Does anyone find it hard to get excited for their pregnancy after their loss??

[Maxparedesmom]

Hello all I understand as well since I lost my max while I was 19 weeks and 5 days on 12/20/12 I feel like ill never truly feel ok and be able to really connect with my new baby . We are hasn't another boy and its really hard not to think something will happen .. I to have named him but maybe for another reason I just want to know his name longer then I knew my max. If that makes sence. . I lost him 2 days after I found out he was a boy and had named him dot his time around I paid to find out the sex earlier .. Even knowing I don't feel any better though.. I hope everyone is doing well ..

 

[jajonesey]

I completely understand your panic, though 31 weeks is a dream to someone like me! I told my husband yesterday, and now he's excited. I admire his ability to be supportive regardless of what's going on.

But with each pg, i get less and less excited. I tested yesterday after AF was a no-show, and I'm 5 weeks. I'm about as un-inspired as one can get. In fact, i was actually pissed off - bfp kind of ruined my day - because i had a million plans for the day that all just took a back seat.

In fact, yesterday morning, i was thinking, "well...maybe it won't be so bad if we don't have kids." Twenty minutes later, BFP. No Joke.

Part of the problem (and no one prepares you for this) is that i suffer really bad ppd after the D&C. Last time it was so bad, I had to get help. All i can think about now is what happens in 4, 6, or 8 weeks when i get more bad news again?

 

[ColorMeFamous]

Thank you, ladies for sharing your stories. It really is so scary and clearly we are all at different parts of our pregnancy and still, it never gets any easier. It might be nice to keep updating on this post and seeing how everyone is doing! May help us keep up the hope!! I'm 33

 

[ColorMeFamous]

Oops!! I'm 33 weeks tomorrow and still feeling all the same feelings as you ladies are. I haven't packed a hospital bag, haven't bought anything for baby. I seriously just can't wrap my head around it! I just had a terrible dream that I had her at 36 weeks 5 days and I had nothing for her so maybe that will get my ass in hear :/ I'm so nervous and the weeks are going by so fast! I just wish they went a tiny but slower. I'm moving on July first so I'm also stressed about that. Congrats on everyone's pregnancies!! I'm excited for you all even if you aren't I hope we all cook up some sticky babies... Losing one is hard and losing multiple is even harder. Getting your hope up is definitely hard. I just think I'm going to have a stillborn. I know it's so dumb. I just think if something will go wrong, it just will. I hope all of our babies come safely

 

[nabo86]

I completely understand your panic, though 31 weeks is a dream to someone like me! I told my husband yesterday, and now he's excited. I admire his ability to be supportive regardless of what's going on.

But with each pg, i get less and less excited. I tested yesterday after AF was a no-show, and I'm 5 weeks. I'm about as un-inspired as one can get. In fact, i was actually pissed off - bfp kind of ruined my day - because i had a million plans for the day that all just took a back seat.

In fact, yesterday morning, i was thinking, "well...maybe it won't be so bad if we don't have kids." Twenty minutes later, BFP. No Joke.

Part of the problem (and no one prepares you for this) is that i suffer really bad ppd after the D&C. Last time it was so bad, I had to get help. All i can think about now is what happens in 4, 6, or 8 weeks when i get more bad news again?

I'm really sorry for all of your losses, I really hope this is your sticky rainbow baby and wish you a happy and healthy 9 months xxx

 

[ColorMeFamous]

I find it quite interesting that you can get PPD after you "deliver" so early. I don't know if that's what I had or I was just upset about my loss but I cried so much. Every day until I was far into this pregnancy, I would look up "miscarriage" on Instagram. Just to reassure myself that I wasn't broken. That this was a reality for so many other people... I sort of think of this baby as being my miscarried baby in a sense. I know it sounds weird. I just know when I found out about my pregnancy last time I was so scared. I wasn't ready at all! I just prayed that she would come a little later when I was actually ready for a baby. I didn't want a baby then. When I lost her I was absolutely devastated. I really blamed myself for a while. Still do a bit. I asked whatever god was out there to give me a sign. Three months later, I found out I was pregnant again. My due date is my daughters birthday. I don't know if it's coincidence or what but I find it has helped me accept my miscarriage. The extra three months have helped me to get through college and better prepare myself for this baby. I have been measuring farther along so I think it would be interesting on the day I lost my past baby.

 

[Wyldemomma]

I too seeked help after my first MMC. Even though my brain understood what was going in my heart/soul were so devistated and messed up. My husband and I were fighting all the time, I was lashing out, there was a lot of anger. Sometimes I think there still is. Last night I was extremely angry because I didn't feel as tired and my boobs weren't as sore (tmi) and I kept thinking "this is it" I don't know how I'm not going to think like that. I have my first scan scheduled for the 11th, I know it's only a week but I'm sure it'll feel like a life time.

How did you ladies deal with the scans? I feel like I'm going to be a nervous wreck.

 

[cb1]

Hi Wyldemomma, how far along are you if you don't mind me asking? I really hope your scan goes well next week. I don't have any advice on how to cope with scans I'm afraid - this time around I don't think I'm going to have any early scans, I just find the whole experiance too stressful. Plus as all of my mmc's were picked up on scan and followed with an erpc I always have that nagging doubt in the back of my mind "what if they got it wrong?"

 

[nabo86]

I too seeked help after my first MMC. Even though my brain understood what was going in my heart/soul were so devistated and messed up. My husband and I were fighting all the time, I was lashing out, there was a lot of anger. Sometimes I think there still is. Last night I was extremely angry because I didn't feel as tired and my boobs weren't as sore (tmi) and I kept thinking "this is it" I don't know how I'm not going to think like that. I have my first scan scheduled for the 11th, I know it's only a week but I'm sure it'll feel like a life time.

How did you ladies deal with the scans? I feel like I'm going to be a nervous wreck.

i've had 5 scans so far...

one at 6 weeks (NHS) as i had some bleeding
one private at 8 weeks
one private at 10 weeks - this one was very important to me as in my mmc the baby died at 9 weeks
one at 12 weeks (NHS) - routine
one at 20 weeks (NHS) - routine

I felt awful before each scan, poor DH had to deal with all my stress and tried his best to stay strong for me, I know now he was hiding a lot of his own anxiety. I was OK after each scan for a couple of days but then sink back down and I was a nervous wreck, very emotional and not very nice to be around but it was just worrying about what I would see in the scan.

I have a scan tomorrow to check the position of my baby - I can feel her kicking now so it is the first scan I'll have where I know I'm going to see her and she is ok. I'm not worried at the minute but not sure how I'll feel tomorrow - I always hope I'm not in the same room or with the same sonographer as in my first pregnancy - I know neither of those things affected the outcome but it just makes me feel a little better!

I don't have any advice to cope but hope everything is well in your scan xx

 

[ColorMeFamous]

It was nerve wracking!! I saw the baby and couldn't see the heart. (7 weeks 6 days) I just wanted to cry!! The ultrasound tech then showed me where it was and I felt a little okay but it still didn't help. At my next one (20 weeks) I saw her flipping inside me and just being super active!! It helped but it still didn't make me feel secure. The only thing that helped me was when I started feeling kicks! I like being able to know she's moving and being active throughout the day!!

 

[ButterflyK]

I am finding it hard to get excited and don't even want to tell the OH until a ultra sound shows a Heartbeat, we have yet to make it to that point so while I feel different this pregnancy I still feel like it's going to be bad news.

 

[ColorMeFamous]

I felt the same way... I've made it to 33 weeks so hopefully you will get a sticky baby too! Please update us when you see that beautiful heartbeat

 

[Wyldemomma]

Cb1 I am about 6 weeks, still really early.

Thank you ladies for all your wonderful responses! I told my husband I would probably cry through it all!

 

[cb1]

I'm slightly behind you then at 5+4. I really hope your scan goes well next week, and will be keeping my fingers crossed for you. This is such a difficult time isn't it?

 

[Wyldemomma]

Yes it really is. I am thankful though that there are women out there who have experienced the same things and are willing to talk about it and help each other through it!

When will you have your first scan?

Colormefamous- how are you feeling today?

 

[KatOro]

Hi ladies. Big hugs to you all!!

It is so hard to know how to feel after a loss. I found out I lost my baby in November 2012 at 7 weeks. It measured behind at 6 weeks. I never ever expected to experience PPD/PPA after the miscarriage. Nowhere did I read this was even possible. And my doctor did not mention it was a possibility (which, upon reflection, really bothers me).

I went through a major bout of depression and anxiety that just cleared up a month or so ago. I did not realize what was going on until it was over. I really could have used more support and guidance. Even the ladies I could commiserate with didn't offer much other than, acknowledging it is painful and it will get better but you'll never get over it.

I almost left my partner and took my daughter to live with a new potential mate. I was one foot out the door when something told me I might not be thinking clearly. I felt like I finally had some gusto to make some big changes and when I made some and they were the wrong ones I got scared. I completely froze and could not make any sense of anything.

I just found out I am pregnant again and I THINK this is what I want and want to spend my life with my current partner and father of my 3 1/2 year old.

I know it will be hard but I think I am ready for the battle.
Sorry I hijacked this thread...this is the first time I have really looked at the past 6ish months from the outside. I am such a mess still, but getting better every day.

I know its VERY soon since I found out I am pregnant again...I hope I can feel the magic I felt with my first two pregnancies. I know I might not and that makes me feel bad for this baby. I sure do appreciate this pregnancy (so far) more than the first.

One thing that is super hard is I have quit smoking (tobacco and green) for both pregnancies so far and know I will for this one too. However, I feel like it is going to be much harder this time around. It's like...I smoked for the first trimester in my first pregnancy (didn't find out until 14ish weeks) and my daughter was fine. 2nd pregnancy I quit the day I found out (9dpo) and lost that pregnancy.I know its the best thing for everyone and I will quit, but I can't shake the guilt of not being 100% gung ho.

I never expected motherhood to come with so many deep emotions. Thank goodness for this website, it's so nice to know other people share the same trials and tribulations. Amazing how in some cases we can learn more from strangers on different sides of the planet than we can from our own direct support system.

 

[ColorMeFamous]

Wyldemomma- I'm feeling okay. Stressed. I need to find a place to rent by the 30th and haven't yet I am so worried that something will not pull through for me. I really hope for me and the kids sake that something does. I can't believe all this it's so terrible.

Katoro- thank you for sharing your story!! I know the feeling of guilt. I had taken prenatal vitamins with my first, carried her full term, and then didn't with my second. I ended up losing that baby between 5-6 weeks. I have taken prenatal vitamins with this one and she is doing great. I know it was probably totally unrelated but still. Makes you wonder. Just remember that you are not only eating for two, but breathing for two.

 

[cb1]

Hi everyone - hope you're all ok today.

Katoro, i hope you find the support you need here, it sounds like you've been through a tough time of it recently. Don't feel bad if you don't feel the magic this time around - its understandable to feel apprehensive after everything you've been through. Well done on the smoking thing - I quit a few years ago, but had recently started again due to some personal issues. I quit as soon as I got my BFP, but its not been easy.

 

[dairymomma]

I completely understand your panic, though 31 weeks is a dream to someone like me! I told my husband yesterday, and now he's excited. I admire his ability to be supportive regardless of what's going on.

But with each pg, i get less and less excited. I tested yesterday after AF was a no-show, and I'm 5 weeks. I'm about as un-inspired as one can get. In fact, i was actually pissed off - bfp kind of ruined my day - because i had a million plans for the day that all just took a back seat.

In fact, yesterday morning, i was thinking, "well...maybe it won't be so bad if we don't have kids." Twenty minutes later, BFP. No Joke.

Part of the problem (and no one prepares you for this) is that i suffer really bad ppd after the D&C. Last time it was so bad, I had to get help. All i can think about now is what happens in 4, 6, or 8 weeks when i get more bad news again?

Like you, I wasn't happy to find out I was pg this time round. I have 2 kids who mean the world to me and it's taken me nearly a year to accept I might only have two. I've been tested, poked, and prodded without any answer as to why I keep having mc after mc. When I got my bfp, I got mad. I got even more mad when I started spotting last week. It was like, "What? You've got to be kidding me! SEVEN miscarriages?" Turns out it is a hematoma causing the spotting and my bean is still sticking nicely at 10wks. You just get so mad because just when you start thinking "Okay, I'm good with where life has taken me. I'm happy where I'm at." BAM! That's when it hits you-BFP. And like you, I've suffered ppd. Unfortunately for me, I was dealing with it after my first mc five years ago but wasn't diagnosed until about six months ago (two kids and five more mc later). I hid how bad I truly felt from everyone including my dh AND myself. So, having been there and done that, I'm hoping this one is a good one for you.

 

[Wyldemomma]

I am glad to hear everything is going ok with the pregnancy diarymomma and it was just a hematoma.