Disco Derail! - TTCAL/PAL Discussion and Support!

[LucyJ]

I don't know it's not how I remember the braxton hicks with Benjamin being different my lower abdomin would go really tight for a few seconds then it would ease.

I'm getting a lot of different aches this time round I wonder whether its the baby being in a different position to Benjamin.

Good luck sugar hope you get the clomid.

 

[heart tree]

Allie, I'm so sorry. I've been reading your journal, but haven't had time to comment. Will try to soon.

Lucy, I got the famous "lightening crotch" right around 20/21 weeks. It scared the crap out of me because of my short cervix scare. Delilah was always low in my uterus and put a lot of pressure on my bladder and cervix. I never had rib pain with her as she was so low. I think it's totally normal. Probably just a nerve.

Vicky, enjoy being a vegetarian.

Delilah had a weird rash recently. She stopped sleeping through the night. I think she had a virus, perhaps roseoloa. The rash is gone and she slept through last night. Really hoping she's on the mend. 3 days of being up 1-2 times a night had me shattered.

 

[LucyJ]

Thanks Amanda that's reassuring to know. I've had so many different aches & pains this time round I wonder if its because this baby is in the right position where as Benjamin was breech. Sorry to hear Delilahs poorly hope she feels better soon its a shock to the system when you get woken up more often.

Having a very lazy day (feel bad as theres loads I should be doing) after hardly sleeping last night then Benjamin deciding today would be the day he gets up early. Feeling a bit grumpy and could of swung for Steve this morning who after sleeping all night he announced how tired he was

Mel hope you prenatal appointment goes well.

 

[heart tree]

Luce, I hate it when husbands do that! Tim has done the same thing on several occasions. Men! Be lazy! Once the baby comes, lazy days will be a thing of the past for a while.

 

[msarkozi]

I get mad at Gord all the time too when he complains about being tired. It's like you have no friggin idea!

My appt this morning was short. I am being referred to the Dr in High Level that I had to see last time too because of the GD. He said it came back with high sugar amounts and is concerned. I am not concerned at this point though because last time it had no affect on Kash at all. So he phoned the other dr while I was there and told him I need to be seen this week, so I go Friday at 4:05. That dr is supposed to determine if I should be referred onto further care by a gyno instead to look after the rest of my pregnancy, or if he can handle it (which I am sure he can), and to determine if I need to take meds to control it. I told him last time all I had to do was test blood sugars and follow a diet and nothing else. So I think he is just saying everything to be cautious right now.

 

[heart tree]

They have to cover their asses, Mel. I'm glad you aren't worried. I bet all will be just fine, but it is nice to know that they are taking it seriously.

 

[msarkozi]

Yeah I am pretty certain that is all they are doing. I was just talking to the clinic as she had a question about what the Doctor wrote and I filled her in. So I asked her to look at my sugars this time compared to last time, and she said they were almost bang on, and this time was even slightly lower. So definitely not concerned

 

[NatoPMT]

Allie, I'm so terribly sorry. I hope you can find the strength to make the right decisions

I come bearing nothing but bad news too. TTC is going nowhere. But the worst is that my dad is terribly ill. Has been for weeks but was going to work and ignoring it. He was finally wrestled into hospital last night after a checkup down south that revealed what is certainly lung cancer, and has probably spread to his liver and brain. I'm waiting for my sister to call me from up north this evening with more news and I expect to be on a train tomorrow to say goodbye to him. I'm barely holding it together at the moment as I am still holding out some hope, but I know its denial.

I hope everyone is well with preggos and triers and mummies alike. x

 

[hoping:)]

Nato losing a parent or even the thought of it is just heart breaking. I've been through both so if you need someone to talk to I am here for you. Hopefully that beautiful Eloise is helping to keep your spirits lifted

Hi everyone I've been reading but haven't had a chance to respond. I'll try to catch up

 

[msarkozi]

oh Nato, I am so sorry hun

 

[NatoPMT]

Thanks. Hoping I just fb'd you the energy bill that finally came yesterday

One question, maybe more for hearty...ive been going through periods of despair and then ignoring it and trying to function. My dad is uncomfortable with emotion, and i dont want my visit to be too intrusive. Its a long story but I think he will end his own life rather than go through what he sees as the indignity of a slow death. I find it difficult to be dignified, i am a crier. Would it help me to retain some sort of semblance of control when im with him if i consciously think about all the things that are going through my head that i am pushing away before i see him.... to kind of get some of it out now while i am in london? I am a deny and ignore sort of person, should i embrace whats hurting to help it be about him, not me, when i am there? It hurts most when i think of what hes thinking about, about the stuff we did in my childhood and about Eloise (him not knowing her, she wont ever see him again now, she wont ever know him, last time she saw him she took a dislike and started crying whenever he came near which is really upsetting me...dad wont ever know how ace she is and vice versa)

 

[msarkozi]

I know you are asking Hearty, but I just wanted to say that I think in times like this, while you are with the person suffering, you need to be there for them and be strong for them. Then when you walk away, it's ok to cry and everything to someone else kind of thing. Just be there to support your dad and let him know you love him and will miss him and talk about all those good times. That way, your dad doesn't feel bad or anything for leaving you all behind iykwim

 

[Sassy_TTC]

Fuck NATO im so so sorry, what awful news. I wish I had some advice, just no I'm thinking of you all.xx

Ps I'm glad you stopped by, we all wanna support you through such a tragic time.xxx

 

[Allie84]

Nato, I'm so so sorry, but yes, thanks for stopping by. What a horrible situation. I know everyone deals with things differently, and I think I am like you and tend to deny and ignore things, and I'm also a crier. I guess I want to ask how he plans on taking his own life? Because I was dealing with that with my mom. She was slowly killing herself and wanted to die and that was impossible to deal with. I made sure I told her how much I loved her, what a good mom had been, etc,. and I admit I did kind of force Alistair on her even though he was afraid (and then I got upset). But she's a parent, as is your dad, and they understand toddlers! So don't feel bad about what Eloise does/did as your dad will not think anything of it. And don't feel guilty for anything you are thinking/feeling! We will be here for you.

 

[NatoPMT]

Mel, i dont want to cry in front of him, and that's what I know i will do, any tips on how to be strong would be gratefully received.

Thanks for the support Mel, Amber and Sassy, and thanks for the fb message Amber. Its good to know you're still here for me, even if ive been absent x

Allie, i thought of you, i thought my dad would refuse treatment as well and he did for several weeks but he's in hospital now. Which is good, but also takes away his control. My dad collects shotguns. His best friend shot himself. He told me to let him kill himself if he got ill when my Uncle Robert was very ill before he died. I know what he wants to do and being stuck in hospital takes his choice away in that respect. Even though the thought of him looking down the barrel makes me feel physically sick, if thats what he wants if the prognosis is terminal, then I will understand. He doesnt want to end up like my uncle, but i don't want him to die alone. These are just fears at this stage, but very likely to be something i will need to face in the next few weeks.

Hope its ok if I post my favourite pic of him, me and my sister. I am going to get this printed tomorrow to give him when I go up there.

 

[NatoPMT]

When I look at that photo, picking wildflowers on holiday, I wonder how did it happen, how am I middle aged and preparing to say goodbye to him. I don't want him to die.

 

[Allie84]

That's a beautiful photo. You look just like yourself.

How does this happen to any of us? It's just not fair. Our society has us fear and deny death until it's literally ready to burst down our front door. We aren't prepared for it when it comes to us because of this.

There's nothing that can take this away from you, but knowledge is power. I think once you know what's actually going on you will feel more in control. Does he even know his prognosis yet? When it's put into an actual timeframe, and options are given, I think it will be easier to handle. Still terrible, of course, but you will no longer be in the dark.

Again, I am so so sorry. I will pray for you and your family.

 

[hoping:)]

First of all, I love the picture and I'm sure he will too.

I am an emotional person as well but when something tragic happens I kind of go into stoic mode. Well at least when I am around the person or in the middle of the process... I helped my dad do all of the arrangements for my moms funeral and barely shed a tear mostly because I didn't want to upset him or my sister even more and it helped me complete what I needed to get done. My family was counting on me. When I was alone with Tim I bawled like a baby and still do on days I miss her the most. I agree with what Mel said about being strong for your dad. If he sees you an emotional wreck I'm sure that will just tear him to pieces. When my dad was hospitalized a few years ago for his seizure he would become very agitated if we were too emotional and would get himself worked up. Just remember everyone grieves differently and there is no correct way.

I know what you mean about feeling saddened at the thought of Eloise and your dad not knowing each other. My mother new Penny and I feel she is still watching over her and has the best view from heaven but it breaks my heart that Penny will never know her like I did. But There are moments when I just know Penny feels her presence... The other day I came home from work and Penny greeted me with a framed picture of my mom that I keep in the living room. She asked me "who's that?" When I told her it was grandma Fawn she planted kisses on my mother's face over and over. Tim said she has been carrying around that picture for weeks and somehow that gives me hope and comfort. I know I'm just rambling but I want you to know you are not alone in your feelings. If you need to cry, cry. Do what feels right for you

 

[LucyJ]

Nato

It's great to see you Im just so sorry you are going through this. The photo it's lovely thank you for sharing. I'm a crier too so don't know what to suggest other than to try & not think about losing him when your with him but focus on being there together, tell him about your beautiful girl, look at pictures and remember the good times you had.

It's good he's in the hospital and I am thinking of you & your family. I'm here if you need anything. Massive

 

[msarkozi]

Beautiful photo Nato.

I am a very emotional person myself, and I know how hard it is to try and be strong. When I was visiting my grandmother in the hospital while she was dying, I just kept laughing and joking with her, talking to her about Kash and how we were going to take him to the fair for the first time (he was 5 months old when she died). It seemed to help the mood quite a bit because we weren't focused on what was happening. Then she declined rapidly and passed away 2 days after. Unfortunately she never spoke again after that first day, other then the odd time to say I hear you. It was after I walked out of her room that I would cry. So I guess the only tip I have on being strong, is think happy positive thoughts