First fertility appointment

[pcsoph2890]

Erm not sure how long it took - it'll vary from me to you too.

Think the house being sold and dealing with that find' t give me much time to think too much about it. But it does hit me like a tonne brick at times and I have a crying session which makes me feel better and gets rid of the emotion that built up!

Once things start rolling with appts at nurture you realise the scarysness isn't too scary - but having said that I'm still shit scared about it all!!! More the what ifs and buts that may or may not happen!!! And the fact it's so out of our hands there is nothing I can do apart from being as stress free as possible and rest completely afterwards too it's letting mother nature do it's job!!!!

 

[sammy1987xxx]

I don't think normally is how I will ever feel.
Just keeps going through my head that I prob won't have a baby.
That il never give birth.
Have u done anything differently in terms of trying be healthy ready it?
Wer moving home soon too so just keep waiting for the date and hoping itl keep me really busy.
Every situation keeps going thro my head.
They haven't mentioned a sperm donor yet so I'm hoping they don't think we'l need one.
Then I think what if its my body aswell.
Can't wait to hear how u get on. so excited for u xx

 

[pcsoph2890]

Yes that is what upsets me the most thinking I may never get pregnant. I am thinking that if worst case scenario there is always adoption, as do not want a sperm doner, I want my husband's child. So the though I might never have a bump or look like I'm pregnant I would feel cheated. I know in my heart of hearts I will be a mother one day - just might not be what I imagined to get there!

In regard to being more healthy, I try not to have too much caffeine - but I think that millions of women drink, get drunk, drink caffeine before they find out they are pregnant I'm not putting my life on hold, cause it'd be a bloody boring life without a glass of wine (not a big drinker anyway) I don't smoke - gag at the smell of cigarettes anyway. The only thing I take is folic acid - but then if I forget the odd day hey ho!!!!

In a way I'm glad there is something wrong cause I understand why it may not be working, rather than nothing wrong with either one of us, and it being unexplained!!! Also I can get my head round it all.

Plus if there is something wrong with you that'll all be bypassed by going through icsi.... as long as there is one little swimmer and one egg it'll be possible. In being so young you have so much going for you in regard to success rates. Me cause I'm 38 in April my eggs are getting to be old girls now and the less . Likely it'll be to work. But there is more chance of it working than what is happening the natural way!

We are in the best possible hands of the experts, they know what to do to get the best result which is a go home with a baby. Not many people will be able to see their children when they are a few cells old!!!!

I try to remain positive as I think negative thinking is not good, but I stay realistic about the process too!

You'll be fine - your head just needs time to process things. Once things get moving its surreal in as much it's like it's happening to someone else, but you know it's happening g to you!!!!

I'm sure they'll be loads more breakdowns I have in the next two months, which I'll get over and move onto the next thing to wobble about!!!!

As I said I know I will be a mum someday - it's just the route that takes I have no control over!!!

 

[pcsoph2890]

I was hopeful this month as we bedded I thought at the right time.

Been to the loo just now and got some pink spotting!!!!

Got to wait two days for AF to show her head as I'm pretty much bang on time every month and make that call to get my IVF started.

Bit gutted to be honest as I was hoping we'd timed it right and we'd get caught this month - alas not to be, and its going to be all mechanical and technical for us!!!

 

[sammy1987xxx]

Aw I'm sorry. But after much time and space I am excited to start the icsi process.
And hearing ur story will make it easier too.
Just think few weeks time
I'm excited to hear how it goes
Xx

 

[pcsoph2890]

Oh I'm glad your feeling like that now! You'll be surprised how many people know of people going through the same as us! It still shocks me how people get pregnant!!

I'll keep you posted, as you'll be going to the same place and people, so makes it a lot more relevant!!!!

 

[sammy1987xxx]

The oh is still not as accepting. How's urs. I have only told two people not informed work yet as we still have our last appt in may to attend. 6 weeks tomorrow.
I guess we have to accept it quicker cos its happening to us.
I just hope we both get our bumps this year.
We have enough saved ready for another try this year.
Have u been doing any more research? Or just going to take it as it comes?
Xx

 

[sammy1987xxx]

R u trying every other day cos of sperm count? I'm not tracking anymore just leaving it to nature (irregular cycles) didnt know if u was too xx

 

[pcsoph2890]

Just taking it as it comes now.... Waiting for af to show her mean nasty head tomorrow. Spotting getting worse. Feel gutted and a bit emotional today thinking no more naturally trying for a couple of months.
I try every other day, but it seems we argue, late off work, his training gets in the way - this month we did it 4 days two/one day before ov and it doesn't seem to have helped at all!!!

My hubby tends to hide his emotions quite a bit and then he'll have a big blow out which usually means I get the brunt of it!!!
He is very matter of fact and likes to know this will happen, then that but o be honest it probably went in one ear and out the other - he just wanted to know when he has to give his sample, not the ins and out for me!

 

[sammy1987xxx]

That's no good for u. He needs to know what u have to go through.
He needs to support u.
Atleast it's the start of it all now. No more waiting.
Wer trying twice a week now as his sperm needs to build up as its so low.
I don't know any actual facts but pretty sure we don't have any chance conceiving naturally.
I hope the witch isn't to awful for u.
Iv been emotional this evening cried through everything. Had to go check the calandar to see if I could be coming on but there's no chance only on cd 20 lol.
Do u phone the hospital cd1?
Xx

 

[pcsoph2890]

having a really shit day so far today emotional as hell. Hubby doesn't help matters tho nit picking at me. Then taking the piss out of me for feeling like this- now he is in a mood as i can't explain why i'm feeling like shit - as if i did it'd all be you said this, you act like this, it'd just seem that it was all him - and it's not -its just everything...... how can you explaion PMS??

Don't think he really has a clue how i'm feeling - think now the house has been sorted it's hit me again.and the fact that i'm feeling all pmt'ish makes it 10 x worse too! He keeps saying it'll be alright but i know it won't!!!

Could quite do with a day on my own to mope around and wallow in my self pity - get it out of my system!!

I'll be glad when today is over! AF comes and i can make that phone call!

 

[sammy1987xxx]

Can u not get a couple of hours to urself.
I'm crying a lot over all this when u think ur ok it starts again so I can only imagine with pmt in top it's horrendous. I'm lucky to have not gone through that yet
Maybe ya need to tell him how u feel. That ur in it together and need some more support.
My oh hasn't sed it but I'm sure they both feel like its there fault that we have to go through this. We know we have to accept it but they prob feel weaker because its not happening to them as such. Bet they feel pretty helpless. I reassure him all the time but sometimes wonder when il get reassured. I know it's selfish.
I hope the witch shows really soon so u can start ur new journey.
Ur waits almost over just keep thinking positive even when it's so difficult xx

 

[pcsoph2890]

I feel better now..... although had a family member over looking at the new house asking when I was going to be filling the three spare rooms.... Just fake laughed and said see what happens when we are in the house..... (hid all the nurture paperwork)
Their two kids were over creating havok, so no time what so ever to dwell on it!
I'm sure af will show her true head tomorrow. Just having old brown spotting today. Then to call nurture and get the ball rolling!!!

 

[sammy1987xxx]

Did the witch show? Xx

 

[pcsoph2890]

Well kind of, not really a full on, but dribs and crabs! (Sorry if tmi) so called nurture and left a email for an appt, will call them back tomorrow!

Hubby was asking whether I had called them yet and when I started explain how they class 1st day as being the first day you get a red bleed - think it was Tmi for him!!!!

 

[sammy1987xxx]

I thought it was that aslong as its before 12 Ish u can class it as day one.
Atleast he's showed interest in his own way lol x

 

[pcsoph2890]

Well normally I'm bang on time - but think she'll be full flow tomorrow. It's only when I wipe that I get anything!
I know she is just teasing me now!!!!

 

[sammy1987xxx]

Yep and if ur anything like me ur mind starts wondering could this be lol. And I start googling. Lol. I even tho know there's fat chance and I'm wondering all the time lol x

 

[pcsoph2890]

Ha me too - thought this month I had a temp dip on 8dpo, and was sooo tired, so thought it was the month - but alas no!!! I was googling it like mad....

I wonder as and when we do get pregnant ant we'll probably be symptomless!!!!! So a complete surprise (well not so much a surprise as we know there was something there just depends on whether it stuck or not)))

I wonder whether you become emotionally attached to the eggs if you get to see them in their dish???

 

[sammy1987xxx]

Do u get to see them? That's be pretty cool.
R u having icsi? I can't remember. There was a program about Ivf truth about the Big Bang theory or something and that showed a man and woman both fine and no e of her ten eggs fertilised with Ivf but the couple with low sperm count got preg with icsi. Quite promising.
I'm praying for us I just hope we get to the stage where they actually fertilise. I can only imagine how gutted I would be if none fertilised
Every month I manage to convince myself I'm preg lol. The things we do.
Xx