Do you have a couple of girlfriends you could just hang out with? We have a girls night out a couple of times a year...movie, dinner, drinks, etc. It gives us a break from our hectic lives and we're able to just talk about everything and relax. You know there's one thing I'd like to add and I hope this doesn't upset you further. When I was seven or eight, my mom took 28 sleeping pills. I was the one who found her in the bathroom floor nearly dead. She spent several days in ICU and it was touch and go. I'm 32 years old and that day has never left me. Don't let yourself go there or think like that..your babies need you. I'm not judging you, my mom was/is a wonderful mother.and I'm sure you are too .she just let my dad push her and push her until she felt hopeless.