FOB is a pedophile. I feel so gross.

[lottie7]

At 18 you are legally old enough and mature enough to make your own mind up. However at 24 he should have known better to NOT get involved with a 15 year old, it is wrong, very wrong. If he really cared he would have done the decent thing and waited until you were a little older. I think you are being very brave and I do hope you have a good relationship with your Mum.

xx

 

[rubixcyoob.]

I'm not saying what the OPs boyfriend done was weird for a person his age, but branding someone a peadophile when they aren't is a serious accusation.
He committed statutory rape, not an act of a peadophilic nature.

If she is going to press charges she could be careful because having a case saying he is a peadophile could have a different result than one of staturoy rape.

 

[amygwen]

At 18 you are legally old enough and mature enough to make your own mind up. However at 24 he should have known better to NOT get involved with a 15 year old, it is wrong, very wrong. If he really cared he would have done the decent thing and waited until you were a little older. I think you are being very brave and I do hope you have a good relationship with your Mum.

xx

As "wrong" as it may be to you, do you believe that because of this that his child should never know who he is or never meet be able to meet him until she's old enough to make that decision for herself?

I personally believe it was a bad decision on both of their parts, because even after he told her she still decided to have something to do with him. Just because he's the adult in the relationship doesn't mean he's the only one to blame. And, really no one is to blame because there's going to be a child brought into this world that will obviously be cared for. It's just sad in my opinion because she will never know her father or her fraternal grandparents/family and the family is the last people to blame - they didn't do anything wrong.

:/

 

[MUMMYBEAR6]

IMHO i think theres a few people missing a point here croc-o-dile pointed out in her 1st post HE USES VARIOUS NAMES & hes lureing other girls her age when they met to flirt with him on facebook now if that isnt peadophile behaviour then F**k me what is?


your a very strong person for doing what your doing just now hun & for opening up to us on here & to whom are total strangers to u

Good luck xx

 

[nicholatmn]

If you don't feel safe with him because of it being textbook actions, why not monitor him whenever he's with your daughter?
I don't think he *shouldn't* be around her just because of him lying and such. But if he does have that problem, he shouldn't be left with her.

 

[nicholatmn]

If you don't feel safe with him because of it being textbook actions, why not monitor him whenever he's with your daughter?
I don't think he *shouldn't* be around her just because of him lying and such. But if he does have that problem, he shouldn't be left with her.

 

[trashit]

Aw sugar, i feel so sorry for you It's not your fault, you musn't ever blame yourself, you were played by a very manipulative and cunning man.

I had same issue when i was in school, i was 14, the guy was 18 (ok so not 20s but still too old for a 14 year old girl) And he did all the same things, getting me to trust him before we slept together, and saying i couldnt tell anyone we were together etc. He slept with me (lost my virginity to him ) and then left. It happens to alot of people sugar and it doesn't mean you are weak, or disgusting, or anything like that. He's just a *******.

I hope you can move forward with life and remember, you got the most beautiful thing out of it. xx

 

[amygwen]

IMHO i think theres a few people missing a point here croc-o-dile pointed out in her 1st post HE USES VARIOUS NAMES & hes lureing other girls her age when they met to flirt with him on facebook now if that isnt peadophile behaviour then F**k me what is?


your a very strong person for doing what your doing just now hun & for opening up to us on here & to whom are total strangers to u

Good luck xx

No one's missing the point here. And no one's sitting here saying that there's nothing wrong with this guy. What we are saying though is that it's not fair that just because he's the way he is that he should be deprived of any rights to have anything to do with his child. I don't care if my FOB has the IQ of a 12 year old or if they're severely mentally ********. If I had sex with him and had a child by him I would put my feelings aside and do what's best for my child, even if it made me unhappy - even if it means just having supervised visits.

I think she's just as strong of a person as you do btw, I just would handle things differently.

 

[trashit]

Well technically isn't anyone over the age of 16 who sleeps with someone under the age of 16 breaking the law? I may be wrong but that's what i always thought;
Either way i think what he has done is wrong. I was 16 and FOB was 28, but we both lied about our ages at first and fell in love, then by the time we came clean it didnt even matter to either of us cos we were too far in love, and then Jude happened anyway. But i wouldn't class him as a pedophile because A) I was over the consent age and B) he was none the wiser that i was under 18. Also i was resonsible enough to know what i was doing. I'm not saying 14 year olds aren't, because most of them nowadays are but they are also easily influenced and naive, easy for predators. I think considering he is always aiming for underage girls, and the way he has gone about getting them, i would personally class him as having a pedophile nature. Maybe i'm wrong but its the way it seems to me.

 

[emilyjean]

No one's missing the point here. And no one's sitting here saying that there's nothing wrong with this guy. What we are saying though is that it's not fair that just because he's the way he is that he should be deprived of any rights to have anything to do with his child. I don't care if my FOB has the IQ of a 12 year old or if they're severely mentally ********. If I had sex with him and had a child by him I would put my feelings aside and do what's best for my child, even if it made me unhappy - even if it means just having supervised visits.

I think she's just as strong of a person as you do btw, I just would handle things differently.

She is doing what she feels is best for her child. There are plenty of children who grow up never knowing their real father, and those are cases of bad breakups or the guy just leaving. In the case of finding out that FOB was a criminal, I think it would definitely be time to cut off all ties. He didn't just manipulate her, which would be horrible but wouldn't make him a predator. But he is a predator, criminally, as he constantly goes after younger girls.

How does anyone know what age he would draw the line at? There are plenty of 14/15 year olds that look pre-pubescent, it's just a possible stepping stone to textbook pedophilia.

Even if not everyone would cut off parental rights, Croc-o-dile is doing exactly what she thinks is right for her baby.

 

[AnnabelsMummy]

Well technically isn't anyone over the age of 16 who sleeps with someone under the age of 16 breaking the law? I may be wrong but that's what i always thought;
Either way i think what he has done is wrong. I was 16 and FOB was 28, but we both lied about our ages at first and fell in love, then by the time we came clean it didnt even matter to either of us cos we were too far in love, and then Jude happened anyway. But i wouldn't class him as a pedophile because A) I was over the consent age and B) he was none the wiser that i was under 18. Also i was resonsible enough to know what i was doing. I'm not saying 14 year olds aren't, because most of them nowadays are but they are also easily influenced and naive, easy for predators. I think considering he is always aiming for underage girls, and the way he has gone about getting them, i would personally class him as having a pedophile nature. Maybe i'm wrong but its the way it seems to me.

You're right, in England - it is classed as rape if the man KNOWS that you're under 16.. (which in this case he quite clearly did). So he'd have to proove that you lied about your age? (or if you were in a relationship - they'd say you weren't able to make your own decisions and that they obviously must have known).
i would also class him as peadophile behaviour - by the sounds of it he groomed you "nobody needs to know" and things like that, he lied to you about his age, he goes by various names, and makes a habbit of this, and goes for trouble girls, i dunno but it seems like he's picking vulnerable girls, as they need someone to love him, and he manipulates this..
if you'd have lied to him in the first place and told him you were over the age of concent, then it doesn't count, because as far as he would be concerned he wouldn't know any better (i don't think you need to ask for ID to sleep with someone).
as for your little girlie, you're her mummy and you know what's best for her, i'd hate for you to make the wrong decision - lots of fathers don't have rights over there children but are still able to see them - if he really had to see her you could get the american equivalent of Social services to supervise the visits.. which means that he would be watched at all times.
i hope your okay!! x

 

[princess_vix]

I'm 17 nearly 18 and OH is nearly 29,we fell in love unintetionally..shit happens in my eyes..and all his previous girlfriends were all his age or older.

Age means nothing to me,we've been together 4 years in April,have a child ect ect.
and trust me we've been through the shit and back because he WAS NOT a peodaphile but actually commited a crime by having sex with a minor(under 16),but we've been through hell and back with NSPCC,police,social services and i will say now that he has BEEN CLEARED!!!!!!! and is NOT a peodaphile or a risk or threat to teenage girls.

So all i'm saying is be carefull because you don't really know wether he is or not!

 

[lesleyann]

i would report him who's to say in 15 years time he wont still be doing that? he will be in his 30's by then... and his Daughter would be 14/15 by then and tbh if her FOB is 24 and wanting 14/15 years old i would not want my daughter around him at 14/15 IDK... So yes i would ban him from see'ing her and make him sign over his rights.

The fact he lies to be younger and uses different names and im sure i read most of his gf's have been around her age its not that it just happened and fell in love his looking for these younger girls.

Ok he may not be a "pedophile" but he is a predator praying on young girls to get his rocks off.

 

[amygwen]

No one's missing the point here. And no one's sitting here saying that there's nothing wrong with this guy. What we are saying though is that it's not fair that just because he's the way he is that he should be deprived of any rights to have anything to do with his child. I don't care if my FOB has the IQ of a 12 year old or if they're severely mentally ********. If I had sex with him and had a child by him I would put my feelings aside and do what's best for my child, even if it made me unhappy - even if it means just having supervised visits.

I think she's just as strong of a person as you do btw, I just would handle things differently.

She is doing what she feels is best for her child. There are plenty of children who grow up never knowing their real father, and those are cases of bad breakups or the guy just leaving. In the case of finding out that FOB was a criminal, I think it would definitely be time to cut off all ties. He didn't just manipulate her, which would be horrible but wouldn't make him a predator. But he is a predator, criminally, as he constantly goes after younger girls.

How does anyone know what age he would draw the line at? There are plenty of 14/15 year olds that look pre-pubescent, it's just a possible stepping stone to textbook pedophilia.

Even if not everyone would cut off parental rights, Croc-o-dile is doing exactly what she thinks is right for her baby.

Exactly. Each to their own. Each woman knows what's right for her baby and no matter what's said on this thread she will stick with the decision that she's made because she knows it's the best one for her. If he is a predator then her not turning him in is the wrong thing to do.

I know here in the US for his parental rights to be completely cut off, he has to agree with the fact that he wants nothing to do with his daughter and if he does this then so be it - he obviously doesn't care enough to try and fight for his rights and maybe he's not worth having that title. I just wonder if he does want something to do with it or not.

 

[nicholatmn]

Well technically isn't anyone over the age of 16 who sleeps with someone under the age of 16 breaking the law? I may be wrong but that's what i always thought;
Either way i think what he has done is wrong. I was 16 and FOB was 28, but we both lied about our ages at first and fell in love, then by the time we came clean it didnt even matter to either of us cos we were too far in love, and then Jude happened anyway. But i wouldn't class him as a pedophile because A) I was over the consent age and B) he was none the wiser that i was under 18. Also i was resonsible enough to know what i was doing. I'm not saying 14 year olds aren't, because most of them nowadays are but they are also easily influenced and naive, easy for predators. I think considering he is always aiming for underage girls, and the way he has gone about getting them, i would personally class him as having a pedophile nature. Maybe i'm wrong but its the way it seems to me.

Here in the US, if you're 18 or over, you cannot do anything sexual with anyone younger than 18. It's really strict where I live. This guy turned 18 and his girlfriend was 17 (turned 18 in a month) and they had sex on his birthday. Her Dad told on him and he went to jail.

 

[trashit]

Well i think;
A man who chooses underage vulnerable girls to clearly abuse (he hasn't unintentionally fallen for a million underage girls, come on) is a predator. But maybe i'm wrong. That's just how i see it. If he wasn't he'd choose girls closer to his own age. Ok so i appreciate at times people fall for people alot older/younger (i did it myself with FOB!) But not in every relationship! And plus he wouldn't even let her class it as a relationship, i'm surprised he didnt say "make sure you dont tell mummy and daddy else ill hurt them"

 

[AnnabelsMummy]

Well i think;
A man who chooses underage vulnerable girls to clearly abuse (he hasn't unintentionally fallen for a million underage girls, come on) is a predator. But maybe i'm wrong. That's just how i see it. If he wasn't he'd choose girls closer to his own age. Ok so i appreciate at times people fall for people alot older/younger (i did it myself with FOB!) But not in every relationship! And plus he wouldn't even let her class it as a relationship, i'm surprised he didnt say "make sure you dont tell mummy and daddy else ill hurt them"

i agree with that..!!

 

[Maybe75]

Firstly - this guy isn't a paedophile. Sorry. He sounds like a bit of a w**ker, but i don't think you can compare him with someone who has sex with children. With regards to cutting him off from your child - it scares me how easily some women will do this. Just imagine for a moment - someone saying you can never see your child again. Imagine what that would do to you?

Also on a practical note i would say - you said you stayed inside the 'messed up' laws of your state. I have no idea what these laws are, but if you did, surely this won't help you take his parental rights away from him? And it would mean you can't report him either, surely?

 

[Croc-O-Dile]

I definately think your doing the right thing to stay away from him but I do have a few questions. You said you started seeing him when you were just 15 and he told you he was 21? We now know that he was lying, and he is 24 but did you not see anything wrong with going out with someone that is 21? You were still underage then, and he was too old for you. Did your mum not see anything wrong with that age? Did she know that you were sleeping with someone who claimed to be 21, when you were only 15? Im not blaming you hun at all, I am just curious as to why this has all flared up because you have found out he is 3 years older than what he originally said as whichever way you look at it, the whole thing has been illegal.

While it would still be illegal if he was 21, it wouldn't be "new". I've always run with an older crowd and never been mentally interested in guys my age. I went through a lot of problems one year and moved out (at 14 ) and into my 20 year old boyfriend's house. In his defence, he is actually slow. Sweetest guy you'll ever meet, but mentally he's not all there.
My poor mom, I really put her through hell, was literally out of options because I was too smart with loopholes that I never was actually breaking the law the whole time I was running about. (NJ is a messed up state)
So when I came home with FOB she tried to stop me at first, but I kept talking to him anyway (Stupid, stupid, stupid ) She met him and was friendly with him, but she was never okay with me dating him.
I feel terrible that I was so crazy before. And I feel even worse because my mom literally couldn't do anything about it. But that's the past is the past. (We did find out eventually that my medication was causing the craziness. I was actually having an allergic reaction to it the entire year I was on it.)

I completely agree with EternalRose.. also, I don't feel it's fair to call him a paedophile. Especially as, IMO at least, the difference between 21 and 24 isn't very big at all.
Also, the part I've bolded- why would you call FOB a paedophile but not this guy?

Reason being that the previous guy actually is mentally slow. He actually doesn't know any better. He's been in therapy for a while now because he had some really bad things happen to him as a child which stinted his mental development. Also his intentions were not to seek out a child, or to gain any pleasure from them. He just honestly sees himself as a child. Get what I'm saying?
And it is perfectly okay for me to call FOB a pedophile because he DOES hunt down young girls for pleasure. He DOES manipulate "troubled teens" into trusting him and eventually having sex with him.
And there is a huge difference between a normal 21 year old mentality and a normal 24 year old mentality. Keyword: Normal.

 

[jamielou]

I'm sorry you've had to go through this and I do agree, 21 or 24 it's still pretty grim to be chasing 15/16 year old girls. I'm nearly 23 myself and sorry, when i even talk to like my 16 year old brother I know i am conversing with someone who is a lot younger than me, maybe not lots in years, but mentally. There's a huge difference completely and he was very wrong to do that! Big hug to you hun.