First ivf march 2014! Please join me!

[lanet]

That's beautiful Messica. My dh has also been very adamant that we must donate and not discard any leftover embies bc they are living. I can't get comfortable with donating.
Team did your dr have anything to say about your positive tests or why you might've had chemicals in the past?

 

[messica]

I can't get on board with donating ours either lanet. I admire the heck out of the women who can and do, there are just too many unknowns for me to feel comfortable with it.

I've been googling this morning and found yet another option called "compassionate transfer." I am relieved to read about other couples who struggle with the decision (not relieved that they also struggle, but in finding out we are not alone), and ultimately find a way to come to terms and deal with things in a way that sits right with their hearts.

https://www.parenting.com/article/the-fate-of-frozen-embryos

 

[lanet]

I had read about that too, I wonder how much it would cost? Honestly I feel like if I just had 1 leftover I would just try to carry it to term eventually. But if I had say 8....idk what I would do. I would be paying the storage fee for years I guess.

 

[Breaking Dawn]

Beta this morning came back negative.

I know and you know there aren't any words to make it better.

I just want to rage. I don't understand. How can I not get to have a baby but I just heard on the news this morning that there are people out there who kill their own children and keep them in boxes in their garage. 7 children over 10 years. Like WTF?!

I don't get it. I would be such a great mom, and my husband would be such a great dad. It's bullshit. I don't know what to do anymore.

I'm so sad to read this...

.the only thing we all can do after this is to let it out..vent...cry...and then pick up have hope to keep trying...

 

[Breaking Dawn]

Messica...great news in the embies. grow little ones grow!!

I was reading your posts with Lanet...and i too didn't want to just throw away our embies but I didn't feel comfortable donating them....i think that's amazing gift....but it's not for me. so we decided to donate them for research....hopefully we will be giving back in a way that will help fight infertility.

AFM. My beta is at 356 today 9dp5dt (14dpo). The nurse said this is quite high and if we had transferred 2 embryos she would think it was twins.

I didn't ask her...but now I'm thinking...ok. but we only have one. ...so is this beta too high?

I go back on wed for another beta. Oh and my progesterone was 60.

 

[lanet]

Breaking it's not too high! Some are just higher than others! That's amazing! Congratulations!

 

[teamstanlick]

Team it never makes any sense. I had never used the term gutted until I did ivf and it's so fitting. Give yourself time to rage and freak out all you want because it isn't fair. Be good to yourself because you need it. If you were here I would share my nutter butters with you. Well if I hadn't eaten them all I would and that's kind of a big deal because they're my favorites and I gave up chocolate for Lent : ). When you're ready to move forward I hope your RE has some suggestions and you are able to cycle again

Lol - thanks for the smile.

 

[teamstanlick]

Team did your dr have anything to say about your positive tests or why you might've had chemicals in the past?

Actually, I'm a little pissed at my clinic right now. They called and left a message that my test was negative. That's it. So I called back and left a message asking for more details, like if there was a number at all. I explained the 4 light positive HPTs and asked what the next step was.

Got a voicemail back saying that it was definitely negative, and that the light HPTs were caused by taking trigger shot...only, I didn't take a trigger shot because I ovulated naturally...

So now I'm pissed off that they aren't taking my brief pregnancy seriously and just assume my situation follows what others do. I called back again, but got the answering machine again. I told them I didn't take ovidrel and that the positives were true HCG and again asked what happens now...

That was over 2 hours ago...maybe they're pissed I called them on the bullshit?

 

[Morana]

Team - Hugs! In my clinic it's usually nurses who answer the call, maybe you need to speak with a doctor instead? Looks like they didn't look in your chart and just gave you a standard answer. That's no way to do it though...

Breaking - Great number! Remember, even if you transferred one it might still decide to split and become twins

 

[messica]

Team - I would guess they're not pissed you're calling them out, but scared because it sounds like someone's dropping the ball with checking your chart before they left that message. I'm hoping your actual doc calls you asap, you deserve an explanation as well as some direction on what it all means and what happens next. I'd demand at least that much and raise hell if I didn't get a call back today....

 

[lanet]

Team I would be upset too. I had a miscarriage once at 9 weeks, I had been to the er a week before and had an ultrasound, saw the heartbeat etc. well when I finally miscarried and went to a bigger hospital they said I had a blighted ovum. I guess because by then there wasn't anything else. But they were wrong bc I had seen a heartbeat! Sometimes drs just guess. How did you ovulate on your own? Was it on accident? I hope you get an answer on your chemicals. Thyroid is good? Just asking bc I read that even slightly off can cause chemicals.

 

[teamstanlick]

Team how did you ovulate on your own? Was it on accident? I hope you get an answer on your chemicals. Thyroid is good? Just asking bc I read that even slightly off can cause chemicals.

I always ovulate naturally. Every month. I have a 28 day cycle. My husband's dudes do what they're supposed to. I don't have blocked tubes. My lining is always perfect. I sound like I'm bragging...I'm not. Apparently, there's nothing wrong with us but I keep having chemical pregnancies.

Just before this transfer my clinic had me go get my thyroid checked by an outside lab because the clinic's bloodwork came back with it "slightly higher than we'd like to see, but still in the range of normal". I never heard back the results of the outside lab testing, so I assumed it was fine. Maybe I will check on that.

 

[lanet]

So you did a fet?
There was a study on subclinical hypothyroid, meaning just barely low. It's the one that showed negative results. That's why my dr cancelled my cycle even though my numbers were only a little high. (High tsh=low thyroid) you might at least get your numbers. Mine were 3.3 and I was cancelled bc they want it between 1-2.

 

[lanet]

Have you been tested for natural killer cells? I know how frustrating it is to be unexplained. I was always told I was textbook, we finally got a diagnosis in December after 3 years.

 

[Seoul]

Team- That really sucks. I hope your doctors are able to work out what is causing the problem. Have you both had genetic testing done yet?

Breaking- Sounds like a great beta. Hope you have a very Happy and Healthy 9 months.

messica- I am so happy your embies are doing so well. Best of luck at transfer.

AFM I decided not to go into the Doctor's this morning since my bleeding completely stopped. Like you ladies mentioned I will take it as normal spotting and go to my appointment as scheduled. I saw no point of going there and having a transvaginal ultrasound that might just irritate me more. I want to give it a couple more days of observation so that when I go in for my regular scheduled appointment I can appropriately tell him this is what has been going on and then they can make a better judgement. I have been through 3 losses and one pregnancy and know that in the end all we can do is wait. I guess I freak out because with DD I never bled and with all my other pregnancies as soon as "spotting" began it quickly turned into full blown miscarriage so as soon as I saw red I figured oh here we go again.

 

[Morana]

Seoul - fxd nothing else shows up and you can relax

afm - stupidly poas'd on 6dp3dt. I kinda knew nothing would show up since it's early and I got up to pee like 3 times last night but I'm still disappointed. Funny how that works. Hopefully this will let me wait for at least 9dp or all the way for my beta on Monday.

 

[redbrick80]

Seoul - fxd nothing else shows up and you can relax

afm - stupidly poas'd on 6dp3dt. I kinda knew nothing would show up since it's early and I got up to pee like 3 times last night but I'm still disappointed. Funny how that works. Hopefully this will let me wait for at least 9dp or all the way for my beta on Monday.

I think getting up to pee 3 times last night is a good sign

 

[lanet]

Seoul I'm so glad the bleeding stopped! You're right that all you can do is wait.
Morana yes too early but I know how bad a bfn feels even when you know it's early.

 

[Morana]

Red - lol, love that theory only that started happening right after I started estrogen pills. I really need some sleep!

Lanet - thanks. It still hurts somehow but at least for now I get to keep telling myself it's too early to give up

 

[teamstanlick]

So you did a fet?
There was a study on subclinical hypothyroid, meaning just barely low. It's the one that showed negative results. That's why my dr cancelled my cycle even though my numbers were only a little high. (High tsh=low thyroid) you might at least get your numbers. Mine were 3.3 and I was cancelled bc they want it between 1-2. Have you been tested for natural killer cells? I know how frustrating it is to be unexplained. I was always told I was textbook, we finally got a diagnosis in December after 3 years.

Yes, this was our first FET. It didn't have to be medicated because I ovulate naturally every month, which I guess is something good.

I will definitely look into that. I will be supremely pissed if that is a factor. How can they take my money and take my money and take my fucking money and have my heart broken over and over and be able to know with one little blood test?

BTW what are natural killer cells? How do you get tested for that?
Thanks for info.