Disco Derail! - TTCAL/PAL Discussion and Support!

[vickyd]

Awww Luce i still have flashbacks from my fisrt baby's level two ultrasound at 22 weeks...That little hand waving at me is gonna haunt me for the rest of my life.....
I think its therapeutic to share these experiences here cause i cant discuss this stuff with DH, he gets very sad and i think he just wants forget about all the bad stuff.

 

[Megg33k]

Hi girls, just a quick pop in. I had a fairly normal day. Saw my client, got my hair done and even did a little retail therapy. I basically only worked a half day and went shopping. I texted Tim that I was shopping and he texted back that he would pay for anything I bought. What a guy! So I bought some cute dresses for my upcoming vacation. Sorry, no pics of the hair, my camera is on the blink and we haven't had time to go camera shopping. My spotting was very minimal today. No cramps. I didn't even go through one pad. I'll have my D&C tomorrow at noon. The stupid nurse who called me to schedule it was looking at my record and was like, "oh here it is, an abortion." I nearly threw up. Bitch. I guess, technically that's what it is, but I've never called any of these abortions. I hate her.

I guess this one is considered a blighted ovum. And I guess my last one was too. Megg, my last one was the same as yours. They could barely see the pregnancy at 6 weeks. They let me hold onto it another 2 weeks to make sure and then they did the D&C for it. My body never recognized that the pregnancy wasn't developing properly. I never bled. I had symptoms. If I hadn't had an early scan, I would have had no idea. My first one wasn't "normal" either. Around 7 weeks I had a little blood so I got a scan. They saw a perfect baby with a heartbeat. About a week and a half later, I had a massive bleed the day of my doctor's appointment. I literally was on the bus and gushing blood. I thought I was miscarrying. When my doctor looked, she saw the baby with a heartbeat. Then they thought I had twins, but realized the "twin" was a blood clot. They told me they would have to monitor it every week. At 10 weeks, I started passing huge clots and was having contractions. I knew I was losing the baby. I went to the hospital and the baby was still in there. The fucking blood clot was trying to dislodge and knocked the baby out of place and stopped it's heart. I've never known what to call that loss. It wasn't a MMC. It was a loss due to a subchorionic hematoma. They are apparently very rare. Yeah, so is having 3 miscarriages in a row.

So I know what you mean about feeling jealous about "normal" mcs. That's why I felt better about this one being "normal." Sad, isn't it?

Megg, I wish I had a magic ovary wand to wave over yours. I want you to ovulate. Your temps and signs don't make sense. I know I don't need to tell you that. Maybe you'll get a temp spike tomorrow morning. You and I are having a sucky week. Sucky, sucky, sucky.

Ok, that wasn't a quick post. I Heart You All. I'll post tomorrow after the procedure. Not looking forward to it, but want to get it over with.

xoxo

That nurse was a complete fucking bitch! Who the hell calls a D&C to remove a failed pregnancy that was desperately wanted an abortion?!

And, I'm not sure what you'd call the other loss either. I'm guessing it would just be called a miscarriage... even though the circumstances weren't quite normal!

Its so sad that we have to be jealous of normal miscarriages! I remember when I was only jealous of people with kids... Now I have to be jealous of people who lose babies more normally than I do!

I wish you had that wand too! I really think they died or went to sleep or something. I'm practically dealing with really, really light flow. Its super pale in color and incredibly watery... but it even stained my liner! Its nothing I could, in good conscience, call a period... but its definitely more than there should be. I don't even know why its happening! What's worse, Wednesday I had it at like 5am and noon... then I didn't see any until Thur at 7pm... and now its still with me almost 12 hours later... and staining a liner?! I don't see a temp rise in my near future!

Hey my beuties....

Meggles i know exactly how you feel hun, i hate mmc!!!!! Going in for a scan all happy only to be told that the baby is gone...How do you ever go back for a scan without being sure it will happen again????? Thats why at this point i dont consider myself pregnant yet...Im not gonna allow my body to mess with me again. Are you gonna have the progesterone test this week to see if you did ovulate???

Hearty hun, Tim is a gem!!! Oh and what a bitch nurse!!!!! Did you give her a peice of your mind???? Thats so not on....Honey ive taken the day off work so ill be near a computer until 9 pm my time if you need to talk before or after your procedure. Ill be thinking of you sweets...

Mel i really think driving all those hours is a silly idea but thats just me!

I don't yet know how you go for a scan without being terrified and sad! In fact, I've kind of grown leery of ultrasound machines. I can't help but feel like it was the machine's fault or something! I know it wasn't... but it feels like I'd have given birth to a happy, healthy baby if that scan had never happened! I know its not true... I just can't get it out of my head though!

So, I've never even so much as grown anything with a heartbeat... both were blighted ovums, because no fetal pole or anything was seen either time. I just know how to make a useless, empty sac. And then I carry it around for over a month before someone breaks my heart. FML.

That's EXACTLY how I feel this time around. I had a natural spontaneous MC first time around and although it was very distressing it was over very quickly. This time I feel like I am STILL not over the fact that my body kept this growing sac with nothing in it, that I had to have a general anaesthetic to put me to sleep and caught an infection afterwards. I feel like this has totally ruined my life, even more than the first MC.

My 2nd was way harder than my first... even though they were both really similar! I think mostly because everyone said how unlikely it was to happen twice! Ha! Joke's on me! I wish none of us ever felt all of these things!

Meggles i know exactly how you feel hun, i hate mmc!!!!! Going in for a scan all happy only to be told that the baby is gone...How do you ever go back for a scan without being sure it will happen again?????

Vicky I know what you mean we found out at our 12 week scan that our little one had died at 10 weeks. The one thing I found really hard to cope with and still do to be honest is why? We had a scare early on I was spotting and had cramps so got sent for an early scan thinking I was about 6 weeks we were told that they could see a pregnancy was there but couldn't tell us if it was viable or not so we had to wait a week to go back for another scan it was the longest week of my life and I convinced myself that we had lost our baby and we were expecting bad news mum came down to be with us we went for the scan and we were told I was 6 weeks (so a week behind where I thought) and saw a beautiful little heartbeat. Everyone told us now you've seen a heartbeat everything will be ok and felt great well rough but pregnant and when we got to 12 weeks we were so happy then our world crashed. I still dream about that day seeing our little one on the screen he or she looked so perfect. I will never understand why after the scan our baby continue to grow and develop for another four weeks and then died I just dont understand. It may sound cruel but part of me wishes that I had lost the baby at 6 weeks I think it would of been easier to deal with.

We've have all been through so much and I find so much strenght from all you lovely ladies hope you dont mind me sharing my experience.

to you all right I have to go to work!!

I totally understand why you think it would have been easier to have it happen at 6 weeks!

I agree! Although, I'm sort of torn now... because seeing a living, happy bean that later is no more would kill me... but knowing that I've never grown anything with a heartbeat also breaks my heart.

It is really nice to have heard all of your experiences! Feeling less alone right now! Thank you!

 

[Megg33k]

Awww Luce i still have flashbacks from my fisrt baby's level two ultrasound at 22 weeks...That little hand waving at me is gonna haunt me for the rest of my life.....
I think its therapeutic to share these experiences here cause i cant discuss this stuff with DH, he gets very sad and i think he just wants forget about all the bad stuff.

I can't even begin to imagine!

 

[vickyd]

I think that if this pregnancy continues i will keep my eyes shut through every us....Seriously this is my plan, i dont think i can do it again and not loose it completely!!!!!

 

[Megg33k]

Understandable, Vicky! I swore I would on the last one, but I couldn't! Of course, I was already sobbing before I laid on the table! I only had to peek to know that it was bad news!

P.S. No, I'm not getting my progesterone checked. I'm 120% sure that I haven't ovulated. I've never been so sure of something in my whole life. I'm not checking until I have some proof that I have. The test isn't for me to find out if I'm ovulating or not... We're trying to determine if my progesterone is too low post-ovulation and thusly could be causing the super early losses.

 

[vickyd]

Oh! I thought you check progesterone to see if ovulation occurs...
So whats your plan now???

 

[Megg33k]

Oh! I thought you check progesterone to see if ovulation occurs...
So whats your plan now???

Well, some people do! But, we know that I ovulate... You can't get pregnant if you don't ovulate. So, the issue we're trying to sort out is whether a progesterone deficiency is causing me to lose the babies or not. My plan now? I don't have a plan. I'm flying blind. I guess I wait and see if I ever have a temp shift.

 

[msarkozi]

Thank You for sharing your stories. They bring tears to my eyes You have all gone through so much, and I really feel for you. I thought having a natural mc was hard, but that is nothing compared to what you have all gone through. I am so sorry for what you have had to endure!

Hearty - I am thinking of you today, and I will be there in spirit holding your hand! I am glad you were able to do some retail therapy yesterday

Megg - did you use OPK's at all? or just temps? I really hope you did actually ovulate and it's just tricking you into thinking that you didn't

Vicky - I can understand your fear of looking at the ultrasound screen. That image is going to last you forever. I am picturing it myself, and it haunts me. I pray that everything goes ok for you with this baby! When do you have your scan?

 

[Megg33k]

Mel - My urine doesn't really work like everyone else's urine. It falls "outside the norm" when it comes to testing. OPK's are little more than a complete waste of money for me. At best, I get very faint lines and maybe a slightly darker version of my very faint lines. Even HPT's end up with nothing more than a super faint almost non-existent line on them at the best of times. Regents don't filter into my urine the way they do for most people. So, I'm purely going off of temps. I can't imagine that I've actually ovulated. While my temp did go up a bit today, I think I'm headed for more yo-yo'ing. I didn't feel ANYTHING yesterday.

 

[msarkozi]

Mine were actually the same way. I would get a faint line, and it would never be darker then the test line. I would test for a few days after as well, and then when I got no line at all, I assumed I ovulated when it was faint. I really do hope you ovulated! When are you due for AF? It really does seem like our bodies are our own worst enemies!

 

[heart tree]

Getting ready to go to the hospital. Woke up this morning feeling like I might be coming down with the flu. Then I think maybe this is what depression physically feels like. I'm beyond crying at this point. I feel numb. My body feels achy and heavy. You aren't supposed to eat for 8 hours before the procedure. Usually I'm starving when I wake up. I have no appetite which is unheard of for me. Weird.

Wish me luck. I can't believe I'm doing this again.

 

[msarkozi]

Lots of hugs your way. We will be with you all the way through, and when you come back. Make sure you get plenty of rest after!

xoxoxo

 

[pregoinnorge]

I'm thinking of you hearty...best of luck getting through today.

 

[Jaymes]

Amanda, I am so sorry you are going through this... my thoughts and my prayers are with you today. Jaymie

 

[LucyJ]

My thoughts are with you sending you massive and loads of love!!

 

[vickyd]

Amanda you are in my thoughts all day, Hope its all over quickly and painlessly....I wish i was with you to hold your hand through this babe.....

 

[hoping:)]

massive

 

[prgirl_cesca]

Thinking of you at this horrible time. Hope you have a super fast delivery - you'll be on your trip sunning yourself sipping a cocktail very soon xxx

 

[Elly2u]

Hi ladies, I was in your june thread. I havent been on b&b since Sunday last and when i came on today i read what had happened with heart-tree.

Ive been thinking about you since.I remembered about this thread and decided to come look for you. My heartfelt thoughts are with you, you have been nothing but positive and caring with those you come across and life at the moment is just so unfair and cruel to you. Hope the stars bring you super quick healing and light at the end of a tunnell. Hope to talk again soon. Take care of yourself.

Ellen.

Hi to all the girlies :wave:

 

[cazza22]

Im thinking of you Hearty . lov ya, Caz xxxxxxxx