fed up of being told breast is best!!!

[AppleBlossom]

I'll probably get slated for this but for me, breast isn't the best purely on the basis that i need to get in to some form of feeding routine, as running my own business i havent got the time to deal with cluster feeding, bleeding nipples, worrying about latching problems, stressing myself over it etc...... so formula is the best way to go for me and my midwife completely supports my decision

I personally disagree with your reasons for FF as i think that having a child is about sacrifice and when we decided to TTC we agreed that for at least 6 months it would no longer be about us and our lives,but about the baby... but that is a difference in parenting!

Not saying that you are wrong in your choices because its whats best for YOU and no doubt BF would affect both you and your baby because you would feel that you werre doing something you didn't want to do.

TBH i see more and more of this kind of attitude towards BF,and it's mainly down to the 'have it all' culture that seems to be the done thing now.

At least you have the balls to be honest from the beginning and voice your reasons for choosing not to BF without the age old 'i tried with my last and couldnt' or seemingly a favourite amongst girls i know 'one day my milk just dried up'.

I think its a shame that a lot of women feel the need to defend tgheir parenting choices and especially when it comes to not BF make 'excuses' why when really they simply did not enjoy it,found it too hard and gave up or didn't want to do it anyway!

As for having support when the baby is born i think that pregnant women should be encouraged to look into whats available to them,i know my local trust offers peer support workers to pregnant women.. but due to funding this isnt available everywhere

Totally agree. Why should people who FF have to make up excuses as to how they feed their child? It's unfair. I have never made excuses for why I FF. I did it because I genuinely wasn't satisfying my very greedy child so much so she would scream and scream. I would sit crying in agony at every feed because even though she was properly latched she was trying to suck so hard to get at my milk when she had drank it all. I started to resent her because I associated her with the hell of BFing. That was when I realised I needed to either stop and always have people have frowning on me or carry on and end up hating my own child. Unfortunately I had to stop as my own mental welfare and my child's great need for more milk over-ruled the attitudes of "BFing Nazis" that are out there trying to push BFing onto anyone who will listen (I mean HV's etc not aimed at anyone on here) Everyone has the right to parent how THEY want to and should be able to do so without being told their way is wrong.

ETA: I know a lot of women say that BFing is hard and they feel they should get credit for it so when people moan about all the "breast is best" advertising it's actually quite offensive. But if you think about it, how many articles have you ever read saying that your BM is pumping your children full of crap, it's not nutritious, your child will be fat/undernourished/stupid because of it? None. How many articles state that FM does all of the above? More than enough. FFers don't get ANY credit for the way they feed their child. They are only told how terrible they are for not BFing. I think that is terribly unfair. At least their child is being fed. More than I can say for a lot of children in this country right now

 

[Janidog]

I'll probably get slated for this but for me, breast isn't the best purely on the basis that i need to get in to some form of feeding routine, as running my own business i havent got the time to deal with cluster feeding, bleeding nipples, worrying about latching problems, stressing myself over it etc...... so formula is the best way to go for me and my midwife completely supports my decision

You mean breast isnt best for your life not in general.

Yes breast isn't best for my life in general, I am not lucky enough to get maternity leave where i would have luxury to overcome any breast feeding issues. My LO will be coming to work with me, but breast feeding would not be practical and no i can't just take 6months off work

 

[hayzeb]

Breast isn't best for me and in our case would make my child very ill. The medication I have to take to keep me healthy would make my baby ill so breast isn't always best!!

 

[CocoaBundle]

I'm a firm supporter of breast feeding but do i care if another women decides she wants to bottle feed her child with formula? Heck no, its a personal decision. You state the pros and cons of both and you let people make an informed decision. Your not a criminal if you decide not to breastfeed. Its not that serious. On the other end of the spectrum I felt insulted when people looked at me like I was weird for nursing. Like it was some old fashion, not "in" thing to do anymore. Like hello what are these bad boys here for? My husband lol?

 

[trumpetbum]

I'll probably get slated for this but for me, breast isn't the best purely on the basis that i need to get in to some form of feeding routine, as running my own business i havent got the time to deal with cluster feeding, bleeding nipples, worrying about latching problems, stressing myself over it etc...... so formula is the best way to go for me and my midwife completely supports my decision

You mean breast isnt best for your life not in general.

Yes breast isn't best for my life in general, I am not lucky enough to get maternity leave where i would have luxury to overcome any breast feeding issues. My LO will be coming to work with me, but breast feeding would not be practical and no i can't just take 6months off work

My sil chose to feed both her LOs due to nothing more than simply not wanting to breastfeed. She just doesn't want to and I fully support her choice. Breastfeeding isn't best for her, although it's undoubtedly best for her baby's health. I don't buy into the idea that mothers should be martyrs to their children, people have multiple reasons for choosing to give their children formula in this country and we are lucky enough to have clean water to do so. Some people want their body back, some people don't want to deal with expressing at work or want the feeds to be daddy's remit, some find breastfeeding tiring, some take medications which don't agree, some people have had breast surgery which makes breastfeeding difficult or impossible. Regardless, we shouldn't expect explanations from women as to why they chose not to use THEIR body to feed their child.
I think women are the worst enemies of other women sometimes, demanding justification for other women's choices.
How many times do we read
'my auntie, mum, friend, sister said i'm 'being irresponsible/neglectful/selfish/endangering my baby'
in posts regarding our parenting choices?
For every person who was looked down on for FF there's another woman who was looked down on for NIP or from people who don't think baby can be 'getting enough' from breastmilk. i've recently had other nearly qualified nurses react in horror to the idea of breastfeeding, despite the NHS breast is best message. 'EEWW breastfeeding I would NEVER do THAT' and ' Ugh I think once they ask for it, they're too old for it'. From fellow ' health professionals'.

Having said that, on the OP and not necessarily related to the quoted post I am absolutely 100% behind promoting breastfeeding in the NHS. I don't see how a good healthcare system can afford not to, but again this has to be backed up by appropriate support. This appears not to be the case in a lot of cases judging by my own past experience and the countless cases of women who felt unsupported in the early days and the sheer numbers who 'couldn't breastfeed because of x.y or Z.
People say 'ok we've got the message, we're not stupid' but clearly from some of the misinformation and misconceptions regarding breatsfeeding which crop up again, and again even just on this board, this is simply not the case for everyone.
I also think some of this health promotion and 'support' is undermined by the same culture of blame and guilt which permeates our society when it comes to motherhood. Backs are immediately up when the health information is percieved to come with a side dish of judgement and condesension from whoever is discussing the health benefits of breastfeeding. Poor communication is the blight of good healtth promotion imo.
I doubt many people would mind all the 'breast is best' messages if their own personal health discussions were tailored to their individual needs, their own issues were listened to and their choices respected.
It works both ways though, some patients enter into these discussions with preconcieved ideas of 'midwives pushing breastfeeding' and ' Pressure to breastfeed' and are immediately defensive and at times quite rude to their HCPs.

 

[tiggerlix]

in many ways breast isnt best for me either,so if its not best for me in a natrual way of doing so how can it possibly be best for baby in that situation.Breast feeding should feel natrual and it should feel comfortable and a be a 100% decision in wanting to do so.Any kind of feeding should not feel like a chore!!!it should be a nice close time with baby.Every body knows breast is best for baby..but for some mothers it isnt the best option..i cant see whats wrong with that.I havnt decided what im going to do yet so im weighing up all the options for me and my baby and yes taking my hectic lifestyle into consideration also any medication i may be put back on..which isnt good for breast feeding.there are many sacrifices to make for our children in the following yrs..just because someone chooses to formula feed doesnt not make them selfish and unwilling to sacrifice.

 

[CameraGirl]

I will be breastfeeding also.

I think regardless of what you choose you should be proud. If you BF you should be able to do it covered in public without getting those looks and if you FF you should be able to without feeling like you are a bad mother.

Some BF mummies give all BF supporters bad names, they are on their pedestals saying FF is bad put that in context they are saying you are a bad parent for choosing it which tells me everything I need to know about that person.

The hospitals should give information about BOTH BF & FF.

 

[BabyNo.1]

Regardless of who its aimed at this is a horrible expression!

 

[hayzeb]

Regardless of who its aimed at this is a horrible expression!

Bexy has obviously had a horrible experience with HV's etc. I don't see why that would offend you.

 

[trumpetbum]

Before formula was ever invented, what did people do if they couldn't breastfeed? x

Most people could successfully breastfeed because for the most part they had generations of expertise at their fingertips through peers, family, neighbours and if all else failed the extended families could step in and help to feed the baby as is still the case in other parts of the world. It was fully expected that a woman would and could breastfeed.

I also meant to add ( can you tell I have 3 essays to write due to the amount of procrastination i'm doing right now? ) that in the past women were expected to have baby attached to them most of the time as babies were expected to feed a lot. Now due in part to our busy lifestyles and the expectation that a baby should feed x amount of times, go x amount of time between feeds etc, a baby who spends a lot of time at the breast is seen as 'too hungry to breastfeed' etc. I had one of those super hungry babies but was lucky enough to have dhs support and the information I needed to fend off those people who insisted i was starving her. Breastfeeding areas were useless to me. I fed on the go, in a sling, walking, standing up, at home, on the bus, constantly some days. That's not for everyone but it doesn't make a baby too hungry for the breast. Add that to today's lifestyles and expectations of what we should look like and be doing very quickly after our children are born and it very often isn't conducive to successful breastfeeding.

 

[BabyNo.1]

Regardless of who its aimed at this is a horrible expression!

Bexy has obviously had a horrible experience with HV's etc. I don't see why that would offend you.

It offends me because the Nazi's killed millions of people! How can this be equated to breastfeeding in any way shape or form. It has nothing to do with Bexys experience Im just pointing out that its not a nice expression and imo should not be used on here.

 

[hayzeb]

Regardless of who its aimed at this is a horrible expression!

Bexy has obviously had a horrible experience with HV's etc. I don't see why that would offend you.

It offends me because the Nazi's killed millions of people! How can this be equated to breastfeeding in any way shape or form. It has nothing to do with Bexys experience Im just pointing out that its not a nice expression and imo should not be used on here.

Oh for goodness sake, it's just an expression to outline how she feels.

 

[aob1013]

Yes please can we not to this

Just an expression..

 

[Aidan's Mummy]

Bexy was explaing how she feels. Lay off!!
xx

 

[Flower]

Hi, just have a nose in the 3rd tri and there is the same thread in second, so I'll just put the same response here:
There is promoting and lecturing!!!

When I had my DS, I gave birth natually with no pain killer what so ever. Before the birth no-one had ever told me that BF can be extremely painful - so more pain was the last thing I needed as well as pressure from the midwifes.

They wouldn't let me leave the hospital until they had seen me BF for x amount of times.

I just couldn't get to grips with it, I must have incredibly sensitive breasts, in the end they ended up cracked and bleeding! The MW sent me to a BF clinic - but tbh they were no help - just said he was latching on ok and to perservere. In the end I dreaded feeding him and did not find it a bonding experience at all - quite the opposite! I was very unhappy and LO was very hungry!

I decided to stop after 4 days, but my god did I feel guilty! What with all the drumming that breast is best etc. I cried about making the desicion thinking I was a bad mother. It got to 3am that night I couldn't take any more - we had no formula in the house, LO was screaming with hunger, and I was bawling it - ha to wait til 6am for the garage to open so OH could get some formula.

This time around the hospital can f off, I'm signing myself out (if no complications), and plan to express for the first few days - then formula. I'm not going through that again, I have a fear of PND and that deffo gave me the baby blues.

Obv. not everyone will have the same experience - but BF is not for everyone, and they shouldn't feel like they are forced to do it or that they are a 'bad mother' for giving up.

 

[Nic1107]

Screw it, never mind.

 

[chief's wife]

before i had my 1st, i planned on FF cos i was bottle fed and my OH was also bottle fed. i had not seen anyone who breast fed that much. but my SIL breast fed to everyone's surprise and she was told that she was not giving the baby enough for growth etc. nobody actually under stood the bonding side[was kind of not an issue].
so when i had the baby she latched on so well that i continued breast feeding her, i had bottles but never used them. i had to give away the formular.it was at that point that i made up my mind to breastfeed all my kids and although it's the other way around in my case. every one looked at me as if i was not giving the baby enough and also as if i was a stingy person that did not want to spend money on formular for my baby.
my sister that FF her first decided to0 breast feed her second and made it clear that it was because she and her OH were hard on cash at the time .
so, up till now, every body thinks my SIL and I are stingy.
different strokes for different folks

 

[hayzeb]

Screw it, never mind.

Aww hun, why did you delete?. It was a great post. xx

 

[Nic1107]

Screw it, never mind.

Aww hun, why did you delete?. It was a great post. xx

Thanks hun. I really did promise I wouldn't get involved with this debate though lol. If you ever want to talk feel free to pm me!

 

[booflebump]

In terms of providing antibodies, protection against certain diseases and being free, yes, breast is best. Breastfeeding mothers should be commended because it is hard work, and its a huge physical commitment to make to your child.

However, it is not best if it is having a detrimental effect to the welfare of the mother or child. It takes guts to hold up your hands and say 'no, I cant do this' or 'no, I dont want to do this' especially when it seems that the 'breast is best' mantra is being stuffed down your throat. But in many cases, formula feeding is whats best for the family as a whole, and there is absolutely no reason why anyone should feel guilty for it. Providing nutrition, whether it be from a breast or a bottle is the only thing that matters.

It is society that creates this huge pressure on women to 'perform'/'achieve' at motherhood which is just madness. No child is ever going to turn round at 16 and disown you because of the way you chose to feed them as an infant. Therefore, does it really matter? If society/the government/the media hadnt created such a hoo-ha over the whole BF vs FF thing, women wouldnt be battling guilt or the feelings of failure like they do now. Not being able to breastfeed is not failure - its just one of those things. As mums/mums to be/mums in waiting - we should be supporting each others personal decisions, not attacking each other or creating a divide.