Do you smack LOs hand/bum?

[embo216]

When I was younger I used to get the slipper/trainer or the cane. Pretty intense. I'd never ever use that on a child. But whenl lilys a bit older and she starts to act up more I think i'll definetly tap her bottom or her hand, never to the point it would hurt.

But then again I might change my mind, Im a pretty soft mummy and I always said Id be a strict mummy but Im a push over now!!!

 

[ryder]

I am a bit confused... How hard do you all "tap" the bum (if you wont call it spanking)?

Like... I pat Jasmines bum sometimes playing around, obviously not hard enough to hurt... its all in good fun.

How would you get the point across that your displeased if it doesn't physically hurt the child a little bit? (I know we're not talking about slapping their bum as hard as you can).

 

[nikky0907]

Obviously Renah is really little and hasn't done anything. I think that if she was doing something dangerous I probably would (like Vickie mentioned above). If she throws a temper tantrum I think I'd be more likely to move her to a safe area and let her throw her fit until she calms down, but hold consequences for it (ex. if you throw a fit over this toy, you won't get to play with it).

If it really comes down to it, I'd do it, but I'd explain why and give her a cuddle after like you said. You can't let kids walk all over you.

This might aswell be my reply as I feel the same way.

If she was up to do something dangerous I would tap her hand, see no problem with it. For some serious misbehaving I would try taking away her toys or moving her to a safe area.

But I guess it all depends on the child's mentality. For some the naughty step and other such disciplinary measures will be enough and for others it won't.
We all agree that every mother would like to avoid it entirely but sometimes teaching them right from wrong and authority is more important.

 

[Wobbles]

I am a bit confused... How hard do you all "tap" the bum (if you wont call it spanking)?

Like... I pat Jasmines bum sometimes playing around, obviously not hard enough to hurt... its all in good fun.

How would you get the point across that your displeased if it doesn't physically hurt the child a little bit? (I know we're not talking about slapping their bum as hard as you can).

It was me who doesn't call it spanking hun - Well I don't think anyone else mentioned it I see why you/others would call it spanking ...didn't mean to suggest you as a person was wrong in your wording I was saying me as my individual and other reasons don't think the word suits for a lilttle tap on the bum or hand because imo I use to get a spanking ...the 'spanking' left belt mark scars on my back so theres why I personally don't like to use the word when referring to a slapped hand or bottom. Hope that makes sense

I see where your question comes from but I think its a hard question in a way of how to actually word the answer which is usually the type of question that causes the heat starting because things become fuzzy. Again hope that makes sense

I am very like you I see you have a problem with even thinking about giving a little smacked bum or hand of no which is why the thread and I think the girls have some interesting replys including how different their smacked bottom would be to what was acceptable years ago.

Someone mentioned the SKY box - Caitlin loves this little feature now shes at the stage of well you can tell her 5 times but by the 3rd times you say NO she'll scream/take a tizzy and try again ... and again ... the tone of voice does kinda fade in effect with LO as we're learning.

The tapped hand to me is where child should not be touching its either dangerous or things you simply can't move. You can smack a hand without reddening the area stinging the area but the noise is what is the shock part for them I thought < that at a guess because thats why I created thread to see lol I guess they tend not to like the difference in being told no maybe?

The vibe of a lil smacked bottom (I couldn't do it bare btw) and tone of Mummy/Daddy I guess comes with it so play times they do know the difference.

 

[Wobbles]

When I was younger I used to get the slipper/trainer or the cane. Pretty intense. I'd never ever use that on a child. But whenl lilys a bit older and she starts to act up more I think i'll definetly tap her bottom or her hand, never to the point it would hurt.

But then again I might change my mind, Im a pretty soft mummy and I always said Id be a strict mummy but Im a push over now!!!

It is barmy how this was ever acceptable

 

[Ju_bubbs]

Your lil one sounds JUST like my 5 year old! When it comes to 'smacking' I'm kinda stuck between the both opinions on it. On one hand I think it's wrong when a child is behaving because of 'fear' they'll get a physical punishment. I think the main reason I'd be against it is because I have a lot of problems with my children hitting each other when they argue, and I tell them no matter whats happened between them, getting physical is never the answer, and theres never an excuse for hitting each other... so what gives me the right for smacking them 5 minutes after I've told them this.

On the other hand, when it comes to my 5 year old sreaming AT me because I wont let him have whatever it is he wants, usually chocolate... and gets really lippy towards me, and even laughs AT me when I verbally tell him off, after trying and failing all the things I could think of.. naughty step, taking favourite toys away, star charts, taking away his after dinner treats etc... I have resorted to taking his hand a few times and giving it a 'smack' nothing hard ofcourse, just enough to show him that I'm serious and won't stand for it. Now its come to him laughing AT the 'smack'. So thats been tried and failed too!

My mum used to smack mine and my sisters legs with a newspaper which she would roll up, back then... it was noting out of the ordinary to smack your kids! But it never stopped us doing whtever we were doing again, we just got used to it. One day.. my dad smacked my leg for the first time, when I was about 6.. I can't remember what I did, but for my dad to use smacking as the result it was obviously summat quite bad! Whatever it was...was never done again!!!

 

[Wobbles]

Its the AT you thats a hair puller isn't it! I'm like cor terible twos isn't even close yet Caitlin wait a few months

If my kids showed a sign of fear I'd certainly change my ways before theres ...Im guessing theres a difference between not liking and fearing? I'd never forgive myself if my child feared me for sure.

 

[Ju_bubbs]

It is definately the AT you! I mean if he was just screaming on the floor or something, I'd never have considered trying smacking even. I suppose I could stop it by threatening to hit him really hard, so that it hurts... he'd probably just laugh at it but I'm not going to try it coz as you say, as much as Id like him to stop doing it, if it meant him actually 'fearing' what I'd do to him, I'd hate myself!

 

[TashaAndBump]

The time out ...Caitlin knows the word NO she wouldn't understand time out right now so the same goes for a tap of no and time out. Time out in my understanding is where you can tell the child what they have done wrong and right now Caitlin wouldn't understand those words.

Well it depends what age they are at actually. With my brother and nephew, we started using time out from around 14-15 months, they wouldn't have understood if we told them what they had done wrong like, "now sit here and think about what you have done and don't come off until you are sorry!", but they do make a relationship between what they did and being removed from the group if you always put them in time out immediately after they do something naughty or dangerous. Children learn by association - so they will learn to associate that naughty behaviour with being put in time out, which children never like. As quite a few people have said if their child is naughty they don't interact with them for a while - this works well because children hate being ignored. It soon works if you are consistent, though (from memory) and you begin to need the time out area less and less...

Until they hit about 2, and decide to try and leave the time out area again and again. However the simple solution to this is just to pick them up and put them down in the time out area... you may need to do this 10/20/god knows how many times before they get the idea, but they do learn. At this age they are usually old enough to understand when you put them in time out if you tell them why they have been put in time out. When Alexander and Alfie (my brother and nephew) were 2 we used to put them in the time out, come down to their level and tell them "You have been put in the time out area because you did 'whatever it is' and that is naughty. You will stay here for 2 minutes until we come to get you." At that age they were too young to apologise so when we went to get them we just told them again why they had been put there and told them they must be a good boy now.

My brother and nephew are now three, when they are put in the time out area they are told, "Alexander, you have been put in the time out area because you did 'x y z' and that is naughty. You will stay here for 3 minutes until I come to get you." (a minute for each year of their age). When they are collected, they are told again why they were put in the time out area and they must give an apology before they can come off. It used to be we'd ask them "are you going to be a good boy now?" and they'd say yes, but at some point when they began to understand that when you have hurt someone/ done something bad you apologise, we changed it to getting an apology before they came out of the time out area, to whoever they have hurt / been naughty for. They then have a cuddle and go back to playing. It has worked for as long as we have used it in our family, and I am pretty sure I will use it with Anna. I am motivated to use this method because I can't see myself hitting Anna no matter how naughty she was (even just a tap) and I have seen the time out area work so well in our family - Alexander and Alfie are so unbelievably well behaved. They're gorgeous

Obviously different things work for different people. I am using the time out area because I have seen it work and used it with children in my direct family, but others use smacking and see that work for their children. It's just not something I'd want to do. I think as soon as Anna is being naughty, in my opinion she will be old enough to be put in time out.

 

[alice&bump]

I am a bit confused... How hard do you all "tap" the bum (if you wont call it spanking)?

Like... I pat Jasmines bum sometimes playing around, obviously not hard enough to hurt... its all in good fun.

How would you get the point across that your displeased if it doesn't physically hurt the child a little bit? (I know we're not talking about slapping their bum as hard as you can).

me and OH had this discussion the other day, where does it change from playful patting to a smack. i think its all to do with tone of voice. if LO knows that mummy/daddy's having fun, its playful thing, if they know you're angry then its a discapline thing. i dont think there's much difference in force, its the way its done.

therfore, it wont work until your kid can tell the difference between emotions

 

[Wobbles]

Originally Posted by Wobbles View Post
The time out ...Caitlin knows the word NO she wouldn't understand time out right now so the same goes for a tap of no and time out. Time out in my understanding is where you can tell the child what they have done wrong and right now Caitlin wouldn't understand those words.

Quote:
Well it depends what age they are at actually. With my brother and nephew, we started using time out from around 14-15 months, they wouldn't have understood if we told them what they had done wrong like, "now sit here and think about what you have done and don't come off until you are sorry!"

Obviously different things work for different people.

Not sure you seen my other reply or maybe I didn't type it properly but when I use this method 'time out' I want her to KNOW what shes there for so theres where it does not fit into our 'what works' right now.

 

[brownhairedmom]

I am a bit confused... How hard do you all "tap" the bum (if you wont call it spanking)?

Like... I pat Jasmines bum sometimes playing around, obviously not hard enough to hurt... its all in good fun.

How would you get the point across that your displeased if it doesn't physically hurt the child a little bit? (I know we're not talking about slapping their bum as hard as you can).

If I was going to do this, it'd just be a SLIGHT bit harder than a playful "pat". More like going from a pat to a tap? hah. I think you'd need to make the shock more apparent with your voice like someone said before. Don't make the tapping the main focus of the discipline, more so your voice.

I'd never do anything that would actually even sting her, it would be more my voice that scared her out of whatever dangerous behaviour she was doing!

 

[Wobbles]

I like the way this thread is being discussed like Mums few close replies ...maybe? but all good Shame we can't be like this all the time haha

 

[ryder]

I am a bit confused... How hard do you all "tap" the bum (if you wont call it spanking)?

Like... I pat Jasmines bum sometimes playing around, obviously not hard enough to hurt... its all in good fun.

How would you get the point across that your displeased if it doesn't physically hurt the child a little bit? (I know we're not talking about slapping their bum as hard as you can).

It was me who doesn't call it spanking hun - Well I don't think anyone else mentioned it I see why you/others would call it spanking ...didn't mean to suggest you as a person was wrong in your wording I was saying me as my individual and other reasons don't think the word suits for a lilttle tap on the bum or hand because imo I use to get a spanking ...the 'spanking' left belt mark scars on my back so theres why I personally don't like to use the word when referring to a slapped hand or bottom. Hope that makes sense

I see where your question comes from but I think its a hard question in a way of how to actually word the answer which is usually the type of question that causes the heat starting because things become fuzzy. Again hope that makes sense

I am very like you I see you have a problem with even thinking about giving a little smacked bum or hand of no which is why the thread and I think the girls have some interesting replys including how different their smacked bottom would be to what was acceptable years ago.

Someone mentioned the SKY box - Caitlin loves this little feature now shes at the stage of well you can tell her 5 times but by the 3rd times you say NO she'll scream/take a tizzy and try again ... and again ... the tone of voice does kinda fade in effect with LO as we're learning.

The tapped hand to me is where child should not be touching its either dangerous or things you simply can't move. You can smack a hand without reddening the area stinging the area but the noise is what is the shock part for them I thought < that at a guess because thats why I created thread to see lol I guess they tend not to like the difference in being told no maybe?

The vibe of a lil smacked bottom (I couldn't do it bare btw) and tone of Mummy/Daddy I guess comes with it so play times they do know the difference.

The reason why im a little against the opinion of the bum tapping was in an example of someone..

Dont be offended, Im only putting this example for food for thought... as I have considered and thought about it too when I think of how im going to discipline my kids.

The couple we know who does bum tapping (spanking... whatever), has kids who are 16 months and almost 3 years old now... which in itself is a hard job with 2 kids so young. They dont take bum tapping seriously though... Its been done a few times to them and it is a joke to the kids now. And they are so young to be like that... Like I said they just run up to their parents when they do something they dont like and slap their bum and say no mummy, no daddy!

And these kids DO NOT listen.

However, you never know... That method may very well work for other people, and you though.

I remember as a kid I used to get sent to the corner... my parents had a yard stick that sat in the corner with me and ?I was told that if I moved before they got me, I would get spanked with the yard stick... for some reason it worked lol. I remember a few times standing in that corner counting the flowers on our wallpaper lol.

 

[Tiff]

My parents (with me) always let the threat of a spanking be enough to scare me into submission so to speak. They never actually hit me, but the idea that they would was enough to get me to stop.

As for little kids? I don't know exactly if I would spank. But then again, I am not there yet with Claire so I can't say for certain. I'm not entirely sure how well "Time Outs" would work with a 12 month old. Maybe I'm naieve, but do they really have the capacity to dwell on what they did, why they shouldn't and to not do it again? It's a hard stage for kids I imagine, all their needs have been catered to up to this point, so it's not surprising that they're used to kicking up a fuss to get what they want. However, a screaming 4 month old is cuter (?) than a screaming 2 year old.

I've known of parents who have restrained their children instead of hitting them, until they calm down. I'm no authority though, and I definitely don't claim to be!

 

[Wobbles]

Not offeneded at all hun I find many of your posts interesting just want to keep the thread none firey because people fall out

My mind is between definately but I find the topic and replies interesting because we're not all the same ...if its my method or not it doesn't worry me that a parent would smack LOs bottom or hand obviously theres a line a very fine line at that and everyones line is different. I'd have a BIG problem with a child marked or bruised but this thread to me is for people and responded to from people who know that line. Hope so anyway.

 

[kelly2903]

i can see wat you mean about understanding tyff, and thinking about wat they have done at 12months , i also dont think, they could understand this, but tapping of the bum/hand, can work in some sense with a child of this age, in a early post in this thread i mentioned that lilly used to smack me and i dont mean soft she clenches her fist to punch me in the face and looks to see what my reaction is, if i pretend to cry she cuddles me, then bites my shoulder or smakcs again, so tapping her hand was my choice on that badness, it seemed to work and doent smack me anymore (not as much any how) but when she is fiddling with dangerous stuff the tap doesnt work and she keep going back over and over again, so now i have no other options too young for time out, and a tap doesnt work, oh bluming hell, im gonna have a really bratty lil madam, and by the sounds of it im not gonna beable to really teach her wrong fro rite until she can understand more about it. tut tut tut

 

[TashaAndBump]

Originally Posted by Wobbles View Post
The time out ...Caitlin knows the word NO she wouldn't understand time out right now so the same goes for a tap of no and time out. Time out in my understanding is where you can tell the child what they have done wrong and right now Caitlin wouldn't understand those words.

Quote:
Well it depends what age they are at actually. With my brother and nephew, we started using time out from around 14-15 months, they wouldn't have understood if we told them what they had done wrong like, "now sit here and think about what you have done and don't come off until you are sorry!"

Obviously different things work for different people.

Not sure you seen my other reply or maybe I didn't type it properly but when I use this method 'time out' I want her to KNOW what shes there for so theres where it does not fit into our 'what works' right now.

I don't think you understood my post... what I meant was, that without you having to tell them what they are there for (verbally), they will know what they are there for if it comes as an immediate reaction to what they did. If you know what I mean? Because they learn by association.

But if you want to wait until you can tell her what she is there for and she understands what you say then it sounds like you have very clear ideas of what your time out will be and that will work very well for you when the time comes

 

[Tezzy]

we used to tap rhys.. then he started hitting us.. now hes a little shit! he hits all the time when hes done something wrong.. like he has associated 'hitting' - obviously we only tapped him lol - with being naughty.

its a nightmare.

 

[Mamafy]

I haven't smacked/tapped with any of the kids. i wasn't as a child either. It is personal opinion and a light tap on the bum/hand at the time of naughtiness could be very effective. I guess its kinda like training a dog, the tap/jerk has to be given right at the very moment of naughtiness to become really effective

Tbh at this age (12-18 months or so) it can be a real battle of wills and I ignore the bad behaviour and praise the good although ignoring the ear-piercing screaming can be hard

Later on time-out is brilliant and worked very very well with Joe when he started smacking Katie I've only needed to use it on him maybe 6 times in total, with Katie i'd imagine things could be different, she is testing the boundaries all the time but then girls are harder work!!!

But I also think some shouldn't smack as it looks like they've lost control and imo smack too hard (like my bil & sil who when my nephew was 18 months old the sil smacked him in the face which is totally not acceptable) so I don't think they should not smack at all as they lose control. A tap however is fine but I have chosen 17 years ago to not after a discussion with my oh and we've done ok too