Extended Breastfeeding

[smelly07]

so would a mother with two children who FF one of her children but BF another have a better emotional relationship/stronger bond with the BF child?................and this is a genuine question


also curious about the ? lightworker asked.

 

[Aidan's Mummy]

No I don't think everyone will have a stronger bond with their BF child. Some people have a very hard time breastfeeding and it threatens the bond. Like with Aidan I hated feeding him because I just really struggled and I didn't enjoy it at all. When I stopped my bond increased as I wasn't dreading the next feed. I hope with my next baby I will cope better and I can enjoy breastfeeding.

A lady I went to see the othe day was in tears because he baby was feeding every half an hour or so. Me and the HV asked how long she was feeding for ( to see if the baby was getting a full feed) and the mum said a good 30 minutes each time, she had beastfed before and said the latch was ok etc. Anyway she broke down saying how she didn't feel close to her baby, how she dreaded every feed and resented it. She couldn't understand how she found breastfeeding 'easy' the first time but this time she was struggling. So her bond was being effected by breastfeeding in a detrimental way. Although we did encourage he and got some breastfeeding peer suppourters going in.

Another mum I saw that day was the complete opposite she was beaming, he breastfeeding was going great and she loved it when he baby wanted a feed. She breastfed while we were there and the bond could be visably seen. The baby was thriving and mum was happy which of course is what we want. I guess the point is I think it depends how breastfeeing goes and the what difficulties arise etc.

I think when I have another baby and breastfeeding goes well I will bond but with Aidan I didn't. I actually developed PND x

 

[Lightworker]

Midori - interesting that about painkilling properties. I read this article where this lady said her toddler split his lip and she instinctively put him to her breast and he stopped crying. I notice that with my LO when she bangs her head as well.

 

[smelly07]

Aidens mummy. i completly get that and understand what you are saying there, but what i meant was if the same mother BF one child and FF another without any problems with either would the bond etc be better with the BF child? iykwim x

 

[Aidan's Mummy]

I'm not sure, I don't think my bond with my next baby will be stronger because my bond with Aidan is incredible and I can't imagine exceeding that with another child. x

 

[smelly07]

interesting subject though hey.

I FF both my girls and i have an incredible bond with both of them.

 

[Aidan's Mummy]

It is very interesting. I will get back to you on that one when I have anothe baby x

 

[newmommy23]

A lot of this made me shake my head...people are so ridiculously close minded.

 

[newmommy23]

Also, I had someone call my bfing extended...at 9 months! what in the world?!?

 

[Aidan's Mummy]

Also, I had someone call my bfing extended...at 9 months! what in the world?!?

Who said that!! That is no where near extended considering WHO tell you to try and keep going until 2 years ( as long as baby wants to). Making it to 9 months is amazing, keep going x

 

[smelly07]

Also, I had someone call my bfing extended...at 9 months! what in the world?!?

Who said that!! That is no where near extended considering WHO tell you to try and keep going until 2 years ( as long as baby wants to). Making it to 9 months is amazing, keep going x

thats just stupid!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Laura2919]

Did I say it would compromise their solid intake? No. I didnt. I say their diet should be mainly solids. So at 2 they should have breakfast, lunch and dinner and snacks in between, they dont NEED breastmilk.

A child of 2 isnt a baby anymore, there is food that give them nutrients, I just dont feel comfortable with it and it wouldnt be my choice

It's fine for you to not be comfortable with something, but I do find it sad that people feel uncomfortable about women feeding their children as nature intended. You can't really help what you feel uncomfortable about though.

I also think it's fine for people to say 'for me, that is the age I would be prepared to BF to', but I don't think it's fine to comment on the age in general people should BF to.

Children do need milk and dairy as a part of their diet. ot provides them with valuble nutrients. Why shouldn't that milk be breastmilk? Why do people feel more comfortable with giving children the breastmilk of another species, especially considering it needs to be pasturised in order to make it safe for us to drink?

I don't think laura meant compromise at all. A 2 year old does not need huge amounts of breastmilk like a baby does. I'm guessing they would only have a few feeds a day so they it doesn't intefer with food as they may become full if they have too much?

Considering the amount a 2 year old takes I don't think expressing would be that time consuming and they ae still getting the health benefits of breastmilk. A lady I work with expresses it and puts in a cup and she says she does that twice a day and it doesn't interfer with he daily life. I have nothing wrong with extended breastfeeding but I still think a child can get the health benefits from a cup with breastmilk in x

Not all women can express though. Plus, as there is nothing damaging about breastfeeding, why on earth shouldn't Mum's feed directly from the breast after a certain age? Purely because some people feel uncomfortable about it without really being able ot give reasons why? As long as the person doing the feeding is OK with it, where's the problem?

Feeding directly from the breast offers comfort and security that giving breastmilk in a cup wouldn't give. Why should even a child be denied that? Feeding from the breast releases endorphins the act as natural painkillers too and many women will BF when their child has hurt or is in pain as this helps the child. On another forum I use there is a thread about what children who are breastfed and can talk have to say about breastfeeding and one ladies child said that BF is better than Calpol.

I didnt say I felt uncomfortable with people breastfeeding in general, I said I feel uncomfortable when I see an 'older' child being breastfed, thats just how I feel. I feel its sad that people dont understand other feel uncomfortable cos of the age of the child, please dont try and mix it up by twisting my words. When I said the certain age thats what I agree with, so its my opinion and I am allowed to say that. My children do have milk and they drink from a cup and I never said milk isnt a part of their diet. I just dont see why an older child has to be attached to the boob, you can give breastmilk in a beaker or a cup, it offers security and comfort but if thats the answer then you would never stop cos you would want your child to feel comforted and secure even as older children in their teens

 

[midori1999]

Laura, I was fully aware you were talking about older children being BF and my reply should have indicated that, obviously I wasn't clear enough. I'll reiterate...

It's fine for you to not be comfortable with either BF your own child past a certain age, or seeing another woman BF her child past a certain age. Of course it is! However, if a woman is comfortable BF her older child and the child wants to continue BF, what exactly is wrong with that?

 

[freckleonear]

Did I say it would compromise their solid intake? No. I didnt. I say their diet should be mainly solids. So at 2 they should have breakfast, lunch and dinner and snacks in between, they dont NEED breastmilk.

A child of 2 isnt a baby anymore, there is food that give them nutrients, I just dont feel comfortable with it and it wouldnt be my choice

It's fine for you to not be comfortable with something, but I do find it sad that people feel uncomfortable about women feeding their children as nature intended. You can't really help what you feel uncomfortable about though.

I also think it's fine for people to say 'for me, that is the age I would be prepared to BF to', but I don't think it's fine to comment on the age in general people should BF to.

Children do need milk and dairy as a part of their diet. ot provides them with valuble nutrients. Why shouldn't that milk be breastmilk? Why do people feel more comfortable with giving children the breastmilk of another species, especially considering it needs to be pasturised in order to make it safe for us to drink?

I don't think laura meant compromise at all. A 2 year old does not need huge amounts of breastmilk like a baby does. I'm guessing they would only have a few feeds a day so they it doesn't intefer with food as they may become full if they have too much?

Considering the amount a 2 year old takes I don't think expressing would be that time consuming and they ae still getting the health benefits of breastmilk. A lady I work with expresses it and puts in a cup and she says she does that twice a day and it doesn't interfer with he daily life. I have nothing wrong with extended breastfeeding but I still think a child can get the health benefits from a cup with breastmilk in x

Not all women can express though. Plus, as there is nothing damaging about breastfeeding, why on earth shouldn't Mum's feed directly from the breast after a certain age? Purely because some people feel uncomfortable about it without really being able ot give reasons why? As long as the person doing the feeding is OK with it, where's the problem?

Feeding directly from the breast offers comfort and security that giving breastmilk in a cup wouldn't give. Why should even a child be denied that? Feeding from the breast releases endorphins the act as natural painkillers too and many women will BF when their child has hurt or is in pain as this helps the child. On another forum I use there is a thread about what children who are breastfed and can talk have to say about breastfeeding and one ladies child said that BF is better than Calpol.

I didnt say I felt uncomfortable with people breastfeeding in general, I said I feel uncomfortable when I see an 'older' child being breastfed, thats just how I feel. I feel its sad that people dont understand other feel uncomfortable cos of the age of the child, please dont try and mix it up by twisting my words. When I said the certain age thats what I agree with, so its my opinion and I am allowed to say that. My children do have milk and they drink from a cup and I never said milk isnt a part of their diet. I just dont see why an older child has to be attached to the boob, you can give breastmilk in a beaker or a cup, it offers security and comfort but if thats the answer then you would never stop cos you would want your child to feel comforted and secure even as older children in their teens

I do understand how people could feel uncomfortable seeing an older child breastfeeding. I'm a strong supporter of full term breastfeeding and yet to be completely honest I would probably feel a little uncomfortable if I saw an 8 year old breastfeeding. It's just sad that our culture and society has conditioned us into thinking like that. At the end of the day, there are a lot of benefits of feeding directly from the breast that can't be gained from expressed breastmilk, so I don't see why full term breastfeeders should have to sacrifice that simply to prevent people feeling uncomfortable. Hopefully full term breastfeeding will become more common and attitudes will begin to change, so it won't be such an issue for future generations.

With regards to the last part of your statement, the main point of full term breastfeeding is child-led weaning. You don't choose when to stop, your child does when they are ready to. I found some quotes which explain it nicely.

For a breastfed child, the breast has been his source of comfort since his first day of life. As he matures and discovers new ways of comforting himself, he will rely less and less on the breast until he has weaned himself.

M J Kouzmine

Contrary to popular belief, child-led weaning may actually promote independence. The child learns to trust in his caregivers, which enables him to take risks. He knows that if something goes wrong, he has a 'safety net' on which he can rely. Forcing a child to wean before he is ready can actually cause clinginess and insecurity.

A Weekley

Breastfeeding is a warm and loving way to meet the needs of toddlers and young children. It not only perks them up and energizes them; it also soothes the frustrations, bumps and bruises, and daily stresses of early childhood. In addition, nursing past infancy helps little ones make a gradual transition to childhood. Meeting a child's dependency needs is the key to helping that child achieve independence. And children outgrow these needs according to their own unique timetable. Children who achieve independence at their own pace are more secure in that independence then children forced into independence prematurely.

E N Baldwin

 

[Blah11]

In response to 'would a mother who BF one child, and FF their other have a better bond with the BF one'.. not really. Every pregnancy, and birth and first few days with a newborn is different and unless you keep everything exactly the same, you cant really compare them. BF helps promote a bond. You could be fine with baby#1 who was FF but have a bit of the baby blues with #2 who is BF. Those baby blues could have turned into PND if you didn't BF, you never know.

I do think people get the whole it promotes bonding really misunderstood and a lot of hurt feelings can come out of it. Hopefully everyone knows what it means now (NOT that FF mums dont bond or love their children and 100% of BF mums do!).

 

[smelly07]

In response to 'would a mother who BF one child, and FF their other have a better bond with the BF one'.. not really. Every pregnancy, and birth and first few days with a newborn is different and unless you keep everything exactly the same, you cant really compare them. BF helps promote a bond. You could be fine with baby#1 who was FF but have a bit of the baby blues with #2 who is BF. Those baby blues could have turned into PND if you didn't BF, you never know.

I do think people get the whole it promotes bonding really misunderstood and a lot of hurt feelings can come out of it. Hopefully everyone knows what it means now (NOT that FF mums dont bond or love their children and 100% of BF mums do!).

I know thats nonsense and was not aiming in that direction when i asked the question, i'm generally curious, people have stated the full benefits of BF on here which include better relationship between mother and baby due to the realease of a certain hormone.

so i was honestly wondering if a mother who say had two children, FF one and BF the other (and if there were no issues with baby or mother during that time) would the BF child still have a better bond with the mother? as on paper thats how it reads iykwim.

i'm really not asking this to cause arguments im just generally interested.

 

[Mum2b_Claire]

I don't think it's the case of 'better bond' just that a mother might have to work a little harder to achieve bond if FF, as they're not part of the natural hormone exchange of BF, which helps instigate the bond. That's how I understood it from the Dr Sears book I have!

 

[Blah11]

^ Yep, and it's more useful in the first few days of babys life. The hormones help create an immediate bond.

 

[smelly07]

so in a sense its also like natural birth vs cesarean in regards to bonding as the same hormone is realeased during labour so it MAY take longer for a mother to bond with a baby if she has had a cesarean...?

doenst mean that the mother will feel differently or have a better bond in the long run with a child she has a natural birth with.?

does that make sense?

 

[Laura2919]

A genuine question here - How does someone know how long it takes to bond? Everyone says people and children are never the same so how can everyone be put into a catergory like if you breastfeed to establish a bond quicker and if you have a natural birth you establish a bond quicker? Its a genuine question so dont shoot me down I havent read any books on this lol