FOB is a pedophile. I feel so gross.

[xMissxZoiex]

Glad you got out of that one! Get all his rights signed over to you as soon as baby is born!

Good luck with everything.
xxx

 

[amandad192]

He wouldn't even have any rights if his name isn't on the birth certificate, right?

In my opinion, he's not a pedophile. I think you might just be VERY irritate by the fact that he lied to you, which I can completely understand.
I don't think age is very relevant when it comes to relationships, unless the age is too huge, like an 11 year old and a 25 year old..that would be too much. I think you are very mature, and he sounds rather immature, which brings the mental age gap much closer together (In fact I'd say mentally your older than him, making you the pedophile-Lol ) - I don't mean that offensively obviously.
I do however think the way he manipulates young vulnerable girls into relationships or into bed is WRONG! When it comes to pressing charges, I would say it's completely your choice. He never raped you physically, although he think he has done mentally IYKWIM.

When it comes to keeping him away from your Daughter, I have a mixed opinion. I don't think any child should be denied the right to know the father, However I don't think he really deserves to see his Daughter.
Single mum can bring up their kids completely alone, however this may cause a lot of hurt for the child. I was mentally damaged by my Dad walking out/being forced out of my life. However he was there for the first 8/9 years and I was always a Daddy's girl, so I suppose it may be different if a child has never had a relationship with their Dad, because they don't feel a loss, or feel let down etc.
Like I said to Ellie, just be prepared for a game of 21 questions when your child is older, learns that all people have Dad's and wants to know why she doesn't have one.

 

[sleepinbeauty]

(NJ is a messed up state)

Amen to that! I grew up in Rockland County, NY (which is right on the state border) and other than the cheap gas and that my grandma lives there I can't stand it! I lived in Fair Lawn, NJ (Bergen County) with OH and his family for a little bit and I nearly blew my brains out. What is it with you guys and not turning left anyway?!?! I'm just picking on you.


I'm sorry but if this 24 year old is trying to get with 15-16 year olds, he is a pedophile. I'm with the LAW on this one. OP's daughter deserves a dad, sure. But does she deserve to be around someone who clearly doesn't have the sense to know that children are not for sex? I don't think so. I think I'd rather any kid to be without a dad than to place them with a predator, you know?

 

[alysedelovely]

hey girl.
I'm not sure if this law applies in NJ, but in GA when a man signs over his rights, he still gets visitation (in the presence of a social worker) and is forced to pay child support as well. I know it sounds weird, but the only way here that they will let you do it completely like no visitation is if you have probable cause that something is mentally unstable with him.. which is good news for you because they will do a psychiatric evaluation on him and everything if you go to court.

you might want to ask a lawyer what is the best way to approach this. i dont know NJ law, so maybe that doesn't apply, but here in GA they can sign over all rights but only the judge can revoke their visitation and the majority of the time it is revoked due to bad parental influences (i.e. drugs, pedophilia, alcoholism).

also, I know I already commented on this earlier in the post, but I was up thinking about this last night- just worried for you and other girls.. like he's 25, but dates 15 year olds? that to me means that he obviously has the maturity level of a 15 year old and he likes how vulnerable and trusting we all are at that age. maybe you should press charges? I mean could you press charges? Or could you help other girls not trust him and get sucked into it? I don't know.

 

[alysedelovely]

hey girl.
I'm not sure if this law applies in NJ, but in GA when a man signs over his rights, he still gets visitation (in the presence of a social worker) and is forced to pay child support as well. I know it sounds weird, but the only way here that they will let you do it completely like no visitation is if you have probable cause that something is mentally unstable with him.. which is good news for you because they will do a psychiatric evaluation on him and everything if you go to court.

you might want to ask a lawyer what is the best way to approach this. i dont know NJ law, so maybe that doesn't apply, but here in GA they can sign over all rights but only the judge can revoke their visitation and the majority of the time it is revoked due to bad parental influences (i.e. drugs, pedophilia, alcoholism).

also, I know I already commented on this earlier in the post, but I was up thinking about this last night- just worried for you and other girls.. like he's 25, but dates 15 year olds? that to me means that he obviously has the maturity level of a 15 year old and he likes how vulnerable and trusting we all are at that age. maybe you should press charges? I mean could you press charges? Or could you help other girls not trust him and get sucked into it? I don't know.

 

[sleepinbeauty]

I really hope OP presses charges. Its not her job to babysit him and keep him away from others, ykwim? He needs some serious help. It's sickening.

 

[Love Bunny]

I just want to say, be careful what you write as there are people who are duty bound to report this kind of thing to you though I hate being lied to x

 

[amygwen]

I'm sorry that you went through this. I can understand why you would be frustrated. I went through a similar thing when I was 16, I dated a 24 year old. And, I never once considered him a pedophile and if anyone would say that about him I would be like "Age is just a number!" I never had a baby by him though so I can't relate to your entire situation. But I would hope if I did have a baby by him I would allow him to be around his child, who knows though!

Personally, imo though I don't think it's fair that he won't ever get to be around his daughter and neither will his family. :/ Even though he's not all 'mentally there' and he seems to hit on really young girls, he obviously has issues. But I'm sure he'll want something to do with his daughter even if it's only seeing her on a weekly or monthly basis. I would never want to deprive my child of having both sets of grandparents. But, I'm not in your position so I wouldn't know the feelings you're feeling, so who knows! His family could be psycho too.

Good luck w/ everything

 

[whiteprincess]

I'm so sorry you've had to go through that I can't even imagine. If my OH even fibs about the littlest thing (I didn't spill that soda...) I get so upset haha, I can't even imagine how you feel. Just keep doing the right thing for you & baby girl, and give your Mama a big hug

 

[Panda_Ally]

what a horrible situation hun!!

Personally i would report him as he will only get older (obvioiusly) but his victims will stay around 15 years old, whats he gunna do keep saying hes 21 forever?? i think i owe it to yourself and the many other girls in the same situation.

When i was younger i was in an abusive relationship with a much older guy, only when i got out and looked back do i realise how bad and messed up it was.

huge cuddles. xxx

 

[Chikadee77]

Hi there, I don't usually post that often or in this section at all but had to reply here!

Technically speaking he is not a pedophile as that term refers to an adult having inappropriate relations with a PRE-pubescent child. However it is still a crime and there is a special term for an adult who preys on girls your age (can't remember the name of it right now!) In the 14 to 19 age range. (Can you tell I'm married to a cop? Lol)

I'm glad you're making him sign over his rights, your daughter doesn't need someome like that in her life. However I do urge you to report him as who knows how many girls he's REALLY done this to or how many he may in the future. From what you're saying he's a sex offender and other parents need to be aware of that. Good luck hun! I wish you and your daughter the best!

 

[jen1604]

Am I the only one who doesn't agreee with FOB not being allowed to have any rights?!

Yes he sounds like a bit of an idiot but to me he doesn't sound like a paedophile and definitely doesn't sound like he's a threat to your daughters health.

Think about this really seriously before you take action and take his rights away.

 

[Chikadee77]

Ephebophillia is the term I was looking for.

 

[rainbows_x]

Am I the only one who doesn't agreee with FOB not being allowed to have any rights?!

Yes he sounds like a bit of an idiot but to me he doesn't sound like a paedophile and definitely doesn't sound like he's a threat to your daughters health.

Think about this really seriously before you take action and take his rights away.

I can see your point, I'm 19 & my OH/FOB is 27... I met him when I was 18.
I definatley wouldn't consider my OH as a peadophile, even if he had previous gf's the same age as me. And I wouldn't consider the OP's as one either. Obviously I don't know the full story but from what I can see he isn't a peadopihle?

 

[AP]

Its a complicated situation, but over here my little cousin got pregnant to a guy who was 24-they got together when she was 15. What kind of 24yr old man goes out with a 15 year old? Theres a great difference at that age, as you get older the age differences matter much less imo.

 

[amandad192]

Am I the only one who doesn't agreee with FOB not being allowed to have any rights?!

Yes he sounds like a bit of an idiot but to me he doesn't sound like a paedophile and definitely doesn't sound like he's a threat to your daughters health.

Think about this really seriously before you take action and take his rights away.

I can see your point, I'm 19 & my OH/FOB is 27... I met him when I was 18.
I definatley wouldn't consider my OH as a peadophile, even if he had previous gf's the same age as me. And I wouldn't consider the OP's as one either. Obviously I don't know the full story but from what I can see he isn't a peadopihle?

I'm 18 was 16 when I met my OH, he's 25, was 24 when we met. He's dated a few girls around my age. I'm the largest age gap he's had..and he wasn't too sure about things when we got together because the age gap. I can tell you he's defo not a pedophile. Like I said before, I think OP is just angry that she's been lied to, which she has every right to be.

And I agree think very careful before you deprive your little girl of her daddy. No one can make you let him see her (other than courts) so it is your choice, I hope you make the right one for your daughter.

 

[rubixcyoob.]

I don't really see the FOB as being a peadophile if I'm being honest.
Sure a 15/16 - 24 age gap is a big difference but as girls on here have pointed out, they have had bigger ones at that age and their OHs are peadophiles.

He shouldn't have lied about his age, thats for certain, but then the OP should have had the sense to end it when she found out if she thought that was peadophillc behaviour.

The definition of a peadophile is an adult who is sexually attracted to young children. 15/16 is not a young child. Its teenagers who are old enough to know better.
You should consider carefully before pressing any charges against him because I doubt your child would want her daddy branded as a peadohpile for the rest of his life when he really isn't.

 

[emilyjean]

I think that there is a cultural difference between the UK and America when it comes to dating older men. It seems much more prominent and accepted in the UK, where in the US it really isn't tolerated much at all.

When you're 18, you can start dating any age you want. It's legal. People still might think it's weird if you start dating a guy that's 10 years older than you, but there's nothing to be worried about. If my 16 year old sister ever came home with a guy over 18, me, my husband, my brother, and my parents would have PLENTY to say to that guy, and she wouldn't be allowed to see him anymore. Guys that prey on teenage girls KNOW how vulnerable they are. They do it because it's easier for them, they've had years more experience at manipulating and can usually do it well.

I agree with Croc-o-dile, I wouldn't allow this man anywhere near my child.

 

[PleaseBaby]

I think theres a big difference between a 24 year old who falls for a 15/16 year old unintentionally and one that habitually prays on them. Croc-o-dile's fob has repeatedly gone for girls in this age range and with the same vulnerable characeristics, in my opinion that is something to be worried about, he might not be a risk to his own daughter but when shes a teenager her friends may be targetted.

 

[sleepinbeauty]

I think theres a big difference between a 24 year old who falls for a 15/16 year old unintentionally and one that habitually prays on them. Croc-o-dile's fob has repeatedly gone for girls in this age range and with the same vulnerable characeristics, in my opinion that is something to be worried about, he might not be a risk to his own daughter but when shes a teenager her friends may be targetted.

My thoughts exactly.

This isn't about what he should be labeled as. This is about him engaging in (or attempting to engage in) sexual activities with minors. It's ILLEGAL.