Discipline and explanations

[hopeandpray]

oh i think thats a great point mommyof3, having a nartural consequence that is something that will fix what has happened or prevent it instead of just you did something wrong so i will make you unhappy
i think there are exceptions though, as in if your child is doing something dangerous such as running out on the road, i think in these cases if you have clearly explained to the child why it is dangerous, or they are too young to understand, it is ok to kind of scare your child out of doing something if you know what i mean?
in general kids should not do things because they know they're wrong but if they're putting themselves in danger its ok for them to not to something because they're afraid of punishment

 

[mommyof3co]

oh i think thats a great point mommyof3, having a nartural consequence that is something that will fix what has happened or prevent it instead of just you did something wrong so i will make you unhappy
i think there are exceptions though, as in if your child is doing something dangerous such as running out on the road, i think in these cases if you have clearly explained to the child why it is dangerous, or they are too young to understand, it is ok to kind of scare your child out of doing something if you know what i mean?
in general kids should not do things because they know they're wrong but if they're putting themselves in danger its ok for them to not to something because they're afraid of punishment

Yeah I totally agree, for something like running in the road our natural consequence is they must go inside, if it happens in a parking lot or something we will carry them, if they can't behave on their own we will "help" them. But we do use timeouts still on occasion

 

[Rachel_C]

Wow, some great responses here! My parents were very much of the opinion that you should explain things to children and give them the opportunity to make the right choice, then if they don't do the right thing they get to experience the consequences! I agree with that and I think it's tied up very closely with respect - it's respecting your children so that they can respect you. While I do think that respect for people as human beings should be unconditional, I think on an individual level and as parents we have to earn it and I want to start earning Leyla's respect as soon as possible, so even though she doesn't understand yet why she shouldn't hit me I'm trying to get into good habits now of not just shouting NO!

A good example of how I hope to parent is when I was 10, I asked my mum if I was old enough to swear yet! She told me that she couldn't stop me swearing but explained that a lot of swearing is mean and can upset people and she would be disappointed if she heard me swearing at people. She told me that saying "crap" if you hurt yourself isn't polite but it isn't mean, so she wouldn't be as upset if I said that. So she pretty much gave me permission to say crap but I never really did (even when my friends were all swearing like troupers) because I understood why it wasn't nice, and also she hadn't imposed a boundary that I thought was too harsh - I understood why I shouldn't do it. Even now, though I do swear too much, I don't swear AT people.

With the respect thing, I find myself in an interesting situation with Arif. He was brought up in the Islamic tradition where you're taught that respect for your parents is absolute. No matter what you do, you respect your parents (pretty much above all else) and especially your mother. While I like the idea that "Paradise is at the feet of your mother" (I don't mind Arif and Leyla believing that about me no matter how far from the truth it is ), I don't agree with it really. I think your parents have your respect to start with when you're little but they have to work to keep it. Arif has unconditional respect for his parents, whatever they do, and would never ever question whether they were right or wrong. So I think he will want to teach Leyla that we are her parents so are always right, whereas I would rather tell her that we're human and make mistakes. I'm not sure whether she'll be confused by us both saying different things.