Family death near due date - advice needed

[u2addict]

Sorry for the rant, just have to get this off my chest.

My husband's grandmother passed away last Friday. She's had some chronic illnesses for a while, but her death was quite sudden. She was a lovely lady, just how you picture a grandmother and she will be dearly missed.

The funeral is today (13 Feb) but on the other end of the country. My MIL and her husband flew out for the funeral on Monday and paid a fortune for flights. We had our fingers crossed that they would miss all the snowstorms in Canada and not have any flight delays, luckily they did.

My husband really wanted to head out to the funeral as well as he was really close with his nan, but my due date is 20 Feb and my doctor was planning to do a membrane sweep this week, so DH stayed here with me. DH seems so mixed up at the moment as he's sad about his nan's passing, but excited that he's about to be a first time dad. This will also be the first grandchild for my MIL, so she's got mixed emotions as well. I told the dr to delay the membrane sweep as we didn't want LO's birth date associated with GMIL's death or funeral date and I know my MIL wants to be here for the birth as well.

I'm also concerned about my MIL's mental health. I don't think she's ever really gotten over the death of her father 9 years ago, her daughter lives overseas and won't be moving back anytime soon so her son is the only relative close by (MIL's brother and sister live across the country where the funeral is being held). My MIL doesn't really have any hobbies other than shopping nor any close friends here, so although LO will be a good distraction I would like to see her get better (instead of just keeping busy to ignore the pain). I've lost my own father (whom I didn't know all that well), so I can just imagine the pain and grief she's going through now and I know it's not an easy or speedy road to go down.

Has anyone else experienced a death in the family so close to their due date or shortly after they've given birth? It's hard to be excited about the baby when DH and MIL have experienced such a loss and I'm not sure how to help them.

Thanks for reading

 

[AllieM]

A new baby is a beautiful way to celebrate a life well lived.

They need to grieve for thier loss, but I'm sure it won't affect their joy for your soon-to-be new little one.

I'm sorry that you and your family are dealing with the loss of what seems like a lovely lady.

 

[chulie]

Right now all they have to focus on is grief....once the baby is here it will be a great reminder of how life is also magical and will probably be a great step forward for them.....I have been to one too many funerals in my day but since I had my DD...going to a funeral really isn't as awful as I normally dread...children are such a reminder of much we should appreciate life and I bet once the baby is here you will have nothing to worry about!!!

 

[USAF_WIFE]

I lost my grandma when I was a few months from delivery and I just wanted to say it hurt us all that she missed out but at the same time we were all very excited for the baby and nobody thought about it when I called to let them all know the baby had come. I know its different being a few months off and also its my loss rather then hubby but as I said I think all will work out hun!

 

[MumToEva]

My friend got pregnant accidentally on a one night stand shortly before her brother was killed in an accident. Getting pregnant like that was such n issue with the whole family, but it became their saving grace as it gave them all, particularly granny, something to live for and look forward to.

To me the death of a beloved grandmother won't affect the joy you, hubby and family will have when your LO arrives - so just be there for the all but don't feel bad about looking forward to the birth of your LO and celebrate it with pride when LO arrives. Would his granny want you all to be sad at the birth of your LO? I doubt it!

 

[Eleanor ace]

My grandma passed away a few weeks before I had DS. It was hard, a time of very mixed emotions for everyone. Having DS really helped us all though and hopefully it will be the same for you. x

 

[J2011]

this pregnancy iv lost my father (he was only 45), and my great aunt (she was like a grandma)
when my dad died i was only just over 20 weeks, just found out i was having a boy. his aunty then died 3 weeks ago (i was 34 weeks)

i find it very difficult to propperly grieve as i feel as though iv ot so much to look forward to and almost like id be ungrateful to be grieving so i can understand the mixed emotions that are felt.
I have made a promise to myself to makesure that my son still knows about his grandad, even if hes not here x

 

[u2addict]

Thanks everyone for your kind advice.

 

[Dtswife]

Some cultures believe that a baby born into a family very soon after the death of a loved one is the reincarnation of the ancestor and is even more special because of this. I don't believe that, but, in a way, a new baby following the death of an ancestor can be a way for people to come to terms with the cycle of life. In a way, birth and death are very similar; big, inevitable moments that everyone has to deal with (even if you never give birth, SOMEONE you love will), and that you can't avoid, but you can choose how you meet.
My grandma just passed from leukemia and I was with her at the end of October to help her with care and driving, etc. Her DR gave her some end of life care forms, and even though I wasn't pregnant, we were TTC and I had read several sample birth plan forms. What struck me was how similar her end of life care wish form was to birth plans.

 

[maybebaby3]

My uncle died 4wks before DS1 was born. It was a very sad time. My mum was extremely close to my uncle and it hit her hard. However the birth of Dylan brought some happiness and I'm sure it helped my mum through that dark time.

 

[MrsBroodyPant]

A new life is the perfect way to get over a death. Its a new focus and change of circumstances.
My dad died when my mum was pregnant with me and it was my arrival that helped my mum and brothers to carry on.
Your baby is a blessing xxx