Disco Derail! - TTCAL/PAL Discussion and Support!

[jenny25]

hey girls just popping in currently 7dpo at the mo didnt think it was possible to ovulate between a loss and first af so currently sitting and waiting and having the same temp for the last 3 days i dont think it looks good x

 

[prgirl_cesca]

Megg - I'd go with two. I don't know why exactly as I don't understand much about the medical side of it, but two for this cycle sounds good as you can always try again with more embryos.

Lucy - Your husband is lovely. I think men deal with it so differently. Oddly, my husband has always dealt at the time with everything really badly - crying more than I do, more panicky, upset, not able to leave the house etc (whereas I am my mothers daughter and just. deal. with. it.) but he gets over it quickly and then when MY healing time begins he gets angry with me for not moving on. Even now if I mention the miscarriages he gets a bit upset that I still mention them. But I think thats just his way of coping.

CJ - Whoop on the new pub! I hope it goes well. My friend has had so much shit in her pub recently bless her with chefs walking out etc so I really sympathise with pub owners right now! What sort of menu are you having? I love pub food!

Mone - What a difficult history you've had, good job you were under specialist care but its such a shame you haven't quite got there yet. I totally agree with you on coming off the meds, I wouldn't take them either given your stats.

RE: Harry potter. I haven't watched them since movie 3 I don't think! They're just sooooooooooooooooo long it puts me off.

What are everyones plans for the weekend? It's my big sister's 30th birthday party, joint with her best friend as they turn 30 within a couple of months of each other. The theme is things beginning with R or E (their initials) so I'm going as Rainbow Brite and my husband is going as Rambo! My mum and dad are going as Egyptians! Really looking forward to it!

 

[Megg33k]

Your plans sound fun, Cesca! I have no real plans! LOL

As far as trying with more in future cycles... err... that's difficult. I might end up with extras to freeze, but a FET (frozen embryo transfer) cycle only has a 15-20% chance of working.

Its hard to even think of doing more in another cycle, because this is hard. Its not something that we aim to have to do even twice. Its not like the normal TTC... I mean, there's no "there's always next month" with it. Some clinics require a 3-6 month waiting period between cycles. I could be out for half a year if this doesn't work. I don't know my clinic's stance on it... but even 3 months would be hard to take.

Please understand, I'm not jumping on you. I totally understand thinking 2. And, I appreciate the opinion. Its just that I've seen several people (not in this thread) mention "putting more back next time"... and the point is to avoid a next time. Its not easy enough of a process to not do your best to succeed the first time, ya know? All these shots and the procedures... They're VERY hard on the body, mind and heart.

Honestly, it will be just as hard, if not harder, on me if this fails as the 2 losses were. I have so much riding on this, both physically and emotionally.

Anyway, I hope that didn't come across awful. It just stung a little to read about "trying again"... I really need there to not be an "again"...

 

[pregoinnorge]

Hi Megg! I think you should do whatever gives you the highest chance of success, like the other girls said. You could surely handle multiples if that happened

Sorry about AF, Allie, but yay that you had a "normal" cycle this month. You're probably in HP now....Enjoy!

I'm sorry about your step-dad hearty..it sounds like he was an amazing man.

Sassy-can't wait to hear about your scan!

CJ-awesome updates about your pub. What an exciting experience! So you're already totally open for business?

hi and hugs to everyone else!

I got 3+ on the digital test today and I never got that far before with the last one. small steps......
Next step is my scan on Dec 9 at 7w5d.

 

[prgirl_cesca]

No I completely understand what you're saying, forgive my naivety with clinic wait times etc. What I was basing it on was I remember a while back saying your insurance will cover as many times as needed (or something similar) whereas anyone I've ever known here in the UK has had to pay privately and it costs so much they literally have one chance, and therefore cram lots of eggs in there. I'm thinking about Friend's when Pheobe's brother goes "what are the odds if you stuff a hundred of them in there?"

I can understand why a second time isn't an option. Is the clinic advising you towards any number in particular?

 

[Megg33k]

Hi Megg! I think you should do whatever gives you the highest chance of success, like the other girls said. You could surely handle multiples if that happened

Sorry about AF, Allie, but yay that you had a "normal" cycle this month. You're probably in HP now....Enjoy!

I'm sorry about your step-dad hearty..it sounds like he was an amazing man.

Sassy-can't wait to hear about your scan!

CJ-awesome updates about your pub. What an exciting experience! So you're already totally open for business?

hi and hugs to everyone else!

I got 3+ on the digital test today and I never got that far before with the last one. small steps......
Next step is my scan on Dec 9 at 7w5d.

Thanks!

That's great! 3+ is definitely progress then! AWESOME! Dec 9 will be here in no time! That might be the night before my embryo transfer!

No I completely understand what you're saying, forgive my naivety with clinic wait times etc. What I was basing it on was I remember a while back saying your insurance will cover as many times as needed (or something similar) whereas anyone I've ever known here in the UK has had to pay privately and it costs so much they literally have one chance, and therefore cram lots of eggs in there. I'm thinking about Friend's when Pheobe's brother goes "what are the odds if you stuff a hundred of them in there?"

I can understand why a second time isn't an option. Is the clinic advising you towards any number in particular?

They will cover up to 6 lifetime egg collections and an additional 2 egg collections after a live birth. So, its not quite unlimited. Now, 6 could get me 6 fresh cycles plus who knows how many FET cycles... but there are no guarantees that I'll have anything to freeze... or that they'd thaw properly to even be transfered. Even if its being paid for, IVF is always a "try to get it in the first go" type of deal. Even though I'm not paying for much... I'm still footing 20% of the bill and $200+ in meds for each cycle. So, its definitely still not cheap. The 20% could still run me upwards of $1000/cycle. That's not much compared to what most women pay... Its practically nothing. But, its $1000 that I don't have lying around. We're basically living on one income, which isn't terribly low... but $1000 is a decent sized hit to us. So, I definitely don't have the luxury of just using trial and error to see what eventually works. I do have to make this shot worth the cost... all the various types of cost.

The clinic hasn't said anything about a recommendation. The paperwork said it was 100% up to me. It just had a disclaimer saying that I was aware that selective reduction was an option and might be recommended if I ended up carrying more than 2 or 3 fetuses. Of course, I could decline it. But, I'm always going to do what's best for the most people... which means carrying only as many babies as can be feasibly carried without risking the lives of them or me. But, maybe he'll have a recommendation after we see the quantity and quality.

 

[prgirl_cesca]

I don't think I could make a decision like that megg, especially when like you say there is so much riding on it emotionally, physically and financially. Maybe ask them later on what they recommend based on your egg quality etc and go with that.

 

[LucyJ]

CJ good to see you the pub sounds lovely I really hope the symptoms are a good sign let us know how you get on if you decide to test.

Megg wow that is a big decision I would say which ever gives you the best chance. Know about the egg quality may help with making the decision.

Amy thats great news 7th Dec isn't that far away hope the times goes quickly.

Sassy thinking of you hope the scan goes well.

AFM: well I didnt get my smear done (which is a bit of a pain but never mind) as the got me this morning its not that heavy but is so so painfull but glad its here. I got all my bloods done and some, asked about the vit d and the fsh the nurse went to check with a dr who was happy for me to have the vit d done but wasnt to worried about the fsh as he said I wasnt having trouble conceiving so it shouldnt be a problem so have had it done but know its not quite the right day. He also added some other ones on to be check cant remember exactly what they were called but one was for lupus, another for clotting and I'm having my calcium so they are on top of what I was going to have done so thats all good. They took a whole lot of blood luckily I dont have a problem with blood tests. I'm going to have a piece of chocolate cake and curl up on the sofa.

Lots of love to all.

 

[sugarlove]

Hi everyone. Been trying to catch up, but at work so trying to be discreet. I've had a warning about my internet usage previously!

CJ, good to hear from you. Your pub sounds fab and symptoms are sounding promising.

Amy, that's great news of the 3 on the digi

Cesca, loving your cute little bump! I haven't seen any of the HP films either. Not sure what where I've been

Lucy, sorry to hear the bitch is painful, but good that they have taken blood to test for lots of things. Enjoy your choccy!

Vicky, great news about your scan. Can't wait to see a pic next time.

Hoping sorry the bitch got you

Hearty

Megg, from what I've read, I would probably agree with E, but would have to know a lot more about it really to make an informed opinion. Hope you're feeling ok and to being off BCP

Allie, sorry bitch got you, but good news that your cycle has been more normal. Sorry to hear about your parents arguing.

Nato, stop that BDing and get that softcup out

Mone

AFM I'm getting nervous about my fertility appt on Monday. I'm worried about my thyroid levels. They came back at 3.4, which according to my useless Doc are in the normal range, but I've been feeling below par for a while now. Very tired, anxious and low mood and am really struggling to lose weight despite diet and lots of exercise. Are these levels ok do you think?

Sorry if I've missed anyone out.

have a good day
x

 

[sugarlove]

PS Sorry to hear about your Step Father Hearty and good luck with the BDing. I have my fingers crossed x

Sassy, good luck with the scan

 

[MinnieMone]

Hello everyone... I've just woken up (nearly 1.30pm here in the UK), I obviously needed it, feels like the first proper sleep in weeks. Feel guilty though!

Amy - 3+ is always a milestone for me, so congrats hun.
Lucy - Always good to get that first AF out the way, dinner dates is on in a mo' on ITV, it's my new guilty pleasure, curl up and watch some trash.
CJ - your pub sounds gorgeous, wish it was in London and I'd come and prop up the bar and improve your profits considerably!
Megg - I totally understand how you are focussing on this first try, I'm the worst person at decision making (Aries too, go figure, we're supposed to be brilliant), so you have a lot to think about. If you wait till they are blastocysts is there more chance of implantation, but less chance of them surviving beforehand as they develop (sorry if I've misunderstood)? I would personally see the quantity and quality first and then make the decision, but I think I would want that bit (sorry again can't remember what it was called) where they embed it for you. (don't know how to go back pages without losing this post). You are the most clued up person on here though Megg re all this so you'll make the right choice. You can give most doctors a run for their money.

A friend of mine had IVF and got her beautiful son the first time, they went back 18 months later and unfortunately the second attempt failed, the third attempt got twins, she was very lucky... and I'm so hoping that you will be too.

Right I had better get shifting, I hate being a lazy mare, which is all I seem to be these days.

Have a lovey afternoon everyone.

 

[LucyJ]

Sugar appointments and tests can be scary. Your dr sounds useless so it will be good to speak to someone who knows what their talking about and get some answers good luck for it and let us know how you get on.

Mone dont feel guilty about sleeping in your body must of needed it and your not being lazy you are recovering both physically and emotionaly.

 

[Megg33k]

I don't think I could make a decision like that megg, especially when like you say there is so much riding on it emotionally, physically and financially. Maybe ask them later on what they recommend based on your egg quality etc and go with that.

I just hope they're allowed to give their opinion on the matter. Things are a bit weird here sometimes. There are things that docs won't answer for fear of swaying our opinion and then ending up with a malpractice suit for it. Its a shame that we've had so much ruined by people looking to make money that they don't deserve.

CJ good to see you the pub sounds lovely I really hope the symptoms are a good sign let us know how you get on if you decide to test.

Megg wow that is a big decision I would say which ever gives you the best chance. Know about the egg quality may help with making the decision.

Amy thats great news 7th Dec isn't that far away hope the times goes quickly.

Sassy thinking of you hope the scan goes well.

AFM: well I didnt get my smear done (which is a bit of a pain but never mind) as the got me this morning its not that heavy but is so so painfull but glad its here. I got all my bloods done and some, asked about the vit d and the fsh the nurse went to check with a dr who was happy for me to have the vit d done but wasnt to worried about the fsh as he said I wasnt having trouble conceiving so it shouldnt be a problem so have had it done but know its not quite the right day. He also added some other ones on to be check cant remember exactly what they were called but one was for lupus, another for clotting and I'm having my calcium so they are on top of what I was going to have done so thats all good. They took a whole lot of blood luckily I dont have a problem with blood tests. I'm going to have a piece of chocolate cake and curl up on the sofa.

Lots of love to all.

Sounds like they did a load of stuff. That's good. I'm confused why he said FSH should be okay since you get pregnant easily. That's not true at all. I'm not claiming your FSH is bad, but getting pregnant easily certainly doesn't mean that its not bad. Hmph. When will you get results back?

Hi everyone. Been trying to catch up, but at work so trying to be discreet. I've had a warning about my internet usage previously!

CJ, good to hear from you. Your pub sounds fab and symptoms are sounding promising.

Amy, that's great news of the 3 on the digi

Cesca, loving your cute little bump! I haven't seen any of the HP films either. Not sure what where I've been

Lucy, sorry to hear the bitch is painful, but good that they have taken blood to test for lots of things. Enjoy your choccy!

Vicky, great news about your scan. Can't wait to see a pic next time.

Hoping sorry the bitch got you

Hearty

Megg, from what I've read, I would probably agree with E, but would have to know a lot more about it really to make an informed opinion. Hope you're feeling ok and to being off BCP

Allie, sorry bitch got you, but good news that your cycle has been more normal. Sorry to hear about your parents arguing.

Nato, stop that BDing and get that softcup out

Mone

AFM I'm getting nervous about my fertility appt on Monday. I'm worried about my thyroid levels. They came back at 3.4, which according to my useless Doc are in the normal range, but I've been feeling below par for a while now. Very tired, anxious and low mood and am really struggling to lose weight despite diet and lots of exercise. Are these levels ok do you think?

Sorry if I've missed anyone out.

have a good day
x

3.4 isn't great. Its "in range" but not "optimal" at all. Mine is near 3, and no one seems to care either.

Hello everyone... I've just woken up (nearly 1.30pm here in the UK), I obviously needed it, feels like the first proper sleep in weeks. Feel guilty though!

Amy - 3+ is always a milestone for me, so congrats hun.
Lucy - Always good to get that first AF out the way, dinner dates is on in a mo' on ITV, it's my new guilty pleasure, curl up and watch some trash.
CJ - your pub sounds gorgeous, wish it was in London and I'd come and prop up the bar and improve your profits considerably!
Megg - I totally understand how you are focussing on this first try, I'm the worst person at decision making (Aries too, go figure, we're supposed to be brilliant), so you have a lot to think about. If you wait till they are blastocysts is there more chance of implantation, but less chance of them surviving beforehand as they develop (sorry if I've misunderstood)? I would personally see the quantity and quality first and then make the decision, but I think I would want that bit (sorry again can't remember what it was called) where they embed it for you. (don't know how to go back pages without losing this post). You are the most clued up person on here though Megg re all this so you'll make the right choice. You can give most doctors a run for their money.

A friend of mine had IVF and got her beautiful son the first time, they went back 18 months later and unfortunately the second attempt failed, the third attempt got twins, she was very lucky... and I'm so hoping that you will be too.

Right I had better get shifting, I hate being a lazy mare, which is all I seem to be these days.

Have a lovey afternoon everyone.

Uhm... You're sort of correct. Some day 3 embryos will not survive to day 5 blastocyst stage. That's not necessarily bad, because they wouldn't have likely implanted and become a viable pregnancy anyway. But, the problem is when you only have a few fertilized eggs... Because waiting till day 5 could result in losing all of them and then the cycle is a bust. So, they'd rather take their chances on a possible failure with day 3 transfer than definitely have a failure if nothing lives to day 5. Day 3 embryos can implant and do very well sometimes, but its a crap shoot. There's no way to know until you just "wait and see" because you don't know if they'll even make it to the blastocyst stage where they can implant... Day 5 blastocysts should have the ability to implant and become a viable pregancy. That doesn't mean they always do though.

Man, I'm staring to hate this process!

 

[LucyJ]

Sounds like they did a load of stuff. That's good. I'm confused why he said FSH should be okay since you get pregnant easily. That's not true at all. I'm not claiming your FSH is bad, but getting pregnant easily certainly doesn't mean that its not bad. Hmph. When will you get results back?

I didn't speak to the dr it was what the nurse said to me that the dr had said it shouldnt be a factor in my mc as I'm able to conceive its keeping hold of them thats the problem. That he wasnt concerened about it, I got the impression that he probably wouldnt of tested it. Not entirely sure when I'll get them back the nurse said some of them should be back by tuesday and the rest hopefully by friday. I'll ring next friday to get them I may pop in as would like a print out of all the results if they'll give me one.

As I'm on CD1 today will the results of the FSH be totally out I'm not to worried about it maybe I should be but when I had the u/s several months ago to check all was alright the lady doing it said my ovaries looked good.

 

[MinnieMone]

Megg that makes it much clearer thanks, but also now see even more the dilemma of the decision. This is a really dumb question but do the eggs all develop at the same rate? and if so can they see which are better quality than the others at any time during the process. I'm sure they always put the most 'viable' ones in, but can they interpret in anyway which ones would look more likely to develop in blastocysts. I can see now how the 'waiting game' could then result in them all failing, but if they did, would it mean that they would have failed anyway, or would they maybe of had a chance if put in earlier?

From what you say above Day 3 looks the best chance or the safest bet of having as well developed as possible and a good chance of implanting. Can they only implant them for you if they get to Day 5 (forget what it's called Megg, but I was so amazed in your earlier post when you said they can do that). I guess the best result would be lots of eggs to choose and then freeze some for any future siblings, fingers crossed for that Megg.

I totally see now how couples going through IVF say it is so stressful, not only to you have to go through all the physical stuff but emotionally it must be a rollercoaster.

Admire you hun how you are dealing with it all.

 

[LucyJ]

Having a moment can't keep crying I know a lot of it is to do with my hormones I just feel horrid. I'm in pain but not bleeding much its still light so I know that will kick in eventually. Steves out at a charity thing he stepped in at the last minute so I'm on my own. We're meant to go out tomorrow night for his mum's 60th birthday we're all going for a meal and I really dont want to go and feel guilty for feeling like that I love steves mum but just the thought of having to get all dressed up and being in a resturant in pain and homonal fills me with dread add to that that I want to see my mum I feel like a reack. Why I'm on the subject of feeling guilty I feel so guilty for not seeing my baby nephew havnt met him yet we had planned to do down in Oct after our scan but then I lost the baby and didnt feel stronge enough to see him or them I just feel like I'm letting everyone down. I shouldnt even be having a fucking period I should be over 12 weeks pregnant in fact screw that I should have my baby in my arms. God I feel like a wreak I can't call steve and I dont want to call my mum as I know I'll worry her if she hears me like this I literally cant stop the tears (most of which I'm sure is the hormones)

Sorry for such a self indulgent post I will try and pull myself together.

 

[Sassy_TTC]

Ahh Lucy I'm sorry, don't feel guilty that you don't feel upto going tomorrow, I have missed many many nightouts etc because I didn't feel like going, but I must admit the very few times I made myself go I always ended up enjoying myself.

I'm sure your family will understand that you havent seen your nephew, I didn't see my best friends baby until he was 3 months because I couldn't face it after my first loss.

I think we all put too much pressure on ourselves to get on with normal life but now is the time to be selfish, you have been through so much Lucy and you need to think about No1 for a while, you know when your ready to face the world again and until that time don't force yourself to do anything.

Always here for you hunny, I really 100% know how your feeling.xxxxx

 

[yogi77]

awww Lucy I'm so sorry you're feeling like this...I wish I could give you a big hug

You are not alone though, I have been having a really bad week too...I feel so alone, sad, jealous, angry...My SIL's baby shower is on Monday (it's a "Skype" shower put on by my DH's family because we all live all over the country)...we were 2 months apart and it's gut wrenching. We don't have Skype yet anyways but it's still all anyone is talking about right now and I even received an invite in the mail...uugghh. Also got an invite to join a good friends "baby pool" the other day on FB and had to delete it so that it stopped showing up on my main page. We were also 2 months apart. I don't know what I'm going to do when it comes time for her shower.

This has been a horrible week for me for some reason, I was feeling so positive last month and all that positivity is gone and I feel like it's never going to happen...my entire life is in hold waiting for this.

 

[heart tree]

Sassy, that is very well put. Lucy, I echo everything Sassy just said. You have no reason to feel guilty. These feelings you are having may be hormonal, but more likely, they are the grief you are experiencing. Your loss was so recent. You haven't had the luxury of getting much distance from it. As we know, time helps, but you haven't had enough time yet. Your feelings are your feelings and there is no reason to have guilt override those feelings. Guilt, as I've said before, is rational a rational emotion when you have hurt someone. You haven't hurt someone. Just the opposite. You've been hurt deeply. You need to tend to your wounds and your grief. It's absolutely ok that you haven't seen your nephew yet. You will, in time.

Listen sweetie, you don't have to go anywhere tonight. You get to stay in and feel your feelings through and through. You may wake up tomorrow and feel better. You may just need to get this out of your system tonight. Even if you don't feel better, I agree with Sassy. Sometimes even when I don't want to go do something, I end up having a good time regardless. That being said, I've also skipped things too. I'm guessing it might be hard to get out of going to Steve's mom's 60th birthday party. But could you ask Steve if you could leave early? Make sure to have a glass of wine at least. I've also found that getting dressed up and looking drop dead gorgeous helps, even when I feel like crap inside.

Also, might I suggest that you do call your mom. You clearly need her. My mother always tells me to call no matter what. She wants to know the good and the bad. When I'm really crying, I often call her. There isn't much she can do but tell me she loves me. A mother's love is enough to help.

And you're right, you should have a baby AND you should be pregnant right now. It simply isn't fair. I'm thinking about you. xoxo

 

[Sassy_TTC]

Ahh Yogi I'm so sorry your having a bad week, no doubt it's all building up because your dreading the shower! Could you pretend you internet went down?? I would be tempted!

Does the jeaousky ever go?? I'm still sickenly jealous of all my preggo friends and the ones who have children, perhaps it never goes!!

I promise all these bad times will be forgotten when your pregnant with your forever baby and it will happen I know it will, I totally understand your comment of your life being on hold I think we are all guilty of that.xxxxx