Fireflies TCC a rainbow baby

[sunshine2014]

Glad I'm not alone with that. It sucks doesn't it? I don't plan on telling anyone until 3 months, if I get that far. We've always told my parents the day of because I'm super close with them. But even they kinda hinted that they'd rather know later now, because they were both so emotional hen both mcs happened. It's hard because I'm at home now and feel like I'm hiding something. I also have a nephew who I told and he cried both times . So I've told DH and today I told my best friend. I have to tell her, she's been the second person both times. She is so kid and understanding and supportive. She remembered my first due date even though I had only told her once, a sent me flowers on the day in January.

Other than that, no one. It's too much to have to tell people what happens, and I also am pretty sensitive (very), so I've let myself get hurt by the way people respond Tp the news. So, if we make it past 9 weeks I'm going to tell my parents.

My first ultrasound is April 2 - 7.5 weeks. I'm basically expecting the worst right now, I really hope that goes away. I'm trying not to be negative but it's hard.

Also....I had planned a girls night for over March break and trying to think of ways to get out of drinking without telling anyone lol. It was my idea!!!

 

[ajarvis]

Good luck wantingagirl! Hope you catch the egg! This is to be my last baby as well! I plan on enjoying every minute of it. Including the fat uncomfortable parts lol.

NDH glad the bleeding has stopped!

kipod I also can't keep a secret everyone will know! But I'm ok with that. I'll be the one telling likely lol. I didn't/don't have a problem with everyone knowing I miscarried either. Sadly it's a part of life that a high number of women go through.

 

[Kipod]

Sunshine- just tell them your on some kind of antibiotics you can't mix with alcohol. Just look it up, I'm sure there are plenty of those
This time I told too many people- it's hard not to share, especially in first tri when you don't feel well and you have to come up with excuses all the time
Maybe I should start an excuse thread- what you should tell people when you can't do something but you don't want them to know you're pregnant

 

[Lil_Pixie]

I told loads of people this time too. Not everyone at all but still a fair few. I don't mind too much people knowing either, although I hate to have to actually say it so I sent a load of text messages. I've had so much support though, especially from my two best work friends. One of them left work last week to have surgery & treatment for breast cancer and still she's sent me a little message just to check in and send me a hug every day.

If I'm honest I'll still tell some people if we have a next time, even after two losses. If they are the people I'd go to for support if I was struggling then I see no harm in sharing a bit of joy with them first.

I'm no good with excuses. I totally outed myself on the one night out I went on

 

[NinjaPanda]

Onemore - unfortunately, I think that thinking comes with the territory. I have the same feelings about if I get pregnant again. DH and I have already decided not to tell anyone till I start to show.... That is, if I get pregnant again. I, unfortunately, have develloped this horrible skepticism. Since we are back to the TTC route and with DH being away all year, I have a hard time even believing/imagining I could get pregnant again.

Wantingagirl - is it a secret group? I would like to join but I don't want anyone on my fb seeing that I am in it since nobody but our family knows we are TTC or that I had a mc.

AFM - I am so happy to be back running but some days lately, I have really had to force myself. I have been so worn out from work that by the time I get home, I just want to melt into bed. Lol. I would like to lose 5 lbs though.... Too much baking last week, I guess

Oh! Also, DH just told me that they got a new relief person for his 2 weeks so now he will be back on Tuesday! Just in time for OV week! ^.^

 

[sunshine2014]

Hahah. An excuse thread. I love it. I'm just always the organizer. So it's definitely fishy if I don't drink. Ah well. Maye I'll suggest dinner instead. But who am I kidding, I love a good night out drinking and dancing with my friends lol.

Yay ninja that's great!!!! Get bding.

This day is dragging. Where's the coffee that I can't have any more of today?

 

[ajarvis]

Awesome timing Ninja!

 

[Dandi]

I love the idea of an excuse thread! I'm going to need it if I conceive again and want to have any luck keeping it a secret as long as I want to. Last time, I was just so excited after trying for so long that I told my entire family (we're a close family). The only unintended person was my boss. She asked me if everything was ok when I requested off for two appointments and I totally caved within 30 seconds and told her when I was only 6 weeks. Rookie mistake.

Great news Ninja! I hope the timing pays off this month!

 

[Lil_Pixie]

Aww I told my boss right away, and if (when) I get pg again I'll tell her again. She's been so so good to me this week. We've become good friends though so I'm really lucky. (I don't know how, she's 20 years older than me and very posh lol)

Well, I say we're friends. When she realises she'll have to stay in work on Friday taking Comic Relief calls by herself till midnight I might be in the dog house

 

[NDH]

Yes the facebook group is secret

With my two successful pregnancies I announced to family immediately and didn't really care if the word spread early. Never made "official" announcements. With my June bug a few people in my irl birthy groups knew I was pregnant from 4 weeks, but my parents didn't find out til 8 weeks as we had wanted DH's parents to know first this time and they were really hard to get ahold of. Of course I was bleeding already when I told my mom (I bled for a bit over two weeks before losing the baby).

I really enjoyed having a secret last time, so thats why we haven't announced this time more than a fear of having to retract the news, and I've not even had two weeks with the secret to myself yet lol. Not a soul knows about the pregnancy irl yet.
The day I started bleeding I debated telling my parents again but I decided to wait til I have more definitive news. Of course, the next day mom was playing with the girls while I made dinner and came in and said "So Sara says you have a baby in your tummy, is this true?" (which happens to be how we told them last time!). I can't lie to my mama so instead I deflected by laughing and saying she also told DH hat he had a baby in his tummy earlier (truth). She's always known I'm pregnant before it shows up on a test so she's definitely known longer than I am and it's a bit awkward... but thankfully the breakthrough bleeding will give me an excuse when we do tell them as I can use the "I didn't know I was pregnant cause I was still getting my period" excuse.

Going to hold off telling many others before I'm showing.

 

[Fit_Mama2Be]

Huge congrats NDH and Sunshine, even though I totally get why you're nervous. I am another who plans to tell no one next time (if I can get pregnant again) until I start to show. Last time I was thisclose to telling the world at 13 weeks when we found out at our u/s the following day that our baby was going to die.

Ninja I feel exaxtly like you. I try to be optimistic but I'm extremely paranoid I'll never get pregnant again. A few years ago we tried for a year and a half and nothing...then late last year got pregnant by accident. I felt so lucky to have gotten pregnant without all the stress of trying and then we ended up losing Baby. I am so afraid to try again, scared that I will fail once more.

Been for any runs ajarvis? I am planning to go again on Friday - I agree that it's a godsend. It made me feel human when my heart was broken after miscarrying.

Sunshine I highly recommend you give running a try, I used to hate it too!! Although you may want to wait...when I was pregnant my expanded uterus kept knocking into my bladder while I ran and I constantly felt on like I was about to pee my pants, even on the rare occasions when I didn't have to pee.

Kipod I'm so sorry for what you had to go through. You and your DH are so brave, taking on all the pain yourselves so your little one didn't have to. You'll make great parents. Our baby had fetal megacystis and would have died right after birth if he survived that far, so we were facing the same choice when he passed away naturally.

 

[mummy2o]

I'm not sure when to tell people. I thought after 12 weeks it would be fine. Maybe after 24 weeks would be better this time. Have to see though, might not tell anyone until we get the baby it our arms, or people find out.

 

[KozmikKitten]

It really is difficult to decide when/if to tell anyone.

I am in the boat where I would rather have support if I were to have another mc. After 3, I find it more comforting to have people around me who will support us no matter what. Also, it wards off the "when are you going to have another?" questions and pestering about how my ds is getting older and should have had a sibling by now.
First mc - we told dh parents when I was in the ER. I think they were kind of surprised that we never told them we were pregnant.
Second mc - we told them a month afterward when they told us "Its ok if you only want to have one child."
Third - we told everyone (we announced it on our Christmas cards!). We found out the same day we mailed the cards that baby had died. We sent a massive FB message to everyone and then called our parents.
I realized after my third that seeing the HB at an early ultrasound doesnt change a thing. We had a healthy baby at 8+3 and didnt start bleeding until 11 weeks.
I think we will still wait until after 8 weeks to tell anyone next time.

Anyway - I'm 1dpo and finally in the 2ww.

 

[jtink28]

it's a tough thing to decide. on one hand, it's nice to have the support of family and friends when you have a mc. but honestly, it was more painful and embarassing for me to have to tell everyone. i know they didn't feel awkward, but i'm the kind of person who just doesn't want to talk about it much.

the next time we get pregnant, we are not announcing it on FB until we know the gender, i think. we won't announce it to our friends until i start showing, and maybe we'll tell our parents around the same time. i'm just too gun shy now. just...i can't do that again. write all those texts, make those phone calls, hear the pity and sadness in other's voices. i ended up comforting a lot of people when i was in my darkest hour, so i just don't want to do that again.

 

[jtink28]

also, i'm either 5 dpo or 6dpo. i'm thinking 6dpo. i want to wait until AF shows, but who knows how well that will go...lol!

 

[OneMore Time]

Happy almost Friday!

Ninja - I am so glad the timing will work out...what a relief!

With my three successful pregnancies, I never hesitated to tell people. I simply wasn't worried about it. With our first loss (just over 5 weeks) only DH and I knew. I had only found out about 10 earlier and my tests never progressed and the digital always showed not pregnant. I had a bad feeling from the start. This last pregnancy we told my parents, his dad, my sisters, my niece and nephew, and my 13 year old found out by seeing my computer searches (rotten kid!). We were going to make it common knowledge at Christmas and I changed my mind at the last minute, I wasn't ready to share. We were then going to wait until after our NT scan to tell the rest of the kids - it was scheduled for 1/20, I started bleeding on 1/18. It's hard not to believe that there is the work of intuition involved. I never 100% thought that I was going to miscarry (that would never happen to me this late in the game) but there was something nagging at me about not sharing the news.

This time (if there is one), we won't share but not because we don't want to announce a miscarriage. Telling people sucks but it is the sad looks from all of them, the texts and phone calls asking how you're doing and the constant attention that I can't deal with. I know they mean well but I hate being handled with kid gloves and I don't want to feel obligated to talk about stuff whenever someone else wants to. I also need to keep the heartbreak from my kids...my 13 year old was so excited about the baby and she was heartbroken when we lost it. Seeing her grief was harder than feeling my own.

On a lighter note - if my temp stays up tomorrow I will get crosshairs. I was quite certain I O'd on CD 16 (3/10) because of the super dark OPK, CM and how I felt physically yesterday. Now I wait. I will probably start testing after the weekend even though I know it's too early. We'll see...maybe I will surprise myself and not test until FF tells me too.

Have a great day ladies! The sun is out, the snow is melting and it's above freezing! Spring is almost here and it puts me in such a good mood!

 

[KozmikKitten]

jtink - I agree with you, it is really difficult to go and "take back" the good news you shared. I dont think we will announce on FB until we have a successful 20 week ultrasound. Other people will find out sooner if they see us.

 

[Dandi]

I could have written that myself jtink. Same thing here. I'm not the kind of person that wants to talk about it with people and I also feel like I have to comfort people or put on a brave face to help them feel better about it. It was definitely a lesson learned. We'll be waiting quite a while if there's a next time.

I'm on the way to my follow up appt and I'm hoping the pathology results are back so we can have some answers. Fingers crossed that all is well and we can try again soon.

 

[wantingagirl]

With Erin I think I was either 16-17 weeks so might go down that root again

I feel good it's our secret and the further along the more comfortable I am about it.

Yep was just about to say it is secret anyone wants added let me know.

 

[sunshine2014]

Hi ladies!

With my first I was so naive to miscarriages and felt invincible. I never really knew how common they were. So we told my family, dhs family and then we announced with a cute baby picture on fb. It makes me sick to know the baby had already passed. So when we found out we just told family and close friends. Then I was mature and posted pictures of me drinking so people would get the hint without me telling them haha. Immature I know, but I couldn't handle the questions. A few people asked but it got awkward when I told them and I really assume people gr the hint.

The second time we told my parents, and that was to be it. Dhs family happened to come down over Christmas so we told them, then the next day we found out about the mc. WHILE THEY WERE VISITING. Horrible. We were back and forth to the hospital, I was a mess, DH was trying to keep it together and they drove 12 hours to get to us. Ugh. WOrst hosts ever.

Anyways. This time I'm not telling anyone until if or when I get to the safe zone. I feel safe at 13 weeks as I've never got there. So when that happens I'll tell extended family. Fb won't get anything until much much later.

I started my progesterone last night. Whew it was weird. At this point it kinda sucks, because I'm not excited about it yet. Is that bad?

I mean I'm happy. Definitely. I am thankful for the chance to try again. But, I won't let myself get excited. I haven't even checked possible due date :S lol