FOB is a pedophile. I feel so gross.

[lily123]

Going through the court system, if you press charges, will be beneficial for everyone, at least IMO. The court could rule he needs to start therapy rather than putting him in jail, and then he'll be on the sex offender registry, won't be allowed near schools, etc. Which can only help other girls from going through the same thing as you, and may really help you. Definitely wait til after the baby is born, that way you can use a paternity test as evidence against him, as proof he is the father. Plus, like you said, you don't need the stress.

Myfirstnoodle- It's a little different in the UK, I think. It's really not acceptable in the US, because laws are different and there are definite cultural differences.

ETA: amandad192- Rapists are to be allowed to see their children? That's what this guy is, a rapist, just because there was consent doesn't mean anything, she was too young to legally consent. So it was statutory rape. People go to jail for this all the time.

Very well said!
I'm really not trying to put a spanner in the works here as i can see this thread getting too heated, but think of it from this point of view.

If i had been in contact with my Dad all my life and when i was 18 my Mum told me that he was a sexual predator and preyed on not only her but many other YOUNG GIRLS, but she still let him around me because he was my biological father, i'd be seriously pissed at my mum for letting me be around a guy like that!
xxxx

 

[FemmeEnceinte]

I'm confused... you were 15 so, that's not paedophilia. The problem isn't the age of the women he's interested in although it shows how mature he is, it's the fact that he lies.

Be very careful with what you do next, branding him a paedophile is an incredibly huge lifelong sentence whether he is convicted or not (he won't be, because he hasn't slept with a child - only a minor... 13 and under is considered paedophilia). At 15 you chose to sleep with an older man, if you were capable of making the choice then he did nothing wrong.

 

[AnnabelsMummy]

Croc-o-dile I think that whatever you do you must think it through a lot. You cannot charge him as a pedophile because by legal definition he isn't. You could charge press statutory rape charge though. Also to stop him seeing olivia you would need a court order in which he is stripped of them but will have to definately prove he would be an unfit father etc.

Goodluck with whatever you decide xxx

actually he is by legal definition, a rapist on a young person (aka a peadophile).. and i dunno about the USA but in the UK you actually wouldn't need a court order to stop him seeing olivia..

i do think it would be difficult for you though ally.. and olivia is your baby girl and as her mummy it's your job to PROTECT her!
and to be honest if someone else ended up prosucuting him - imagine how she'd feel..
if that was my dad, and all the people in the local town knew what he was like, i'd feel really embarassed especially if i visited him regularly nd stuff..
i dunno.. and when she asks you - and you say, well you've got the same blood - i dunno doens't seem like a good enough reason to me..
xxxxx

 

[shocker]

Going through the court system, if you press charges, will be beneficial for everyone, at least IMO. The court could rule he needs to start therapy rather than putting him in jail, and then he'll be on the sex offender registry, won't be allowed near schools, etc. Which can only help other girls from going through the same thing as you, and may really help you. Definitely wait til after the baby is born, that way you can use a paternity test as evidence against him, as proof he is the father. Plus, like you said, you don't need the stress.

Myfirstnoodle- It's a little different in the UK, I think. It's really not acceptable in the US, because laws are different and there are definite cultural differences.

ETA: amandad192- Rapists are to be allowed to see their children? That's what this guy is, a rapist, just because there was consent doesn't mean anything, she was too young to legally consent. So it was statutory rape. People go to jail for this all the time.

Yes, most rapists are sociopaths and yes they commit horrible crimes but that doesnt give anyone the right to say they cant see their children.Ive seen it happen and its heartbreaking, this guy is a wanker and a predator and thats plain to see but legally i dont think he should answer to anyone since it was consensual even if there was emotional issues involved.Think of his family, are you going to let your child see them? and if you do how will you explain why they cant see their dad? hugs hun, this is a hard thing to face x

 

[FemmeEnceinte]

Croc-o-dile I think that whatever you do you must think it through a lot. You cannot charge him as a pedophile because by legal definition he isn't. You could charge press statutory rape charge though. Also to stop him seeing olivia you would need a court order in which he is stripped of them but will have to definately prove he would be an unfit father etc.

Goodluck with whatever you decide xxx

actually he is by legal definition, a rapist on a young person (aka a peadophile).. and i dunno about the USA but in the UK you actually wouldn't need a court order to stop him seeing olivia..

i do think it would be difficult for you though ally.. and olivia is your baby girl and as her mummy it's your job to PROTECT her!
and to be honest if someone else ended up prosucuting him - imagine how she'd feel..
if that was my dad, and all the people in the local town knew what he was like, i'd feel really embarassed especially if i visited him regularly nd stuff..
i dunno.. and when she asks you - and you say, well you've got the same blood - i dunno doens't seem like a good enough reason to me..
xxxxx

I didn't realise how out of hand this was until now... he's not a rapist. Consent means everything! Paedophilia is a sexual preference for prepubescent children. Was the OP prepubescent? Do you know many prepubescent 15 year olds?

Honestly, this isn't a small deal... he might be a "wanker" but the gravity of telling everyone he's a rapist and paedophile just because you think he's a wanker leaves me sick to my stomach.

 

[lily123]

Actually, in the eyes of the law he is a statuory rapist because Ally was a minor at the time. x

 

[passengerrach]

are you sure it isnt just your mum putting ideas in to your head from your first post it sounded to me as if you never even thought of him as a paedophile/rapist untill your mum started listing reasons why he is and as i read on i see that you are now worried he would rape his own child do you really in your heart think he is that bad? yes i do think that being with you under 16 is wrong (i think 18 really for consent is too old) but as im from the uk where this kind of thing is the norm i dont see him as a paedophile i think that may be a bit dramatic yes its statutory rape but are you sure you really want him to go to prison for sleeping with you i think at the age of 15 girls do know their own mind and know exactly what they are doing. and surely he wouldnt of been 25 when he was with his ex's? he would have been younger so the age gap gets smaller im not saying its right but i dont think hes a paedophile.

 

[FemmeEnceinte]

Actually, in the eyes of the law he is a statuory rapist because Ally was a minor at the time. x

In the eyes of Ally, she was more than happy to sleep with him. Statutory rape isn't rape in the way that we know it, it's just legal jargon.

 

[lily123]

Actually, in the eyes of the law he is a statuory rapist because Ally was a minor at the time. x

In the eyes of Ally, she was more than happy to sleep with him. Statutory rape isn't rape in the way that we know it, it's just legal jargon.

be that as it may... it's still Illegal no matter what they call it.

 

[aliss]

Croc-O-Dile, you need to see a family attorney to discuss these things. I know a lot of girls here are trying to be helpful, but NJ state law varies from all other 49 states, and it varies quite a bit from UK law. There are a lot of differences in ages of consent, agencies involved (CPS and SS are different), ability to terminate parental rights, etc. so it's best to speak with someone well-versed in your state law. There's a fair bit of misinformation posted on here so you will need to see someone to sort out the facts...

 

[daniellelk]

Im sorry if its already been asked hun but why aren't you going to the police? x

*edit* sorry posted at the same time lol

is it not the same explaining why he's in jail or why you took parental rights away??

Im not saying you're doing the wrong thing at all, I think you're doing the right thing, I would just worry for other young women who would come in to contact with him

Not really, because in NJ a lot of men avoid paying child support that way. They still see their children, but they don't have to pay for them.

I am worried about the other girls that he'll come in contact with, and I've thought a lot about pressing stat. rape chargers. But if I do, it won't be until after Livi's born because I already am bordering high blood pressure and a court battle on top of it would send me over the edge.

Then at the same time, I'm thinking what if he just is mentally ill? What if he needs psychiatric help as opposed to legal help?
I would hate to send him to jail and then find out he's actually got some mental disorder and that's why he is the way he is. You know?

The court's would more then likely take your pregnancy and health during it into account, also, he would more then likely be assessed as to whether he is mentally ill or not if you went to the police.

 

[aliss]

I understand that you all are trying to be helpful, but under New Jersey state law (§ 2C: 14-2), it is sexual assault and he would be a registered sex offender if convicted (which considering they have proof [the child], it's a given). Whether or not that is sufficient to terminate parental rights is impossible to say without the advice of an NJ family attorney.

 

[FemmeEnceinte]

Actually, in the eyes of the law he is a statuory rapist because Ally was a minor at the time. x

In the eyes of Ally, she was more than happy to sleep with him. Statutory rape isn't rape in the way that we know it, it's just legal jargon.

be that as it may... it's still Illegal no matter what they call it.

She agreed happily... it's morally abhorrent to change your mind and decide to press charges further down the line.

 

[shocker]

Oh come on, going to the police and getting this guy put on the sex offender will ruin his life! Sex offenders have to tell police everytime they move and everytime anyone does anything at all theyre the first to be taken to the police station for questioning.They cant get jobs around kids and have trouble finding any work at all once employers know.It would ruin his life!! This isnt some short term thing, its a life sentance! he might be a wanker but he doesnt deserve that surely it would be more productive to ask him to seek counselling and monitor his access to his child instead of putting him through that and cutting him out

 

[trashit]

I think this threads getting a little out of hand;
I can see it being locked v soon.

 

[daniellelk]

Firstly - this guy isn't a paedophile. Sorry. He sounds like a bit of a w**ker, but i don't think you can compare him with someone who has sex with children. With regards to cutting him off from your child - it scares me how easily some women will do this. Just imagine for a moment - someone saying you can never see your child again. Imagine what that would do to you?

Also on a practical note i would say - you said you stayed inside the 'messed up' laws of your state. I have no idea what these laws are, but if you did, surely this won't help you take his parental rights away from him? And it would mean you can't report him either, surely?

Am I the only one who doesn't agreee with FOB not being allowed to have any rights?!

Yes he sounds like a bit of an idiot but to me he doesn't sound like a paedophile and definitely doesn't sound like he's a threat to your daughters health.

Think about this really seriously before you take action and take his rights away.

The ones iv colored agree with or what i'd ask.
You could have it so he gets SUPERVISED visits only with his daughter.

My parents have 20years between them! Difference is my mum was 16-17 when they met. A friend I was at school with got with a assistant teacher who was 31 and she was 15.

TBH would you be saying this if it was a women doing what he is doing/done??

Im not saying your right/wrong in what ever choice you make, but is it really fair for your daughter to go with out IF it is just a mental thing? Also only you can really stop him repeating his actions on another young girl hun im guessing non of the others have spoke up to the police about him x

 

[lily123]

Actually, in the eyes of the law he is a statuory rapist because Ally was a minor at the time. x

In the eyes of Ally, she was more than happy to sleep with him. Statutory rape isn't rape in the way that we know it, it's just legal jargon.

be that as it may... it's still Illegal no matter what they call it.

She agreed happily... it's morally abhorrent to change your mind and decide to press charges further down the line.

That was when she didn't know he had been doing it to other girls before and after her...
But i'm not in here to argue with anyone, all i'm doing is stating that it's ILLEGAL and in England it's called Statutory Rape. Morally wrong or right, he comitted a crime. The whole reason Ally posted in the first place was because she felt so bad about it, and she knows she was in the wrong by sleeping with him, so there is no reason for this thread to turn angry.

 

[trashit]

A woman would be just as wrong as a man in doing what he did. In the end, who cares whether you think its classed as rape, statuory rape, peadophilia. The fact is, there is a 25 year old man who thinks its perfectly ok to chat up underage girls and sleep with them. Its not as if he just has a thing for younger girls, he is purposely choosing vulnerable UNDERAGE girls. Whether you believe its right or wrong, i think this man needs serious help, and whether he biologically is the father or not, i know i wouldn't feel safe having a man near my daughter who has a thing for young girls. In the end it doesn't matter if the girl agreed to it or not, if that girl was vulnerable and was naive then she's not the one in the wrong, he is. Anyway, i think this thread needs closing, its getting out of hand.

 

[FemmeEnceinte]

Actually, in the eyes of the law he is a statuory rapist because Ally was a minor at the time. x

In the eyes of Ally, she was more than happy to sleep with him. Statutory rape isn't rape in the way that we know it, it's just legal jargon.

be that as it may... it's still Illegal no matter what they call it.

She agreed happily... it's morally abhorrent to change your mind and decide to press charges further down the line.

That was when she didn't know he had been doing it to other girls before and after her...
But i'm not in here to argue with anyone, all i'm doing is stating that it's ILLEGAL and in England it's called Statutory Rape. Morally wrong or right, he comitted a crime. The whole reason Ally posted in the first place was because she felt so bad about it, and she knows she was in the wrong by sleeping with him, so there is no reason for this thread to turn angry.

There's plenty reason when there's talk of ruining a man's life and taking his child away and raising them without a father over "Ally feeling bad". It's not right.

Sleeping with other underage girls still isn't paedophilia, unless they were prepubescent. I can't stress that enough. Plenty of things are illegal... I drank underage, should I be punished? It was up to Ally to consent when she knew it was illegal and she did and is only now unhappy because he's slept with other girls who were the same age as her. Well, let's assume they were all like Ally... happy to consent? It's up to them to come forward if that's not the case as Ally herself was fine.

 

[FemmeEnceinte]

A woman would be just as wrong as a man in doing what he did. In the end, who cares whether you think its classed as rape, statuory rape, peadophilia. The fact is, there is a 25 year old man who thinks its perfectly ok to chat up underage girls and sleep with them. Its not as if he just has a thing for younger girls, he is purposely choosing vulnerable UNDERAGE girls. Whether you believe its right or wrong, i think this man needs serious help, and whether he biologically is the father or not, i know i wouldn't feel safe having a man near my daughter who has a thing for young girls. In the end it doesn't matter if the girl agreed to it or not, if that girl was vulnerable and was naive then she's not the one in the wrong, he is. Anyway, i think this thread needs closing, its getting out of hand.

And despite all of them consenting and Ally consenting at the time he shouldn't have access to his child? I'm lost for words at this thread...