I couldn't stop crying, knowing there was something wrong and the stupid sonographer made us listen to the heartbeat and said, "It sounds good!"

It's only been three days since the test and I can't stop crying. All I can think about it that my baby will die. I am pregnant with a baby who won't live. I know we haven't gotten the test results back yet (those will come either tomorrow or Wednesday), but the problems were so clear on the ultrasound, I can't imagine the outcome will be a good one.

I want so badly to pray for a miracle or for news that they were wrong, but I know it won't come. I have never been so devastated in my life. All I can think about over and over in my head is, "my baby will die. It's less than two weeks from Christmas and my baby will die." How am I supposed to handle this??

I feel so alone and scared and confused, and a little angry. Please help me. Please tell me it will be okay and I'm not being punished.

And oh God, how do we tell the boys? How do you tell 6 year olds, who know there's a baby in mommy's tummy, that the baby won't live? How do you explain that???

OMG, I can't do this. It's just too hard...

 

[kiki04]

OMG hun I am so so so sorry you are going through this I know it wont be easy to tell your children, but you can tell them in your own time. I had 3 children to tell, ages 3, 7, and 9 and yes it was extremely difficult and they didnt handle it very well. We explained to them that the baby in mommy's tummy got very very very sick and so the dr's had to take it out so there is no more baby in mommy's tummy. The older 2 didnt say a word and walked out. My youngest didnt quite get it til awhile down the road. They still love their baby sister very much and talk about her often which warms my heart But dont feel any rush to tell them. Wait until you are ready. They wont know the difference if you tell them now or in 2 weeks. I know this is going to be a very difficult Christmas for you and nothing anyone can say or do will make it better but I want you to know we are all here for you. Anytime you need to cry or vent or scream or yell... thats what we are here for. This group of ladies has helped me so much its unbelieveable. I really hope time is gentle on you and you can find a way to look into your two boys little faces on xmas and find a reason to smile, because even though it doesnt seem like it right now.... there is always a reason to smile and keep going.

 

[KamIAm]

Hi Hon...

My heart is breaking for you.... I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers... prayers of comfort, strength and peace....

Initially, when I told my children that their sister has gone to heaven, they took that news better than I thought they would, I was dreading having to have THAT talk with them... They all had a lot of questions and I was very frank, and honest with them... I think that helped them better understand... My older daughters took it a bit harder than my boys..they was sad but they was more sad at the fact their mom and their family was upset so that upset them, but my girls was VERY excited about their lil sister coming so their lil dreams they had all planned had ended...

Yes, you are definately gonna have your moments, heck even days...but just hang in there babe... and remind yourself to breath We'll always be here for you Xoxoxox

 

[DueSeptember]

I hate seeing new posts here I am sorry...I dont think anyone should experience this horrible experience...The Holidays will not be the same for any of us and we will be here if you ever want to talk...these Ladies are Lovely and it sucks we all have to know each other this way

 

[Hellylou]

I'm so sorry you are going through this. There is nothing worse, and we all know the terrible pain. I am thinking of you. We are all here to listen.

As for your boys, children are remarkably resilient, and can cope with more than you realise, and they will be fine. Look after yourself during these difficult times ahead.

 

[OliveBay]

I'm so sorry you're going through this

 

[SarahJane]

I am so sorry and pray that you get good news xxx

 

[Andypanda6570]

I hate seeing these posts also, it brings me back to the first time I posted here. I am so sorry I know how hard this is, you will get through this believe me. It has been 9 months since I lost my Ava at 20 weeks. I was very sad and could not be near anyone for a long time, just now I am starting to get back a little bit of my life. I have 3 boys so I need to be there for them as much as I want to crawl into my bed and stay there. I cry every day for Ava and only now am I accepting this loss , it has been a long road , but we all get there, just at different times. Don't give up hope yet, miracles do happen, believe me. We are ALL here for you at any time. Praying for you and hoping for the best... Andrea

 

[duckytwins]

thank you everyone. we got the test results back today and the baby has trisomy 13 and won't live. i wasn't prepared for the phone call i got this afternoon. we were told the results would be back on tuesday and they called me today. i was home alone.

we'll be seeing a genetic counselor tomorrow then speaking with my doctor. we have to make some really hard decisions soon and still have a lot of questions.

we told the boys that the baby in mommy's tummy is very sick. we told them nothing anyone did made the baby sick, it just happened. we asked if they had any questions and they asked a few, but i'm sure they don't understand.

right now, the baby is very active and everytime i feel a movement, my heart absolutely breaks.

 

[DueSeptember]

thank you everyone. we got the test results back today and the baby has trisomy 13 and won't live. i wasn't prepared for the phone call i got this afternoon. we were told the results would be back on tuesday and they called me today. i was home alone.

we'll be seeing a genetic counselor tomorrow then speaking with my doctor. we have to make some really hard decisions soon and still have a lot of questions.

we told the boys that the baby in mommy's tummy is very sick. we told them nothing anyone did made the baby sick, it just happened. we asked if they had any questions and they asked a few, but i'm sure they don't understand.

right now, the baby is very active and everytime i feel a movement, my heart absolutely breaks.

Awww this Breaks my Heart

 

[Andypanda6570]

thank you everyone. we got the test results back today and the baby has trisomy 13 and won't live. i wasn't prepared for the phone call i got this afternoon. we were told the results would be back on tuesday and they called me today. i was home alone.

we'll be seeing a genetic counselor tomorrow then speaking with my doctor. we have to make some really hard decisions soon and still have a lot of questions.

we told the boys that the baby in mommy's tummy is very sick. we told them nothing anyone did made the baby sick, it just happened. we asked if they had any questions and they asked a few, but i'm sure they don't understand.

right now, the baby is very active and everytime i feel a movement, my heart absolutely breaks.

they also said they are 90 percent sure Ava had trisomy 18 and usually they terminate themselves in the first trimester, mine didn't I went to 20 weeks before I lost her. I am so sorry, my heart is breaking for you i don't know what more I can say, I am just so deeply sorry and here for you if you ever need me

 

[duckytwins]

thank you andrea. my dr said we can choose to terminate or wait and lose the baby naturally. i was talking to a friend of mine today (bless her heart), who had a mc at 11 weeks and it got me thinking. a miscarriage just happens, with no warning. how do you go on being pregnant when you know your baby will die? or being told to make the choice to end it?

i don't know if i'm making any sense. nothing seems to be making sense to me right now. my thoughts don't make any sense, my words don't make any sense. i know i hear information, but it feels like i forget it moments later, or have no idea what the person said.

i'm sorry to ramble. i just don't know what else to do. it seems like if i keep my mind, fingers, body busy, i don't have time to stop and think...

 

[dnlfinker]

I am sorry you are going through this and are faced with such a decesion.when i was faced with such a decision, i prayed that no parents should ever have to experience this. How do you make a decision on somebody elses life , especially that its a life of a liitle child, and most importantly it is your own.

I dont want to lead you to any specific decision, but from my experience i would say that its better to let things happen the way they needto happen. Its been 4 months for me, but i regret having to make decision. Unfortunatly from ths point forward it will not be a life without a regret, but you have to see if you can try to make it less emotinally painfull. It would of been so nice if there was some kind of memory of her left, somethingto hold on to


Massive hugs to you, please take care!

 

[duckytwins]

I am sorry you are going through this and are faced with such a decesion.when i was faced with such a decision, i prayed that no parents should ever have to experience this. How do you make a decision on somebody elses life , especially that its a life of a liitle child, and most importantly it is your own.

I dont want to lead you to any specific decision, but from my experience i would say that its better to let things happen the way they needto happen. Its been 4 months for me, but i regret having to make decision. Unfortunatly from ths point forward it will not be a life without a regret, but you have to see if you can try to make it less emotinally painfull. It would of been so nice if there was some kind of memory of her left, somethingto hold on to


Massive hugs to you, please take care!

that is EXACTLY how i feel!!! how can i end a life that's not mine? how can i be the one to "pull the trigger" on someone else's life?

on the other hand... what if letting nature take over puts me in danger? there are so many questions i have. i wish i could just know...

thank you for your kind words.

 

[mhazzab]

I'm so so sorry you are having to go through this, it's just not fair.
Have you found the ethical losses section? I believe it is for people who have had to make the decision you do, you might find it helpful? I think you have to request access.
Please stay here with us too though so we can help support you

Xxx

 

[daopdesign]

I'm so sorry hun. I have no experinece with this kind of disorder but it does sound like you will have the choice to keep your baby once the tests come back?

 

[Nikki_d72]

I'm so sorry you are going through this, I have no idea how to go about a decision like this, I'm so sorry you are having to make it. I hope you get better answers maybe in the ethical losses section or from your doctors but I do also hope you stay in touch with us to let us help you as well, as best we can. I hope the coming days make things clearer for you to guide you somehow to the right choice. Again I'm so sorry you are having to think of these things. You will be in my thoughts, sending you best wishes xxx

 

[OliveBay]

I am so sorry

Please just remember that there is no standard 'right' or easy decision here and that you are the only person that can know what's right for you. This is a situation that no parent should be faced with and it breaks my heart that you are in this situation. I wish you lots of love and support. Even though I'm sure it feels like your whole world is in despair right now, you WILL get through this.

 

[SarahJane]

It breaks my heart that you even have to consider the options babe. In my opinion it is nothing at all about pulling a trigger but about setting your baby free.

I have fortunately never been in that position but I'd like to think I'd make the right decision for my baby so that he or she doesn't suffer and the right decision for me too. For everyone that decision will be different but no-one should ever blame themselves for what they do decide.

We love our children, it is that love which gets us all through

 

[Bride2b]

I'm so sorry that you had to get the news.

Only you can make the decision about what to do. I guess waiting for the inevitable to happen will be awful, not knowing how long you will have. Or making the decision to set the baby free & being in control.

Maybe talk to the doctors & a counseller to help make a decision. I know what you mean about not being able to retain information when they give it to you.

One thing I would say just because you have children is that if you chose to let nature take its course, it could happen over Christmas. Its just food for thought as that was my inital thought.

Please keep in touch on here with all these amazing ladies as I promise talking to everyone here will help xxx