Do you smack LOs hand/bum?

[Wobbles]

posted to early by accident - re-typing

 

[TashaAndBump]

posted to early by accident - re-typing

I'm hoping I'll be able to put that down to pregnancy brain in a few weeks

 

[Wobbles]

Interesting view on things actually - some good points made without being bitchy or judging.

The hand tap would be that of a no of something the child is physically doing like slapping the TV screen The point you made about he no mark but sting feel is an interesting point & question before that I seen tap/smack as a shock facter not one to hurt.

 

[Wobbles]

posted to early by accident - re-typing

I'm hoping I'll be able to put that down to pregnancy brain in a few weeks

Well your suppose to use Mummy brain to your advantage after birth - for 18 years

 

[kelly2903]

I don't tap on the hand / bum and don't think I will... I have the same issues / feelings about as you do Wobbles, I just wouldn't feel comfortable. Another thing is, when you use 'tapping' as a form of discipline, I believe the child would find it hard to distinguish between discipline because something is naughty or dangerous and anger from the parent because often when you say "no" you can sound angry, not because you are necessarily but because it is important for the child to know you are serious, if you know what I mean? So I believe that all a child could take from that is that when you are angry you hit. And I assume that you use tap to distinguish between a real slap that would leave a mark and be abusive and a controlled tap of discipline, meaning nothing more than 'no', but it must be intended to sting / hurt just a little because otherwise what would the child take from it? I dunno

I personally have not had to deal with this yet as Anna is too young to be naughty, really as such... When the time comes we will be using time out. I don't think she is too young as it won't be a time to reflect on what she has done, just a calm, collected and immediate reaction from me to her doing anything wrong - she won't like it because she will be excluded and children don't like that, but she will associate it with what she did eventually because it will fallow immediately every time she does that thing. I'll have to be really consistent for her to learn from it, though obviously.

It is a personal choice very much so, and although I would not use smacking as a form of discipline with Anna, for some it clearly works very well or nobody would do it. As a first time mum, you're very much just feeling your way around - I'm sure you will find something that works for both of you in your own time Good luck x

sounds like you no exactly what and how to control the mis behaving or even the dangerous thing your LO mite get up to
my LO is and i seriously mean it very naughty little girl, i have brought some of on my self, by laughing when she does something amusing, but half the time she is doing something dnagerous, she can almost walk now so every thing is her aim, she is ike a flaming tornado she gets every where and damages everything in path, like wobbles said about the WII lilly is very interested in all these thing she no's how to eject from the playstation 3 and cleans the laminate with the disc, she pulls the cables out of the back of the house phone base, so when it rings i never hear it, she takes out the sky card, she is very interetsed in this area of the house also the fire, and the sockets i have safety measures for these, but i need her to understand the other dangerous stuff, i am very chilled with her i would say, as NO is the word for anything that is dangerous, when she goes through the clean folded laundry and throws it all the floor, i generally dont say anything same goes for the bottom draw its only got bibs and t towels in so i dont mind her been in ther, but wat do you suggest for an 11 month who does all the above tapping doesnt really work, but she smacks me too, like you said before she sees it has thats wat mummy does so ill do it to her. ii dont think time out is rite for her just yet????

 

[ColtonsMom]

I've tapped Colton's hands/bum.
I do believe there is a limit, if you yourself are starting to get upset to the point were you would hit your child hard, then you need to remove yourself from the situation (and maybe have OH get him/her) and calm down. After all, they are children and they wont know better until they are told/taught and you should never get mad at your kid for that. Plus, they are young, they dont and wont learn the first time they are told, so just because you told them once doesn't mean they aren't going to do it again.
I will tap Colton on the hand for things like pulling/playing with the laptop or other things that are quite expensive, or I will tap his hands for getting into the phone cords/other cords that could be dangerous for him. Also, our house isn't completely finished-we still need to get baseboards around the bottom, so Colton thinks its fun to go and dig the drywall out and try to eat it, which is poisonous and could really hurt him so he gets tapped on the hand for doing that.
The only time I tap his bum is when he hurts someone. For instance, if he bites me I will tap his bum to get him to stop and then move him to the middle of the room so he isn't near me, so that he knows when he hurts me he doesn't get my attention. But like you said Wobbles, the tap on his bum is more of a shock factor to get him to stop biting me. He never cries, so I dont think it hurts, what normally makes him cry is me setting him away from me and not giving him cuddles.

 

[ryder]

There definately is a limit to the punishment... I wouldn't judge someone who chose to spank their child (which is what your doing, no matter how soft it is, im not trying to be snarky)... I think though, if the child isnt able to understand a time out, then he wouldnt be able to grasp the concept of being bum tapped.

I can understand tapping a hand away, if the child was going to touch something dangerous...

But I dont know that tapping a hand or bum after a child has hit you or bit your etc would be teaching them the right lesson. Because you want them to understand hitting is wrong, and at young toddler ages they often are merely copy-catting what they see their family members do... So... if you hit them because they did something you didn't like, they might be more apt to hit you when you do something they dont like?

One couple we know has 2 young children and its obvious how their children are punished because if one of the parents do something the child doesn't like, the child runs up to mummy or daddy and whacks them on the bum and says "NO!" I would find that situation SO embaressing.

I hope im not offending anyone with those thoughts.

Personally I have looked after 2 15 month old boys (at once with Jasmine) and I can't see spanking them being a way to reach them...

Just my opinion. Again, I am not trying to offend anyone. Its just how I feel. Everyone is free to teach their child whatever way they wish. Its not right and its not wrong.

I think whatever age, they child has to be able to listen to a consequence and understand it, whether it be "do this or you will be spanked", or "do this or you will be in a time out"... They intellectually need to take something away from the experience.

 

[lollylou1]

i will have a time out area after 2 warnigs, if still naughty then she will get a little smack on either the hand or bum but i think it depends exactly what they are doing wrong to what sort of punishment will work, if they are playing with something they shouldnt be something dangerous and you have told then no then a smack is a shock to then hopefully enough to stop them.
i wouldnt be full force smacking legs etc

Lou
xxx

 

[marley2580]

Atm I remove her from what she's doing, often turning it into a game (you run over there and I'll chase you) so she usually forgets what she was up to. The other thing I use is distraction. For hitting I always put a very serious/cross expression on my face and say no that's not nice, if she keeps it up I put her down and refuse to interact for a little while.

 

[princess_bump]

i too find it so hard to tell off wobbles, though weather maddi is too young or not i don't no, but she does seem a good girl, but when she has done something 'naughty' i say 'NO' firmly and just move her.

later as she gets older i'm much more a fan of the 1-2-3 rule, the naughty step and taking away toys if she does something, though i don't believe a small hand tap hurts. i too had a violent 'sperm donor' so understand about violent households, my mum and wonderful father on the other hand have never smacked me, and have always been a fan of 'reasoning' as much as you can 'reason' with a 13yr old

however, i no my mum used to tap my hand when i was little older than maddi as i would try to put my fingers in plug sockets, and she would tell me no no no and apparently i would brace myself, still trying to stick my finger in that plug socket waiting for her to tap my hand lucky i've now out grown this

in all seriousness though, i smack/tap if it was something dangerous like the whole plug socket, or like vickie said when stan tapped hannah's hand for the electric cord, but all in all, i would prefer to discipline her with words.

good thread wobbles, its nice to have a good discussion with other mummys

 

[oOKayOo]

As some know i use the tapping and time out, Carly was such a good girl , everyone was in awe but that soon went

I do the time out when she has done something to annoy me say , like get in my face constantly on purpose and budge into me constantly to annoy me.

She will get her bum tapped and shouted at if she has done something that she knows is wrong , like pick ella up and drop her! Or play with electics ect , more serious things.

However tapping on the hand was what i had done when Carly was starting to show signs of becoming a right madam. I cant remember what age but im glad i had done it. It just makes them think twice before doing it again when they have been tapped a few times. Where as putting them in another room , they go straight back And if you say no it gets shouted at back!

This is what worked for Carly and i will use the same method with Ella if needs be

 

[Always&4ever]

I tend to tell Jasmine no, then if she carries on il sit her in the corner of the room where she cries for a couple of seconds then toddles off and does her own thing. I have tapped her hand/bum occasionally when she has pulled on the laptop wires etc but thats after moving her for the twelve time

 

[Wobbles]

There definately is a limit to the punishment... I wouldn't judge someone who chose to spank their child (which is what your doing, no matter how soft it is, im not trying to be snarky)... I think though, if the child isnt able to understand a time out, then he wouldnt be able to grasp the concept of being bum tapped.

Maybe its because of a bit of my childhood but I classed a 'spanking' as a red ass, a spanking with a belt etc so I do think theres a difference personally in the way you explain a situation.

"I spank my childs backside"
"I tap my childs bum"

To me both of those are different things and each have their own reaction if someone said them to me.

The time out ...Caitlin knows the word NO she wouldn't understand time out right now so the same goes for a tap of no and time out. Time out in my understanding is where you can tell the child what they have done wrong and right now Caitlin wouldn't understand those words.

 

[lorrilou]

I tap callums hand if he is being naughty, which isnt often, and only if he persistantly does what i tell him not to, like he constantly presses buttons on the sky box and after the 5th time of taking him away from it i will tap his hand, not hard so that he cries or marks him, just enough so that he knows he is doing wrong and it works for us.

 

[alice&bump]

i see absolutely no problem with it (if anyone wants to judge my parenting style they can f*** off!). obv its got to be done in the right way, but i was brought up to know that if i did something really naughty i'd get a smack. i'd dread the moment my dad told me to go to go to him and bend over (no its not perverse). that was worse than the smack to me, cos i knew it was coming! i used to go into a corner with my hands over my bum saying i was sorry and would never do it again. i only got smacked a handful of times, but the build up to it was enough and i'd never do it again!!

it's never scarred me or anything like that, i was in the wrong and from a few simple words and perhap a tap on the bum dependant on how bad i'd been tought me that

i think there might be differences in language usage over here, the way we se the word spank to people across the pond

 

[clairebear]

i usuall tell jack no and move him away from what he was doing. when hes older i will try the time out technique which works really well with an egg timer as it gives them some thing to focus on. i personally dont want to smack my children as i feel it sends out the wrong message (not judging people who do just saying how i feel)

 

[peabean]

From my own experience as a child (not a mum just yet!!) the odd gentle tap (sometimes not so gentle but never more than a slap, and only on the butt/leg/hand) didn't do me any harm. My parents didn't have to tap us very much at all because it was more the humiliation and the shock of it that had the desired effect.

I think my Dad only really smacked me a handful of times - maybe 5, but it was good for me to know the limit and to know the punishment that I didn't want to bring on myself. We were always fairly well behaved kids as a result I think (though no child's perfect!!)

I think the important thing to do, that my parents did well, is never EVER to tap or slap in anger, but in a controlled way. Also, make it plain that their behaviour is unacceptable and if they behave that way they get a tap. The other thing, hard as it is, is never to go to them for a cuddle, but wait for them to come to you to say sorry. It may take a while and a lot of sulking, especially at first, but it's important that the punishment leads to remorse.

There are non corporal punishments you can use just as effectively - like the 'naughty spot' as featured on SuperNanny, and removal of priviledges. Whatever way you choose the key is consistence and control (of your own emotions). Good luck with your little one! Hope this helps!

PS I know when I have my own all this will probably go out of the window - LOL!!

 

[charveyron]

If ours are naughty we'll tap their hand or bum - more to damage their ego than anything else!!!! I have started with the naughty step - but Harvey threw it at me - we have persevered with it though and that seem sto work better in the long term - I think what ever you find works best with your children - children will react to different punishments in different ways - I don't think its got anything to do with anyone else how you discipline your children it's your decision (obviously if you were beating them then thats different) but I don't think people should tell you your wrong for tapping a childs hand or bum if their naughty!

 

[welshcakes79]

if Rhiannon is having a paddy whilst..
Eating
dressing
bedtime
then i put her down on the floor get eye contact and in a whisper ill tell her i dont like it whe she paddy's then ill say im not playing/feeding/dressing her etc utill she stops, then i stand up and avoid eye contact till she crawls up my leg, then ill bend down and ask if she is going to be good (5 times out of 10 she nods lol) then ill ask for a kiss, and off she toddles...

but i know the terrible two's arent far off so ive got no qualms in giving her a tap if need be... (never done me any harm)

x

 

[Fossey]

ATM I would say no as I cant see me smacking this little beautiful bundle of joy but then I don't know what toddler tantrums may bring so not ruling it out but it would be the last resort if I 'had' to. I have nothing against a gentle tap/smack its the vicious violent smacks/punches/kicks that have been heard of that make my blood boil.